Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Lisa,
(gently) Oh my dear... such grooms are
very common...
(sigh) Just recently, I was talking with an immigration consultant. She was telling me how she'd tried to warn a woman with a situation similar to yours. Of course, the woman loved the young man, and she did not listen, and she sponsored him to Canada. Since the rules changed, marriage fraudsters can't just ditch you soon after arriving. But the
day he got his Permanent Residency... he kicked her out of the house.
At least he was sort-of honest. Some men will be cruel and degrade you until you are forced to flee from them.
Still, some men are kinder. I do know one couple where the woman is 6 or 7 years older than the man, and they have a true marriage. However, they were both younger when they married, and have had children together.
I met another woman who was in a position like you are describing. She was fortunate. Sort of. The groom's family were decent people who counselled their son to be good to her because she did so much for him. It took several years before the immigration application was approved. And by then, she was near 40. They were not able to have children together (she had some from a previous marriage though). But after some years, the young man settled down and wanted children. So he wanted to marry a younger woman. However, it is illegal in Canada for a man to marry more than one woman, so he divorced his older wife. She was devastated. She desperately texts him many times a day, and says he will always be her best friend. And she hopes the new woman in his life will accept her presence.
(gently) If you look through Muslim matrimonial sites (and I have), you will find many men from other countries who will court you. They
love to quote the story of Khadijah (RA). They may make outrageous claims about their faith in your bearing children for them. They may say it is in Allah's Hands, and they accept whatever will (or won't) come. They may claim to only trust older women because a younger one betrayed their love. They may even have their families on board who will pretend to accept you. They may claim to be scholars or otherwise very into Islam. They may say
many pretty and heartwarming things...
But essentially, these are young men who really want to come to Canada (or another wealthier nation). They may claim otherwise. They may even say they want you to join them in their country (this doesn't last long after they've consummated the marriage...). But the truth is that if a man, especially (but not exclusively) a young one, is showing an older woman who has previously been married a lot of attention... he's very probably looking for something: generally money and immigration.
(mildly) The men justify their actions by saying that life is hard in their countries. And there is definitely truth to this. However, the men tend to be from middle class families. They are not destitute. They would just like more.
Each case is a little different. And some men will try to be decent. But a woman, especially a revert such as yourself, must be
extremely careful. You have no real wali, you know little to nothing of the man's background, and you are taking a large financial risk when you sponsor a husband. I have looked a bit at some of the problems you face in the thread:
http://www.islamicboard.com/family-and-society/134325477-spouse-tips-realties-dangers.html
(gently) I wish I could recommend to you a safe way of finding a husband in your situation. But I cannot. All I can say is: I very much doubt that this man is the gem you think he is. Take steps to protect yourself (I have given a few on the thread I mentioned).
May Allah, the Compassionate, have Mercy on this Ummah, and Strengthen us to be better Muslims.
