Marriage

[xa_xa_ft]

Hi All,

I have brother propose to me for marriage however, he doesnt keep his fasts as he says he needs to focus on his work and business and he doesnt pray because of this either.

Im not sure if i should reject this proposal because his deen is not in order.

Im scared if i say no to this another proposal wont come along.

please advise!!

 

[Zzz_]

If he can't keep his commitment to his deen and his Lord, what guarantee is there he will do the same for you?

I would pass and ask Allah to bless you with someone better.

may Allah bless you with someone better who is good for your deen duniya and akhira. ameen

 

[aminah996]

When you look for someone it is very important to look for deen. The deen is what the marriage is based on and what you intend to pass on to your offspring. Dont go for a person whos deen is weak. A god fearing person will take you to your end destination jannah inshaAllah.

Pass this opportunity for the sake of Allah and for yourself. Now, because you did so for the sake of Allah, may Allah bless you with even better sister. Until then focus on yourself and better yourself each day!

 

[xboxisdead]

When you look for someone it is very important to look for deen. The deen is what the marriage is based on and what you intend to pass on to your offspring. Dont go for a person whos deen is weak. A god fearing person will take you to your end destination jannah inshaAllah.

Pass this opportunity for the sake of Allah and for yourself. Now, because you did so for the sake of Allah, may Allah bless you with even better sister. Until then focus on yourself and better yourself each day!

Indeed. I think brothers and sisters should slow down on marriage and having kids, instead focus on your deen first. Deen priority one! Check your heart. Is it a sick heart? Fix it! After you fix it, fix your character! Maybe you need to go to school and learn what you are responsibilities and rights are. After all these repairs and fixes then focus on marriage and having kids. We are doing it all wrong.

I think when a person knows his/her rights and then the rights of her/his spouse and then say...I will not focus on getting my right, but focus on fulfilling the other person's right THEN AND ONLY THEN you will have a successful marriage. When the man says I am going to focus on giving my wife all her rights for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) even if it means him not looking for his rights and when the woman says I am going to focus on giving my husband all his rights for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) even if it means her not looking for her rights then you will find there is harmony in marriage, peace, tranquility and happiness. Then when children are spawn from such marriage and the son and daughter sees how the father and mother interact, they will have the most healthiest mind and even intelligence wise it will jack up the roof. You will find these children grow up healthy adults which will bring healthy society. But if you noticed something, it starts with a healthy iman heart. Sister, focus on repairing your heart and being one of the pious woman out there...Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will reward you with a pious husband. Stop looking for a mate now..and focus on getting your heart shining white.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hi All,

I have brother propose to me for marriage however, he doesnt keep his fasts as he says he needs to focus on his work and business and he doesnt pray because of this either.

Im not sure if i should reject this proposal because his deen is not in order.

Im scared if i say no to this another proposal wont come along.

please advise!!

Then my sister you clearly have your answer. If a potential puts their worldly life first over their deen then they are not even worth considering. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said regarding finding a potential for marriage:

“Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari, Muslim).This Hadith of course also applies to women searching for a husband as well.

With regards to you being worried about whether you will recieve any further proposals then my sister we have to have faith in Allah because he is the marriage match maker not any human. He is the one that connects two souls together for marriage. So if you ask of him and explore the relevant avenues for marriage within the boundaries of Islam then he will bless your pursuit of marriage and find you the right partner. Therefore never lose hope but trust in Allah and when the time is right you will find the right marriage partner inshaAllah.

The following articles are very useful for those seeking a marriage partner:


Qualities to Look For in a Muslim Husband

https://imamluqman.wordpress.com/20...r-in-a-muslim-husband-by-shaykh-luqman-ahmad/

7 etiquettes of seeking a spouse

https://www.soundvision.com/article/7-etiquettes-of-seeking-a-spouse

May Allah bless your pursuit of marriage and find you and all of those looking for marriage a good pious partner. Ameen

 

[xa_xa_ft]

Indeed. I think brothers and sisters should slow down on marriage and having kids, instead focus on your deen first. Deen priority one! Check your heart. Is it a sick heart? Fix it! After you fix it, fix your character! Maybe you need to go to school and learn what you are responsibilities and rights are. After all these repairs and fixes then focus on marriage and having kids. We are doing it all wrong.

I think when a person knows his/her rights and then the rights of her/his spouse and then say...I will not focus on getting my right, but focus on fulfilling the other person's right THEN AND ONLY THEN you will have a successful marriage. When the man says I am going to focus on giving my wife all her rights for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) even if it means him not looking for his rights and when the woman says I am going to focus on giving my husband all his rights for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) even if it means her not looking for her rights then you will find there is harmony in marriage, peace, tranquility and happiness. Then when children are spawn from such marriage and the son and daughter sees how the father and mother interact, they will have the most healthiest mind and even intelligence wise it will jack up the roof. You will find these children grow up healthy adults which will bring healthy society. But if you noticed something, it starts with a healthy iman heart. Sister, focus on repairing your heart and being one of the pious woman out there...Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will reward you with a pious husband. Stop looking for a mate now..and focus on getting your heart shining white.

——————


I dont knw what im doing. If i like someone they reject me and if they like me i reject them

Its just not happening.

People get married so easily!
Why is it not happening for me. Btw im 29 years old.

 

[*charisma*]

——————


I dont knw what im doing. If i like someone they reject me and if they like me i reject them

Its just not happening.

People get married so easily!
Why is it not happening for me. Btw im 29 years old.

Assalamu Alaikum

Word of advice, don't sacrifice your deen for anyone or anything. You shouldn't be more afraid of being alone than you are of marrying someone who is not an acceptable partner.

 

[xa_xa_ft]

Assalamu Alaikum

Word of advice, don't sacrifice your deen for anyone or anything. You shouldn't be more afraid of being alone than you are of marrying someone who is not an acceptable partner.

I understand this but sometimes i have had religious brothers reject me because they eidnt feel compatible....

So sometimes i think maybe im not good enough to get with a religious person maybe im destined to be with someone like the above mentioned.

 

[*charisma*]

I understand this but sometimes i have had religious brothers reject me because they eidnt feel compatible....

So sometimes i think maybe im not good enough to get with a religious person maybe im destined to be with someone like the above mentioned.

But a person that doesn't pray is not in the fold of Islam, so I wouldn't even consider him a choice. Be patient, make du'a, and inshallah Allah will answer it in due time.

 

[Supernova]

Hi All,

I have brother propose to me for marriage however, he doesnt keep his fasts as he says he needs to focus on his work and business and he doesnt pray because of this either.

Im not sure if i should reject this proposal because his deen is not in order.

Im scared if i say no to this another proposal wont come along.

please advise!!

Asalaamualaykum: Short word of advice for you - If he has no priority in the things that define his Jannah and Jahanam - Where do you think fulfilling your rights will lay in his list ?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I understand this but sometimes i have had religious brothers reject me because they eidnt feel compatible....

So sometimes i think maybe im not good enough to get with a religious person maybe im destined to be with someone like the above mentioned.

Sister these things take time. The main thing is you are trying. For many it may take many years everyone's destiny is different. So don't always look at others and compare your situation. As I said previously never lose hope. Keep persevering and when Allah wills it will happen.

 

[Zzz_]

I understand this but sometimes i have had religious brothers reject me because they eidnt feel compatible....

So sometimes i think maybe im not good enough to get with a religious person maybe im destined to be with someone like the above mentioned.

Maybe it'll help you make a profile (like on singlemuslims.com) and have that link to your profile ready to share. It'll give a better snap shot of you and what you are looking for.

 

[Ibn Yaqzan]

If you're so desperate to marry, dont marry at all, because you are asking for problems.

If you want a blessef marriage that will get you closer to Allah, follow the shariah and sunnah, otherwise the guy will use you for his own benefit, and sometimes you will only realise it after years when you reach old age.

 

[ChosenTCO]

If you're so desperate to marry, dont marry at all, because you are asking for problems.

If you want a blessef marriage that will get you closer to Allah, follow the shariah and sunnah, otherwise the guy will use you for his own benefit, and sometimes you will only realise it after years when you reach old age.

How did you come up with that (highlighted part above)? If the girl has urges and need to fulfill it and she doesnt get married in time, she might end up doing it the haram way! She has to find a suitable spouse before she cannot control her urges anymore and we have to keep this in mind when people are seeking marriage. Id heard many knowledgeable people before say that its better for someone to marry other thats not 100% the best pick and fulfill their desires in the halal than to abstain from marriage and run the risk of committing zina.

Im not suggesting that she has to go with this particular candidate, but not to cherry pick when there are other risk factors at hand.

 

[Umm♥Layth]

How did you come up with that (highlighted part above)? If the girl has urges and need to fulfill it and she doesnt get married in time, she might end up doing it the haram way! She has to find a suitable spouse before she cannot control her urges anymore and we have to keep this in mind when people are seeking marriage. Id heard many knowledgeable people before say that its better for someone to marry other thats not 100% the best pick and fulfill their desires in the halal than to abstain from marriage and run the risk of committing zina.

Im not suggesting that she has to go with this particular candidate, but not to cherry pick when there are other risk factors at hand.

I don't think anyone is ever 100%, so that's not what we should be looking for really. This doesn't mean we settle for somebody who outright chooses not to pray or keep his fasts, these are basic practices. If a person doesn't prioritize their deen, they will never be focused on fulfilling the rights of their spouse.

Sister you need to trust Allah. Make dua for your dream husband and keep looking. It could be that you are looking for the wrong things and rejecting proposals for the wrong reasons. Be your genuine self and get very clear on what you want in a husband. Don't try to be somebody you think a man wants and don't look for a man that society dictates you should be looking for. Understand that people change with time and you want the person you choose to change in the right direction.

 

[xboxisdead]

To the OP have you ever considered fulfilling your needs in doing something else until you do find that mate? Increase your education? Run an organization? Invent a product? Or even simply sponsor a girl to live with you. You can sponsor more girls to live with you and raise them into good people. Here you can fulfill the nurturing desire that is in you, until you do find that mate. Perhaps you may not find it in this world, it is not the end of the world. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will create for you a perfect mate in Jannah. Until then, exercise patience.

You know in the future with reproductive technology people will choose the route of going single sex female society. For sisters who will be born that way..having an opposite gender will no longer be an option...at that point you may need to find means of fulfilling your happiness some other way. You may have to go the route of hospital to have baby girls then and continue your lineage. Pretend now that men as a gender is an extinct gender and live your life like that, until Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) do send you a mate.

 

[MuslimahRo]

Assalam walaikum. This guy seems like a bad choice. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote such as being a certain age and still not married; really religious guys rejecting you; guys you like rejecting you and you rejecting guys who like you. I have had similar experiences with online marriage sites. I suggest you try masjid marriage lists and marriage bureas and matrimonial services at Islamic Conferences. Also, attend events geared toward younger adult Muslims such as those on Meetup.com and at Islamic Centers at colleges and universities. You could still give this guy an ultimatum: either he starts praying and fasting right away or you can't marry him. Don't despair. Insha Allah Al Wahhab and Al Wadud will bestow you with the right loving husband.

 

[ZeeshanParvez]

There is no option here really.

If he does not fast or pray, you cannot marry him. It is not permissible.

"Is it not enough that the scholars differed regards to the Islam of a man who does not pray?"

That is what one scholar rightly said.

We have had Imaams consider a person who does not pray to be a kaafir, out of the fold of Islam.

While the majority held he is a Muslim, there has never been an Ijmaa on the issue which means that either side may be right

Hence, a scholar said that the mere fact that your Islaam is now under question when you do not pray should be enough of a warning.

You should not marry such a person until he prays all his prayers and keeps all his fasts.