Marriage proposals..so confused.. help!

JazakAllah for your replies..

The Jordanian has gone... found out he had a moody personality when things didn't go his way.

The Iraqi guy, he wants his future wife to live in the UAE, has no desire to live in the UK, and plans to return to Iraq at some point, if and when it becomes stable once more. All his family are settled in Dubai and Syria and he's very close to them.

I'm still leaving this in the hands of Allah swt...

Salaams to all
 
I can not judge anyone based on the brief commentary you have provided since it will be of a surety be biased in one way shape or form.

However I can advise you from a neutral perspective not taking into account your situation or the individuals involved, it is as follows.

Advice 1: You should try and do Isthikara prayer and see if that helps you.

Advice 2: You should lay out the criteria for what type of a man you wish to marry and see if either fit the profile.

Advice 3: You should consider only 1 marriage proposal at any given time so that you are fair to the people involved and not end up playing games.

Advice 4: You should consult family and friends in this matter, people who are close to you and know you very well.

That is all I can think of at the moment.
I hope it will help you in some way.

Thank you for reading,

Bro Aku
 
Dear Sister,

May Allah bless you and guide you. Marriage is a very difficuly decision to reach. I have been in a similar situation. Trust me my heart was 100% for the guy and i wanted to marry him, but i also had nervousness since my family was not in his favor. So besides istikhara i started praying day and nite saying that Oh lord, just make the path easy or difficult just as you may please and help us make a decision that you know is the best for me. Believe me sister Allah guide those who seek guidance.

I am totally against the shia guy, as for the other person i pray to god Allah guides you and you make the right decision, if this is meant for you. But please also remember if things donot work out with either of them Allah has in store his blessings and good news for you. Just keep analyzing things and counsel people with wisdom.

Fe Amaan Allah.
 
amuslim said:
Dear Sister,

May Allah bless you and guide you. Marriage is a very difficuly decision to reach. I have been in a similar situation. Trust me my heart was 100% for the guy and i wanted to marry him, but i also had nervousness since my family was not in his favor. So besides istikhara i started praying day and nite saying that Oh lord, just make the path easy or difficult just as you may please and help us make a decision that you know is the best for me. Believe me sister Allah guide those who seek guidance.

I am totally against the shia guy, as for the other person i pray to god Allah guides you and you make the right decision, if this is meant for you. But please also remember if things donot work out with either of them Allah has in store his blessings and good news for you. Just keep analyzing things and counsel people with wisdom.

Fe Amaan Allah.
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Assalamu alaikum wr wb

Dear Sisters and brothers...

Well, time has passed since my last post and I have kept contact with the Iraqi sunni guy.. all others have been taken out of the equation, Allah alim. I have been asking Allah swt for guidance, to make things easy for us if it is meant to be...

He has been very good, alhamdulillah. I gave him a list of 65 questions to answer.. I know it was cheeky, but he was very happy to do so, very serious about them, extremely patient and felt it important to do so as making me happy and understanding one another is what matters. Alhamdulillah we found that we have similiar opinions, values and many things in common.. he always answered first so there was no prompting from me for him to give the 'correct' answer, and alhamdulillah, I was always pleased with his answer as it matched mine. So now we are engaged. We discussed a few minor details such as what sort of home did I want, would I want to work (he prefers me not to and so do I!), I said that I want to ship my personal belongings to Dubai, and I must return to the UK regularly to visit my father. He was happy for all this to be done.

Now we are just waiting for him to see if he, as an Iraqi, can get a visa to come to the UK so we can finally meet insha'Allah. Then we will take the next step.

Can anyone please advise what is the etiquette now.. of

i) Engagement - what happens, what's procedure and how long? Do I expect a ring, or is this simply kaffir? Should he make it official? Are there are any entitlements of either person during engagement? As far as I'm concerned, for example, I don't want to take my hijab off until I'm married. Other boards were saying when you are engaged it's the same as being married, and you can consummate your marriage!!!! I simply don't think this is true. I certainly don't want him coming over here with any of those intentions!!! When we do meet it will be always in a public place. No touching or anything like that til we're husband and wife!!

ii) Wedding - How is this done, would it be done in UK or Dubai? What would be best, civil then Islamic wedding in UK, or Islamic wedding in Dubai? Should this be official? What does the actual wedding involve - is nikkah just a paper contract and then that's it - we're married? What requests can be made for the wedding, when do we discuss mahr? What should I expect of my fiance before getting married.. what plans should I expect him to make and take, and for me, I mean, to show his sincerity, his commitment?

Sorry for complete ignorance. It's one thing to revert to Islam, and I always hoped I'd get married, but now it's on the horizon, I realise I don't know the procedure at all and I want to have knowledge (as knowledge is power) before it all overwhelms me, and I don't want to feel vulnerable insha'Allah.

Anything else you think I need to know, please post. Meantime, this is quite an indepth post with many questions which I would be so grateful if you could deal with in turn and answer.

JazakAllah khairan

Fi aman Allah
 
Sister just make sure you are making the right decision for yourself and the other people who are involved. Don't rush into it.

As for the engagement it's a simple announcement of marriage. Your parents should meet each other as well. A ring is not needed simply for the engagement. At the time of the marriage you too will agree to a gift he will give you. This is a gift to you and it is yours. This will be the mahr. This is mandatory in Islam and it can be anything you want. Most women ask for money, jewelry...ext. I'm a revert as well living in America and when I got married my mahr was a ring. I asked for a ring but you can ask for anything. You will decide what your mahr will be before the actual marriage and the mahr is stated in the marriage contact.

As for the wedding itself the Islamic part of it is a simply contract between you too. You will need two male witnesses and a male guardian (wali) to act in your interest. The wali can be your father or the Imam. As for the party and ceremony this is usually based on the culture of the two people. I would have an Islamic marriage ceremony because it is more than just legal in the country it is legal in Allah's eyes and this is the best.

I hope this helps sis! :D
 
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السلام عليكم sis
the first one sounds more suitable and reasonable for you.May Allah give you the best husband.
wassalaam
 
kwolney01 said:
Sister just make sure you are making the right decision for yourself and the other people who are involved. Don't rush into it.

Salams sis... and jazakAllah for your reply.. this helps, alhamdulillah.

Walahi i don't feel I am rushing into this.. I have been looking and asking Allah for guidance for the right man, I have good feelings about this man and I have been through much communication with others.. they never felt right and quickly but politely turned down. I firstly wanted a man with a good deen and alhamdulillah, this man has one. That was my priority. Alhamdulillah everything has so far fallen into place. It's a strange thing when you say don't rush... i mean if the opportunity comes along and you both feel right about it, why delay, why turn him away just so you can look for longer.. so you are not 'rushing' in. I do feel I have found a good man and I don't want to lose this. I knew what would make me happy and insha'Allah Allah has provided a good man.. he knows I have also had a lot of pain in my life, pain that I was continuing to put myself through because I was so in love!! He knew it wasn't right for me but could I see??? No way. So blinded by love, and everytime something went wrong or was bad.. I would say, no.. I still love him despite. Now that Allah has taken him from me, this good man has come into my life and it may not be 'love' but insha'Allah I will grow to love him.

Allah alim

Fi aman Allah

Salam
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I am very happy for you, sis. Just make sure you find out about Dubai's marriage laws. I believe women can't get married there without a male relative. not sure what the rules are in case of reverts.
 

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