Marry a muslim? heck no!!!!

Salaamu Alaikem

i've been a muslim for about 1 year now and i need some advice on something. There's this girl i know. She's a kaffir but she is chaste. She's also perfect in every possible way. Looks,personality. and she had/has a crush on me. She wasn't ghetto(i live in a bad neighborhood) like for instance i go to an alternative school it's only a couple hundred people that go there and the question was asked if they had a friend that died. she was one of the ones that didn't raise her hands. she wasn't stuck up she always seemed to be in a good mood she was funny she was smart and she also happened to be the most attractive girl i've seen in my entire life. so she stopped going to school all of a sudden. i know that dating is haram but that hasn't really soured the deal for me.
 
thats what you get when muslims mix culture and their islamic views and call it ISLAM, i am ashamed:(
 
Mansa musa said:
Salaamu Alaikem

i've been a muslim for about 1 year now and i need some advice on something. There's this girl i know. She's a kaffir but she is chaste. She's also perfect in every possible way. Looks,personality. and she had/has a crush on me. She wasn't ghetto(i live in a bad neighborhood) like for instance i go to an alternative school it's only a couple hundred people that go there and the question was asked if they had a friend that died. she was one of the ones that didn't raise her hands. she wasn't stuck up she always seemed to be in a good mood she was funny she was smart and she also happened to be the most attractive girl i've seen in my entire life. so she stopped going to school all of a sudden. i know that dating is haram but that hasn't really soured the deal for me.
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Only chaste women from among the people of the Book are permissible, A kafirah will need to become a believer in order to become halal for a Muslim (which is difficult if not impossible) I, however have seen "Muslims" marry women from kuffaar with a quick name change (but no change in practices)
 
Belief_is_Power said:
Salam alaikum brothers and sisters

As many of you know I am a muslim convert. I have a good job, good place to live and good deen. However when it comes to marriage, I dont want to marry a muslim. yes thats right!! But why you ask? Because in the Ummah their is to much racism and you have to be a rich person to get married. Let me explain.......................... before you jump on my back.

I went to this brother and asked him that I was interested in his daughter. I had just graduated from college, had and still have a good job. however this brother said NO! I asked him why and he said that I was not arab and that I did not fit the qualtfications for his daughter. you have to make $100,000 a year he said, and that I was not Egyptian.

Well I thanked him and went off on my way. I tried about 9 other brothers and the answer was the same. No no no no no!!! you are not arab, pakistani, Indian etc, and you do not make $80,000 and up.So thats it I have had enough, forget marrying a muslim!!!!!! To much racism and high expictations. I make a good living to provide for a family, but because of my race I was denied by "so called muslims". And this is the view of the majority of muslims around the world unfortunatly.

I have decided to look for a Christian or a Jew to marry. It is not forbidden for me, and the intermarriage racism that once existed in the christian/jewish majority is now almost gone. not totally, but better then 40 years ago.

Todays muslims are more worried about preseving their racial blood or nationality, then letting a good muslim marry his/her daughter. This disgusts me, but it is the truth....... please post your views and anything else that you want to share.
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hola,

forbidding marriage with muslims and other non believers is not racism... aside from the not insignificant fact that muslims are not a race, our religions forbid marriage with non believers if we are concerned that it would endanger our religious development, our childrens' or if there is the prospect another religion would prevent our children or grandchildren from having a christian upbringing.

our relationship with the Lord comes before all other human relationships. you might consider our beliefs inferior, but demanding that not marrying you is racist is totally unwarranted. not that it matters to God or myself whether you consider putting God first in our lives racist.

in fairness, i think many muslim men are on the whole morally superior to christian men. i am impressed by some of the things muslims have said here, and those i know in real life. they seem to truly value 1. a personal and submissive relationship with God (like David or Joshua had), 2. living a just life and 3. seeking women who are chaste (which means they obey God) and pious (which shows that they love and fear God)...

many of the Christians men i know are not like this... they have fallen into the secular trap of worshipping secular love... desiring physical attractiveness and putting the women they are interested in on a pedestal, above God.

for me the most important thing in a husband is that they provide a reason for you to respect them... and i have a very strict criteria for that. men that belong to God, are strong in their devotion to God and build families around devotion to God are men that i respect. secular men want to put the girl before everything, good Catholics respect men who put God first...

those are the kinds of men that lead righteous lives and build righteous families with righteous women. that is what is important...

que Dios te bendiga
 
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Mansa musa said:
Salaamu Alaikem

i've been a muslim for about 1 year now and i need some advice on something. There's this girl i know. She's a kaffir but she is chaste. She's also perfect in every possible way. Looks,personality. and she had/has a crush on me. She wasn't ghetto(i live in a bad neighborhood) like for instance i go to an alternative school it's only a couple hundred people that go there and the question was asked if they had a friend that died. she was one of the ones that didn't raise her hands. she wasn't stuck up she always seemed to be in a good mood she was funny she was smart and she also happened to be the most attractive girl i've seen in my entire life. so she stopped going to school all of a sudden. i know that dating is haram but that hasn't really soured the deal for me.
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Mansa Musa... the famous Mali emperor... a very fascinating person, i am really shocked that somebody else knows who he is...
 
NoName55 said:
Only chaste women from among the people of the Book are permissible, A kafirah will need to become a believer in order to become halal for a Muslim (which is difficult if not impossible) I, however have seen "Muslims" marry women from kuffaar with a quick name change (but no change in practices)
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what do you mean by "quick name change"
 
Jayda said:
Mansa Musa... the famous Mali emperor... a very fascinating person, i am really shocked that somebody else knows who he is...
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Jayda said:
hola,

forbidding marriage with muslims and other non believers is not racism... aside from the not insignificant fact that muslims are not a race, our religions forbid marriage with non believers if we are concerned that it would endanger our religious development, our childrens' or if there is the prospect another religion would prevent our children or grandchildren from having a christian upbringing.

our relationship with the Lord comes before all other human relationships. you might consider our beliefs inferior, but demanding that not marrying you is racist is totally unwarranted.

que Dios te bendiga
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piles on insult after insult then she asks do I still dislike her
 
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Mansa musa said:
Why would a Muslim marry a woman that's committed zina before anyway?
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Did I give you the impression of being All-knowing? (I do not know)

in any case having a Muslim name or ancestry does not make a Muslim. Name changes and quick conversions are more to do with cultural taboos and a face saving exercise

wa salam
 
NoName55 said:
then she asks do I still dislike her
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hola NoName55

i do not change the commandments of God so that you will like me. (but i would prefer it if you liked me). the first and only opinion that matters to me is my Lord's. i love my family very much... but not even my children come before my God... ever... i would prefer to be considered a racist, homophobe, kaffir and any number of bad things and be hated by all humanity than to lose my relationship with God or displease Him in any way.

and there is nothing you, nor anyone on this forum, not anyone in the world, nor angels, nor demons, nor any power can say to change that. respect me for it or hate me for it if you so desire... this is about God, not some vendetta against other people.

que Dios te bendiga
 
Mansa musa said:
Salaamu Alaikem

i've been a muslim for about 1 year now and i need some advice on something. There's this girl i know. She's a kaffir but she is chaste. She's also perfect in every possible way. Looks,personality. and she had/has a crush on me. She wasn't ghetto(i live in a bad neighborhood) like for instance i go to an alternative school it's only a couple hundred people that go there and the question was asked if they had a friend that died. she was one of the ones that didn't raise her hands. she wasn't stuck up she always seemed to be in a good mood she was funny she was smart and she also happened to be the most attractive girl i've seen in my entire life. so she stopped going to school all of a sudden. i know that dating is haram but that hasn't really soured the deal for me.
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hola,

no offense... but that sounds like lust. men were created by God to worship Him and glorify Him... not to pursue pretty girls. women, were created for men to aid men in this task and to glorify God in their way... you should look for a girl who will help you do this, not a wilting flower.

que Dios te bendiga
 
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i've stated before that it's not lust. If her personality was off then i really wouldn't even be thinking about her
 
my extended family don't care as long as he is muslim. My cousin married an idonesian and my other one a lebense. were somali lol. if someone is muslim and from peru he is better than a non-muslim from any arab country and the whole world. Some people are very picky and thats very annoying. May Allah give you something you never had ever thought of. the best wife inshaAllah
 
Belief_is_Power said:
Salam alaikum brothers and sisters

As many of you know I am a muslim convert. I have a good job, good place to live and good deen. However when it comes to marriage, I dont want to marry a muslim. yes thats right!! But why you ask? Because in the Ummah their is to much racism and you have to be a rich person to get married. Let me explain.......................... before you jump on my back.

I went to this brother and asked him that I was interested in his daughter. I had just graduated from college, had and still have a good job. however this brother said NO! I asked him why and he said that I was not arab and that I did not fit the qualtfications for his daughter. you have to make $100,000 a year he said, and that I was not Egyptian.

Well I thanked him and went off on my way. I tried about 9 other brothers and the answer was the same. No no no no no!!! you are not arab, pakistani, Indian etc, and you do not make $80,000 and up.So thats it I have had enough, forget marrying a muslim!!!!!! To much racism and high expictations. I make a good living to provide for a family, but because of my race I was denied by "so called muslims". And this is the view of the majority of muslims around the world unfortunatly.

I have decided to look for a Christian or a Jew to marry. It is not forbidden for me, and the intermarriage racism that once existed in the christian/jewish majority is now almost gone. not totally, but better then 40 years ago.

Todays muslims are more worried about preseving their racial blood or nationality, then letting a good muslim marry his/her daughter. This disgusts me, but it is the truth....... please post your views and anything else that you want to share.
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asalamu 'alykum warahmatulaahi wabarakatuh

I take it you're from america? I've heard about the ridiculously high dowry demand in the US and its interisting because I was having a recent discussing about this with some brothers. They were saying how one brother in the US had to get two jobs just to get enough dowry to get married, somewhere around the figure of $50,000! its absolutly ridiculous if you ask me. Such people seem to have love for the dunya instead of making it easy for their children to complete half their deen.

But bro inter-racial marriages have been a long term problem. As much as I would like to get married to a sister outside my community its easier said then done, the parents usually panic and frown upon it for cultural reasons. But my advice would be to take the good from all of this, insh'Allah there is a special muslimah waiting for you and all of those who turned you down might have been better for you because Allah says in the qur'an that you may like something which is bad for you, and you may dislike something which is good for you. Allah is just to His slaves, and this long wait would make you appriceate your future wife even more knowing what you went through before you found your other half. Before you approach a sister remember to pray istikhaara and seek Allahs guidence. After every hardship there is ease, and make lots of du'a for Allah to keep you steadfast while you are single and to bless you with a pious muslimah that will help you make it to jannah insh'Allah.

And there is no ease except what Allah makes easy.
 
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Belief_is_Power said:
Salam alaikum brothers and sisters

As many of you know I am a muslim convert. I have a good job, good place to live and good deen. However when it comes to marriage, I dont want to marry a muslim. yes thats right!! But why you ask? Because in the Ummah their is to much racism and you have to be a rich person to get married. Let me explain.......................... before you jump on my back.

I went to this brother and asked him that I was interested in his daughter. I had just graduated from college, had and still have a good job. however this brother said NO! I asked him why and he said that I was not arab and that I did not fit the qualtfications for his daughter. you have to make $100,000 a year he said, and that I was not Egyptian.

Well I thanked him and went off on my way. I tried about 9 other brothers and the answer was the same. No no no no no!!! you are not arab, pakistani, Indian etc, and you do not make $80,000 and up.So thats it I have had enough, forget marrying a muslim!!!!!! To much racism and high expictations. I make a good living to provide for a family, but because of my race I was denied by "so called muslims". And this is the view of the majority of muslims around the world unfortunatly.

I have decided to look for a Christian or a Jew to marry. It is not forbidden for me, and the intermarriage racism that once existed in the christian/jewish majority is now almost gone. not totally, but better then 40 years ago.

Todays muslims are more worried about preseving their racial blood or nationality, then letting a good muslim marry his/her daughter. This disgusts me, but it is the truth....... please post your views and anything else that you want to share.
Click to expand...

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh (The Pure Ones belong to God, Victory belongs to God)

Bro, this is sad, it really is. I don't think it's just a Muslim thing, many white Sikh converts in the USA, and they too experience such bigotry and racism (which it is quite frankly!) The thing is, these converts are MORE Sikh than those that are born into it, they pray, they abide by the Khalsa code of conduct. But still they are frowned upon!! ^o) I think it's down to insecurities by those that deem them 'outsiders' because they are nowhere as close to the Almighty Allah as they can be (certainly not if they harbour such views)

I heard once, that at Hajj, (where one should attend without any malice, any hatred for others, in a Khalas state (Pure) in mind and thought) and somebody said that the Arabian Muslims were looking at the white converts in disgust, like 'what are they doing here' kind of thing, and they didn't pay any attention to it and resumed what they were doing. This is the humilty that they show, for Allah belongs to all, and not just those that are born into that religion.

My point is, Allah is happy with you, and as you're following him, he has your affairs in his hands now. Keep that chin up, and it'll all fall into place bro. :thankyou:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh (The Pure Ones belong to God, Victory belongs to God)
 
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:sl:
You're leaVing out a billion Muslims, based on the materialistic beliefs of what 9 Muslim men you've met?

I'd advise you to ge out more and meet other potential Muslims before making such a sweeping generalization and creating such a task for your future.


I hope you know how difficult it would be to married to a Jewish or Christian woman.Whilst it is allowed. I really hope you know the amount of work you'll have to put in to ensure your children's understanding of Islam is substantive.

Given that you're a revert. I think it is best if you marry someone is who's pious and more stronger in deen then yourself,and who will help you and guide you on your new found faith.

makes sense? no?
 
Assalamu Alaikum brother,

I am sorry to hear about your bad experience when dealing with muslim families. While it is true that many families have this descrimnatory attitude, there are still families who are quite open to the idea of interracial marriages.

Whilst I do not necessarily agree with it, I urge you brother to try and understand where they are coming from. Parents always want the best for their children and in particular their daughters. They want to make sure they place them in safe hands and that they do not need to worry about their future

Maintaining a successful marriage is hard enough between people who belong to the same culture and are from the same country. This does in no way mean that you can not make a inter-culural succeed. It really depends on the parties involved.

Now I think the underlying reason for why arabs for example refuse to give their daughters in marriage to new converts may not because they are racists but because they think arab husbands are a safer option. My mother did object to me marrying new converts because she thought they are new to the faith, and that a few years down the line they may leave Islam. What will happen then, especially if children are involved?

Also, the muslim man being the leader of the family should have the necessary islamic knowledge to lead. When the wife is the only source of knowledge, that would definitely create issues. Sometimes the new convert simply reverts to his old life, where does that leave his muslim wife and children?

There is also the issue of language barrier. A marriage does not only concern the couple, it is meant to bring the two families together, so this is something else to consider.

I am not at all objecting to this type of marriage, I am only being realistic and certainly it is not all black and white.

Wassalam
 
NoName55 said:
I found Little Mosque on the prairie to be more accurate and positive representation of Islam and more believable than this thread/post/forum etc

highly educated Muslim, Yeah right! and I am next President of USA.

marriages work better when these take place between people of similar status, backgrounds and culture or most of them turn in to a disaster (none of us are divinely guided or all perfect beings) partners from differing backgrounds and cultures would forever be trying to change the other, instead of bliss you end up with a hellish battlefield.
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I'm not a muslim but my husband is, and we have been happily married almost 13 yrs, we have two beautiful children together, A nice home, good educations. We also have our disagreements, financial stress, and everyday problems, but to blame that on different backrounds/culture I have to disagree, because these things happen to everyone at some time or another..
 

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