love marriages-your thoughts

Orn said:
it's harram and thats it, besides of all the love marriages that I've seen usually ends in divorce in 2 to 3 years maybe even longer
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It is haram no doubt, but i dont agree with you saying it ends in divorce..i know plenty of love marriages that are happily working away..

personally think, if parents wer more excepting of different casts,cultures and professions children wouldn't have to have a relationship before marriage, they only do this as they fear their parents wont except the marriage.. (saying this im not speaking for everyone, some just feel as though they have to be in a relationship to get to know a person, which i don not agree with)

i know a sister who has known a brother for 6years,they want to marry each other and have wanted to marry each other for the past 5years. the sisters parents wont agree. he comes from a respectable family, is always wanting to perfect his deen, shares the same interests as the sister.. the only problem is his from out of the family.. the sister and brother dont class each other as boyfriend girlfriend but them being friends is a sinn. if the parents had agreed this sinn would have come to a end 5 years ago...
 
Orn said:
it's harram and thats it, besides of all the love marriages that I've seen usually ends in divorce in 2 to 3 years maybe even longer
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Again, we all define 'love' marriages in different ways, as one user has explained thoroughly.

I think we can all agree there is an Islamic way to do it, and that is the only halal (allowed) way to do it.

Whether or not there is love present depends on the individual themselves.

:w:
 
I'm not saying that all of them ends in divorce, I'm saying the couples I knew their marriages ended within 2 to 3 years, but not all of them are the same I do know that


Amatul Wadud said:
What is your definition of a 'love marriage' brother? =)
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there are many,yes but I am refering to the more "modern" type of love marriages of todays young people, but I reallydont have any idea about that and I dont intend in finding it out, Love can be a dangerous thing if you dont know what it is :skeleton:
 
Orn said:
there are many,yes but I am refering to the more "modern" type of love marriages of todays young people, but I reallydont have any idea about that and I dont intend in finding it out, Love can be a dangerous thing if you dont know what it is :skeleton:
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So akhee, if you dont know or are not sure, please dont label something as haram. Yeh it sounds haram...but everybody defines love in different ways and if somebody claims to love another before marriage it can mean several things and does not have to neccesarily entail haram.
 
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

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FiAmaaniAllah
 
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love marriages can be very very very dangerous


at the same time they can be unavoidable


its just a huge test really... may Allah give us strength
 
This is so insane..who on earth actually came up with this pathetic excuse of a term "love marriage"?

It's like a trap, walking on thin ice..whoever says Yes is doing haram whoever doesn't is all holy moly. Pls don't force ur opinions on people, cause thats all it really is ur "opinion", saying haram 3 times in a row won't actually make it Haram.
 
Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,
​

Is love before marriage better?

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Question: What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriagelove will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

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But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable

And Allaah knows best.

Source
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Love and correspondence before marriage

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Question: I am a young man and fell in love with our neighbour’s daughter. That went on for two years without her knowing and without me telling her or anyone among my family, and without me meeting her. I was hoping that she would become my wife. Then I had a car accident that left me with extensive injuries and I became almost disabled. I was very worried because the dream that I had of marrying that girl seemed to be slipping away, then suddenly m my sister asked me to tell her frankly what was worrying me, and I told her what was on my mind. My sister said to me: I am going to tell her of your love for her and after that she can choose. The surprise was that she also loved me, and we began to exchange messages of lovemarriage to her and she agreed, praise be to Allaah. After one year we got married and we lived happily, and during that period I only saw her from afar, because they are our neighbours and we would meet by accident. I never spoke to her except on the wedding night. I have heard that because of our love for one another we have committed a sin. Is this correct? What is the expiation for that sin?. via my sister (messages that were, by Allaah, noble and chaste). After two years I proposed

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:
We ask Allaah to reward you for the calamity that befell you, and to increase the love between you and your wife.

Secondly: ​
A person cannot be blamed for love that he does not cause, such as if he sees a girl by accident and his heart is filled with love for her, but he does not do anything haraam such as looking repeatedly or shaking hands or being alone with her, or exchanging emotional words with her. As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.

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Thirdly: ​
Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils. Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc. All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.

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Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

​
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the one who hears of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he tempts him and confuses him.

​
There is a great deal of temptation and danger in correspondence between young men and women which means that it has to be avoided, even though the questioner says that there was no love or desire involved. End quote from Fataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnid, p. 96.

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The woman is forbidden to speak softly to one who is not permissible for her, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
​

“be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”
[al-Ahzaab 33:32]
​

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And it is haraam for a man to enjoy listening to the speech or voice of a non-mahram woman.

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Making your sister the go-between in passing on the letters is another evil, because that is encouraging her to engage in this kind of activity.

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Based on this, what you have to do is repent to Allaah, and do a lot of righteous deeds, but you do not have to do anything else.

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And Allaah knows best.

Source
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:sl:
Najm said:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

* Subscribes* *Yay* *reading with excitement*

I would recommend everyone to listen to this excellent audio lecture :p ........





^CLICK^​

FiAmaaniAllah
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*bookmarks it for the future- Inshallah*

on the side: i would never have thought that there was a fiqh to love...hmmm is there a fiqh to raising kids?
 
Umm ul-Shaheed said:
:sl:


*bookmarks it for the future- Inshallah*

on the side: i would never have thought that there was a fiqh to love...hmmm is there a fiqh to raising kids?
Click to expand...

There is. Dr. Abu Ameena Bilal Philips came to Bristol, UK once to give a lecture on it.
 
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Requested by Uhkti

familylife.jpg

​
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Comment: This is a great source, having heard it several times. I must add a word of caution that, oneself should question themselves upon listening rather than seek their rights.

FiAmaaniAllah


 
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Amatul Wadud said:
So akhee, if you dont know or are not sure, please dont label something as haram. Yeh it sounds haram...but everybody defines love in different ways and if somebody claims to love another before marriage it can mean several things and does not have to neccesarily entail haram.
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trust me sister, while it can be halal the type I see here in dhaka is definitely haram, but Allah-Hu Al'am
 
Umm ul-Shaheed said:
:wasalamex

jazakallahu khair akhee...
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AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Wa Iyyakum Uhkti

To some up....
What we have covered on this topic is that...

  1. People have different understanding and definition of love-marriage. It is halal, but it can fall into the haram, and in Dhaka it certainly is haram (although i have 1 halal example):rollseyes.

    [*]Love-marriage does be a successful marriage, but also can end in divorce. The love is stronger but it may lead to problems etc

    [*]People generally would prefer love-marriage over arranged marriage

On the topic we haven't talked about one particular point of view, and i would like to ask this....



  1. [*]What would your parents think about a "halal love marriage"(not to confuse with haram)?
    [*]Would they think about the person you chose, or simply reject?
    [*]How many of our parents would allow love-marriage over arranged-marriage?

What are your views?

p.s. im assuming the lovers know each other and its been halal and now asking Wali!!
p.s.s. Arranged Marriage=Forced marriage(at the least emotionally) =(
p.s.s.s. im always going to be pro-love-marriage, simply because its coote!! :$

FiAmaaniAllah
 
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