Marriage help please

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Chosen One

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Salaam Brothers and Sisters,

I am getting married soon In'sha Allah. However I have a lot of fear of the unknown and here are the reasons why.

I am 29 years old and all these years I was reluctant to get married because of fear of poverty and stress that comes with it, some of which is pleasing my Wife and parents at the same time and being a good husband when I know I'm not the best of people.

This woman I plan to marry is from what I hear a very good woman and so much better than me. I haven't been given a chance to get to know her so I'm going in blind.

I decided to get married because I am getting old and would like to have children before I get too old.

I feel like I am going to let down her, my family and her family because they are relying on me to be a good person.

I am an introvert and no matter how hard I try, I just can't be a people person. I love being alone and spending time with nature and appreciating what Allah has created. I like peace and quiet and being away from people and gossip and all sorts of chaos.

I hope my marriage doest become a burden and it makes me a better person as it completes half of my faith.

Any help on this would be greatly appreciated.

Jazak'Allahu Khairan
 
My answer has nothing to do with Islam as it has to do with two non-Muslims, so I hope you will forgive me for this, but I do think you may find it relevant.

My grandparents on my mother's side were polar opposites. My grandfather, he was very quiet, very studious, and enjoyed spending his time in the forest, or with his rock collection. He did not like to go to gatherings, and even having large amounts of family over was too much for him and he would go for a walk in the woods, often taking one of his grandchildren with him for quiet conversation.

My grandmother loved people. She worked in a large retail store and was always happiest helping others. If someone made her mad, rather than stay mad, she made them cupcakes the next day. She loved having family over and talking over tea for hours. She loved having a full house, or going to gatherings, and being around as many people as possible.

They were very different, but they had the most wonderful marriage. They learned to work with each other, and my grandmother went to gatherings for my grandfather, while my grandfather made a business out of his rock collection and working in the woods. They had good times and bad times, and two wonderful daughters, one of which is my mother. And they stayed together through the end of their days, may Allah find mercy with them.

Do not be afraid of marrying someone who is different than you. Show her what you love about nature and Allah's creation and how you enjoy it, and maybe she will come to follow you on your hikes and retreats at times, and other times leave you to silence and spiritual reflection. Maybe she will be the one who will shoulder the "burden" (which I agree, I am not a people person either) of large gatherings and strive to make such things simple for you.
 
I truly appreciate your reply to my thread. It gives me hope. It's very heartwarming to know your grandparents have lived a beautiful life together despite being different to each other. I can only hope I have a similar life to them In'sha Allah. I wish you success in this life and the next :)
 
You shouldn't be worried an trust that Allah is the best of planners. Also remember there are people out there whom are struggling to find someone.
 
Pray istikhara and after that Allah will make every thing good easy for
 
Wa aleykum assalaam,

You come across as a good and caring brother, so I would not worry about whether you are intovert or extrovert - neither is better than the other. Success in this life and the next depends on how well you serve Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa and not how much noise you make!

Just do you best to look after your wife and encourage her with her deen and everything will be fine in sha'Allah.


And you are definitely not old!
 

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