miserable

[anonymous]

I don't even know where to start thisthread, and I apologize in advice for the length.


My family broke apart my marriage. Idon't want to go into details, but there was a horrific fight betweenour families, which caused me to leave, and I wish I never did. Thiswas also the day of my wedding, by the way. I only left to please myfamily, not because I wanted to.


I am so hurt by my family, I don't knowif these scars from them will ever heal. They freaked out when Iconverted to Islam, sending me mean e-mails and being over the top,thinking that I was turning into some sort of radical. When Idecided to get married, they also freaked out. The only person whoeven congratulated me was my father, whom I rarely speak to. Thenthey came to my wedding and ruined everything. This was supposed tobe one of the best times of my life, and all I want to do is forgetit.


It has been a miserable time for me,and finally I decided to stand up for myself, and go back to myhusband. I am angry at myself that I let them influence me so much,and I honestly can't stand my family anymore. I always thought theywere so open minded about other cultures, but what I saw in realitywas the complete opposite. The only reason I will keep contact withthem is because in Islam we are taught we have to keep family ties,otherwise, I would never speak to them again.


Of course all of these problems with myfamily has caused major problems with my husband. I don't know if hewill ever truly forgive me for what happened, regardless of how muchI try. Not only does my family not trust me to make good decisions,my husband has told me that he doesn't trust me either. All thistime we have spent away from one another we have grown apart and heis cold and short with me. Take note that he isn't completelyinnocent in this story either, he has also done some very horriblethings to me, and has not always treated me very well. I haveforgiven him for all of this and tried to move on. He has wanted meto come back for so long, and now that I am, he tells me he isn'tsure if he wants me to. I can't turn to him for support, and I can'tturn to my family. I don't know any muslims at all in my area, and Ifeel incredibly lonely and isolated.


This anguish that I have has alsobecome physical, I often get pains in my chest, I can't breathe, andthere are days I can't even manage to get out of bed.


I honestly do not know what to doanymore. I pray, make dua, and beg Allah to bring me out of thismisery, to help me find a way, day after day, every salat. I feellike I am being punished for something. My faith weakens day by dayand I become angry with Allah because He is supposed to guide me, Idon't see how He is merciful and loving when I am in so much agony. Suicide is not an option because I don't want to burn in the hellfirebut there have been times where I have just prayed for death. I hearconstantly that Allah doesn't burden us with things that we can'thandle, but this is becoming too much for me. One day I will have aglimmer of hope, and things will be OK and I feel reassured and thenext day something else happens and it all comes crashing down. Icannot deal with these constant ups and downs. I am losing mysanity, and my health, and I am slipping further and further intothis black hole. I have never experienced suchemotional/psychological pain in my life before and I just want to beerased from this dunya.

 

[جوري]

try to mend things with your husband to have been.. I am sure if you explain things you get back together. I don't think outside of respect for your family that owe them an explanation with how you choose to live your life. You're an adult you should marry who pleases you and completes your deen and be the religion that you chose for yourself that's what being a free thinker means if this country so likes to boast. Being upset with your family isn't going to fix things, but you're able to fix things. Take a couple of weeks to regroup and then see how you can fix this through a mediator or directly.

may Allah swt rectify your affairs and ours

ameen

 

[Snowflake]

My faith weakens day by dayand I become angry with Allah because He is supposed to guide me, Idon't see how He is merciful and loving when I am in so much agony.

I felt terrible for what happened to you sis. But I had to stop reading here because it upset me deeply seeing a muslim blames Allah for their troubles. We need to remember sis that Allah has already given us guidance through the Quran and His Prophet sallahu alayhi wasallam on how to conduct our affairs in every matter. He the Glorified and Exalted warned us that we will be tested by loss, hunger, fear.. in any way He wills. Thus if Allah was to intervene in every matter and make things perfect, then where would be the test? And what is the point of giving us the Quran and the Sunnah, making Heaven and Hell, if Allah intervened on every step and took away our free will? So please ya ukhti, don't place the blame on Allah when it is men who have caused you pain. Allah gave us a free will. So the blame is with people who choose to hurt you. Allah did not tell them to give you pain. So please ask Allah to forgive you for what came into your heart. And know that Allah does not do bad for anyone.


You are also not obliged to stay near your family. Holding ties of kinship doesn't mean you must live in their pockets. Just be kind when you deal with them. Move away where there is no interference from your family and remind your husband that Allah loves those who forgive, and wouldn't he wish for Allah to forgive him too? Repent and make dua ukhti, and ask Allah for all your needs. But remember, that sometimes in what we perceive as loss, can lie a greater good insha Allah. Trust in Allah. He is your Creator, your Guardian and Provider. Allah shies from trning His servasnt s away empty handed when they hold out their hands in dua to Him, so if in His knowledge what we ask for is bad for us in our worldly life, He grants su something better in the here-after instead. Subhan Allah!!!!!!!!!!!! Then how can we ever imagine Allah not being merciful? Subhan Allah I feel like my heart's been ripped out and stuck in my throat choking me. Please have sabr and put your complete trust in Allah. Allah wont let you down. That is a promise.

​

Allah has made our hardships are a means of purification; so if He chooses to purify us then we should be thankful to Him for saving us from the worst punishment in the hereafter.




“And it is He Who has made you generations after generations, replacing each other on the earth. And He has raised you in ranks – some above others – that He may test you in that which He has bestowed on you. Surely, your Lord is Swift in retribution, and certainly He is Oft*-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah al-An’am 6:165)



“And certainly, We shall test you with a bit of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient ones who, when afflicted with a calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” They are those upon whom are the blessings, descend from their Lord, and they receive His Mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)



Read/listen to al Quran so it can soothe your heart insha Allah : )
​

"Those who believe and whose hearts are set at rest by the remembrance of Allah; now surely by Allah's remembrance are the hearts set at rest." Ar-Ra'd 13:27-28]

​

Hadith Qudsi 15:

On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
(1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.
It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).

[Sahih Hadith: Volume 8, Book 75, Number 416]
​

Narrated 'Abu Musa (Radi Allah Anhu) : The Prophet Muhammad (sal-allahu-alleihi-wasallam) said, "The example of the one who remembers (glorifies the Praises of his Lord) Allah in comparison to the one who does not remember (glorifies the Praises of his Lord) Allah, is that of a Living creature to a Dead one."



May Allah grant you relief from your troubles, and give you strength to face your difficulties with patience and gratitude. Ameen


Be strong sister insha Allah : )
​

 

[Flame of Hope]

I honestly do not know what to doanymore. I pray, make dua, and beg Allah to bring me out of thismisery, to help me find a way, day after day, every salat. I feellike I am being punished for something. My faith weakens day by dayand I become angry with Allah because He is supposed to guide me, Idon't see how He is merciful and loving when I am in so much agony. Suicide is not an option because I don't want to burn in the hellfirebut there have been times where I have just prayed for death. I hearconstantly that Allah doesn't burden us with things that we can'thandle, but this is becoming too much for me. One day I will have aglimmer of hope, and things will be OK and I feel reassured and thenext day something else happens and it all comes crashing down. Icannot deal with these constant ups and downs. I am losing mysanity, and my health, and I am slipping further and further intothis black hole. I have never experienced suchemotional/psychological pain in my life before and I just want to beerased from this dunya.

Whatever befalls a Muslim is good..... In fact, hardships are better for a Muslim than prosperity. They are the means by which Allah pardons our sins and we continue to face one calamity after another until all our sins are washed away.... and we return to Allah in a state of purity.

So first thing my dear sister..... please do not give in to despair. But have a good opinion of Allah... and know deep down in your heart that Allah wants only what is good for you.

We may think a certain thing is bad for us.... but in reality is good.

I thus advise you to be patient during this difficult time. Be patient with YOURSELF. Be kind to yourself. AND also forgive yourself.

It's hard enough to have everyone against you. So do not be too hard on yourself......

And insha'allah, you will pull through this and emerge a stronger person.

May Allah help and assist you through this period. Ameen.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

I don't even know where to start thisthread, and I apologize in advice for the length.


My family broke apart my marriage. Idon't want to go into details, but there was a horrific fight betweenour families, which caused me to leave, and I wish I never did. Thiswas also the day of my wedding, by the way. I only left to please myfamily, not because I wanted to.


I am so hurt by my family, I don't knowif these scars from them will ever heal. They freaked out when Iconverted to Islam, sending me mean e-mails and being over the top,thinking that I was turning into some sort of radical. When Idecided to get married, they also freaked out. The only person whoeven congratulated me was my father, whom I rarely speak to. Thenthey came to my wedding and ruined everything. This was supposed tobe one of the best times of my life, and all I want to do is forgetit.


It has been a miserable time for me,and finally I decided to stand up for myself, and go back to myhusband. I am angry at myself that I let them influence me so much,and I honestly can't stand my family anymore. I always thought theywere so open minded about other cultures, but what I saw in realitywas the complete opposite. The only reason I will keep contact withthem is because in Islam we are taught we have to keep family ties,otherwise, I would never speak to them again.


Of course all of these problems with myfamily has caused major problems with my husband. I don't know if hewill ever truly forgive me for what happened, regardless of how muchI try. Not only does my family not trust me to make good decisions,my husband has told me that he doesn't trust me either. All thistime we have spent away from one another we have grown apart and heis cold and short with me. Take note that he isn't completelyinnocent in this story either, he has also done some very horriblethings to me, and has not always treated me very well. I haveforgiven him for all of this and tried to move on. He has wanted meto come back for so long, and now that I am, he tells me he isn'tsure if he wants me to. I can't turn to him for support, and I can'tturn to my family. I don't know any muslims at all in my area, and Ifeel incredibly lonely and isolated.


This anguish that I have has alsobecome physical, I often get pains in my chest, I can't breathe, andthere are days I can't even manage to get out of bed.


I honestly do not know what to doanymore. I pray, make dua, and beg Allah to bring me out of thismisery, to help me find a way, day after day, every salat. I feellike I am being punished for something. My faith weakens day by dayand I become angry with Allah because He is supposed to guide me, Idon't see how He is merciful and loving when I am in so much agony. Suicide is not an option because I don't want to burn in the hellfirebut there have been times where I have just prayed for death. I hearconstantly that Allah doesn't burden us with things that we can'thandle, but this is becoming too much for me. One day I will have aglimmer of hope, and things will be OK and I feel reassured and thenext day something else happens and it all comes crashing down. Icannot deal with these constant ups and downs. I am losing mysanity, and my health, and I am slipping further and further intothis black hole. I have never experienced suchemotional/psychological pain in my life before and I just want to beerased from this dunya.

:salamext:

First you must ask yourself who put you in this situation. Did you get here yourself or were you guided to arrive to where you are now? It is Allah who has brought you where you are, so you must earnestly ask Him to show you a way out and, as the Messenger of Allah saws1 said, not lose hope.

He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving (Quran 67:2)

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُوَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

"Or you think that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty, ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who had faith with him said, ‘When will the Help of Allah come?’. Yes! Indeed Allah’s help is close!" (al-Baqarah 2:214)

Life is a test, and true sincerity in your faith – success – cannot be attained except without trial. And by definition a trial is supposed to be difficult; an examination is never meant to be easy. And each individual is tried according to his or her level of faith, the deeper your faith the more severe the trials. These trials can be for myriad reasons but they are for the benefit of the one being tested. How? A trial exposes a part of you that needs to be improved, a shortcoming that needs to be overcome, a deficiency that if it stays in you it will destroy you, and if it is removed it will grant you the ability to achieve the greatness that you may not have been able to achieve had this deficiency stayed in you.

So the first thing you should do is not question Allah for testing you, because He is the all knowing and wise and that the true beneficiary is you.

Allah says: He cannot be questioned for His acts, but they will be questioned (for theirs) (Quran 21:23)

First of all sister, as hard as it may sound, be patient and be content with the decree of Allah, for the decree of Allah is always good. The Messenger of Allah saws1 said: "How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him." (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).

Allah says: "but give glad tidings to the patient.

Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’

They are those on whom are the who are blessed and will be forgiven from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones” [al-Baqarah 2:155-157]

Be content with what Allah has decreed for you, because He is the best of well wishers. In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated in a marfo’ report: "On the Day of Resurrection people will wish that their skins had been cut with scissors in this world, when they see the reward of those who were struck with calamity."

And He saws1 said: "Paradise is surrounded with difficulties, and Hell is surrounded with desires."

You must, after changing your attitude towards Allah, strive to perfect your obligations. Pray all five prayers on time, make up for any missed fasts and do lots of recommended acts of worship such as giving in charity, invoking fervently to Allah, enjoying what's good and forbidding the evil, and hoping for a bright, positive, happy ending and never allowing your faith to waver in this, despite what your senses perceive.

If you have invoked and invoked and yet you have not seen the response, be patient. The Prophet of Allah Ayub (as) waited many years before his supplication was answered, Yaqoob, the father of Yusuf, waited decades before he was responded to and the khaleel – close and intimate friend of Allah – Ibraheem (a.s) waited 2000 years before his invocation was responded to. The point here is that Allah will respond to you when it will bring the greatest effect and only Allah knows when this time is. You cannot plan for yourself the best time and place for the acceptance and manifestation of your invocation because the best of planners is Allah (Quran 3:54).

All what you have suffered will be forgotten about, as thought it never happened, once Allah responds to you. But you must first show a positive attitude towards Allah, fulfil your obligations perfectly and increase in your worship; in times of trial your worship should increase to show your need of Him.

 

[anonymous]

jazakallahu khayr for all of yourresponses, I feel better after reading through them.


Dying Rose, thank you sister forpointing out my errors. I knew I was wrong to think like that and Ieven felt guilty and bad in my heart for blaming Allah for mytroubles. I am a convert so sometimes I get confused of 'free will'and mektoub. I realize some of the decisions I've made, some of thedecisions my family has made and the decisions my husband has madeall affect the situation in one way or another. I have repented toAllah, and I know that I have taken Him for granted when I see howmany other sins I could be punished for, yet I'm not because Hecertainly is the most merciful. I really needed someone to pointthat out for me.


I know that I really need to havepatience, and I pray and make dua that Allah SWT will help me withthat. inchAllah slowly, but surely the situation will turn itselfaround. This isn't something new that just happened either, it'sbeen going on several months now. I am still dealing with a lot ofups and downs on a day to day basis, and at this point it is hard forme not to despair, and it just takes so much out of me emotionally.

 

[Snowflake]

jazakallahu khayr for all of yourresponses, I feel better after reading through them.


Dying Rose, thank you sister forpointing out my errors. I knew I was wrong to think like that and Ieven felt guilty and bad in my heart for blaming Allah for mytroubles. I am a convert so sometimes I get confused of 'free will'and mektoub. I realize some of the decisions I've made, some of thedecisions my family has made and the decisions my husband has madeall affect the situation in one way or another. I have repented toAllah, and I know that I have taken Him for granted when I see howmany other sins I could be punished for, yet I'm not because Hecertainly is the most merciful. I really needed someone to pointthat out for me.


I know that I really need to havepatience, and I pray and make dua that Allah SWT will help me withthat. inchAllah slowly, but surely the situation will turn itselfaround. This isn't something new that just happened either, it'sbeen going on several months now. I am still dealing with a lot ofups and downs on a day to day basis, and at this point it is hard forme not to despair, and it just takes so much out of me emotionally.

*let's out a longgg sign of relief* Al hamdulillah!!!:statisfie

You don't know how light my heart feels reading that. Al hamdulillah, al hamdulillah, al hamdulillah Allah ukhti. It's good to feel bad when we err because it shows there is imaan in our heart al hamdulillah.

Recite Surah Ash Sharh (also known as Alam Nashrah) as much as you can after each salah and ask Allah to by the virtues, remove your hardships as He had relieved His beloved prophet (PBUH) from his. And ukhti, know that either way, Allah will only do good for you in whatever He pleases insha Allah. :wub: