Marriage problem

[anonymous]

My husband and I have been married for ten years. Alhamdulillah, we had a child seven years ago. Since then, I have been unable to have another. I suggested to my husband that he consider a second wife if he wanted more children, but he said no. We live in America, where such a thing is uncommon (regardless of what you may see on television).

Now I have learned that while I was away visiting family during Eid al Adha, he had an affair and she is pregnant. She is married to another man and will not divorce him, nor will she tell him.

I feel betrayed. I am so embarrassed that I do not feel comfortable going to the Imam or anyone in person. I do not want to separate my child from his father. I do not want this new child being raised not knowing it's true father. I have made dua for understanding and guidance. I do not know what else to do.

 

[جوري]

wow.. la 7wala wla qiwta illa billah.
Why should you feel embarrassed when it is your husband who is an adulterer. Sob7an Allah.
Ask him if the situation had been reverse what he'd do? If you were impregnated by another man and cheated on him.
I certainly don't think you should handle this alone nor on this forum.
You're not the guilty party here by any means. So don't feel threatened in anyway with regards to your child when harm has been caused you.
I don't know what else to advise. May :Allah: make it easy on you but you must speak with an imam even anonymously on the phone for now. You must be very hurt to want to avoid talking about this and that's normal nonetheless you should put the hurt aside when seeking counseling, this tears through the very fabric of your faith and your marriage and must be addressed.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

I have to agree with the above post. I honestly don't know what to advise you, and I believe this is due mostly because of how you are handling it with such patience and selflessness. May Allah reward you and grant you ease ameen.

I don't know what circumstances surrounded your husband at that time that he cheated on you, of course there is still no reason or excuse at all for him to do what he did, however if has repented and is showing great regret, asked for your forgiveness, and is willing to prove himself as a better husband, and you still love and care for him, then it may be better to just forgive and try to work together and heal from this. There is still the issue of the illegitimate child though, how is he handling it? Will he own up to the child being his or will he give it up to the other man? Is he still in contact with the other woman? Is the woman a muslim?

If he is not showing any regret and has not repented, then you should leave him because he is a fornicator and may repeat the same mistakes again.

Islamically, since the father of the illegitimate child does not know about what happened and his wife wants to keep it that way, then the child should be raised as if it were her husband's child, not your husband's.

You can read more about this here and here.

And as mentioned previously, try to seek out a knowledgeable third party who will be able to direct you towards the correct path inshallah. It will be difficult to try to conquer this all on your own unless you are really confident about your choice. Continue to pray and make du'a, may allah bless you ameen.


fi aman allah
w'salaam