marriage issue

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salamz

me and a brother are considering to get married but the problem is i haven't told him about any hardships connected to my family. there is so much about my family which is a problem, for example an alcoholic and much more i cannot work up the courage to say it on here. so if i can't, how will i tell him about all this? i fear that he will be less interested in me when he knows about my family circumstances. i have nothing to do with these problems, i have always strived to be a good muslim, it is my own journey. but i dont want to see him unhappy just caz my father isnt a good person and an alcoholic. will he lose interest in me or still judge me for the person that i am and marry me?
 
NYCmuslim said:
If he judges you by the actions of another person instead of yourself then he is not for you.



:w:
Click to expand...


Spoke the words out of my mouth. He should be interested in you for who YOU are. If you are capable of fulfilling his needs for a wife, then he has no reason to be less interested. Your father should be of no relevance to your marriage at this point, unless he thinks you posses the same characteristics, which i am sure you can clear up.

Pray to allah for guidance
Inshalah everything will be fine
Peace Omari
 
After al he fell in love with you and not your family right? Everything will be just fine, no ones perfect or there families...lol
 
I know what you mean sister, i am worried about getting a future spouse into my family aswell, all though some of these problems are clearing up. my brother was on drugs, but now he has left home and some other problems


It is different in a way because i am male and have to bring my spouse to my house, You are female so you probally will move in with the brother in question so he probally has less chance of witnessing it,


I do feel for you , because even if you do move out , the problem remains , and your family has to deal with, sister has your dad tried to get help with his problem

No one else can make your dad want to stop, he has to do it himself
 
if he really loves you sister, your family issues shouldnt be a problem. i think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel and the issue with your family. if he can look past all that and still feel the same, then he is your soulmate that allah sent for you. good luck sister take care
 
i think it is very important to tell him. he should respect you for being different and trying to be a good muslim. Dont worry sis!
 
thank u everybody for ur words of encouragement :) may allah reward u so much and make us good friends in paradise...amin

there are days when im so confident to tell him and at time i lose the courage, but u all are right, if this potential relationship is for the sake of allah then he will still be interested in marrying me despite what my father is like

thank u all once again

salam
 
a muslim who struggles in the pits of fitnah is far more desirable then one who remains good amongst the best.


Or maybe thats just my personal opinion


Assalamu Alaikum
 
:salamext:

A relationship is based on trust and honesty, if you are not honest with him at the beginning of the relationship, then there will be problems later on. Also, there needs to be a certain amount of trust between both of you as well.
 
anonymous said:
salamz

me and a brother are considering to get married but the problem is i haven't told him about any hardships connected to my family. there is so much about my family which is a problem, for example an alcoholic and much more i cannot work up the courage to say it on here. so if i can't, how will i tell him about all this? i fear that he will be less interested in me when he knows about my family circumstances. i have nothing to do with these problems, i have always strived to be a good muslim, it is my own journey. but i dont want to see him unhappy just caz my father isnt a good person and an alcoholic. will he lose interest in me or still judge me for the person that i am and marry me?
Click to expand...

Assalamu Alaikum,

And what kind of person are you then sister? and who are we to judge? you shouldve told him about it and if he rejects you after you tell him maybe you shouldnt be with him? hey, just maybe, i dont understand, are you saying your father is a bad person because he drinks or other things too? im not an alcoholic myself but i do drink, are you saying im a bad person? im sorry i might not be being very helpful but theres alot of brothers and sisters here who can and will inshaAllah

Salaam.
 
:w: If you struggle through these hardships you face and remain patient, then wouldn't that make you a more desirable person to spend one's life with? I would tell him, if you're not honest from the start, then it's bound to failure.
 
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salam
sorry to hear dat sis
but u have to remember. he is not marrying ur family, he is inshalla marrying u,
tell him da truth and see how he reacts, if he freaks out and doesnt want anything
to do with u, then he is not da right person for u. but if he stays calm,
stands by u and even tries to help then he is da right person and inshalla
will be a good husbed to u in da future. be strong and try to sort out problems
within ur family. dont just leave it and give up, put ur trust in Allah and resolve any issues.
Praise be to Allah. just be da best muslim u can, and help ur family through tough times like dis, they need u and inshalla u will get rewarded for it. May Allah give u strength through times like dis.
 
He's gonna find out sooner or later, so you might as well tell him now before he finds out for himself.
 

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