Salaam,
I just need to get some anger released.
I am engaged to a man who sometimes doesn't treat me right and extremely badly.
He has a problem with money in the sense that he pays so much interest he cannot save.
Long story cut short, I lent some money at the start if the month and now he owed some money to his sister and if he never gave It to she wouldn't been able to buy a house. We got into an argument after I transferred the money and he broke up with me as usual as I kept asking how much debt he is in and this is a sensitive topic to him clearly! Anyways he still had he nerve to give his sister my money after breaking up with me And telling me to get out of his life!!!! And it is a great amount of money. I offered to kind him the money but I feel betrayed that he has the nerve to tell me to get out of his life and still use my money.... And he's a practicing muslim brother !!!
Asalaamu Alaikum sister and jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Firstly sister a couple being engaged does not give them a right to freely interact with one another. By doing so they are committing major sin and losing peace and blessings. Shaythan is third party to such interactions. So much of this stems from the fact that you freely interact before marriage.
So sister you must take action immediately and ONLY interact with him through your mahram. That means from now on let your mahram be CC'd to your e mail conversations or listen in to your phone conversations or be present when you meet up. By doing this you are safeguarding yourself from haraam as well as keeping within the boundaries of acceptable interactions between an unmarried couple.
Regarding your situation with lending him money then he may have reacted in that way because of the fact that you are attacking him about his financial situation. If a person is atacked then their guard goes up and they will obviously react to the attack. He obviously felt like you were having a go at him about his financial situation when he is already feeling so stressed about it.
Him reacting to you telling you to "get out of his life" and then you mention "as usual" is a clear indication that you are in a relationship with him and have been for sometime. When a couple have been with each other without being married for so long then may say things like that to each other but doesnt mean they actually mean it afterwards but they said it out of anger at the time. I think if you wanted to lend him the money then you should have done so without attacking him about his personal finances especially since he will get defensive about it. You said it yourself he will pay you back so you should not have attacked him like that. If you want to advise him then you should do so in a calm manner getting him to open up to you abd being supportive. But obviously not before marriage as it is already clear you are ruining your chances of marriage by your interactions.
I think you really need to think deeply about whether or not you really want to marry him. You know him by now and understand him to a certain extent at least and you have to establish whether or not the both of you are compatible and whether or not you can accept each others bad habits and attitude and behaviour etc. You should not marry him because you "love him", but you should marry him if it is best for the both of you. You know what he is like and you know how you are so you have to decide what is best for the both of you but you must ONLY interact with him through your mahram lest you ruin things to the extent that they go no further.
I recommend that you both take time out and think about things properly and deeply for a while and then make sincere isthikhara and dua for Allah to do what is best. After that if you are both happy then get nikah done immediately. If you both or one of you are not happy then you should not take it any further and accept that Allah has someone better in store for you because it maybe that you marry each other and things go wrong and you end up divorcing for that would scar you for life and make things so much more difficult for you.
So take time out to think about things and make dua and isthikhara. Dont look at the fact that you have feelings for him but whether the both of you will live happily and are compatible and best for each other because if you have such serious issues before marriage let me tell you things get a WHOLE lot harder after marriage.
May Allah do what is the best for the both of you. Ameen