Marriage for the homosexual

Paul Williams said:
Many of them centred around the punishments for homosexuals who break God's commands. But my question was whether marriage (to a woman!) was mandatory for people like me in Islam.
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If you are gay you should be not be getting married; what sort of life would your wife have? No scholar is necessary to establish that. If you want to follow Islamic teachings your only option would appear to be staying single and celibate - maybe that is your trial. As opposed to trying maintain some sham of a marriage for appearances sake and destroying the life of another human being, anyway.
 
Mawaddah said:
:sl:

Marriage can either be one of four things :

1) Waajib, and this is for the person who fears that they will fall into sin if they dont marry.

2) Mustahab, and this is in accordance to the Sunnah of the Prophet, because since he peace be upon him married, we should try to follow his sunnah.

3) Makrooh (Disliked)

4) Haram, and this is for the person who knows that he is in a situation unfit to have a wife, or if he knows that he is going to harm his wife or himself or others by it.In this case, someone who feels that he is unable to give his wife her rights.

Brother, If you feel that you are going to do your wife injustice if you marry, then dont marry,because you will just be adding sin onto yourself by harming another Muslim, but if you feel strongly that it is going to help with this situation of yours, then by all means marry and enter into the marriage after having made Salaatul Istikhaarah and placing trust into Allah that He will make this marriage be a solution for you Insha'allah.

Wallahu A'lam
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hm..where does this come from? and what adeelah do they use for each?
 
glo said:
If I found out that my husband was homosexual and knew it before he married me, but chose not to tell me, I would feel utterly betrayed!

Trust and honesty are two important foundations of any marriage.
Having an awareness that her husband is not likely to have any sexual desires for her are of utmost importance to his future wife!

I am not saying that there won't be women who would be willing to enter into such a marriage ... but they do need to know the truth!
Please don't think you can build a marriage on such a lie without it backfiring on you.
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gee okay, dont kill me, i was only wondering. but i didnt mean in this sense, i thought the whole point of the situation was that he was trying to GET OVER it, not drag it along with him in his new life, and new marriage.

Most times when people have had a troubled past and a few skeletons in yoru closet, and youre trying to start a new life, and make a better person out of yourself, you dont just go around broadcasting it all over the place. I mean, that counterproductive to me. The point is to build a new life, with new ideas and new goals, not to have a wife who 'accepts' you as you are, and willing to bear with you. No you want to talk and think about your situatin as less as possible.

To me , if his wife knows then he doesnt realy have anything to hide, whereas making him more comfortable ( TO ME, just how i view it) but if its something he is ashamed of, and dont like that anybody ESPECIALLY his wife knows, its a better struggle that he strives to fight against.

And besides if he marrys a women who doesnt mind, wouldnt that kind of make him 'not mind'...hence blowing over his entire attempt to marry a WOMEN to change?:?

Allahu 3lim...i dont know, i just view it like that.

*throws up a white flag* no debate intended i was only curious as to why you guys thought he should :)

:peace:
 
Paul Williams said:
Salam

I am a new Muslim from London (from a Christian background). For all my adult life I have known that I am homosexual. This was not something I chose. I completly accept the ruling of Islam concerning the place of intimacy only for those who are married.

My question is this: I have heard Muslims say that I should get married, and that marriage itself is half of Islam, that it will sort out my problem.

Is this really true? What would you advise?

thank you for your help
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Good luck, i myself being an atheists "and even when i was christian as a kid" do not see any problem with homosexuality. I sincerly doubt that if there is agod it will be angry if you love someone of the same sex. "why should it be angry about how it made you?"

Good luck and I wish you happy future.
 
I had a friend who was homo...
and he thought the only way to stop or prevent himself from zina and his attraction? to the opposite sex was to marry..and alhamdulillah he did get married (to a woman ofcourse) and now he's very happy and has 2 small little girls bless*
 
ranma1/2 said:
Good luck, i myself being an atheists "and even when i was christian as a kid" do not see any problem with homosexuality. I sincerly doubt that if there is agod it will be angry if you love someone of the same sex. "why should it be angry about how it made you?"

Good luck and I wish you happy future.
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you keep telling yourself that homosexuality is natural.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem aka, not being in denial.

So stop being in denial , everyone knows its nothing natural about that. If it were , everyone would be like that, natural things happen to everyone, not select indivuals.

I guess you would say its natural to be attracted to animals too eh? Cuz people do that too.

*sigh* the minds of people who try to get around all rules and consequences no matter how dumb their concepts sound.

anyhow, this thread isnt about what you think anyway, its about someone asking for help. Dont go off topic.

:peace:
 
skhalid said:
I had a friend who was homo...
and he thought the only way to stop or prevent himself from zina and his attraction? to the opposite sex was to marry..and alhamdulillah he did get married (to a woman ofcourse) and now he's very happy and has 2 small little girls bless*
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maybe the bro can talk to your friend then? and your friend can share his methods of overcoming it:?
 
Paul Williams said:
Salam

I am a new Muslim from London (from a Christian background). For all my adult life I have known that I am homosexual. This was not something I chose. I completly accept the ruling of Islam concerning the place of intimacy only for those who are married.

My question is this: I have heard Muslims say that I should get married, and that marriage itself is half of Islam, that it will sort out my problem.

Is this really true? What would you advise?

thank you for your help
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Salam alaykum my new brother in Islam

My advice might to be different than others. Of my mind you should marriage with your soul mate, who you really love (just same if this is male or female), make good things to others and remember that Allah is mercyfull. Everybody of us are sinners. He has made you what you are and seems he made your path more hard than others.

Every religions say homosexuality is haraam by the way.


Your sister in Islam
 
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.:Umniyah:. said:
you keep telling yourself that homosexuality is natural.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem aka, not being in denial.

So stop being in denial , everyone knows its nothing natural about that. If it were , everyone would be like that, natural things happen to everyone, not select indivuals.

I guess you would say its natural to be attracted to animals too eh? Cuz people do that too.

*sigh* the minds of people who try to get around all rules and consequences no matter how dumb their concepts sound.

anyhow, this thread isnt about what you think anyway, its about someone asking for help. Dont go off topic.

:peace:
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i only said that i dont think god would be angry if you loved someone and they loved you back. "im talking about more than just sex but bonds as well"
if you wish to discuss wether it is natural or not you can create a seperate thread.

back to the original poster.

I wish you happyness and good luck.
 
ranma1/2 said:
I wish you happyness and good luck.
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We are not here to judge others. We are here to tell the beauty of life and enjoy about it with others. We are different, all of us. Me too wish you a good luck in your path. :statisfie

I pray Allah will make your path easy to walk.
 
Can we try not to derail posts in the cyber counselling section, please?
This place is for people who are troubled and need help. I am sure they don't want to have to read through arguments and disgreements between other posters ... :-[
 
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.:Umniyah:. said:
why?:? i saw someone ask if he would tell his wife. Do you really think thats needed:? i dunno i just think its useless information and its going to benefit at all...

Allahu 3lim
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lol ur weird

its just so that the wife can KNOW what shes getting into. we dont want the wife do be deceived right :)
 
Paul Williams said:
Salam

I just wanted to say that I have read all the posts carefully and I really appreciate the thoughtful advice and wise counsel.

thank you!

Bilal
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:sl: Akhi
Before the topic meanders over the place, I wanted to let you know, that if you are in NY or NJ, and wanted some counseling from both a psychological and religious level, I can FWD you the contacts of a Muslim psychiatrist. If so just drop me a note. Though I am sure there is no shortage in your area, also I am enclosing this site where you are free to
Ask a scholar, and I am sure not only will they answer your questions but also put you in touch with the right parties to further help you in your area. I think at this level everyone is giving you a subjective view, and I am not sure if it is really helping you... before long I sense discord between the members which is always bound to happen where point of views differ... but this is about you, not them...

from my heart I sincerely wish you the very best, under the light and guidance of Allah sobhano wa'ta3la
:w:
 
Salam

I divide my time between living in London and France. I have been receiving counselling about this (and other matters) for a couple of years now. I don't think I need a psychiatrist. What I have read on this site is genuinely helpful. But I am certainly not ready for marriage. I guess I was testing the water to see if all muslims are obligated to marry regardless if one's desires are hetrosexual or not. I think the near unanimous answer is no, not least because it would be unfair on the other spouse.
 
Panther said:
I know there's some out there from which I'd earn a chuckle. You people just don't have a sense of humour. :P

And yes, I know "Allah" is not a guy. As I said, it was a joke. Again with the oy.
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It has nothing to do with sense of humor but moreso with knowledge. The more one becomes familiar with a certain topic the less witty some jokes regarding it seem. For example the more familiar you become with a specific race, the less funnier racist jokes become. Or if your mom is is in a wheelchair, the chance of of finding handicap jokes funny diminishes also. It is because one's knowledge on a topic can show how serious a matter is. To you the allusion might have seemed refreshing, for us it sounded childish and not witty at all(no offense intended).
 
Abdul Fattah said:
It has nothing to do with sense of humor but moreso with knowledge. The more one becomes familiar with a certain topic the less witty some jokes regarding it seem. For example the more familiar you become with a specific race, the less funnier racist jokes become. Or if your mom is is in a wheelchair, the chance of of finding handicap jokes funny diminishes also. It is because one's knowledge on a topic can show how serious a matter is. To you the allusion might have seemed refreshing, for us it sounded childish and not witty at all(no offense intended).
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No offense taken.

I still find gay jokes funny. :P Besides, if I thought up newer, funnier jokes on this topic, they'd likely get me banned for not being offensive but still managing to offend someone.
 

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