Men and Women Equality

[rph105]

I'm a christian male, 19 years old, just seeking some knowledge in islam, mainly about equality, i've heard islam states men and women are equal, but why can muslim men get married to non-muslim women and not the other way round?

ok they say tht a muslim man is the role model of the family and will bring up the children as gd muslims, why cant the mother be a role model?

 

[_ALI_]

Assalamoalikum rph 105

I'm a christian male, 19 years old, just seeking some knowledge in islam, mainly about equality, i've heard islam states men and women are equal, but why can muslim men get married to non-muslim women and not the other way round?

First of all, Muslim men cannot get married to all non-muslim women. They can only marry "Ahle-Kitaab" i.e "people of the book", a respectable title given by the Quran to Jews and Christians. But a Muslim women cannot even marry Ahle Kitab. The reason is that, even in this century, whether you like it or not, the fact is, a man in a family plays a more dominant role as compared to women. This is the main reason why men can have Jews/Christians as a wife but women cannot. Practically, men are always dominant.

ok they say tht a muslim man is the role model of the family and will bring up the children as gd muslims, why cant the mother be a role model?

A mother can be a good role model, but the fact is, being a bad role model is not why Islam has forbidden women to marry non-muslims. It is, as I said before, because men play dominating role
May God guide you and me to the right path
ALI

 

[rph105]

Assalamoalikum rph 105

First of all, Muslim men cannot get married to all non-muslim women. They can only marry "Ahle-Kitaab" i.e "people of the book", a respectable title given by the Quran to Jews and Christians. But a Muslim women cannot even marry Ahle Kitab. The reason is that, even in this century, whether you like it or not, the fact is, a man in a family plays a more dominant role as compared to women. This is the main reason why men can have Jews/Christians as a wife but women cannot. Practically, men are always dominant.

A mother can be a good role model, but the fact is, being a bad role model is not why Islam has forbidden women to marry non-muslims. It is, as I said before, because men play dominating role
May God guide you and me to the right path
ALI

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal, why can a muslim man have more than one wife, and not a muslim woman?

 

[adeeb]

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal, why can a muslim man have more than one wife, and not a muslim woman?

the equality among men and women is not unlimited.... it is limited.
God has created man and woman so different , and give them different mandatory in life.

the equality in Islam, shows in the equal mandatory to God, such as prayer, fast, hajj.

but in life, from biological science until daily life, they are absolutely different.

Islam has some rules, like muslim man can marry, 1, 2, 3, or 4 if they re able to do that, but not with the woman, coz Islam have some other rules according to that, like inheritance...

moslem man have a mandatory to give their wife and children food, clothes, etc but not with moslem women..

 

[MaiCarInMtl]

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal, why can a muslim man have more than one wife, and not a muslim woman?

Can I try and answer this as a non-muslim who has often had this conversation with muslims? Also, as a bit of a feminist, some of these issues are quite dear to me. Here goes...

Equality does not mean that they are the same in every single aspect.

I always thought that they are equal, but in different ways. Men and women can (generally) do the same things, but in some cases, one gender can be better suited to carry out certain actions than the other. We are created equally, but complimentary to one another, as a team, we work better. It's a hard concept to explain. For example, even though women can train very hard to gain physical strength, men will be physically stronger if they put in the same effort. This doesn't mean some women aren't stronger than some men, but men and women's bodies are built differently.

As for the wife question, I have often wondered myself. There may be a few reasons. Here are some I have come up with:
Often men are the main breadwinners in the family (due to biological reasons: women cannot usually work for the entirety of their pregnancy and time to recover is needed. This can often affect you job/career and money coming in). So for a woman to have 1,2,3, etc husbands, it would put a lot of stress on her both biologically (constant pregnancies), socially (take care of children) and professionally (if she is often pregnant, then there is no time for work and money making). Men don't have to take time away from work when their family expands.
More along the line of biology, the survival of the species depends on procreation. The easiest way to procreate is to have a higher female:male ratio. It's basic biology and reproduction.
More on the social side: again, back to the breadwinner theory: Even though in many societies, women can and do work, in other societies it is not as readily accepted (now as was in the past). It can sometimes be very difficult for a woman to survive on her own if she is single, and even more if she is widowed. The situation in some countries is so bad that women have to resort to prostitution just to be able to feed their children. Marriage can be an option to alleviate this situation.

I hope I made some sense.

 

[Malaikah]

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal,

Hi

It is just one of those things in life; men tend to be the more domineering than women, especially in a relationship.

It has nothing to do with equality. Men and women are equal but each one of them has different character traits. For example, men are generally physically and emotionally stronger than women, and women can do things that men can't, such as become pregnant and give birth to children.

Just because they are different, doesn't mean one is better than the other. They are equal, but they are given roles that suit their character/traits.

Hope that helps.:thumbs_up

 

[Mikayeel]

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal, why can a muslim man have more than one wife, and not a muslim woman?

good question sister, it happens that i was writing about this yesterday!, here it is its a rough version i havent checked through spelling mistakes yet so am sorry for that. but i hope it will answer your question!

Why does islam allow a man to marry up to 4 women?, and does not allow a women to marry more than one male.

Islam allows part of polygamy.
polyandry - allowing a women to marry more than one spouse(not allowed)
polygyny - allowing a male to marry more than one spouse

No religioun other than islam mentions in there scripture to marry one women.

Surah Nisa
Chapter 4 Verse 3.
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan¬girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (3)

Surah Nisa
Chapter 4 Verse 129
You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allâh by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allâh is Ever Oft¬Forgiving, Most Merciful

So it is impossible to love all your wives equally (like a mother saying she loves all her children equally, but deep inside she has to love one more than other even though she might not show it). This does not mean a man should not do justice when it comes to money, time spend with one another.
It is misunderstood, most people think its compulsory as a muslim to marry four women, but rather it is optional! for a man to do so (if one feels he cant treat his wifes equally!, than he shouldnt marry more than one). Lets now look at the reason why a man is allowed to marry up to four women. By nature male and female are born in equall proportion, but when you as any pediatrician he/she will say that in the childhood the female sex can fight the germs or diseases much better than the male sex. For this reason more male children are dying. So for this reason there are more female's than male, things like war, smoking, accidents etc. play a role, so more male are dying than female. This all results in that there are more females today than males this is the case in almost every country, an exception to this is India, the reason for this was discussed in a BBC program called assignment where an english reporter said that every day in India 3000 fetuses are aborted in India after they have been identified as women, if this evil practise is stopped in India within a few decades the female population will start to rise agian and become ore than the Male population. In america alone there are 7.8 million females more than male, in the UK the number is 4 million females more than male, In Germany alone its 5 million female more than male, in Russia this number is 9 million! Suppose we agree with the none muslim and say a man is allowed to marry only one women. So suppose in the UK every man is married to a women!, this leaves 4 million women without a partner. So the option these women have is either to marry a man who is already married or to put it nicely become public property ( give the option to any modest women and without a doubt she will choose the first option). If we look at America a man has 8 sexuall partners before he settles down with his permanent ''wife''(this is the average american man, from statistics taken in the USA). Sex before marrige is very common in the USA if a women has sex (without being married) she has protection, no rights, no honour! This all goes down the throats of non muslims very easly but when we say in islam a man is allowed to marry up to four women people can't digest it. So all islam is doing is coming up with a solution to a problem man kind faces. So islam allows some man to marry more than one women to protect the modesty of the women not to degrade her! So if islam allows a man to marry more than one women, then why is a women not allowed to marry more than one man? Simple because if we analyse that if a man has more than one wife and if any children are born out of this wedlock you can easily identify who the father is and who the mother is! If a women has more than one husband you can easily identify the mother but you wont be able to identify the father. Today psychologists tell us that if a child cannot identify the parents he has mental trauma during childhood. Today it is possible to identify the parents by DNA sampling, but islam is a religion of all time and for all people(even people 1000 years ago) and this medical way of sampling is recently discovered, and beside that it is very expensive and most people wouldnt be able to afford it, it may be become cheap in the future, but this reason is valid for today, but this is not the only reason there are more reasons for example, a man by nature is more polygamous as compared to the women. Third reason is it is much more easier for a man to perform his duties biologicaly and physicly of being the husband of multiple wives, than a women to perform her duties biologicaly and physicly of multiple husbands let me explain in islam a female and male are equal, but not identical(they differ in shape in roles), both are equal but depending on some physical rules and biological rules they both perform different duties (man emits sperm cells, women breast feed etc..) but overall they are equal. Women during the period experience harmony changes(changes in the behaviour, mental behaviour) it is difficult for a women to maintain a balance during/before/after times of the menstrual cycle even as being the wife on one husband. but if she has to be a wife of multiple husband it would be very difficult(mental changes and biological changes occur during the time of the menstrual cycle). Which is not the case with male sex, therefor it is biological and physical possible for a male to be a husband of more than one women. There are more reasons, today modern science tells us that if a women has more than one sexuall partner(assuming that the males dont have any other sexuall contact with other women expect their wife) then there can be certain diseases(sexuall transmitted diseases) which can originate if a women has multiple life parterns(this is a proven medical fact, even if they are faithfull to eachother). These diseases wont originate in the case of a man having multiple wives.
Hopes this makes clear why a man in islam has an option of marrying more than one female, wheras a female hasnt got the option of marrying more than one male.

 

[sur]

I'm a christian male, 19 years old, just seeking some knowledge in islam, mainly about equality, i've heard islam states men and women are equal, but why can muslim men get married to non-muslim women and not the other way round?

ok they say tht a muslim man is the role model of the family and will bring up the children as gd muslims, why cant the mother be a role model?

No where it says that men = women in islam.

They r biologically/anatomically/psychologically/hormonally/& islamically DIFFERENT.

But being different doesn't mean one is inferior to other.

Like a doctor & engineer r different but none is inferior to other.


In islam it's a President-Vicepresident relation.
Husband has been declared President of Family.
So when it comes to decision making, husband has the final say, like president of country has the final say BUT it is not an insult to vicepresident(Wife). It's just a hierarchy to run affairs smoothly. Like a country can't have 2 presidents similarly husband & wife both cannot be leader of family at same time.If one is not bound to obey then result is disagreement on every other issue as we see in west divorce rate is as high as 40-60% while in east it's less than 1%.


Islam encourages working under leadership. Like a country can't have 2 presidents, like team can't have 2 captains, like universe can't have 2 gods, similarly Family can't have 2 leaders. 2 leaders at same time end up in disagreement & affairs don't proceed peacefully. That's why one has to be the LEADER.

Man in Islam bears responsibility to provide for mother/wife/unmarried-sisters/unmarried-daughters while woman has no such responsibility. & against 4times the responsibility he gets 2times more share in inhertence , so woman is better-off in a way.

I'll talk of 4 wives issue next. InshAllah.

 

[sur]

I'm a christian male, 19 years old, just seeking some knowledge in islam, mainly about equality, i've heard islam states men and women are equal, but why can muslim men get married to non-muslim women and not the other way round?

ok they say tht a muslim man is the role model of the family and will bring up the children as gd muslims, why cant the mother be a role model?

Actually Islam encourage working under leadership. Islam wants that one should be leader of Family & gives that responsibility to husband. It doesn't mean wife is inferior rather it is a President-vicePresident relation. Like a country can't have 2 presidents similarly husband & wife both cannot be leader of family at same time.

Logic behind such hierarchy is to run family smoothly. If one is not bound to obey then result is disagreement on every other issue as we see in west divorce rate is as high as 40-60% while in east it's less than 1%.

 

[sur]

why are men dominant, doesnt this mean that woman and men arn't entirely equal, why can a muslim man have more than one wife, and not a muslim woman?

Can I try and answer this as a non-muslim who has often had this conversation with muslims? Also, as a bit of a feminist, some of these issues are quite dear to me. Here goes...

Equality does not mean that they are the same in every single aspect.

I always thought that they are equal, but in different ways. Men and women can (generally) do the same things, but in some cases, one gender can be better suited to carry out certain actions than the other. We are created equally, but complimentary to one another, as a team, we work better. It's a hard concept to explain. For example, even though women can train very hard to gain physical strength, men will be physically stronger if they put in the same effort. This doesn't mean some women aren't stronger than some men, but men and women's bodies are built differently.

As for the wife question, I have often wondered myself. There may be a few reasons. Here are some I have come up with:
Often men are the main breadwinners in the family (due to biological reasons: women cannot usually work for the entirety of their pregnancy and time to recover is needed. This can often affect you job/career and money coming in). So for a woman to have 1,2,3, etc husbands, it would put a lot of stress on her both biologically (constant pregnancies), socially (take care of children) and professionally (if she is often pregnant, then there is no time for work and money making). Men don't have to take time away from work when their family expands.
More along the line of biology, the survival of the species depends on procreation. The easiest way to procreate is to have a higher female:male ratio. It's basic biology and reproduction.
More on the social side: again, back to the breadwinner theory: Even though in many societies, women can and do work, in other societies it is not as readily accepted (now as was in the past). It can sometimes be very difficult for a woman to survive on her own if she is single, and even more if she is widowed. The situation in some countries is so bad that women have to resort to prostitution just to be able to feed their children. Marriage can be an option to alleviate this situation.

I hope I made some sense.

a very good reply.

I'd like to add little more on WHY men can/want-to marry >1:-

"sexual DESIRE" also called 'Libido" is directly proportional to "Testosterone" level in BOTH males & females. So female sexual desire is also dependant on testosterone(male hormone) & NOT on estrogen/progesterone(female hormones).
Testosterone-Patches & sprays r available for frigid FEMALEs with decreased Libido problems.& Testosterone is also called Female Viagra.


Testosterone level Ranges:
Males:300-1000 ng/dl
Females:20-80 ng/dl


Suppose If a male has minimum level(300) within normal range & a female has Max. level(80) within normal range, even then the ratio will be almost 4:1 So a weakest-normal male has 4 times the desire to have sex than a strongest-normal female & that is why creator of all males & females has permitted 4 marriages for males.

While if both have average levels then male:female is 10-15 times. So an average male has 10-15 times more desire to have sex than an av female.

 

[Malaikah]

As for the wife question, I have often wondered myself. There may be a few reasons. Here are some I have come up with:
Often men are the main breadwinners in the family (due to biological reasons: women cannot usually work for the entirety of their pregnancy and time to recover is needed. This can often affect you job/career and money coming in). So for a woman to have 1,2,3, etc husbands, it would put a lot of stress on her both biologically (constant pregnancies), socially (take care of children) and professionally (if she is often pregnant, then there is no time for work and money making). Men don't have to take time away from work when their family expands.
More along the line of biology, the survival of the species depends on procreation. The easiest way to procreate is to have a higher female:male ratio. It's basic biology and reproduction.
More on the social side: again, back to the breadwinner theory: Even though in many societies, women can and do work, in other societies it is not as readily accepted (now as was in the past). It can sometimes be very difficult for a woman to survive on her own if she is single, and even more if she is widowed. The situation in some countries is so bad that women have to resort to prostitution just to be able to feed their children. Marriage can be an option to alleviate this situation.

Well said!

I just wanted to add one of the most important factors- how will they know who the father is? (Some may say genetic testing but this has only become available recently and is still not available to most people in the world).

 

[ummzayd]

I'm a christian male, 19 years old, just seeking some knowledge in islam, mainly about equality, i've heard islam states men and women are equal, but why can muslim men get married to non-muslim women and not the other way round?

ok they say tht a muslim man is the role model of the family and will bring up the children as gd muslims, why cant the mother be a role model?

peace,

welcome to the board and I hope your knowledge of Islam will increase by having your questions answered here insha'Allah.

first of all, don't assume that if one sex has been given something by God and the other hasn't, that this is unfair. God is our creator and knows what are the different needs and strengths and vulnerabilities of each sex, and has provided for these accordingly.

when it comes to the issue of why Muslim men are allowed to marry Christians and Jews, and women are not, the answer is not that Islam is somehow unfair to women but that only in Islam are the rights of the wife guaranteed. So in Islam, a Christian or a Jewish wife has the right to the utmost respect for her faith by the husband and he is not allowed to interfere with her practice of her faith in any way. Since the Muslim husband believes in and honours all the prophets of Christianity and Judaism then the wife may be assured that no-one she holds in high esteem will be insulted or reviled.

However, if a Muslim woman married a Christian, or a Jew, she has no such assurance of respect and honour of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh and the Qur'an. On the contrary, the Prophet pbuh is reviled and insulted as a false prophet - and he is even called a lot worse by many Christians and Jews.

So we see that Allah has the best interests of all women in mind - the Christian and the Jew as well as the Muslim woman.

peace

 

[MaiCarInMtl]

a very good reply.

Before anyone gets any ideas, just because I can explain why a man having many wives is more feasible than one woman having many husbands, it does not mean that I personally agree with it or think it is right in most cases.

If is it an acceptable option for all parties involved, then all must be assured to be treated equaly and that the man can provide for all! If he cannot, then he shouldn't take on another wife. Hormones or not!

Personally, I would never accept that my husband have anything to do with another woman. I am for one man only, he must be for one woman only as well.

What other people decide to do, that is their decision.

 

[kellyjaz]

Welcome,

1) Men and women are not Equal.

2) Muslim Men can only marry people of the book whom are chaste, meaning those whom follow thier own book and such women e.g. Christians are supposed to be "devot" to their Husbands. and likewise such devotion in a muslim woman towards her Husband, for this reason muslim women are not allowed to marry non muslim men.

 

[Whatsthepoint]

Well said!

I just wanted to add one of the most important factors- how will they know who the father is? (Some may say genetic testing but this has only become available recently and is still not available to most people in the world).

then let it be legalized in parts of the world where it is available.
and anyway, a woman can choose to have a baby with just one of her husbands - by practicing save sex with the others.
So children are not an issue.

 

[adeeb]

and anyway, a woman can choose to have a baby with just one of her husbands - by practicing save sex with the others.
So children are not an issue.

are u sure??? :hiding::hiding: :scared:

what kind of woman is that?? and no way... mariage is not only about sex...

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Wow ok. You have people telling this to the youth or their students, yet diseases still pass on? Hmm....that doesnt work much.

 

[aamirsaab]

Polygamy (one man, many wives) often occurs when there is a higher female to male ratio amongst a poor population. The main reason for polygamy is that the man can provide for all his wives; if he is not able to do so, then he cannot marry another wife, under Islam.

Polyandery (one woman, many husbands) - very rare in the human world. It takes far more negative connotations than polygamy (which technically is advantageous to mankind all things considered...) since in essence reproduction is halted due to there being only one wife (I won't go into the details as this forum is PG rated).

The human male is given many characterstics that define it as dominant; physical strength is one of the major ones. There is another that I could mention but as this is pg rated, I cannot go into it. Thus, with this strength comes a much higher responsibility and so the male takes on the provider figure and a protector role. That is why the male is dominant - not because of the physical attribute, but the responsibility.

This is not to say that a female's role is completely irrelevant. No, quite the opposite. The female is essential to mankind - not just because of reproduction purposes (though that is considerably vital!) but through love, affection and various other emotions and actions. They have the ability to move us males on an emotional level that we barely knew existed! We need them more than they need us, I can tell you that for free!

So with both roles defined there is a clear responsibility to one another; both members have to look out for each other using their attributes etc. And because of the major differences between the two genders, there can never be true equality - but this is not an excuse for there to be no fairness or equity.

 

[syilla]

are u sure??? :hiding::hiding: :scared:

what kind of woman is that?? and no way... mariage is not only about sex...

I'm like this too akhee... ffended: :uuh:

You are so definitely right...marriage is not only about sex.

 

[rph105]

Welcome,

1) Men and women are not Equal.

2) Muslim Men can only marry people of the book whom are chaste, meaning those whom follow thier own book and such women e.g. Christians are supposed to be "devot" to their Husbands. and likewise such devotion in a muslim woman towards her Husband, for this reason muslim women are not allowed to marry non muslim men.

But then why cant muslim women marry men of the book, even if he treats her like a muslim man would treat a woman?