Muminah421's Poetry Thread

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Rashad said:
Masha'Alllah!!!

Minor correction: 3rd line, you said "the say", I believe you meant "they say"
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yeh, I will fix it, thanks

alcurad said:
try to avoid too much rhyme, I know that sounds counter intuitive, but you can only express so much hen constrained with rhyming. another thing would be try to be more subtle, hide the meanings by adding more layers, that way you'll reach access a wider range of emotions, imagery.

good attempt though :), I disn't want to sound too negative but apparently failed =_= sorry, it's just that you can put words together, you do have a knack, just a little tweaking needed

~all the best.
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lesser rhyme? I think i focused on the rhyming part a little too much in this poem :hmm:

Jazakallah khair it wasn't negative, and I'll keep your suggestions in mind

Tony said:
The bones of ur poem are in excellent health, practice writting more and the flesh will follow
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Lol :hiding: So how do I make it more fleshy?

Barakallah feekum for all the comments
 
Today I start a new page and my life begins
I am your servant, your slave
I engrave in my heart your beautiful name
And this month starts now with blessings from you
Nourish our souls and hep us stay true
As we look back at a year of sins
And at the life that we've spent
We ask you ya Allah to heal our every dent
We stand long hours into the night
Striving to get closer to that blinding light
To live another eleven months in full control
And we ask you again to nourish our soul

Is that any better? I don't think i can write a poem without any rhyme, alcurad :embarrass
 
I like rhyming poems better than nonrhyming ones. Lovely poem!
 
Ya Abati - O Father!

1014136_hands-1.jpg


Ya Abati - By Me

I remember when you held me high
And smiled when I would talk
And the sun smiled and so did the sky
And your hand held mine as we went out for our walk

​
You’re amazing
I’m in awe of all you’ve done
For you I’ll do anything
Father, my heart you have won

​
And as I walk by your side
They say, that’s his little girl
And my heart bursts in pride
Because I’m your little pearl

​
And Ya Abi Ya Abati
You taught me many things full of value
And Ya Abi Ya Abati
I know I’m in great debt to you



​
 
Re: Ya Abati - O Father!

Ameen ^
Its a really nice poem lil sis :shade:
 
I stand in my row
And wait for his go
And I go
And we go
We stand and we fall
and we all hear that call
but only some of us listen
only some of us hear

and we sit and we talk
of past sins and deeds
of places of people
of things we once knew
no more

And we hope and we pray
that this is the way
and kill the little voices in our heads
who say
that the path is hard and long
that the path is weak and wrong
that the path is weary and unsafe
that the path is old and unpaved
so we plug our ears
and we refuse to hear
that inner voice,
so loud and clear
and we say no
no
 

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