My Face depresses me:(

One night the mushrikun blocked off the roads leading to the House of al-Arqam where the Prophet gathered his companions regularly to instruct them in the teachings of Islam. Barakah had some urgent information from Khadijah which had to be conveyed to the Prophet. She risked her life trying to reach the House of al-Arqam. When she arrived and conveyed the message to the Prophet, he smiled and said to her:

"You are blessed, Umm Ayman. Surely you have a place in Paradise." When Umm Ayman left, the Prophet looked at his companions and asked: "Should one of you desire to marry a woman from the people of Paradise, let him marry Umm Ayman."

Ali the companions remained silent and did not utter a word. Umm Ayman was neither beautiful nor attractive. She was by now about fifty years old and looked rather frail. Zayd ibn al-Harithah however came forward and said:

"Messenger of Allah, I shall marry Umm Ayman. By Allah, she is better than women who have grace and beauty."

Zayd and Umm Ayman were married and were blessed with a son whom they named Usamah. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, loved Usamah as his own son. Often he played with him, kissed him and fed him with his own hands. The Muslims would say: "He is the beloved son of the beloved." From an early age Usamah distinguished himself in the service of lslam, and was later given weighty responsibilities by the Prophet.

When the Prophet migrated to Yathrib, henceforth to be known as al-Madinah, he left Umm Ayman behind in Makkah to look after certain special affairs in his household. Eventually she migrated to Madinah on her own. She made the long and difficult journey through the desert and mountainous terrain on foot. The heat was killing and sandstorms obscured the way but she persisted, borne along by her deep love and attachment for Muhammad, may God bless him and grant him peace. When she reached Madinah, her feet were sore and swollen and her face was covered with sand and dust.

"Ya Umm Ayman! Ya Ummi! (O Umm Ayman! O my mother!) Indeed for you is a place in Paradise!" exclaimed the Prophet when he saw her. He wiped her face and eyes, massaged her feet and rubbed her shoulders with his kind and gentle hands.

At Madinah, Umm Ayman played her full part in the affairs of the Muslims. At Uhud she distributed water to the thirsty and tended the wounded. She accompanied the Prophet on some expeditions, to Khaybar and Hunayn for example.

Her son Ayman, a devoted companion of the Prophet was martyred at Hunayn in the eighth year after the Hijrah. Barakah's husband, Zayd, was killed at the Battle of Mutah in Syria after a lifetime of distinguished service to the Prophet and Islam. Barakah at this time was about seventy years old and spent much of her time at home. The Prophet, accompanied by Abu Bakr and Umar often visited her and asked: "Ya Ummi! Are you well?" and she would reply: "I am well, O Messenger of Allah so long as Islam is."

After the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, had died, Barakah would often be found with tears in her eyes. She was once asked, "Why are you crying?" and she replied: "By Allah, I knew that the Messenger of Allah would die but I cry now because the revelation from on high has come to an end for us."

Barakah was unique in that she was the only one who was so close to the Prophet throughout his life from birth till death. Her life was one of selfless service in the Prophet's household. She remained deeply devoted to the person of the noble, gentle and caring Prophet. Above all, her devotion to the religion of Islam was strong and unshakable. She died during the caliphate of Uthman. Her roots were unknown but her place in Paradise was assured.
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http://www.islamicboard.com/biographies-islamic-figures/335-barakah.html

i'm sorry...if i can't help you much....but i hope this story makes you feel better....
 
Salam dear anonymous sis,

I can't give you better advice than the brothers & sisters already have mashaAllah (especially Br IsaAbdullah).

But as I'm a bit abnormal lol, I can give you some tips to reduce the appearence of the scar inshaAllah. I hope the advice given has helped you psychologically, but I'm sure in your anguish you are seeking a practical solution too.

There are a few things you can do to minimise the appearence of the scar. In fact you can make it totally invisable.
bio_oil__packshot.gif

http://www.bio-oil.info/homepage.php

If the scar is raised, you can use Bio Oil. After a short time you will notice an improvement in the scar tissue. Of course the scar will still be visible. But it'll be smoother and flatter. So it needs to be camouflaged.

The British Red Cross provide a wonderful teaching service for people with disfiguring skin problems. You can get makeup to match your skin tone and it's totally water-proof.

This is their website address:http://www.redcross.org.uk/localservice.asp?id=1224

I saw a picture of a woman who had a port wine birth mark that spread across half her face. It was like someone had painted her face red. As you can imagine she was really self-conscience and hated being stared at. But after using the camouflage makeup, her scar became totally invisable. She said it was only slightly visible under very bright lights. But even then someone would only notice it if they were looking for it. :)

Despite all the brilliant advice, I know the scar is a daily reminder for you, which you'd rather not see. I am sure using these products will be great help for you. But please don't think this is the answer to all your problems. You won't be able to use it all the time as the water-proof properties of the makeup will affect your wudhu. I am sure you are beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. And please don't believe all men go for looks. A beautiful heart will see your beauty exactly where it lies. And that is inside of you. May Allah prove this true. Ameen.

:wub: *hugz*
:w:
 
I think 'cosmetic surgery' is allowed for people involved in accident. But still need someone with authorities on this issue.
 
Assalamu Aleykum,

I see people writing about internal and external beauty as if they feel they are two seperate things, anyhow, I personally don't feel that they are. I just wanted to clear that up for the record, in case I wasn't clear before.

I think that the illusion of what some percieve to be external beauty is not actually a very solid thing, for the simple fact that different people attract different people, there have been models who I would think are not 'beautiful' as some may say, and there may have been others who I thought are but others think otherwise, when we look at it from this prospective, this so called beauty is hard to see for alot of people, plus even those who will find that beauty attractive are just as easily put off as soon as a spot or some other blemish appears.

I personallly feel the 'external' beauty is only a reflection, representation, incarnation, and so on of the internal person, sure you might find someone who you don't know attractive but is that the person's beauty? Or your own desires causing you to feel that the person is amazingly beautiful.

anyhow, I hope the support from your brothers sisters and fellow board members has helped in some ways. InshaAllah.
 
Anonymous Tester said:
:sl:
i need to let this out i feel really low and i been feeling depressed for some time keeping it will make it worse so i am going to let it out.

A few years ago i was involved in an accident and that left me with a scar across my face is not that bad i wear make up and i try to hide it but is still visable.:(

my cousin, my sisters who are all so beautiful(unlike me) all got married one after the other, my family been trying to find me a brother but well who said looks doesnt count?:rollseyes

i get no attention at all, no proposals simply nothing, and i believe is because this dumb scar:cry:

people say to me `OH dont worry reach Jannah and you will be beautiful then`. I am sorry but this hurts. No woman likes to be called ugly.

i got no self esteem and i am paranoid. I wish nobody went for looks but strictly for personality and deen because i posses both.

So thanks for reading this and i just wanted to let it out.:cry:
:w:
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salams sis

May allah heal you ameen.

Trust me there are brothers (a few atleast) who don't put looks as priority. But perhpas it's the bit in red that's being the obstacle between you and a potential proposal...

Sis one piece of advise, especially when it comes to these things, alot of times shaytan will make you think you need to wear makeup n pain urself with it to coverup and attract proposals...

But brothers who put religion as first priority wouldn't go for sis's who go out wearn makeup n not dressed modestly, also even before that, we need to remember that we should strive to please Allah firstly and foremostly :)

If the entire world was to try to make you benefit with something, no one will benefit you with anything except if Allah had written it for you, and if the whoel world tried to prevent you from soemthing, no one can prevent you from it unelss Allah had decreed so.

The pens have been raised and the pages have dried.

All the best, trust me when you seek Allah's pleaseure Allah will make a way out for you :D

Take my word for it!

Allt he best ws wr wb.
 
subhanAllah sis if someone rejects you just for your looks he's no good for you anyway. if he was pious he wouldn't do that
 
Anonymous Tester said:
i get no attention at all, no proposals simply nothing, and i believe is because this dumb scar:cry:

:w: [/B][/COLOR]
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:sl:

sister you believe its because of the scar but that is your thinking and im sure that wouldnt be true. many many many women are unhappy with thier bodies and faces and spend thousands looking for a face theyll be happy with. why? because they think they dont look good. but when you see these people are they ugly? no of course not!
a prime example are celebs. we hear this celeb has a eating disorder she thinks shes ugly that one thinks shes fat. and when we see pictures of them do they look ugly or fat? no. but what is their problem? they think they are and that in itself can destroy a person.

dont cover the scar with loads of make up-its part of who you are, be proud of it inshaAllah and may Allah bless you with a husband who loves you for who you are!
 
Note to reader: NOT original poster

Sis I can't really say more than what the brothers and sisters have already said but I will leave you with a couple of words Insh'Allah:

1) If your possible spouse can't see you for your true beauty then I'm sorry to say that he's not the one for you. Acceptance of who you are, your deen, your character should be the key features to be looked at by anyone that's in a state of sanity! Also remember that Allah has made for everyone a partner, so don't despair; Allah's your guide and what better guide to have? Subhan'Allah!

2) Build your self-esteem and courage, if you keep asuming that everyone thinks your ugly and no good then soon enough your going to start believing it deep down. Just remember the best quality that Muhammad (saw) told the Muslims to look at when choosing a spouse is the deen and you say you got it? then what more can your future husband want? The only thing that will help you excel in life is the attainment of Islamic knowledge so sister continue striving and remember that the realy beauty lies within! Dont degrade yourself thinking your any less than the second person or third person just because of a scar. In the Eyes of Allah, The All-Mighty, your far better than any girl who's pride of beauty overcomes her.

3) Remember those who are less fortunate than ourselves. That's actually a very hard task to acomplish as it requires the utmost empathy but reflect and change. You say you use makeup to cover your scar? theres people in dunya with their whole face disfigured and whole face burnt/scarred, imagine there position :(

4) Have faith in Allah. There's nothing more to add to that statement but the fact of the matter is that Allah is testing your Iman, May you succeed and return to Allah in humbleness.

Allah knows best

May Allah make your ways easy for you and grant your a pious partner Ameen
:w:
 
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True beauty comes from within sister. I think that the shaitan is trying to occupy your mind with superficial ideals. Concentrate on being beautiful inside and I'm sure you will begin to see your external beauty.
 
i was quite sad when i read this, because i've got a scar, and my brother ask me to get plastic surgery, however why spend so much on it, it doesnt bother me. i mean its not across my face but near my eyebrow however i just think there are so many people across the world in worse circumastances. e.g. people with out legs, arm, abnormality to the face etc. i mean the above you should take note of, so many bothers dont even look at beauty (or the 'common' beauty) just at who you are! i mean thats really deep!lol. take care i'm sure you'll be fine!
 
:sl:
I was in tears I am so glad i could let it out here. :cry: <Happy tears.
It is all about the beauty inside but being young well maybe I didnt come across mature brothers, You will all be in my Dua and may Allah swt reward you all.:w:
 
:sl:

I guess I am a bit too late, but better late than never.

Sister, you should be thankful that it is just a scar, nothing else. You have a healthy body. Unlike other beautiful sister, they probably don't have a healthy body as you, they are not good muslim sisters. Eventually, they're beauty will fade away as they get into their early thirties. You have a healthy body, great personality, and your faith in Islam is stronger than those beautiful sisters. Your beauty is within the traits I stated.

(note: The following sentence is just a hypothetically not an intended intention or action)

If I were in the position of marriage, and didn't have this marriage phobia, I would rather select you as a life time partner, wife, a pious spouse because you have the knowledge in Islam that I don't, you have a great personality I don't, and you are healthy.

Be proud of yourself, if you hate yourself, in sense you are displeasing Allah because Allah created you and gave you that scar for a reason. You will inshallah find a pious brother, have faith in Allah, never doubt him. I'm speaking from experience.

Sorry if my hypothetically sentence violated the forum's rule. it had no bad intention

:w:
 
sister, you are destined for someone, and i think u shudnt wear make up to cover your scar when seeing proposals as u r tryng 2 b sum1 else if u do this, be hu u r; a pious mu'minah.
May Allah grant you a pious partner. Ameen Please remember me in your pious duaas.
 
:sl: sister befor i became muslim i was always shy at school and dident fit in (dident want to drink or do drugs) one girl told me i was so ugly that i should hide my face all the time i took it to heart.so i grew my hair very long and from that point i always had my hair in my face covering it as much as was posible without fulling over cos i couldent see.my teachers were always saying pull your hair out of your face and my mum would grab at it and try and pull it back but i would just pull it back down apart from haveing learning difficulties at school and being bullied i dident think i would meet any one who would marry me but at 17 i met a muslim brother who asked my sister if he could come to our house he had seen me with my family shopping he came and afther we had been together about a year we planed to get married.mum thought he wanted papers but we got married the very frist thing he did when we were married was cut my hair him self and told me there is nothink wrong with how i look and that if he saw me with hair in my face again he would cut even more off.well that was it i dident want to lose any more hair so i always keep it back infront of him and family cos i wear the hijab now but dont give up there are good brothers out there that would love you for you and not looks i have been married 11 years now and have been threw a lot but he always stands with me even afther ill health
 
:sl:

oohh sis julie....your story make me cry.

May Allah filled you with happiness.
 

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