this is becoming really hard, I swear I am trying, and i have changed to an xtent, giving him a chance etc, but it will take time for me to be overly happy. However this is not enough, He says yes you are changing but he keeps expecting this to be done over night, I know I am in the wrong about a few tings but also if i am trying surely he should be patient and tink yeh with time she will get better.
He expects me to be yes sir, 3 bags full sir, but that cannot happen, I still have my opinions and will say them if that how i feel and if i want to say no then it should not be a major deal cos its not like i say no to every single ting he says. As soon as I say no to something he switches and then it turns into a long thing..
Its like i am trapped and cannot say my true feelings and opinions cos as soon as I do that its jus blows off. I may as well jus say yes to save the headache.. but that is not me..
I want to cry soo badly, but i cant, dno wats wrong but it wont happen, i feel like proper sobbing just to releave some weight and its all bottled up and i feel a big weight on me.. it is sooo hard.
Dear sis i really do fee for you there although my husband is not from back home he is still pakistani born and bredhere and even he has the same mentality.
it gets me soooooooooo frustrated well at the start it really did it made me very depressed it came to the point where it started affecting my health i felt like there was no point even talking to him no more cos it was like me banging my head against a brick wall.
he expected me a person who had never cooked before in her life to cook her home made food like his mum??????? i didnt know how to boil an egg let alone cook pakistani food!!!
i had to always agree with him and hold my peace if he said the sky is green then i had to say yes its green...
it even came to one point where he once threw a verse of the Qur'an on me saying oh since your so holy and preach people whydont you have a look at this... it was a verse from surah an nisa:
34. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).
his argument was that men are superior and women have no worth, that even Allah has ordered women to be obedient to their husbands, so that i should always agree with him no matter what even if he is wrong, or he threatened me that he will leave me just like it states in the Qur'an!!!!!!!!
i wanted to yank my hair outtttttttttt i was so frustrated, i mean what do you say to a fool like that? first he doesnt even understand the meaning of the ayah next he tries to put his own meanings to Allah swt's devine message and throws it in your face.
so i just held my tongue and sis try this it always works for me i swear to you...
whenever he starts now with his mumbo jumbo i keep my peace take time out and do 2 rakah nafl it calms me down, gives me peace and reminds me that this world is just temporary i cannot let myself be lost in it.
before i used to get angry easily and it would build up and up and come to the point where i'd explode and i realised that i'd be the one commiting more sin being horrible and saying nasty stuff and being mean, now i let him commit all the sins, i always tell him that if he has nothing nice to say then dont say it at all and i act upon my own advice but he just has not learnt yet i guess.
I really do pray for u sis, just try not to let his comments gets to you, i dont let my husbands comments get to me, and the only way it doesnt affect me now is cos whenever i do something for him no matter how big or small i do it for the sake of Allah swt and i expect no reward or even a sign of appreciation from my husband, which i would never get so it does not bother me no more. so i still do what i am bound to do by duty and i make all the ffort but i dont do it to make my husband happy i do it to make Allah swt happy knowing that He is the all Seer all Knower and He hears all. so as long as He knows it then i dont care about anyone else.
