Lying to my family?

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Candle

Candle

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Ever since I started reading the Qur'an and studying the tenets of Islam, I haven't been attending Mass (Sunday service). I haven't been confessing to my priest either. I suspect my family is beginning to catch on. When they asked me why I wasn't going to Mass today, I told them I was going to St.Edmunds instead (another parish). But I can't go to Church anymore. Until I know my faith, it seems wrong.

If I tell my family I am studying Islam, I will be disowned. = l
I could do with some advice right now.
 
Hey, I went through this exact same thing when I was considering islam, and then after I converted. I was in college, and dependent on them financially. And, I was a huge chicken, and didn't want any confrontation. So, I didn't tell them. Unfortunately, they suspected something was up, snooped in my email, and we ended up having a huge confrontation anyways.

Alhamdulilah (praise God) though, in the end, they've come to a quiet acceptance of it. They pretend it didn't happen, and we still get along :)

Here's an article aimed at converts telling their families - http://web.archive.org/web/20070814084932/www.iprofess.com/family.htm

but in the end, really you know your family best. If you really think they'd disown you, keep it quiet. Don't leave any books on islam laying around where they could find them, and always clear the cookies and passwords off the computer that you use when you're home. If/when you do convert, and you're financially stable, I'd suggest writing them a letter. Emphasize that you are not doing this because you hate them, and you still honor and respect them (Islam tells us to respect our families, etc), but that you needed to find the best way to know God. You still have a tremendous amount of love for Jesus, etc etc etc.

I would start preparing what you would say to them now, just in case they do find out, so that you're not caught like I was, completely unawares.
 
Candle said:
Ever since I started reading the Qur'an and studying the tenets of Islam, I haven't been attending Mass (Sunday service). I haven't been confessing to my priest either. I suspect my family is beginning to catch on. When they asked me why I wasn't going to Mass today, I told them I was going to St.Edmunds instead (another parish). But I can't go to Church anymore. Until I know my faith, it seems wrong.

If I tell my family I am studying Islam, I will be disowned. = l
I could do with some advice right now.
Click to expand...

Dude, if you fear for yourself them keep everything silent and to yourself... However sooner or later, they will find out.

What you're going thru is something many many people have gone through...

This life is a test from God (Ar. Allaah), and know that whatever you are doing (researching about the truth) is for Gods sake, so God will never abandon you...

Lying, in islaam, is permissible as a last resort and only in certain circumstances, like now, when your life/health is in danger...

God (Ar. Allaah) bless you dude...

P.s, check out: http:IslamAndChristianity.Wordpress.Com!!!
 
the biggest thing will say for my family was the wearing of the hijab. my dad for long time would say its oppression and all sorts of things and for a long time i did not even come in front of him wearing the hijab. when i had finally plucked up the courage to wear it in front of my family.. they didnt comment on it lol Alhamdulilah. i dont know why i was afraid for. my dad said i looked nice.

think what really surprised him is how confident i was about my faith.
 
you can get yourself out of problems without needing to lie.I think you can just say i am busy with other things these days and so on
 
Candle said:
Ever since I started reading the Qur'an and studying the tenets of Islam, I haven't been attending Mass (Sunday service). I haven't been confessing to my priest either. I suspect my family is beginning to catch on. When they asked me why I wasn't going to Mass today, I told them I was going to St.Edmunds instead (another parish). But I can't go to Church anymore. Until I know my faith, it seems wrong.

If I tell my family I am studying Islam, I will be disowned. = l
I could do with some advice right now.
Click to expand...
Allah will find you a way out as He chose you and guided you. Pray to Him and put your trust in Him and insha'llah he'll find you a way out and make it easy for you.

“… And Allaah is the Wali (Protector and Helper) of the believers.” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:68]

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e., Allaah’s Religion – Islamic Monotheism)…” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

“…And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [al-Talaaq 65:2]

Lastly I'll leave you with this:

“Say: ‘Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allaah has ordained for us. He is our Mawlaa (Lord, Helper and Protector).’ And in Allaah let the believers put their trust”

[al-Tawbah 9:51]

In my opinion it's better to not tell your family yet until your faith and knowledge increases.

May Allah increase you in faith and certainty and make it easy for you. Allahumma ameen.
 
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Hey, I went through this exact same thing when I was considering islam, and then after I converted. I was in college, and dependent on them financially. And, I was a huge chicken, and didn't want any confrontation. So, I didn't tell them. Unfortunately, they suspected something was up, snooped in my email, and we ended up having a huge confrontation anyways.

Alhamdulilah (praise God) though, in the end, they've come to a quiet acceptance of it. They pretend it didn't happen, and we still get along

Here's an article aimed at converts telling their families - http://web.archive.org/web/200708140...com/family.htm

but in the end, really you know your family best. If you really think they'd disown you, keep it quiet. Don't leave any books on islam laying around where they could find them, and always clear the cookies and passwords off the computer that you use when you're home. If/when you do convert, and you're financially stable, I'd suggest writing them a letter. Emphasize that you are not doing this because you hate them, and you still honor and respect them (Islam tells us to respect our families, etc), but that you needed to find the best way to know God. You still have a tremendous amount of love for Jesus, etc etc etc.

I would start preparing what you would say to them now, just in case they do find out, so that you're not caught like I was, completely unawares.
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Thanks for the response and the article. I've been keeping it really quiet. I didn't even come on Islamicboard for the past two days because I'm pretty sure my sister saw it on the computer. Me buying a Qur'an was already suspicious, though I told them it was simply to study. You know, to understand Muslims from a Catholic perspective. ; )
I'll work on that letter. Maybe it will help me lay out why I'm interested in Islam in the first place.

Dude, if you fear for yourself them keep everything silent and to yourself... However sooner or later, they will find out.

What you're going thru is something many many people have gone through...

This life is a test from God (Ar. Allaah), and know that whatever you are doing (researching about the truth) is for Gods sake, so God will never abandon you...

Lying, in islaam, is permissible as a last resort and only in certain circumstances, like now, when your life/health is in danger...

God (Ar. Allaah) bless you dude...

P.s, check out: http:IslamAndChristianity.Wordpress.Com!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks for the kind words man. My health isn't in danger, but it would be catastrophic for my fam and our relationships. I remember reading in the Qur'an that God makes things easier for those who seek him. I'm gonna check out that link..

the biggest thing will say for my family was the wearing of the hijab. my dad for long time would say its oppression and all sorts of things and for a long time i did not even come in front of him wearing the hijab. when i had finally plucked up the courage to wear it in front of my family.. they didnt comment on it lol Alhamdulilah. i dont know why i was afraid for. my dad said i looked nice.

think what really surprised him is how confident i was about my faith.
Click to expand...

Wow, I respect that. It's hard enough for guys to revert without such visible Hijab. Female reverts who keep hijab are in a whole nother league of determination. Good to hear your Dad responded well in the end.
 
you can get yourself out of problems without needing to lie.I think you can just say i am busy with other things these days and so on
Click to expand...

Ohh no, that is not the case brother. Missing Mass is considered a mortal sin. We go to Mass every Sunday. My older sister and her fiance go to two and they all volunteer at the Church as well as participate in Catechism classes.

Allah will find you a way out as He chose you and guided you. Pray to Him and put your trust in Him and insha'llah he'll find you a way out and make it easy for you.

“… And Allaah is the Wali (Protector and Helper) of the believers.” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:68]

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e., Allaah’s Religion – Islamic Monotheism)…” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

“…And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [al-Talaaq 65:2]

Lastly I'll leave you with this:

“Say: ‘Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allaah has ordained for us. He is our Mawlaa (Lord, Helper and Protector).’ And in Allaah let the believers put their trust”

[al-Tawbah 9:51]

In my opinion it's better to not tell your family yet until your faith and knowledge increases.

May Allah increase you in faith and certainty and make it easy for you. Allahumma ameen.
Click to expand...

Words of inspiration. Thank you. : )
 
Candle said:
Ohh no, that is not the case brother. Missing Mass is considered a mortal sin. We go to Mass every Sunday. My older sister and her fiance go to two and they all volunteer at the Church as well as participate in Catechism classes.
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Brother don't worry, In the way to islam the people has always face difficulties. Your Family is so much religious, may be you face more, May Allah save you and make it easy for you. Trust on God, who has selected you for right path. Read what our sahaba r.a (the companion of Prophet Muhammad ) faced difficulties in the way towards islam. I like the two below Companion More...very impressive stories..see the links

Hazrat Bilal : The Muazzin of the Prophet

Hazrat Salman Farsi : A True Seeker
 
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Salaam/Peace

Candle said:
If I tell my family I am studying Islam, I will be disowned. = l
I could do with some advice right now.
Click to expand...

u may buy some books / CD that has discussion not only on Islam but other religions also . Like CD of Dr. Zakir Naik's concept of God in major religions or debate of Dr. Zakir's with Campbells etc. Also , if u tell them how Muslims love and respect both Jesus and Mother Mary pbut , I hope they will appreciate it.

May Allah make it easy for u .
 
Thank you Muslimwoman. I've got so many resources now! I think they will be surprised how much honour and respect is given to Isa and his mother Mary.
 
Aslaamu`Alaaykum Candle
May Allaah make every step easy for you , Ameen

Indeed Allaah is with you and indeed Allaah is the Allmighty, the All knowing
Remember him and he will remember you, call upon him to help you out and make it easier.
"Then do ye remember Me I will remember you." (2-152)

"He is successful who purifies himself, and remembers the name of his Lord, and so prays." (87:14-15)
And remember to Enjoy your Journey to Islaam, by learning many new things and gaining benefit

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam
 
Brother don't worry, In the way to islam the people has always face difficulties. Your Family is so much religious, may be you face more, May Allah save you and make it easy for you. Trust on God, who has selected you for right path. Read what our sahaba r.a (the companion of Prophet Muhammad ) faced difficulties in the way towards islam. I like the two below Companion More...very impressive stories..see the links

Hazrat Bilal : The Muazzin of the Prophet

Hazrat Salman Farsi : A True Seeker
Click to expand...

I did not see these before! Thank you Hafizsaad. I'll read these after I finish my homework.

Aslaamu`Alaaykum Candle
May Allaah make every step easy for you , Ameen

Indeed Allaah is with you and indeed Allaah is the Allmighty, the All knowing
Remember him and he will remember you, call upon him to help you out and make it easier.
"Then do ye remember Me I will remember you." (2-152)

"He is successful who purifies himself, and remembers the name of his Lord, and so prays." (87:14-15)
And remember to Enjoy your Journey to Islaam, by learning many new things and gaining benefit

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam
Click to expand...

Thank you Muslimah. You are all very supportive. I hope that the Brothers and Sisters at the local Masjid are as charitable.
 
Candle: in a different post you've mentioned that you read some philosophical works that convinced you there is a God. What did you read if I may ask?

Good luck with your situation .
 
Thanks Lynx. The meat of my studies took the form of an archive of studies on theism, but I began with a number of introductory primers. If you go to any of them, go here: http://philofreligion.homestead.com/files/Theisticarguments.html

The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: http://plato.stanford.edu/ It's FULL of wonderful and free articles on the nature of God. Just type in any keyword: God, theism, Cosmology, Ontology, Epistemology. For every good for the non-existence of God, you'll find a good argument for the existence of God, including the Islamic philosophical tradition--Falsifa.

Cosmological argument: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/cosmological-argument/
A primer on popular cosmological arguments in relation to theology: http://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall1998/entries/cosmology-theology/#4
A well written, objective book on ethics with some strong academic essays posing the existence of objective principles: http://www.amazon.com/Vice-Virtue-Everyday-Life-Introductory/dp/0495601616/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

A list of arguments which--when researched--should keep you busy for months: http://philofreligion.homestead.com/files/Theisticarguments.html
A defence of the Kalam Cosmological argument by perhaps the most prestigious utilitarian philosopher in the world: http://www.origins.org/articles/craig_existencegodbeginning.html
More Goodness: http://www.origins.org/articles/craig_initialsingularity.html
http://philofreligion.homestead.com/files/EVIL.htm
http://www.origins.org/articles/meynell_humekant.html
On the goodness of God: http://philofreligion.homestead.com/files/GODANDMO.htm

A list of theistic philosophers. They all have published works on the existence of God. It shouldn't be hard to find some good papers published by them online. http://theism.actualism.com/theistic.php3

A big argument between two philosophy heavyweights: http://philofreligion.homestead.com/DPtimelessness.html
Some ridiculously rigorous arguments from a prof at Notre Dame: http://philofreligion.homestead.com/Papersbyplantinga.html
 
Cool thanks. A couple of those essays sound interesting ;d I thought everyone was into intelligent design arguments; it's interesting to see a theist that prefers the cosmological argument!
 

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