Marriage - Help

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Laila01x

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Assalam u alaikum,

I have a huge problem i need to get off my chest. Please dont slate me and i know it was Haraam, i was in a pre-marital relationship for 8 months, with the intention of getting married from day one. I did let my insecurities get in the way and i felt i did push my partner away to a certain extent. He is a practicing muslim and i gained a lot of knowledge from him about Islam. I feel we are good for each other islamically..and when it came to marriage he didnt want to as he felt he was not ready financially and did not want to stay in a 'relationship' as he felt it was unfair on me if he didnt want to get married in the end. He said he will do istikara in Ramazan to ask Allah for guidence and see where it takes us. Two months ago he started bein rude and we stopped talking and now he just ignores me. I dont know what has happened but i found out he is looking for a wife - which really hurts as we have been talking about marriage since day one. I want him to be my husband but now we dont talk. Is there any dua i can make to make my pain go away or for him to come back? I love him sincerly and do feel he is a good partner for me.
 
Assalaamualikum

sister can i ask you are you a convert or were you born muslim? i am not here to judge you but obviously i am highly concerned that you did do illegal fornication before marriage with this man for 8months? i think what you need to do is ask forgiveness from Allah every night since its the month of ramadhan. i know you love this man but are you sure he is right for you? i think the two of yous did a huge sin and now you didn't got the blessing from Allah due to all the problems between you two or mabe it could be that he just played you for all this time because now he is looking for another wife as you have stated. since he is no longer talking to you, i would also not bother him and give him time. keep yourself busy with more useful things and trust on Allah. mabe he might not be the right man for you sister. mabe realise that you did a huge mistake and move on.. it could be that you deserve alot better. i have heard of alot of girls on your place and they usaully realised at the end it was the bigest mistake of there life and they are thankful they did not marry a man like this
 
I was born a muslim. I know we both did wrong and i know im repenting for it now. I feel that we are good together but i am really confused in why we dont speak now. Yes it has affected me severly at home and at work .. but i have been prayin loads that Allah gives me the strength to move on and asking for forgiveness... we both did not commit zina either. I am trying to move but i do feel that he is the one for me. I do pray that obviously if we are good for each other we can get married - and do it properly without doing anymore Haraam. I am just finding it hard to move on thats all.
 
:sl:

Sis ,

May be he is trying to avoid you since he realized what he did was a sin ? All the best anyway sis.

May Allah accept your repentance :)
 
I dont think that is the case. I know i should let go and move on...but Allah knows best i guess i should pray and whatever happens should happen for the best.
 
know i should let go and move on...but Allah knows best i guess i should pray and whatever happens should happen for the best.
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Some people say the more you want a thing , the more far it goes.Just concentrate on ramadan and your work and may be allah will guide you to the right path.Also take the help of elderly in your house.May be they can help you ?

:sl:
 
Assalamu Alikum

My dear sister,it's Ramadhan ,focus on your soul.

I don't know how can you like him after he has egnored you like that.

Be straight forwoard with him. I'd say to let him go If it's clear that he doesn't want you anymore. But love is blind and maybe you can't see that, so let him go.

You,after that,do what Allah ordained us in the Qur'an and the Prophet,saws. If you do, then Allah,spw, will open more doors for you.

It's all in the fate.

May Allah inbreath you with patience and endurance.
 
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I agree with the sister above.

I think it is best to move on. You will find someone better than him.
 
He is a practicing muslim
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Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.
 
Rebel said:
Yeah, obviously...

As far as I know, practicing Muslims don't treat women like dirt. They don't hang onto them till they get bored n then move on to their next victims. They don't stay in relationships for 8 months n then make pathetic excuses not to take it to the next level.

And they certainly don't end a relationship the way this "practicing Muslim" did. Only cowards behave this way.
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Please don't change the topic.
Your responce was so disrespectful and ignorant, that is like saying that all Muslims terrorists.

Ha ha ha at least he didn't empragnant her like many of yours do. Your men just sleep with their wives for a while,once she gives him the first child, they vanish. Maybe the brother didn't want to do the same to her, so he looked for another one he would love.

To teach you a lesson. You must hear the both sides to judge any of the two. Young minds!
 
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That's got to be the funniest post I've ever read :D

I'm a Muslim, my sister. One who's had it up to here with Muslims who claim they are "practicing" yet behave like animals.

I was completely on topic. Was just hoping that she'd realise that this isn't exactly the type of person you'd want to marry.

If he didn't want her, he shouldn't have strung her along for 8 bloody months. "Practicing Muslims" don't behave this way.
 
Thank you very much for your responses and many thanks to Rasema.It has put things into perspective. I should focus now and Ramadan.. Allah knows best :)
 
Rebel said:
That's got to be the funniest post I've ever read :D

I'm a Muslim, my sister. One who's had it up to here with Muslims who claim they are "practicing" yet behave like animals.

I was completely on topic. Was just hoping that she'd realise that this isn't exactly the type of person you'd want to marry.

If he didn't want her, he shouldn't have strung her along for 8 bloody months. "Practicing Muslims" don't behave this way.
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i agree the man strung her along for sure. its clear to see.. giving somebody false hopes is more evil then having illegal fornication and getting the girl pregnant! at least i know many brothers who stuck by the girl after getting some one pregnant and married the girl after! and these muslims are not cowards like this guy sounds like! this guy dose not sound like a muslim at all! he made her fall in love with him knowing exactly what he was doing! now he will move on to his next victim mabe this time the next girl will not be so lucky and will even contemplate suicide! i hope for your sake sister you will move on and see this guy is not good at all!

ramadhan mubarek sister
 
Everyone is jumping down the brother's throat - but have you ever realised that because the Thraed Starter was in a per-marital relationship, the brother probably thought she was not serious, and was just joking about marriage. He probably want's a wife who has not had any pre-marital relationships before. Don't slander the brother, you don't know his side of the story.
 
Ah, so it's perfectly fine for him to engage in premarital relationships but it isn't for her (because y'know... he's a man, and she's just a woman)? If I'm not mistaken, he was in a premarital relationship too. With the very woman he looks down upon for... wait for it, having a premarital relationship!

It takes two to tango, my sister, and if this isn't hypocrisy, I wonder what is. I always find it funny when players demand their future wives to be pure n chaste n pious n blah blah n expect them not to have had any contact with any man before marriage whatsoever, when they're not exactly saints themselves.

It's just... baffling.

Oh, and usually... if you don't think someone's serious about something, you won't feel the need to come up with excuses.
 
Ah, so it's perfectly fine for him to engage in premarital relationships but it isn't for her (because y'know... he's a man, and she's just a woman)?
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Yes, in sad Asian culture, it is.
 
T.I.A said:
Everyone is jumping down the brother's throat - but have you ever realised that because the Thraed Starter was in a per-marital relationship, the brother probably thought she was not serious, and was just joking about marriage. He probably want's a wife who has not had any pre-marital relationships before. Don't slander the brother, you don't know his side of the story.
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No for your information I was more serious about marriage than he was. As soon as the pre-marital relationship started I was the intended to tell my parents and do it properly but he was not ready but was always talking about us getting married and being married. So again I asked him few months into it when he had finished his studies and when he got a job that we should tell our parents ... and in response all I got was that I was putting pressure on him. All he has been doin is talking about marriage and how 'in love he is' from day one and giving me the hope it will happen!!

Bottom line is maybe he probably didn't think we were compatible enough - But he was really good to me and i know i made the mistake of being in a pre-marital relationship - but i admit my fault and i am repenting for it and finding it really hard to let go. I don't know hes a coward doesn't explain himself. But I would of preferred him to atleast do Istikahara and seek guidance properly from Allah. But i do make dua that we can marry each other if the marriage will be successful.

You can ask me more about it rather than assuming I wasn't serious! How can u assume he would think that as from the start ive always told him i was serious and had the intention for marriage?! And secondly this 'brother' it wasn't his first pre-martial relationship, before me he has had many pre-marital relationships and I emphasise MANY and has committed zinner not with me but with other pre-marital relationships he has had! And i know ur probably gonna ask so why do you want to be with him so much - because people can change for the better and i do believe he is a nice guy even tho he does not want to marry me .Maybe love is blinding.
 

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