marriage and parents permission

[deen_2007]

inshallah someone can give me the right advice on this.

There is a brother who wants to marry this sister who his known for a while. In order to not commit sin, he wants to marry her. his partents are very traditional (asian). he has told his parents about this sister, whom they looked into and refused egtting him married to her for the following reasons:

1) she is not exactly the type of daughter in law they want (beauty wise)

2) Although she practices Islam and is coming close to Islam, and her parents and family are practicing and of good value too, because she has a brother who has gone towards the wrong path (drug) according to them this family isn't one to make relationship with. to his parents this family will shame them to their extended family and not of 'high status'.

3) the city her family comes from in bangladesh is not from their city and they do not want to marry him outside their 'town' .(although they both born n bread & live in London permanantly).

this brother wants to marry this sister and currently refusing all propasals that comes his way now. he doesn't want to upset his parents as he wants thier blessings when he gets married. and as his the eldest and has two more brother, he doesn't want to force this marriage because then he thinks it may let his family down and his parents will get hurt. he has put his happiness aside and for them he has decided to marry someone that suits them. but as it is difficult just to marry anyone like that, he has been avoiding wedding talks when he wants to marry this sister they will not accept.

i wanted to know, Islamically is their a way around this?

thank you

 

[noorseeker]

Sister the only way around is that he speaks to his parents properly, that he wants to be happy, and he does not want to upset them.

Im bengali myself, and its a sad situaton in our culture that people are labelled a certain way from where they are from in bangladesh.

Its is hard to change asian parents mind, he has to show his parents that she is not like other girls , that she has real good character. All asian parents want a beautiful bride for their son, and then they complain that thier not good enough.

The brother should do istikara, i hope ive helped

 

[The Palestinian]

Sis, parent's permission is not neccessary in getting married for the man. But it's about brining a new member to his family (his wife) so if they don't accept her I guess she'd face problem, in addition to this their sons will be the grands for his parents.
It's too complicated problems, but there must be away out of this and he could find out how he could make his parents accept her.

 

[Dawud_uk]

inshallah someone can give me the right advice on this.

There is a brother who wants to marry this sister who his known for a while. In order to not commit sin, he wants to marry her. his partents are very traditional (asian). he has told his parents about this sister, whom they looked into and refused egtting him married to her for the following reasons:

1) she is not exactly the type of daughter in law they want (beauty wise)

2) Although she practices Islam and is coming close to Islam, and her parents and family are practicing and of good value too, because she has a brother who has gone towards the wrong path (drug) according to them this family isn't one to make relationship with. to his parents this family will shame them to their extended family and not of 'high status'.

3) the city her family comes from in bangladesh is not from their city and they do not want to marry him outside their 'town' .(although they both born n bread & live in London permanantly).

this brother wants to marry this sister and currently refusing all propasals that comes his way now. he doesn't want to upset his parents as he wants thier blessings when he gets married. and as his the eldest and has two more brother, he doesn't want to force this marriage because then he thinks it may let his family down and his parents will get hurt. he has put his happiness aside and for them he has decided to marry someone that suits them. but as it is difficult just to marry anyone like that, he has been avoiding wedding talks when he wants to marry this sister they will not accept.

i wanted to know, Islamically is their a way around this?

thank you

so there are objections are to do with honour and asabiyyah?

by the sound of it, as you have described it the objections are not valid and the brother has a duty to protect his deen by marriage so tell him to be a man and marry her, he doesnt have to have his parents permission as he is not a woman so tell him to stop behaving like one and get married if their objections are invalid.

 

[As-Sakina]

Salam alaykoum wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh

You can't desobey to your parents. They know what is good for you and if they refuse, they have perhaps good reasons. You don't know what have lived his parents. If these reasons aren't Islamic, they will be judge by Allah Ta'ala, incha Allah.

The Paradise is under the feet of them. The brother has to be patient, and to do istikara.

If you disobey to your parents, you will displease Allah Ta'ala.

Wa Allahou A3lim

Wa alaykoum salam wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh​

 

[Dawud_uk]

Salam alaykoum wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh

You can't desobey to your parents. They know what is good for you and if they refuse, they have perhaps good reasons. You don't know what have lived his parents. If these reasons aren't Islamic, they will be judge by Allah Ta'ala, incha Allah.

The Paradise is under the feet of them. The brother has to be patient, and to do istikara.

If you disobey to your parents, you will displease Allah Ta'ala.

Wa Allahou A3lim

Wa alaykoum salam wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh​

Ali (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:

'There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct .'

Agreed upon, Sahih Bukhari and Muslim.

So if the parents are commanding you to do something which is unislamic you can and should disobey them.

 

[As-Sakina]

Salam alaykoum wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh

I have a story, I haven't the translation in english, but I'll try to tell it :

A man came to see Abu Darda and said him :
"Ya Abu Darda, I married a woman, and my mother orders to dismiss her.
He said he heard the Prophet (salla Allahou alayhi wa salam) says : "The father/mother is the best door of the Paradise, and if you want, you can keep it or lose it".

Wa alaykoum salam wa rahmatoullah wa barakatouh​

 

[Raudha]

This must surely be a very difficult time for the brother...His decision also depends on wether the girl's family is happy with him or not because he cud be able to convince his parents but at the end of the day, if her parents are not happy then he would have wasted his time...If you understand what i mean...:-[

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Edit...

 

[deen_2007]

Salam thank you for your replies, its confusing though. because sis as-sakina has given hadiths on how even if your parents say for you to dismiss what they do not agree with you should, because their the best door to jannah and then there is br dawud_uk quoting:

""""Ali (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:

'There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct .'

Agreed upon, Sahih Bukhari and Muslim.

So if the parents are commanding you to do something which is unislamic you can and should disobey them.""""

so whee do you drwa the lines here? its obv we shouldnt disobey parents because that would anger allah swt but then we can, if their unislamic? ie this situation?

 

[Muhaba]

First of all a man doesn't need his parents' permission to get married. a man doesn't need a wali. his marriage is valid without one.

2. Allah says in the Holy Quraan "Marry women of your choice..." Allah doesn't say marry women of your parents' choice.

3. what's the meaning of consent if you have to reject every person you're parents aren't pleased with? if you reject every person your parents don't like then you will end up marrying the one that your parents approve of even if you don't like them, and that's like being forced to give your consent.

therefore, i think that it would be ok for the brother to marry this woman whether his parents like it or not.

 

[Muhaba]

the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:

"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"

In this hadith, the Prophet (SAW) allowed the girl to marry whomever she wanted. therefore, i believe that islamically a person can marry whomever he/she wants whether the parents like it or not. (but the woman needs a wali for her marriage to be valid.)