marriage age?

[Bhabha]

In my culture, people get married after both partners have finished their studies and have 'settled' in terms of financial obligations and are thus equipped to handle the legally married life.

 

[Search]

:bism:



Haven't voted because the best age is whenever Allah blesses you with your spouse.

Hmm, kinda wish now that Allah would be raining our spouses from the sky - it would be really, really, really nice and welcome - haha.

vote best age to marry ?? ^o)

n reason :shade:

:wa:

 

[Sakina'141]

The best age to get married is when one feels ready to settle down and live 'happily ever after' with a SVS. So its a different age for different people...some may feel this way when they are 17 (I certainly did not!!) and another may feel this way when they reach 26!

I think the hard question is always who on this earth shall I marry?!...well for me anyway.

 

[Sakina'141]

In my culture, people get married after both partners have finished their studies and have 'settled' in terms of financial obligations and are thus equipped to handle the legally married life.

Sounds reasonable. Its similar in my culture too!

 

[colinberry1]

Well I would have thought it doesn't really matter as long as the spouse is the same age, hopefully above 17, one would have thought that they would have accumulate some form of responsibility.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

If you're mentally mature then you're ready for marriage. Maturity doesn't mean you're physically able and ready to produce children it means you're grown up enough to properly handle your responsibilities and duties as a wife/husband, and commit your life to your partner through thick and thin. Marriage is a new beginning in one's life that starts off as a fairy tale and can end either when death does you part or because you can't handle the snoring at night. The factitious image at the beginning of marriage of a spouse's immortal beauty changes to shocking reality as you start to see the freckles, flab and that giant mole on your partner's nose. You contemplate divorce as you fear the bulging hairy mole swallowing you and your family whole but you soon realise (or not) that marriage is a commitment and an agreement before Allah and you are accountable for honouring it. Marriage means adjusting to life with a partner, it means to make sacrifices, to be selfless, to put your spouse before yourself and to keep things moving forward together. Above all you put the book of Allah and the Sunnah of the messenger as your guide in your marriage, especially when there are disputes between the two of you.


"It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error." (Quran 33:36)

 

[ardianto]

Marriage age in my culture?. Depend on social class.

In my culture, people from middle class and upper usually get married in age 25+, while people from lower class usually get married in younger age. This is related to the view on marriage. People from middle class and upper are thinking long about readiness to live in married life, like financial ability, readiness to bear responsibility, readiness to become parent, etc. While people from lower class don't think like that. For them, what will happen, let it happen.

 

[Abz2000]

When one is a healthy male/female of breeding age.

 

[Abz2000]

and has the financial ability to support a marriage and children appropriately and justly.

Easy to see it that way when growing up in the west where most people end up being sexually active long before marriage and where there are programs that hand out condoms to 11 year old children, and where the usury system ensures that a person is rarely financially stable until they've finished paying a mortgage, until when they remain in bondage due to the risk of losing everything at the slightest glitch, while also ensuring that people run like clockwork while greasing the capitalist cogs...however, in asia, i have noticed from the visible contrast between rich and poor, that the poor also marry and struggle through life, even if it means they live and eat from day to day as day labourers, some poor people marry at a young age due to social and personal/family reasons, some parents (especially when poor) are often relieved to have completed a part of their duty to their daughter before they die and leave them helpless.
Our rickshaw driver married at 16 after his older sister was married off and he saw his mom struggling to cope because he had younger siblings and wanted a responsible person in the family, he made around £5 a day around town on an average day and ran his family with it, until the government banned battery operated rickaws of course but i digress, that guy could no way be considered financially stable by many standards, but could be well off amongst his relatives etc.
I even personally know a practising brother who met a practising sister during studies, the both decided to avoid haram and get married before finishing their studies, they managed Alhamdulillah.
it is impossible to put any limits between six and forty when Allah showed the best example and helped avoid differences and constant shifts in socially percieved norms (which even fluctuate within a decade as can be seen from sodomy and bestiality laws, officially defined psychological maladies etc.
Anyways, best to use wisdom in the situation as situations are rarely identical.

 

[Abz2000]

It is just that the Qur'an says what I am saying. That one should not marry until they are financially able to support the marriage and do justice in it and with it.

Here:

24:33
Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace. And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum), give them such a deed if ye know any good in them: yea, give them something yourselves out of the means which Allah has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity, in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them, yet, after such compulsion, is Allah, Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to them),

That is what I was saying too. That one should not marry until they can support the marriage properly.

Nice that you managed to argue a point nicely and with the Quran too,
just adding what i understood from it.

It appears that Allah is advising people to hold on until they are able to marry rather than setting restrictions on marriage, the man mentioned earlier who didn't even have an iron ring was married according to what he had and that was a part of the Quran, and that too in memory rather than costly parchment.
Another thing i was alluding to earlier is the fact that some children become sexually active at a very young age, and some -never.
if too many undue restrictions and taboos are placed upon marriage people will go astray - worse than they already are - especially considering the powerful media machine hard at work and preying upon the God given natural basic intincts bestowed upon people in order to open people's hearts up to the items/discussion points on offer.

Consider the average marriage age of people in say, britain/america, is it low or high?
What is the effect on premarital sex?
what is the effect on society? (I am aware that business and capitalism thrive from women forced to work but the social effects are staggering - especially since pregnancy is seen as an obstacle to progress and fast ladder climbing).
What of the kids who grow up in fatherless homes with mom at work and dad unknown?
What is the difference in effect of a father raising his tone a notch and a mother scolding? Did you know that kids - especially male are able to compromise with the deeper tone of the father with rarely any psychological misgivings in comparison with the higher pitch?
I know someone who met (one of) his teenage son(s) for the first time in prison, they were both certain of the resemblance when he asked the kid his parents names, didn't know his dad but the guy recognized the name of the kid's mom as a girl from next door in one of the homes they had been living in back in the days.
poor kid was in the slammer before he hit 20.
It didn't matter to him whether his dad was financially stable or not, he didn't know him his dad didn't know that he existed until he met him.

Anyways, maybe lets try grappling with the outcomes that appear from alternatives to early marriage in order to get a rational understanding of the situation.
because i am being honest when i tell you that i find it sh*t scary when a government attempts to prevent hijab and modesty, prevents early marriage, promotes and facilitates pre-marital sex, hands condoms and pills to primary and secondary school girls, and then expects sane people to send their kids to public school.

 

[ramen-thelegend]

I've only been on this website for a short time, thank you for your nice and considerate response, but people are starting to gang up and attack me on this website for saying that Allah is the only power responsible for all that we experience in every detail. They are calling me all kinds of names and slurs, and then the "super moderator" is coming along and making false accusations regarding what I am saying, claiming that I suggested someone take out of a loan with interest to pay for some old ladies hajj? It is a ridiculous and entirely false accusation out of nowhere, so I'm starting to think there are insane people on this website or stupid people or something.

sorry for going off topic here but brother now you really need to stop talking about it and move on. if you keep mentioning it over and over again dont expect people to keep quite.

i didn't mean to offend you or something, neither do i mean to say you're right or wrong, i couldn't care any less about marriage tbh, i just want to help u get rid of that negative reputation

 

[Abz2000]

Well, we could make eunuchs out of them maybe. The Qur'an seems to say that those who do not have the means to marry should not, but one should be able to do justice to their wife otherwise they should not marry. There is no mention of an iron ring in the Qur'an, that idea comes from outside of the Qur'an itself. It isn't difficult to verify with search engines, so maybe you can find any verse you are referring to based on a few words that might be in the verse, www.islamawakened.com/quran is a good website for that but there are others as well.

I've only been on this website for a short time, thank you for your nice and considerate response, but people are starting to gang up and attack me on this website for saying that Allah is the only power responsible for all that we experience in every detail. They are calling me all kinds of names and slurs, and then the "super moderator" is coming along and making false accusations regarding what I am saying, claiming that I suggested someone take out of a loan with interest to pay for some old ladies hajj? It is a ridiculous and entirely false accusation out of nowhere, so I'm starting to think there are insane people on this website or stupid people or something.

And whoever among you cannot [find] the means to marry free, believing women,
then [he may marry] from those whom your right hands possess of believing slave girls.
And Allah is most knowing about your faith. You [believers] are of one another.
So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable.
[They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers.
But once they are sheltered in marriage, if they should commit adultery, then for them is half the punishment for free [unmarried] women.
This [allowance] is for him among you who fears sin, but to be patient is better for you. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

Allah wants to make clear to you [the lawful from the unlawful] and guide you to the [good] practices of those before you and to accept your repentance. And Allah is Knowing and Wise.

Quran 4:25-26



Volume 7, Book 62, Number 2:
Narrated 'Ursa:
that he asked 'Aisha about the Statement of Allah: 'If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (the captives) that your right hands possess. That will be nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.' (4.3)
'Aisha said, "O my nephew! (This Verse has been revealed in connection with) an orphan girl under the guardianship of her guardian who is attracted by her wealth and beauty and intends to marry her with a Mahr less than what other women of her standard deserve. So they (such guardians) have been forbidden to marry them unless they do justice to them and give them their full Mahr, and they are ordered to marry other women instead of them."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 24:
Narrated Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi:
A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said,
"O Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)."
Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head.
When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down.
A man from his companions got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me."
The Prophet said, "Have you got anything to offer?"
The man said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle!"
The Prophet said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something."
The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything."
Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring."
He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet)." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her."
Allah's Apostle said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked."
So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart).
When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back.
When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?"
He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them.
The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?"
He replied, "Yes."
The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have."

http://www.sultan.org/books/bukhari/062.htm

Even slaves, beggars and the severely disabled marry within their circles and means. It is obvious that parents will compromise and balance the level of stability and wealth with a whole lot of other factors in order to get the best deal given the specific situation.

Why make it complicated? Many people have rich parents and are married early (gandhi was fifteen or sixteen i think), many people have meagre means and have marriages of convenience, many people fall in love young, and some run away and marry, some fix it with their parents and marry then take it from there, and others suffer frustration during studies which can continue beyond age thirty, others stumble and fall apart, rarely do people who attempt to keep chaste till age 25 come through unscathed, puberty and hormones kick in at early teens and erections at primary school especially given the huge wonderbra posters on the way to school in the morning.

There is a serious and widespread sexual conflict taking place with the young and old of this generation, the only working prescription is early marriage. Those capitalist methods will only corrupt and debase their victims for the sake of keeping the wheels turning fast and continuing to inflate the usury balloon whilst servicing the debtand throw their victim societies into anarchy, depression and chaos.
You haven't heard of the scenario where the last hour comes upon the people who commit adultery in public like asses?
Another capitalist ploy to stem the frustration is prostitution (which i'm aware many are ashamed to talk about) hence you see some governments illegally protecting such communal toilets (not the type for urinating and defacating of course) and even facilitating them while giving excuses such as "disease (std) and sexual attack prevention".

Anyways, marriage in Islam is not very complicated and most situations are accomodated for.
We have no need to complicate something which is perfect and simple, the financial situation age, and social status is for the parties involved to decide, the requirement is justice and sincere goodwill on the part of all parties involved.
(Your username indicates a passion for freedom, Allah has given the guidance and the laws, why make more laws unnecessarily and restrict that God given freedom and tailored choice?)


1.*O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed periods: And fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah. and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.
2.*Thus when they fulfil their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out,
3.*And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.
4.*Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy.
5.*That is the Command of Allah, which He has sent down to you: and if any one fears Allah, He will remove his ills, from him, and will enlarge his reward.
6.*Let the women live (in 'iddat) in the same style as ye live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf.
7.*Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief.
8.*How many populations that insolently opposed the Command of their Lord and of His apostles, did We not then call to account,- to severe account?- and We imposed on them an exemplary Punishment.
9.*Then did they taste the evil result of their conduct, and the End of their conduct was Perdition.
10.*Allah has prepared for them a severe Punishment (in the Hereafter). Therefore fear Allah, O ye men of understanding - who have believed!- for Allah hath indeed sent down to you a Message,
11.*A Messenger, who rehearses to you the Signs of Allah containing clear explanations, that he may lead forth those who believe and do righteous deeds from the depths of Darkness into Light. And those who believe in Allah and work righteousness, He will admit to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, to dwell therein for ever: Allah has indeed granted for them a most excellent Provision.
12.*Allah is He Who created seven Firmaments and of the earth a similar number. Through the midst of them (all) descends His Command: that ye may know that Allah has power over all things, and that Allah comprehends, all things in (His) Knowledge.
Quran Chapter 65.



On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:

What I have forbidden for you, avoid.
What I have ordered you [to do], do as much of it as you can.
For verily, it was only their excessive questioning and disagreeing with their Prophets that destroyed [the nations] who were before you.
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

http://40hadithnawawi.com/images/Hadith Imgs/hadith09arabic.gif

There is another narration for this hadith that gives a deeper understanding of its meaning:

The Messenger of Allah (sas) addressed us and said,O people! Hajj has been made obligatory upon you, so perform the Hajj.
A man asked, "Is that every year, O Messenger of Allah?"
The Prophet (sas) remained silent while the man repeated his question three times.
Then he said, "If I had said 'yes' then it would have become obligatory upon you [i.e. every year], and you would not have been able to do so.
Do not ask me about that which I have left unspecified, for verily the nations before you were destroyed by their excessive questioning and argumentation with their Prophets. If I order you with something then do as much of it as you are able, and if I forbid you from something then keep away from it."

In both of these narrations, the prophet (sas) commands us to avoid what he has forbidden and to follow what he has ordered us to do according to the best of our ability.The Prophet (sas) also asks us to follow his guidance without asking too many questions, and to pay attention to the types of questions we ask.


The following islam qa session delves into the topic in detail and contains some of the exact questions and ahadith.

https://islamqa.info/en/181556

 

[Abz2000]

Good work. Now it should be observed the careful nature of the language in the verse from the Qur'an. One who does not find the means to marry is mentioned in a verse, and then again here one that does not find the means to marry a FREE BELIEVING WOMAN should then marry a SLAVE (IF THEY HAVE THE MEANS TO SUPPORT THEM/MARRY THEM INSTEAD AND CAN AFFORD THAT INSTEAD). The capitalization is for emphasis, I am not yelling haha.

"So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable. "

and give them their due compensation, and if you are not able to give even them their due compensation, then you are to remain chaste until such a time as you can marry.

Due compensation is a reasonable gift acceptable between the two parties, i thought it was meant to be a clarification thread, not here to score points bro.

 

[AabiruSabeel]

It is just that the Qur'an says what I am saying. That one should not marry until they are financially able to support the marriage and do justice in it and with it.

Here:

24:33
Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace. And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum), give them such a deed if ye know any good in them: yea, give them something yourselves out of the means which Allah has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity, in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them, yet, after such compulsion, is Allah, Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to them),

That is what I was saying too. That one should not marry until they can support the marriage properly.

Do not forget the verse before the above where Allah :swt: says:
Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things. [An-Noor: 32]

And in the next verse which you have quoted, Allah :swt: says that even then if they are not marrying until they get some means, then in that case they should keep themselves chaste. Read the verse in Arabic to properly understand the context.

 

[colinberry1]

Does that mean all the filthy rich children get to pick all the beauties and the working class children will have to struggle till they can scrape a living for their family and probably end up with all the leftovers what the rich have rejected.

 

[anatolian]

Do not forget the verse before the above where Allah :swt: says:
Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things. [An-Noor: 32]

Does that mean all the filthy rich children get to pick all the beauties and the working class children will have to struggle till they can scrape a living for their family and probably end up with all the leftovers what the rich have rejected.

I think the above ayah answers your question friend. You dont have to be rich to marry.

 

[colinberry1]

virtuous
righteous, good, pure, whiter than white, saintly, angelic, moral, ethical, upright, upstanding, high-minded, principled, exemplary; law-abiding, irreproachable, blameless, guiltless, unimpeachable, immaculate, honest, honorable, reputable, laudable, decent, respectable, noble, worthy, meritorious; informal squeaky clean.

Well I have to go a long long way to fine someone who could fulfil those righteous qualities monks humanity on this planet, the reality is something totally different.

Well if I believed that Islam hold the answer, I should be able to pick an Islamic solicitor and feel confident that he or she would have my interests at heart, but the reality is they are no different than all the rest of the scum that inhabits this planet.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

Nowadays, because of the fitna around, you should get a child married as soon as they turn 18, to prevent any boyfriend/girlfriend situations.

 

[ardianto]

:salamext:

Nowadays, because of the fitna around, you should get a child married as soon as they turn 18, to prevent any boyfriend/girlfriend situations.

:wasalam:

When I was 18 I absolutely didn't want to have girlfriend although I knew many girls. I prefer to active in my hobby and doing fun activities with my male friends.

The right way to prevent bf/gf relationship among the youth is not through force them to get married in young age. But teach them to be able to control their desire to have partner until they are ready to get married.

 

[noraina]

So long as you are mentally mature enough to handle this responsibility, and you are marring the person who is *right* for you, age shouldn't matter, whether you are 18 or 40.

Before then, for those who may be struggling, make sincere dua to Allah SWT and fast regularly.