Marriage help...

[Yousaf11]

Assamoalikum brothers and sisters, Now before I begin I dont want no shia sunni fights, I dont want to listen that it is HARAAM , I dont want to hear that i shouldnt pray for this particular girl but for a pious girl, I know some people would advice me to leave her..I dont want that...Allah has given me the exclusive right that i can ask for anything as long as it is not sinful...please tell me how to make my dua more stronger and plz give me hope

I have a problem here.I have been in crush(read not in a relationship) about a girl ever since i was doing my A levels..I was in engineering department and she was in business department.I was so much in crush with her that i wanted to talk to her but becuase of shyness I wasnt able to speak to her.I hoped she would be in some class of mine so that we could talk on some mutual subject(read only for studies)..

Also her mother was my english teacher in O levels, she thot of me a nice student but i made a huge blunder when i shared my feelings about the girl with my classmate.The word spread like fire and the girl hated me and so did her mom.

Ramazan came so did Laylatul Qadr, I asked Allah that we be together and we married(but i was only 17 years old)..then some things did happen, i was able to talk to her,only 4r a brief second..she was a bit rude bt that was the happiest day of my life and I thanked Allah alot, alot when the finals of Math paper of A level came, she didnt bring her calculator along..so I gave her mine, she accepted it otherwise her whole year would have been ruined..she did thank me bt in a very low voice(she is very modest and shy girl)

I continuously prayed and hoped for Allah that we be wedded..Then i forgot about her after my A levels..as i thot i would go to an engineering uni and she be in a business uni...The strangest thing happened I didnt get admission in any engg uni except 4r 1uni, bt by then it was too late..I got admission into a well renowed business uni..I decided to do BBA(bachelor in business admin)..and there i saw, she was there 2..Now another thing..not only was she in my uni, not only was she doing BBA(other courses offered r BPA, ECO,MASS COMM)..bt she was in my section 2..I thanked Allah so much..I still do and pray alot for her marriage with me.bt she still hates me and her mom does 2 alot.

Now i m 20..and now i asking my mom for asking her mom for marriage after i complete my graduation bt my whole family is against it because she is from shia family and i m from sunni...bt i m ready to accept her whole heartly and i love her alot..Thats y I ask ALLAh alot and try to pray 10 nafal of prayer for my marriage with her..also i try to do good deeds with the intention to please Allah so that he would accept my dua..Please could some one say i have hope..I really have a lot of hope in Allah inspte of the fact that the girl and her mom hates me(her father is dead and brother is paralyesd)...and my family is against it...bt i still believe in ALLAH and i love HIM

 

[Muslim Woman]

Make dua like this : O Allah , grants me what is best for my deen and hereafter , Ameen.

 

[Yousaf11]

Make dua like this : O Allah , grants me what is best for my deen and hereafter , Ameen.

y
Sister..i wrote on top that to tell me dua or ways to strenthen my case infront of Allah, i want this girl badly..your advice is nice but i believe since Allah can do anything ..he can make her best wife ans i be best for her....even in spite of the hurdles...I have full belief in Allah that He would help me..

 

[Muslim Woman]

Allah does what He wants . So , wait for His decision and now avoid the girl totally . Don't give Satan any chance to misled u from the deen . So , avoid mixing with the opposite gender as much as possible . Give more concentration on ur study , career and Ibadah.

 

[*charisma*]

Wa'alaikum Assalam

I'll be the first one to say this: you have an obsession with this girl.

Why would you want to marry her?? I'm going to even forget the fact that she is Shia, but how about that she is not interested in you and she shows it by her bad attitude towards you, or that her mother even is not fond of you, or that your parents do not want you to marry her? I feel that you are looking for reasons that make you feel that Allah is putting her on your path so that you never forget about her and that you keep trying to marry her, but the reasons for not marrying her are much bigger and clear. It could be that Allah is testing you with your desires for her.

Marriage is a blessing from Allah, if she was good for you and you made du'a to have her, then she would be yours easily and you would not be distressed over this wondering how you will marry her. She doesn't even seem to like you at all, and I would think if you'd want someone for marriage, they would at least show CLEAR interest in you.

I'm sorry for being a little blunt, but you really need to forget her and move on. If you're going to reject the beautiful du'a that Muslim Woman suggested, then I feel you are rejecting Allah's trust to grant you someone great for you. There is nothing wrong with making du'a to still marry this girl, but you are not asking for your own best interest...you are asking for your own selfishness because you are really blind to see that she is not interested in you. This girl may cause you a lot of hardships which is why Allah is not granting you what you want (despite that she is shia).

fi aman allah
w'salaam

 

[Alpha Dude]

Bro, I know what you are going through and how it must be affecting you but I will say this - the fact that you don't care she is a shia implies that your priorities are mixed up. Emotions are clouding your clear judgement or you don't understand the severity of not being on the right path.

Let's say you do get what you want and end up married to this girl. Do you think that you'll live happily ever after? You and her against the world? It doesn't work like that in totality. You will have differences and once you get married and move past the madly deeply in love emotional stage, you're likely to question things. Imagine you start taking your own faith a little more seriously and realise that shiaism is wrong. How would you feel about your wife then, when let's say you have 3 kids with her? It's going to be difficult as heck to get out of that situation.

Be rational, think clearly, make dua for guidance for yourself and her too and make dua that Allah grants you what is best for you.

 

[Yousaf11]

Desperately need Allah help and encouragement

Assamoalikum brothers and sisters, Now before I begin I dont want no shia sunni fights, I dont want to listen that it is HARAAM , I dont want to hear that i shouldnt pray for this particular girl but for a pious girl, I know some people would advice me to leave her..I dont want that...Allah has given me the exclusive right that i can ask for anything as long as it is not sinful...please tell me how to make my dua more stronger and plz give me hope

I have a problem here.I have been in crush(read not in a relationship) about a girl ever since i was doing my A levels..I was in engineering department and she was in business department.I was so much in crush with her that i wanted to talk to her but becuase of shyness I wasnt able to speak to her.I hoped she would be in some class of mine so that we could talk on some mutual subject(read only for studies)..

Also her mother was my teacher in O levels, she thot of me a nice student but i made a huge blunder when i shared my feelings about the girl with my classmate.The word spread like fire and the girl hated me and so did her mom.

Ramazan came so did Laylatul Qadr, I asked Allah that we be together and we married(but i was only 17 years old)..then some things did happen, i was able to talk to her,only 4r a brief second..she was a bit rude bt that was the happiest day of my life and I thanked Allah alot, alot when the finals of Math paper of A level came, she didnt bring her calculator along..so I gave her mine, she accepted it otherwise her whole year would have been ruined..she did thank me bt in a very low voice(she is very modest and shy girl)

I continuously prayed and hoped for Allah that we be wedded..Then i forgot about her after my A levels..as i thot i would go to an engineering uni and she be in a business uni...The strangest thing happened I didnt get admission in any engg uni except 4r 1uni, bt by then it was too late..I got admission into a well renowed business uni..I decided to do BBA(bachelor in business admin)..and there i saw, she was there 2..Now another thing..not only was she in my uni, not only was she doing BBA(other courses offered r BPA, ECO,MASS COMM)..bt she was in my section 2..I thanked Allah so much..I still do and pray alot for her marriage with me.bt she still hates me and her mom does 2 alot.

Now i m 20..and now i asking my mom for asking her mom for marriage after i complete my graduation bt my whole family is against it because she is from shia family and i m from sunni...bt i m ready to accept her whole heartly and i love her alot..Thats y I ask ALLAh alot and try to pray 10 nafal of prayer for my marriage with her..also i try to do good deeds with the intention to please Allah so that he would accept my dua..Please could some one say i have hope..I really have a lot of hope in Allah inspte of the fact that the girl and her mom hates me(her father is dead and brother is paralyesd)...and my family is against it...bt i still believe in ALLAH and i love HIM.

P.S i am not here for any discouraging remarks or any sarcasm..You can keep it to your self and save your time

 

[Aisha]

I'm not sure why you posted the same thing again, but I've merged both threads in case you had trouble finding your original thread.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if you love this girl then leave her alone. i actually feel sorry for her. no girl should have to put up with an obsession.

 

[ardianto]

Wa'alaikum salam

I don't care that you are Sunni and that girl is Shia. I don't care about different background between you and her. But I really wonder, why you are obsessed to marry someone who hates you and doesn't want to marry you?.

 

[Yousaf11]

if you love this girl then leave her alone. i actually feel sorry for her. no girl should have to put up with an obsession.

Dude what did i even do to her that you are saying i m agonising her with my obsession. I am so far from her and dont even tease or stalk. I am just making dua to Allah that He joins us in matrimony with His blessings

 

[Yousaf11]

Wa'alaikum salam

I don't care that you are Sunni and that girl is Shia. I don't care about different background between you and her. But I really wonder, why you are obsessed to marry someone who hates you and doesn't want to marry you?.

Salam Brother, Yes i know the reasons you are stating have also come in my mind. But I like her for her becuz i have observed for 4 years and she is very pious girl, doesnt do gossip. She doesnt hang around with boys. I have also known her mom since she was my teacher. But I tell you one thing, I will not try to impress her..I am going to make Allah happy and I am going to hook up with Him so that HE hooks me up with her..I expect from Allah alone

 

[ardianto]

Salam Brother, Yes i know the reasons you are stating have also come in my mind. But I like her for her becuz i have observed for 4 years and she is very pious girl, doesnt do gossip. She doesnt hang around with boys. I have also known her mom since she was my teacher.

Every girl who ever expect me in the past might had different reason why they like me, but later they felt same disappointment because I chose someone else. Luckily they were not obsessed like your obsession to that girl.

But I tell you one thing, I will not try to impress her..I am going to make Allah happy and I am going to hook up with Him so that HE hooks me up with her..I expect from Allah alone

So, instead of try to impress that girl to make her open her heart for you, you try to impress Allah because you believe if Allah feel happy with you He would give anything that you want?

Young bro, you judge Allah with character of human. If we Ask Allah, He will gives us what the best for us. What He gives to us is not always meet our expectation, but must be the best for us.

I understand if you expect that girl to become your wife in the future. But are you ready if in the future that girl choose someone else as her husband?

In another thread I've ever written an advice to another young brother who has similar problem. "Do not fall in love with someone who is not yours, because it will make you broken heart. But have someone, then love her with all your heart".

We will never know who will become our spouse until the time when we marry someone comes. Maybe that girl will become your wife in the future, but maybe not. You should ready for these two situations.

So, young bro, although it's very hard, try to eliminate your obsession to her, it will prevent your from badly broken heart if then she choose someone else. And try to learn how to build a new love for someone who will come and become your life-mate in the future because maybe Allah will give you another girl. Like I've said, Allah will gives us what the best for us.

 

[Yousaf11]

So, instead of try to impress that girl to make her open her heart for you, you try to impress Allah because you believe if Allah feel happy with you He would give anything that you want?

Young bro, you judge Allah with character of human. If we Ask Allah, He will gives us what the best for us. What He gives to us is not always meet our expectation, but must be the best for us.

I understand if you expect that girl to become your wife in the future. But are you ready if in the future that girl choose someone else as her husband?

In another thread I've ever written an advice to another young brother who has similar problem. "Do not fall in love with someone who is not yours, because it will make you broken heart. But have someone, then love her with all your heart".

We will never know who will become our spouse until the time when we marry someone comes. Maybe that girl will become your wife in the future, but maybe not. You should ready for these two situations.

So, young bro, although it's very hard, try to eliminate your obsession to her, it will prevent your from badly broken heart if then she choose someone else. And try to learn how to build a new love for someone who will come and become your life-mate in the future because maybe Allah will give you another girl. Like I've said, Allah will gives us what the best for us.[/QUOTE]


Bro I respect your thots and concerns regardine me..You are trying to help me out and i thank you seriously. Brother I am not seeing Allah from a human perspective. I am only trying to make Allah happy becuz He has given me the exclusive right to both you and me that we can ask for anything and He can grant it for nothing is difficult for Allah. Brother, I know she will be wife becuz suddenly circumstances in my house are changing. My mom just agreed that we can take the risk of asking her mom for her propsal..She also discussed this matter with my papa. I dont knw what he said becuz my mom said she will tell me 2morow.

Regarding that I will be heart broken that whether I will be able to handle the stress and pressure if she doesnt becum my wife. First of Allah since I am begging Allah day and night and nt just 100 percent bt i m 200 percent sure Allah will make her my wife as ALLAH can help me thru channels I wont even expect. Second so if the scenario does come that my parents do ask her mom for rishta, and they deny it ..I would nt bt heart broken at all but i would be a wee bit disapointed that my dua...well i dont wanna say it..And bro I would be devastated and wouldnt cope with this thing that if she goes for another man and i didnt even try to ask her to be my wife..I cant just let go since I have also now brought Allah to my help..HE is my help , my sole friend and helper..He wont let me down..That is HIS PROMISE>>i m trying my best to please Allah that the marriage isnt the only requirment but Allah must also bless it

 

['Abd-al Latif]

It can be very hard to be normal when you have a huge crush on someone. In this situation one only experiences one of two emotions: (1) Bliss. The sun is shining bright, the bright blue cloudless sky smiles down at you and you feel light and airy because your one-and-only smiled at you, and (2) Life is a living nightmare. The world has come to an end because you've just learnt that you can't be together the hard way.

Try to see past her appearance because the most important quality you have to consider is the way she treats you. It's not right for her to hold grudges against you just because you've taken a liking to her. It's not what a decent human would do. The least she could do is not hate you because a God fearing Muslimah will forgive you and overlook your faults. Little things like these reveal a little bit about her character and as such she may not make an ideal life partner for you: do you really want to be chasing after her if she's not returning the same love back (the halal way)?

Your life partner needs to be a woman who fears Allah and sticks closely to the Qur'an and Sunnah because these are the best of women. A wife who is a sincere, good Muslim will respect you, look for reasons to think good about you and will never leave you chasing after her in agony, leaving you to but hope of receiving just some of the love that you've been giving her. This is the woman you should look for.

Just remember: if love isn't returned freely then it isn't love worth having.

 

[ardianto]

Bro I respect your thots and concerns regardine me..You are trying to help me out and i thank you seriously. Brother I am not seeing Allah from a human perspective. I am only trying to make Allah happy becuz He has given me the exclusive right to both you and me that we can ask for anything and He can grant it for nothing is difficult for Allah. Brother, I know she will be wife becuz suddenly circumstances in my house are changing. My mom just agreed that we can take the risk of asking her mom for her propsal..She also discussed this matter with my papa. I dont knw what he said becuz my mom said she will tell me 2morow.

Regarding that I will be heart broken that whether I will be able to handle the stress and pressure if she doesnt becum my wife. First of Allah since I am begging Allah day and night and nt just 100 percent bt i m 200 percent sure Allah will make her my wife as ALLAH can help me thru channels I wont even expect. Second so if the scenario does come that my parents do ask her mom for rishta, and they deny it ..I would nt bt heart broken at all but i would be a wee bit disapointed that my dua...well i dont wanna say it..And bro I would be devastated and wouldnt cope with this thing that if she goes for another man and i didnt even try to ask her to be my wife..I cant just let go since I have also now brought Allah to my help..HE is my help , my sole friend and helper..He wont let me down..That is HIS PROMISE>>i m trying my best to please Allah that the marriage isnt the only requirment but Allah must also bless it

Frankly, my wife was not the first girl I wanted to marry. There was another girl whom I made a promise with her. I love her so much, and I really wanted to marry her. I always made dua at days and nights, wish Allah gave me easiness to go to marriage with her. But later she decided to end this promise although she always told me that she love me.

But I didn't want to ask why Allah did not grant my dua. I knew, Allah had another plan for me, went to marriage with someone who was close to me before I made a promise with the first girl who I wanted to marry. Someone who I knew kept a love for me in her heart.

Young bro, it's good if now you decide to propose marriage to that girl. I understand if you really sure that Allah will grant your dua. I was really sure too when I always made dua for the first girl I wanted to marry.

But we never know if Allah will grant our dua or not until the time to know it comes to us. I'm really sorry if I must tell it to you. I don't want to break your dream to marry her. You need to be optimist if you want to get someone because it will motivate you to try your best to make you accepted by her.

However, if you are not accepted by someone who makes you fall in love, I hope you still have optimism to find someone else who will accept you and will be you life partner.

Allah is not always give you what you want, but always believe that Allah will always give the best for you.

 

[Yousaf11]

Bro, you really broke down my sprits..really your dua wasnt answered..I am sorry..I dont want to say anything more since you are happy with you new wife.Brother, I want to share something with you. You see I cant make proposal to her now, i havent even done my bachelors..and she is my class mate.I have to get settled and my father wouldnt even allow it before i complete my masters..Also if i want to propose to her then no one in my family will support the idea and istead be angry with me and i am also not in favor of this idea.I dont want more burden on my parents to support my wife.

Second brother, I dont know how much you made dua or how you put in the effort or how much sincere were you in dua...May be you did great dua...and sadly it didnt get accepted..But that wont let me down...I wouldnt want to impose your condition or environment of your dua didnt getting approved on myself and start getting worried that may be Allah wont even accept my dua. Allah knows best why he didnt respond to your dua..But my scenario and conditions are totally different...so i am going to try my level best to continuosly nagg Allah becuz he loves when his slaves continuosly call upon HIM and he delays the response becuz may be he loves my calling or may be He is testing me or maybe , now is not the rite time..

Now i m going to give you some background of how Allah is changing my fate..You see when i asked my mom that some time back,..she didnt support me and said it is totally out of question that i m going to let a shia in my house, becuz she said that rifts might happen between the two of us..Also she started to discourage me that since the girl doesnt talk to me, she wouldnt marry me..She used to take my discussions as jokes..i started to make loads of dua..did loads of nafal prayers...even when i was in a journey, i used to make dua and the passengers who were riding besides me were staring me of y i m continuosly praying...this is becuz i love Allah and i knw if i make the effort, He will change my taqdir..my dad also used to embarass me of how stupid i m that i m thinking about a girl who hates me let alone doesnt even speak to me..even then I still believed in Allah, i made loads of Allah...i made huge duas...i m also doing other work that i dont wont to state here becuz i dont want to reveal it here..the thing is my mom and dad have agreed that we can take the risk of asking her mom for marriage...bt says jokingly that if we go there, we would be thrown out..both of my parents r quiet in a predicament that we might be embarassed in her house..bt i still believe in Allah..
The thing i want to say...things r changing..my parents who didnt even to hear me say about her...have now agreed that they can ask..although they are still pessmistic...but i m optimistic...Allah is with me...HE will make things smooth 4r me...I am with Allah and HE IS MY BEST FRIEND>>>if that girls isnt right for me...or if i m not right for her...I also ask Allah that we do becum 4r each other...to change taqdir...and i have started baby steps of my dua being accepted...MAY ALLAH ME MARRY THAT LADY...i want to send application of request day and night to Allah, he wont disappoint..that i know for sure

 

[Yousaf11]

Can some other kind person help me..I know doing this dua is a big trial for me..for i will not get immediate results..plz people can anyone assist me and tell me how to plead Allah more..I would be grateful for ur sicere for how to impress Allah more and to make him happy so that he reward me 2...

 

[ardianto]

Bro, you really broke down my sprits..really your dua wasnt answered..I am sorry..I dont want to say anything more since you are happy with you new wife.Brother, I want to share something with you. You see I cant make proposal to her now, i havent even done my bachelors..and she is my class mate.

I did not want to break down your spirit when I wrote that Allah did not grant my dua to marry someone although she was already accept me. That's just to make you realize that you cannot too expect to marry someone, especially because someone you expect still is not in your hand now, and she can accept another guy anytime. And if this happen, you will be down into a disappointment.

Like disappointment of few girls who expected me when they knew I already chose someone who accept. One of those girls was my classmate in high school. For few months I tried to hide that I already chose someone, from my ex-classmate because I didn't know how to tell it to my ex-classmate without hurt her heart. I knew what was her feeling to me. But later I told it in front of her family. My ex-classmate was shocked, her family too.

Like I've written, I was really sure that I would marry the girl who I wanted to marry because I always made dua days and nights. But taqdir determine I lost her after she decided to leave me.

But I did not want to ask why Allah did not answer my dua. What in my mind was I should find the new girl who could be a wife for me. So, I went to my ex-classmate. Alhamdulillah, she accepted me, and then we got married in 1994.

Yes, my wife was my classmate.

But young bro, everyone's taqdir is different. Your taqdir maybe different than my wife's taqdir. Maybe your classmate will become your wife in the future, and it will make you happy. But maybe she will marry someone else, and it will break your heart. You should ready for these two possibilities.

My advice is change your du'a. Make du'a, if that girl can be your wife in the future, wish Allah to give you easiness to marry her. But if that girl cannot be your wife in the future, wish Allah to give you strength to accept this taqdir and give you another girl who will become your wife in the future. It's better for you.

 

[Yousaf11]

I did not want to break down your spirit when I wrote that Allah did not grant my dua to marry someone although she was already accept me. That's just to make you realize that you cannot too expect to marry someone, especially because someone you expect still is not in your hand now, and she can accept another guy anytime. And if this happen, you will be down into a disappointment.

Like disappointment of few girls who expected me when they knew I already chose someone who accept. One of those girls was my classmate in high school. For few months I tried to hide that I already chose someone, from my ex-classmate because I didn't know how to tell it to my ex-classmate without hurt her heart. I knew what was her feeling to me. But later I told it in front of her family. My ex-classmate was shocked, her family too.

Like I've written, I was really sure that I would marry the girl who I wanted to marry because I always made dua days and nights. But taqdir determine I lost her after she decided to leave me.

But I did not want to ask why Allah did not answer my dua. What in my mind was I should find the new girl who could be a wife for me. So, I went to my ex-classmate. Alhamdulillah, she accepted me, and then we got married in 1994.

Yes, my wife was my classmate.

But young bro, everyone's taqdir is different. Your taqdir maybe different than my wife's taqdir. Maybe your classmate will become your wife in the future, and it will make you happy. But maybe she will marry someone else, and it will break your heart. You should ready for these two possibilities.

My advice is change your du'a. Make du'a, if that girl can be your wife in the future, wish Allah to give you easiness to marry her. But if that girl cannot be your wife in the future, wish Allah to give you strength to accept this taqdir and give you another girl who will become your wife in the future. It's better for you.

Bro have you ever thot of this that okay u didnt get married to the girl may be best for u..bt did it ever occur to u that the other girl who liked u very much, even though she at first saw how u ignored her feelings towards u and how her heart would have been broken when u rejected her infront of her parents..did u ever think , that may be she was also praying to Allah like me...or may be she thot of Allah in her heart to help her get u...and may be Allah heard her voice..and made it difficult for u to reject the girl u liked...i dont knw how much u made dua..bt ur current wife may be more close to Allah who listened to her, she had to pass thru the rejection phase and heart breaking phase..bt like in Quran Allah has promised that if people only call upon him , Allah would help thru channels people wont even of thot of...So I knw my girl may also reject me..bt i dont know what Allah has stored in me since I am asking him alot...and i mean seriously ALOT>>>!!!!...I have hope in Allah ..and I again pray to Allah to grant me that girl for marriage and HE also bless that marriage 2