Muslim girl involved with White Christian Boy without her parents knowledge!

[alcurad]

brother YusufNoor, do you actually understand what the verse says?
did he name the woman in question? did he allude to her person in any way in which she could be identified?

he simply said there was this girl, without saying who it was, the ruling is for someone who openly accuses a woman of doing such and such, in this case he didn't, because no one other than him actually knows who she is!
then how are you saying he should be punished for a crime without all the conditions being there?
if someone says there is someone who committed a sin, and I want to help them, he should lashed 80 times? is that what you understood form the verses?

 

[alcurad]

all you can do is offer sincere advise that this is wrong and then walk away..

that appears to be the only way there is, otherwise more interference would cause greater harm than has-potentially-already been done.

 

[YusufNoor]

brother YusufNoor, do you actually understand what the verse says?
did he name the woman in question? did he allude to her person in any way in which she could be identified?

he simply said there was this girl, without saying who it was, the ruling is for someone who openly accuses a woman of doing such and such, in this case he didn't, because no one other than him actually knows who she is!
then how are you saying he should be punished for a crime without all the conditions being there?
if someone says there is someone who committed a sin, and I want to help them, he should lashed 80 times? is that what you understood form the verses?

if he says he fears someone may be committing a sin, but he says she is as a fact committing zina! that changes everything! i must now abide by the Qur'an

the brother did NOT say, "i saw the sister in a compromising position;" implying that he had 1st hand knowledge, but as she is a Muslimah, he did not want to accuse her of zina as he didn't have 3 other witnesses. yet he claims to "know for a fact" that she is "acting sexually with him."

as she is a Muslim sister, i MUST assume that she is chaste unless this is otherwise PROVEN. as he IS accusing her, then unless there is proper evidence or testimony, i MUST side with the sister. that being the case, i see no other choice but to now discount his ENTIRE testimony.

so if he knows AS A FACT, without 1sthand knowledge, i assume that he must have discussed this with someone else. MY ADVICE to him was own up for HIS wrong doing! he came here for advice, my advice was Tawbah and Taqwah. you SEEM to have a problem with that.

now going back to his post, in light of the view that i CANNOT accept his testimony, i read it different:

Muslim girl involved with White Christian Boy without her parents knowledge!

this ALONE hints at something...

Hello Muslim Brothers and Sisters,

no problem there.

I am Pakistani, and so is this 17 year old girl that I know.

my 2nd problem is here. is it a cultural problem or a religious problem?

I know for a fact that she has been seeing a Christian White boy without her parents knowing, even acting sexually with him!

here the allegations start, BUT WHY does he mention that he is white, for the second time?

I have expressed my disapproval to this girl, and she knows her parents would go CRAZY if they knew.

this is troubling as well. is he saying that IF her parents KNEW AND APPROVED that everything is then OK?

I do not want her to be involved with this boy anylonger, as I do not think it is good for her wellbeing.

so he's a father figure now?

It is not because I myself want to be with her, I just think she is being disrespectful to her culture, family, and religion.

you see the order that the 3 things are listed? culture 1st, family 2nd and NOW for the 1st time he mentions HIS religion.

How can I get this relationship to stop? I have thought of phoning her parents and telling them anonymously, but she would figure it was me and be very angry with me, which I do not want.

why is worried about her being angry with him? is this NOT about fearing for HER deen?

I still want her to be my friend.

if they are not mahram, then that's not really an option anyway.

I have tried talking to her, but she will not listen. Im afraid the only alternative is for her parents to find out somehow, which I fear might be too late.

now, i fear that he may find some way to clue the parents in.

So, how can this problem be resolved?

IF he tried talking to her, then he has done what he can unless he makes du'a for her.

my advice still remains:


Brother, fear Allah Ta' Aala and make Tawbah!

that seems to be the best advice that i could give him, along with seriously consider his own wrongdoings.
AT THE LEAST, do NOT accuse her of zina !

 

[Woodrow]

We are very limited in what we can do to correct the errors we see in the actions of others. None of us has the power or wisdom to judge another. We can do little more then simply tell a person what we perceive to be wrong, explain the possible consequences and offer to support the person if they sincerly want to change what they are doing.

Good communication is the tool to use.

If the person we are trying to communicate with is of another gender, we may best do a self examination and see if our knowledge of a wrong doing comes from our own wrong doings.Sometimes our knowing of a wrong is the result of ourselves being wrong.

 

[Bagwell]

So who is going to give me my lashings? :-[ Any volounteers?

 

[maryam87]

Brother YusufNoor im interested in knowing ur profession LOL thats one deep analysis

anyways back to the original problem, the way one deals with such problem depends. Firstly you will need to talk to her to get her out of this situation give her a religious talk would be best. If she repents then cover up her sins this way Allah (swt) shall cover your sins on the day of judgement.

If she refuses then i still believe you should not tell the parents but let her realise on her own the mistakes she made. Lets face it i doubt this boy is inlove with her his just using her obviously. Why let the family get soo stressed out?

it really hard to give advice on things when you dont know more details - maybe do a istikhara?

the brother did NOT say, "i saw the sister in a compromising position;" implying that he had 1st hand knowledge, but as she is a Muslimah, he did not want to accuse her of zina as he didn't have 3 other witnesses. yet he claims to "know for a fact" that she is "acting sexually with him."

as she is a Muslim sister, i MUST assume that she is chaste unless this is otherwise PROVEN. as he IS accusing her, then unless there is proper evidence or testimony, i MUST side with the sister. that being the case, i see no other choice but to now discount his ENTIRE testimony.

so if he knows AS A FACT, without 1sthand knowledge, i assume that he must have discussed this with someone else. MY ADVICE to him was own up for HIS wrong doing! he came here for advice, my advice was Tawbah and Taqwah. you SEEM to have a problem with that.

now going back to his post, in light of the view that i CANNOT accept his testimony, i read it different:



this ALONE hints at something...



no problem there.



my 2nd problem is here. is it a cultural problem or a religious problem?



here the allegations start, BUT WHY does he mention that he is white, for the second time?




this is troubling as well. is he saying that IF her parents KNEW AND APPROVED that everything is then OK?




so he's a father figure now?



you see the order that the 3 things are listed? culture 1st, family 2nd and NOW for the 1st time he mentions HIS religion.




why is worried about her being angry with him? is this NOT about fearing for HER deen?



if they are not mahram, then that's not really an option anyway.



now, i fear that he may find some way to clue the parents in.



IF he tried talking to her, then he has done what he can unless he makes du'a for her.

my advice still remains:


Brother, fear Allah Ta' Aala and make Tawbah!

that seems to be the best advice that i could give him, along with seriously consider his own wrongdoings.
AT THE LEAST, do NOT accuse her of zina !

 

[YusufNoor]

So who is going to give me my lashings? :-[ Any volounteers?

i'm glad you returned. i just wanted to STRONGLY remind that our tongue can be the instrument of our downfall. Mufti Menk mentioned in one of his latest lectures, that the man who prays in the 1st suff for all 5 prays must be careful NOT to have feelings of superiority over the drunken brother outside of the Masjid. Allahu Alim, he MIGHT have 1 good deed that is better than all of our deeds for which Allah, Subhannahu wa Ta' Aala grants him Jannah whilst our feeling of "being better than him" might cause our ultimate downfall, nowudthubillah. remember, Shaytan refused to bow to Adam, AS, because he said that he was "better than him." those are dangerous words and thoughts.

to be honest, when i first saw your post, my first concern was for the sister's safety. as long as you realize that we must be careful of what we say about our sisters.

perhaps more information might help us, what country are you in and would the sisters family cause her bodily harm if the suspected some of the things that you said?

i WOULD recommend learning more about the our Religion as, Alhumdulillah, it is so beautiful. the more you learn than maybe, In Sha'a Allah, you will find advice from Allah, Subhannahu wa Ta' Aala. maybe a lecture will touch your heart and you can remind her of her deen. remember, even when Musa, AS, was sent to Firaun he was directed in Surat Ta Ha:

44:
Muhsin Khan: "And speak to him mildly, perhaps he may accept admonition or fear Allah."
Pickthal: And speak unto him a gentle word, that peradventure he may heed or fear.
Shakir: Then speak to him a gentle word haply he may mind or fear.
Sahih International: And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [ Allah ]."

start off by making du'a! Allah is the best of help and it is also worship for you. La Hawla Wa La Quwata Illa Billah! May Allah, Subhannahu wa Ta' Aala guide you and assist you and may He return our sister back to us!

Brother YusufNoor im interested in knowing ur profession LOL thats one deep analysis

:-[

just an old man who spends alot of time trying to understand our Deen.

 

[ATHEISTofPEACE]

*is a sensitive topic to him*

 

[salamfromrom]

personally, i would say that it is none of your business! you KNOW any action that you take will bring harm to this woman. i'm sure you have your own sins to concern yourself with.

Spot on. We should mind our own sins and make dua. Islam is not based on allegations and nosing around.

Salam

 

[Ansariyah]

If u don't mind me asking, Why was there a need for u to tell us the colour of the guys skin? Does it matter?:muddlehea

 

[FatimaAsSideqah]

If you tell her parents, she might end up running away to be with this boy. I doubt it will achieve anything other than her parents wishing they were dead.

The best thing is to tell her bluntly that what she is doing is haram and she her actions will displease and anger Allah SWT. Give her some books to read about women in islam and make dua to Allah to guide her. Allah can do anything He wants. But her parents will probably just chop her head off.

This is the best advice! :thumbs_up

You can do is encourage her to learning about haraam and halaal, sins and what Allah Taala think of her. I think maybe it is best to description of hell because it might scare her and Insha'Allah keep away from this Christian boy.

BUT, or you can ask her to give this Christian boy the Dawah to becoming a Muslim?

 

[Layla454]

Its completely wrong and you shouldn't be hesistant to tell her that

 

[noorahmad]

Assalam walaikum
i didnt read all the posts, but i think that telling her parents make make her angry, leading to her, getting more involved with the guy, or leading her to depression, i don't think this should be done, unless there are no other way.
Why don't you try talking to her, show her that its haraam, show her that Christianity is not the right way, or get one of her best friend to do it.
and make duah to Allah, for her to get hidayaat

 

[Zahida]

When you tell one lie you need to tell a million more to cover the first one, as is with the truth ALWAYS comes out and what this young lady is upto will be discovered or found out eventually............

If that was my daughter and she was doing something like this i would want to know- of course then it would be upto the parents how they deal with it and matters like this should not reach so far if the girl had properly been taught about Islam and it's teachings in the first instant........... Allah forgive me i am not judging the parents and being a parent myself i can appreciate how difficult all this is...........

The poster of this thread is only seventeen and maybe whilst writing the thread/post didn't word or explain himself properly, yet we are all very critical and judgemental, my advice at this time would be to leave the situation. You have spoken to her with her best interests at heart (Allah sees and hears all..........) and she has chosen to ignore your advice...............when the truth eventually comes out, and it will she will have to face the music as they say.............................

I hope that i have not offended any of you guys by my harsh words.........

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Asalam wa alakum
my advice will be you should advice her first. If she doesnt back off, he'll warn her that he'll tell her parents.Then he'd tell her parents. See how bad when muslims live in Kaffir countries? And yet some still make excuses.Allaahul musta'aan.
i know i differ from many on this topic but that is my advice
our best friends are the ones that care where you go after you are dead. This is like the prophets. They cared that we go to heaven, even if it meant some hardship on earth.

Muslims are brothers. A Muslim should love for his brother what he loves for himself. Allah's wealth does not run out, and Allah can provide for us all. We pray for each other, and love each other, and love for our brothers and sisters what we love for ourselves.

Put yourself in that possession would you like to know if your daughter was doing somthing like that
May Allah increase us all in our eman, and make firm our hearts on Islam. Ameen!

 

[Strzelecki]

Salaam.

I have nothing to contribute really. And of course I see the sin is grave and ask Allah (swt) to guide our sister. Ameen.

i just have to question why race/natio plays such a pivotal role in this thread?

May Allah (swt) guide the Christian boy to the true deen. Ameen.
And may Allah (swt) bring our sister back to His (swt) deen. Ameen.

Then, they can get married insha'Allah..
Wasalam.

 

[convert]

i just have to question why race/natio plays such a pivotal role in this thread?

Don't you know? Whites are kafir. You could easily change the subject to "Muslim girl wants to marry white muslim" and the same family issues would hold true:rollseyes