Lost my Ramadan this year, feeling dejected

[nour123]

Assalamualaikum sisters, I am after some advice concerning my Ramadan.

I have had an abortion last month and have been bleeding daily since then so haven’t been able to pray or fast. I am still making as much Adhkar and Dua as I can but I can’t help feeling absolutely miserable that the time I needed to be close to Allah the most, I cannot be. I was intending to do Itikaaf this year’s Ramadan InshaAllah but because of this I haven’t been able to do anything.

My heart keeps feeling like this is Allah swt punishing me for aborting the child, and all the other sins I’ve committed this past year.. that He doesn’t even want to give me the opportunity to redeem myself because I don’t deserve it.

Conversely I think that everything Allah swt does, He does with good reason so maybe He kept me away from prayer and fasting to make me truly yearn for it, realise how valuable it is and reawaken my need to devote myself to Him.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, I don’t have a particular question really.. I just needed to get this off my chest. How can I maximise my worship, especially in the last 10 days? How can I beg for forgiveness and try to redeem myself when I can’t even do the obligatory? Please, any advice or kind words... I just feel like this one year where I needed Ramadan the most, I can’t have it, it’s slipping by me and I can’t do anything about it. All I want is to feel Allah swt near me after all that I’ve been through this year, and I’m just not getting the opportunity.

 

[Cookiemilk]

W/salaam,

Regards the ruling on abortion, there are various views on based on circumstances therein are exceptions:seekershub.org/ans-blog/2011/10/06/when-is-having-an-abortion-permitted/

Actions are judged according to intentions, such that if you aimed towards using the month of Ramadan to obtain the most out of it and as much blessings, Inshallah you will be rewarded. The importance in everything is seeking the pleasure of Allah.

Even after transgressing, Allah tells us in the Quran, Oh my servant, do not despair in the mercy of you Lord.....

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (39:53)

So, you need to have faith in accordance with a firm intention and actions not to fall into past sins whilst having faith in Allah's mercy.
Already in His love for you, there was a motivation to return towards the right path. This is something that a servant should truly perform Sijdah, placing one's head at a lower point and cry because in this loving mercy our Rabb has extended to us, others most likely would have failed and condemn us.

Are you taking care of your health otherwise, having needed supplements, NOT stressing, getting enough rest etc? Follow-up by doctors visits.....

I think your being up and down in faith at this time can suggest a need to be amongst good company. So, this forum can be one way, also you can schedule an Islamic lecture to listen daily, diff. topics on miracles of the Quran, there is thread on here about Daily Ramadan Reminders, you start having a look at that. Meet with family and or sisters in your area.

I'll suggest counseling also if you can afford it, as losing a baby cannot possibly be an easy task. There might be something online group support and such but maybe talking to someone one to one will be much better.

The important advice I'd want you to remember is when you ask for forgiveness, and take the required means to avoid sins, never to return then it's important to have FAITH and be thankful for Allah's favours and mercies.

Try to be around supportive people and think positively. Allow yourself forgiveness and feel His love. Don't tell yourself things to hurt you, or be condemned, even if anyone is saying that find a way to rise above it. If you look into the translation of the Quran Allah's love and forgiveness is spread out multiple places. Yes, His warnings and punishments are there too but I see love and mercy more.

This work is for a short time dear sis, the promises of the hereafter is the everlasting victory and contentment. I advise you look forward with hope and determination, set goals on what you can achieve everyday but also do the other things like get rest, eat well, don't stress etc.

I may be repeating myself, I'll apologize it's after midnight here and I came by the forum saw your post and wanted to respond. Take care.

 

[MuslimahRo]

You committed a horrible major sin. You need to sincerely repent and avoid such and other sins from now on. Abortion is the devil's work and the way of the kafiroon, who just want to indulge in sex without dealing with the consequences. Why did you have an abortion? My father wanted my mother to have an abortion because he didn't want another daughter, so much so that he pressured her to get an abortion without even knowing my gender. Alhamdulillah that didn't happen as one of my aunts, may Allah have mercy upon her, supported my mother. You need to shower with the intention of purifying yourself of your grave sin and pray 2 rakat Salatut Taubah. You can find the instructions online. May Allah have mercy upon you and rectify you of your condition. On a side note, I see a sister at my masjid every Ramadan. She can't have children. You know why? She had an abortion. Now she wants children. What a shame. I have heard of other post-abortion infertility issues. This is a warning to sisters and brothers, too.

 

[Cookiemilk]

The sister has already acknowledged her sins and is in a state whereby she's unable to feel mercy in The Month of Mercy. Does that not imply how lowly she already feels?? When someone is on the edge you don't push them further off the cliff or scare them towards it. Grab their hand supportively, since they are reaching out. Show mercy to others and Allah will show mercy to you.

She doesn't owe us an explanation of why she did the abortion or any sin for that matter. It's nobody's business to investigate, it's in the past. She is seeking kindness and support.

The only issue now she DOES need to resolve is the thinking that she can blame Allah for not allowing her to feel contentment. When Allah already stated from the Quranic Ayah.

"Indeed, Allah forgives ALL sins". Islamic advice that informs us to repent sincerely and BELIEVE and feeling badly and awful for ones sins is a sure sign faith.

We humans can NOT blame Allah when we have wronged ourselves because it's only to our own self destruction, rather we should be humble to Him. Who are us anyway? Nothing and easily replaceable, we need Him for the very breath we take belongs to Him. He doesn't need us and creating us to worship Him is a favour and blessings, but moreso a TRUST.

Abu Dawood narrated in-as-Sunan-(no. 4716) – and it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani – he said: al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali told us: al-Hajjaaj ibn al-Minhaal said: I heard Hammaad ibn Salamah explaining the hadeeth: “Every child is born in a state of fitrah.” He said: In our view this refers to when Allah took the covenant from them when they were in their fathers’ loins, when He said:-“ ‘Am I not your Lord?’ They said: ‘Yes’” [al-A’raaf 7:172].

So with testification also comes the intention to "hear and obey" . A reminder to myself firstly before anyone else. This incident occurred before we were created.

And (remember) when your Lord brought forth from the Children of Adam, from their loins, their seed (or from Adam’s loins his offspring) and made them testify concerning themselves (saying): ‘Am I not your Lord?’ They said: ‘Yes’”

[al-A‘raaf 7:172].

https://islamqa.info/en/248517

- - - Updated - - -

My father wanted my mother to have an abortion because he didn't want another daughter, so much so that he pressured her to get an abortion without even knowing my gender. Alhamdulillah that didn't happen as one of my aunts, may Allah have mercy upon her, supported my mother.

That's very sad. I hope your relationship is better. Since we are sharing experiences, my grandma once to me, my dad never wanted a girl. I have been outraged younger by that but later on I see my dad loves me quite a lot and made way too many sacrifices, Inshallah it makes me want to pray for him till the rest of my life. Turns out grandma didn't like her son in law, anyway, but have to forgive them all. Just know when I have kids to protect them from all these external influences and bickerings.

Everyone can plot and plan, the truth comes out, if there is an entire army against you and Allah wants you to live there's no stopping.

 

[MuslimahRo]

It is a sad state of the Ummah when Muslim women (and men) have abortions and act like it is nothing serious. Seriously? Wake up, people! Allah Subhan wa t'ala says not to murder your offspring. Murder is murder. I am strictly against abortion. I have written several poems against abortion and sex-crazed cultures that often fuel it.

 

[Cookiemilk]

It is a sad state of the Ummah when Muslim women (and men) have abortions and act like it is nothing serious. Seriously? Wake up, people! Allah Subhan wa t'ala says not to murder your offspring. Murder is murder. I am strictly against abortion. I have written several poems against abortion and sex-crazed cultures that often fuel it.

It's surely something very serious that we need to be mindful about. Actually, you gave a good idea. Because one of the ways someone can improve themselves and erase a sin is following up a bad deed with a good deed. In this regards, a person who have committed this action and have become fully aware that taking an innocent life (without valid reasons) can in turn become an advocate against such actions. By writing against it and talking/advising those in one's circle who are indulging in 'a culture of desires' to come back towards a righteous path, by this perhaps there will grow less feelings of guilt in one's heart. (As well as not committing future such sins)

JazaakAllahu khair.

 

[Zzz_]

It is a sad state of the Ummah when Muslim women (and men) have abortions and act like it is nothing serious. Seriously? Wake up, people! Allah Subhan wa t'ala says not to murder your offspring. Murder is murder. I am strictly against abortion. I have written several poems against abortion and sex-crazed cultures that often fuel it.

Zina and abortion are all time high in the ummah these days. For example, in the US and Canada, 67% Muslims engaged in zina and of the remaining that didn't, 50% considered it. Similar numbers can be found about UK and other western nations. In the East, Muslims engage in zina and then secretly have the baby and then wrap it up in a trash bag and throw it in the trash dumpsters outside somewhere. So if it's not abortion then it's throwing infants in the rubbish piles. As much as the youth are to blame for this, equally guilty are cultural Muslims who failed to raised their kids properly on the deen. Youtube is full of these videos...

 

[MuslimahRo]

That's horrible. I hope those numbers are inflated. It seems like a necessary evil when one has to consider marrying someone who might have committed zina because the odds of finding someone compatible who hasn't get lower and lower with each passing year of one's life. I am 35. How many guys can I find who are suitable and haven't been with somebody? Probably very few. At an ICNA Convention in 2015, one of the scholars said that if a guy stops committing zina, that he is pure and fits "the women pure are for men pure" part of the ayat in The Quran. I don't know if I can believe that. The scholar said this after mentioning girls ask if they can marry guys who have committed zina. The whole thing feels dirty to me. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on an otherwise good guy or get married to a zina-free guy who is a jerk. I definitely want to try my hand at love and marriage even if it means making some compromises--as long as I don't compromise my faith and principles and understanding of The Quran Sharif and Islam. It's also hard for me to understand how people can perform salat and saum yet commit major sins without thinking of the consequences. It's really heartbreaking. May Allah guide more Muslims to be better Muslims. Amin. May Allah rectify more humans of their deplorable, sub-animalistic conditions and behaviors. Amin.

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

Stop judging her for having an abortion. Abortion is permissiable in certain circumstances, even if she did do it for other reasons, who are we to judge? Sister dont despair of Allah's mercy, im in a tough spot too atm.

 

[Zzz_]

That's horrible. I hope those numbers are inflated. It seems like a necessary evil when one has to consider marrying someone who might have committed zina because the odds of finding someone compatible who hasn't get lower and lower with each passing year of one's life. I am 35. How many guys can I find who are suitable and haven't been with somebody? Probably very few. At an ICNA Convention in 2015, one of the scholars said that if a guy stops committing zina, that he is pure and fits "the women pure are for men pure" part of the ayat in The Quran. I don't know if I can believe that. The scholar said this after mentioning girls ask if they can marry guys who have committed zina. The whole thing feels dirty to me. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on an otherwise good guy or get married to a zina-free guy who is a jerk. I definitely want to try my hand at love and marriage even if it means making some compromises--as long as I don't compromise my faith and principles and understanding of The Quran Sharif and Islam. It's also hard for me to understand how people can perform salat and saum yet commit major sins without thinking of the consequences. It's really heartbreaking. May Allah guide more Muslims to be better Muslims. Amin. May Allah rectify more humans of their deplorable, sub-animalistic conditions and behaviors. Amin.

those numbers are not inflated, college students were asked that's what the studies showed.
http://www.thefyi.org/infographics/pre-marital-sex-among-muslim-youth/

seems like there's not much difference between Muslims and non-Muslims behavior these days
http://www.thefyi.org/infographics/risk-behaviors-among-american-muslim-youth/

One should not have to lower their standards to get married. Equally it's hard to find someone compatible of the same standards. Cultural parents make it even more harder, you have pass their ridiculous criteria first (height, education, field of study, income level, caste level, color complexion level, nationality, ethnicity, social status) and then they pass a "suitable" partner to their kid to look at and consider. Which is why i see all these mothers posting their kids sitting on sites like shaadi.com for 8 years at a time even after boasting of their daughters being "doctors".

The people that show up at ICNA/ISNA or an other convention are either Islamic speakers or dae (dawah givers), not scholars. Scholars don't run to these conferences. And that speaker you speak of I disagree with. Pure for the pure and Allah calls the hoors of jannah pure. He calls the unmarried virgins pure. One who who has committed zina is not pure, yes maybe sin free after repentance but he/she is not the same as one who never did the act. Sadly the youth are quiet stupid and lack common sense, asking everything and can't think for themselves.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

I have had an abortion last month and have been bleeding daily since then so haven’t been able to pray or fast. I am still making as much Adhkar and Dua as I can but I can’t help feeling absolutely miserable that the time I needed to be close to Allah the most, I cannot be. I was intending to do Itikaaf this year’s Ramadan InshaAllah but because of this I haven’t been able to do anything.

At which progression of the pregnancy did you abort? And why did you choose to abort?

 

[Umm♥Layth]

You can still ask for repentance and make loads of dua even when you are bleeding. You can still get up in the last third of the night.

 

[hinabutt]

I can only imagine how you feel sister. Must be such a devastating feeling. Allah is great and merciful. May Allah showers His blessings upon you. Bless Us. Ameen

 

[سيف الله]

Salaam

Stop judging her for having an abortion. Abortion is permissiable in certain circumstances, even if she did do it for other reasons, who are we to judge? Sister dont despair of Allah's mercy, im in a tough spot too atm.

Sorry I just have to comment on this. We all judge, how are we to improve ourselves, our families, community, society if we don't judge? (Fairly of course). I notice feminists use this line to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, particularly when it comes to this issue. Really an awful mindset that I hope doesn't infect our community.

Abortion is not something we can take a casual attitude towards if we value the integrity of our families and communities. Those that don't, well they will pay a price further down the line.

Back on topic I pray for your sister, may Allah forgive and ease your hardships.

 

[azc]

Assalamualaikum sisters, I am after some advice concerning my Ramadan.

I have had an abortion last month and have been bleeding daily since then so haven’t been able to pray or fast. I am still making as much Adhkar and Dua as I can but I can’t help feeling absolutely miserable that the time I needed to be close to Allah the most, I cannot be. I was intending to do Itikaaf this year’s Ramadan InshaAllah but because of this I haven’t been able to do anything.

My heart keeps feeling like this is Allah swt punishing me for aborting the child, and all the other sins I’ve committed this past year.. that He doesn’t even want to give me the opportunity to redeem myself because I don’t deserve it.

Conversely I think that everything Allah swt does, He does with good reason so maybe He kept me away from prayer and fasting to make me truly yearn for it, realise how valuable it is and reawaken my need to devote myself to Him.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, I don’t have a particular question really.. I just needed to get this off my chest. How can I maximise my worship, especially in the last 10 days? How can I beg for forgiveness and try to redeem myself when I can’t even do the obligatory? Please, any advice or kind words... I just feel like this one year where I needed Ramadan the most, I can’t have it, it’s slipping by me and I can’t do anything about it. All I want is to feel Allah swt near me after all that I’ve been through this year, and I’m just not getting the opportunity.

:wa:

Take care and Get well soon.

Allah swt always showers his mercy upon his slave provided that he/she sincerely does tawba.

 

[Tayiba]

The best dua is really simple and better to make which is istighfar. It is much better and right than the dua I had suggested you could make earlier about the means of your infant, I said that in my passion and ignorance to console you. I dont really know what the hukm or ruling is of making such dua, and Allah Knows Best. Please do a lot of istighfar, Allah is All Forgiving and All Merciful"

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualaikum sisters, I am after some advice concerning my Ramadan.

I have had an abortion last month and have been bleeding daily since then so haven’t been able to pray or fast. I am still making as much Adhkar and Dua as I can but I can’t help feeling absolutely miserable that the time I needed to be close to Allah the most, I cannot be. I was intending to do Itikaaf this year’s Ramadan InshaAllah but because of this I haven’t been able to do anything.

My heart keeps feeling like this is Allah swt punishing me for aborting the child, and all the other sins I’ve committed this past year.. that He doesn’t even want to give me the opportunity to redeem myself because I don’t deserve it.

Conversely I think that everything Allah swt does, He does with good reason so maybe He kept me away from prayer and fasting to make me truly yearn for it, realise how valuable it is and reawaken my need to devote myself to Him.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, I don’t have a particular question really.. I just needed to get this off my chest. How can I maximise my worship, especially in the last 10 days? How can I beg for forgiveness and try to redeem myself when I can’t even do the obligatory? Please, any advice or kind words... I just feel like this one year where I needed Ramadan the most, I can’t have it, it’s slipping by me and I can’t do anything about it. All I want is to feel Allah swt near me after all that I’ve been through this year, and I’m just not getting the opportunity.

My dear sister firstly please ignore those who are judging you when they do not know the true context of your situation nor do they know what you have been through. I think its sad when brothers and sisters come on here for help and support but are beaten down by those who judge them wrongly when they should first look at themselves in the mirror.

My sister you came on here because your heart is yearning to be closer to Allah again as all of our hearts should be. This is a clear indication you have concern for your imaan. This concern is what Allah puts in our hearts so that we may yearn to be closer to him and to please him. None of us know the true context of your situation so we cannot possibly make comment on that.

However my sister these are the best nights of the year and a perfect opportunity for us to re-focus and re-align our goals/objectives/intentions to that of yearning to be closer to Allah and preperation for the Hereafter. Therefore nothing is stopping you now from great things - not even the bleeding. So do not think that your bleeding or your situation has taken your Ramadan away. Please refer to the following thread:

9 things a Woman on Menses can do in Ramadan

The only thing Almighty Allah the most merciful and gracious wants from us is to put him first in everything that we do and to try our best to please him, to remain within the boundaries he has set and if we fall into sin then repent and always be grateful and thankful to him. He loves those who turn to him late at night when everyone else is asleep and we cry and beg of him for his mercy and forgiveness. He loves those who constantly beg of his mercy and forgiveness and are always in the state of repentance. He loves those who put him first and leave aside that which may anger or displease him and from the grey areas where there is doubt. He also loves those who ever thankful and grateful to him for all they have even though we may percieve it not to be as much as some but in reality we have more than most.

There is no doubt my sister that he wants you to be closer to him. Hence why you have the yearning. Therefore make the best of each and every second that remains of this blessed month particularly the nights and connect to him through sincere Dua particularly in the latter part of the night. If/when your bleeding stops then connect to him through the Qur'an. However during this training in Ramadan we must continue our good works and making an effort to be closer to Allah - throughout the year.

So my sister fear not and do not be grieved. Repent much and be ever thankful. Ask of him and beg of him. He loves to give. He loves to forgive. He only wants us to try our best to put him first. Therefore beg of him and cry unto him and ask for his mercy, forgiveness and infinite generosity. For he does not count what he gives like we count our pennys. He only requires us to ask but we are most neglectful. Then let us yearn to meet with him for there is no pleasure greater.

Therefore nothing is lost of Ramadan until the last second and nothing is lost of our lives until our last breath's.

May Allah enable us to spend these blessed nights getting closer to him, re-align our faith and focus unto his pleasure and a yearning to meet with him. Ameen

The following are threads to help with maximising what remains of Ramadan and throughout the year inshaAllah:

Increasing Imaan (faith) during Ramadan:


10 Steps to Increase our Iman (Faith)

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...teps-increase-iman-faith-updated-version.html


10 Steps to getting Closer to Allah this Ramadan:

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...54-10-steps-getting-closer-allah-ramadan.html


Do you want to see Allah?

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-and-purification-of-the-soul/134323691-allah.html


My Last Ramadan before death!

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting-ramadhan-and-eid-ul-fitr/134323555-ramadan-death.html


Maximising the last ten days and nights of Ramadan:


A Life Changing Reminder: Ramadan Reminder

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...-life-changing-reminder-ramadan-reminder.html


The Best Opportunity to Change Our Lives Forever!

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...4320676-opportunity-change-lives-forever.html


10 ways to Maximize the Last 10 Days of Ramadan

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...tr/134308455-10-maximize-10-days-ramadan.html


Worship Plan to Maximise the Last 10 Nights of Ramadan!

http://productivemuslim.com/laylatul-qadr-worship-plan-to-maximise-the-last-10-nights-of-ramadan/


12 Ways To Maximize I'tikaf

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting-ramadhan-and-eid-ul-fitr/134308423-12-maximize-itikaf.html


Worship Plan to Maximise Laylatul Qadr (Night Of Power)

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...0926-worship-plan-maximise-laylatul-qadr.html


Five things to do on Laylatul Qadr

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting-ramadhan-and-eid-ul-fitr/134300163-5-laylatul-qadr.html


Giving just £10 to charity during Laylatul Qadr equals £300,000!

http://www.islamicboard.com/fasting...latul-qadr-equals-%A3300-000-subhanallah.html


You can find more here:

https://www.islamicboard.com/fasting-ramadhan-amp-eid-ul-fitr/134325840-ramadan.html#post2847952