matter of a conversation

[AnonymousPoster]

Yet somehow I must --I need to find the strength to go on-- every minute heavy-- I can't find comfort in sleep-- for even sleep brings about an onslaught of painful memories -- regrets-- do overs-- recurring do overs are the worst admittedly-- I wonder how others cope-- how does one face another day-- after death after failure-- and yet again death upon death--failure upon failure-- the years roll into each other with it my youth-- I see gray in the midst of a sea of soft chestnut and proud brows against pallid skin-- that were once the envy -- which now I pluck-- against her advise, she says one plucked will bring about ten-- old wives tales-- I give myself a savage mordant smile-- I have come to loathe women, and yet so hurt for them-- yes I am a woman--how did I end up resenting my own kind-- I can't stand the meekness-- it seems all their choosing -- My choosing-- it is the state of womanhood-- I need some air--why do they bother call to console me?-- why do they begrudge me my grief?-- seems even to nurse my wounds an argument -- must I offer them comfort over my own condition--I remember a happy memory once-- yes--I was five-- I submerged my head against a large wave in fear of it-- I remember the sound of the water in my ears and the coldness of the blue-- hidden from everyone-- no one could have fund me then-- in the state of being solely alone and solely free-- I could have died then-- I wish I had died then-- minus the burden of my grief and my sins-- I would have been at peace I know-- one with the sea--I want to close my eyes and cease yes-- I would like that eternal sleep!

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

very... poetic..

but dying whilst submerging your own head is suicide is it not? no one wishes for eternal ****ation.



lol nice, i like the way you articulate yourself.


write some more oh:

 

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum

^ I guess sometimes people wish for release and that comes before the thought of eternal ****ation.

May Allah (swt) bestow upon you sakeenah sis. Ameen. So He's chosen you to be amongst the ones He tests....I pray He gives you the strength to endure it and come out victorious. Ameen

WassalamuAlaykum

 

[highway_trekker]

Its sad how deep some of us have to cut...

 

[AnonymousPoster]

--I was five-- I submerged my head against a large wave in fear of it-- I remember the sound of the water in my ears and the coldness of the blue-- hidden from everyone-- no one could have fund me then-- in the state of being solely alone and solely free-- I could have died then-- I wish I had died then-- minus the burden of my grief and my sins-- I would have been at peace I know-- one with the sea--I want to close my eyes and cease yes-- I would like that eternal sleep!

The writer states she was five, and submerged her head out of fear of a large wave, instead of braving it she dodged it, and that moment brought comfort and solitude that she wished she had died then minus the weight of her sins and her grief!