marriage decision

[henashaikh]

my marriage proposal ws fix before 4 yrs.. it was an arrange proposal.. hes 5th among brothers.. his family is sunni and joint.. n hs dad ws paralyse.. hs mom is with him. hs elder brother kept on delaying my marriage cz fr two yrs cz of hs 4th bro.. whom they wer also searchn bride.. n one yr hs dad passed. n now they have financial issues.. they told us they will shift to there new bungalow. last week someonw told my dad to go n see there bungalow. there is something fishy. my dad went to see with hs bro..hs elder bro is denying now.. hs sayn there is no place fr me we have to stay in hs other bro house wich has small rooms.. my dad felt dishearten bcz he cheated us.. hs made us stay fr 4 yrs fr hs bungalow to b ready.. n he has no faith in js elder bro..he feels hel made my life hell.. evn he told someone dat im demanding jst bcz i wanted to knw d size of room. bcz i wanted to order bed.. my fiance dsnt want to loose me.. n hs sayn hel not marry anyone else.. evn i feel fr him cz i have spent 4 yrs of my life with him.. n hs a nice guy... obedient and cares fr me.. n now im 27 too.. cnt stay single fr long being a girl. bt my dad is sayn u shld thnk abt future n hs not so smart enough to make hs own destiny. we depend on hs brother.. n hs elder bro also insulted my dad by sayn that my dad wants to separate al bro. and dad says his decision is final.. plz help.

 

[muslim brother]

jazakallah,
could you explain the situation a bit clearer please

3 points i generally advise

you are marrying the man not the family
you are entitled to your own home, own life, own privacy
there is no compulsion on you in islam to be a servant to his family
in fact you can even demand a servant to cook if you wish
but thats a longer discussion

 

[Umm♥Layth]

This is the same guy who tries to force you to see him without anyone present correct? You should link you other posts so people get the full picture of what's going on because you'll get different advice here than you did on your other threads based on the information you posted.

So far you are not happy with your career choice and you don't feel supported by your fiance and his family. You have metnioned you do not want to wait any longer for marriage and you have mentioned this man is a bit forceful.

In all of your posts you have shown that you are conflicted about marrying this person and you are in limbo not knowing how to make a decision.

We advised you to move on now before it is later. Some people will never let go so you have to make the decision to leave. Do not allow any kind of emotional blackmail to happen here. If this guy was serious, he would have married you long ago. "I won't marry anyone else" doesn't mean ANYTHING, especially when your clock is ticking.

Find somebody else whom you feel comfortable marrying. If they are serious, they will marry you quickly.

 

[azc]

How long you will wait? I think they're not interested.Talk finally to your fiance whether he wants to marry or not within a month or two.Don't spoil your life if he delays.

 

[Bobbyflay23]

I agree with umm layath he's wasted 4 or like 5 years of your life you can find someone else

 

[henashaikh]

they r sayn they will get us married in September.. hs in joint family dats y hs nt taking the decision n waiting fr hs house to complete.. bcz there house in not sufficient fr us.. bt now hs bro is telling they dnt have enough money to built house.. n they will get us married n tell us to stay in hs old flat..

 

[fromelsewhere]

they r sayn they will get us married in September.. hs in joint family dats y hs nt taking the decision n waiting fr hs house to complete.. bcz there house in not sufficient fr us.. bt now hs bro is telling they dnt have enough money to built house.. n they will get us married n tell us to stay in hs old flat..

I am sorry about all the problems you are having. You should have a sincere conversation with your fiance and ask him how he feels about you and about getting married soon. You should also set a limit - they said September? So the marriage should be in September at the latest. If by September his family delays again for whatever excuse, throw in the towel and move on. He is not serious, and therefore, you should avoid.