My faith is wavering.

Too be honest, it could be my lack of support and constant attacks from everyone that pushes my faith down. Im starting to realize is that I have no support system other than Islamicboard. Alot of it is due to my family making it impossible for me. I honestly do not know if this a punishment because I am not passing his test and reacting to my family's behavior or if it is test. My family are making it hard for me to practice. I explained that I wanted to go out further to maybe Canada for a good schools. They also have good health care plans. I am old enough to make my own decisions but out of respect I tell them. My mother istead was horrified with the idea. I am going to be the one paying for my education, not her. On top of that she always complains about my health issues blaming it on me for having them. Not realizing that I am the one is in "actual suffering" because I am the one who has it. Today she called me names and swore with lots of bad words. It honestly took every fiber in me not to make dua against her and my family. They arent practing, I understand but they should not stop me from practicing or atleast letting me emirgrant so I can survive and live out of my own life. Nonstop she called me spoiled bratt and you will fail. No job, noo success, all the psychological attacks and threats. First she tells me not to get a job because of my illness, then she blames me and says im lazy and she pays for me all the time. Now she is telling me to find a jb, after I turned down many people who offered to higher me. Right now I am studying for my medical exam and plan to leave so I can practice Islam in peace without attacks.

I thought maybe all of this low was coming because I stopped going to the mosque, My mother again said No and made a bunch of excuses of health threats and etc. Again I complied. I am not going anywhere but staying at home, but its taking toll on my health. I once complained my situation to the imam, and he didn't take it seriously and as a result he and any others in the mosque crack jokes at my expense. My mother then uses this perfect opportunity saying, "See! I told you. The people in the mosque are not to be trusted. This is what happens when you dont't listen to me!" She then continutsly uses ways and attacks to turn me against the people of the mosque. I understand they may not like me due to my race or have a stupid superiority race complex, but the mosque would atleast temporarily keep me busy and filter the bad thoughts. Instead I am berated and attacked nonstop. These days its hard not to react back to them. Sometimes yes, I do want to harm myself, so I can expose my family's double standards. But instead i'm trying to hold firm. However when they say Allah doesnt love you because you are bad son and etc, they turn my religion against me, i Cannot honeslty but think if it is true. Hence why i feel like the whole universe is just against me or if im cursed by Allah because of family. Apologize, its one my reasons for low faith
 
Assalamualaikum
May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen! I don't know if you'll take my words seriously because you too would think i'm not mature enough. But just let it be, see if you get anything useful in it.
It's understandable that constant remarks from family due to practice may let the faith down. And you already know the hadith that practicing islam would be like holding a coal in hand in the end times and reward will be much greater. And i personally think your decision of making hijrah is cool enough. And I too am gonna move out in 11th grade to the hostel of my university.
Whenever you get those comments from mother, either stay silent or leave that place. Sometimes, it can get too much and your anger is valid but you can't do it all the time. I told you before as well ,you will slip MANY times,but don't give up,just repent and keep going. I also get those stupid remarks from family. ...........cut[emoji3574]...............cut[emoji3574]................
Anyways, I just want you to realise you aren't in this alone. And if you ever make hijrah,do istikhara beforehand. And also try to be silent or leave the place when you get angry. I too have to act upon it. And i guess, most of the mothers have this in common to blame the sick person for their health issue. Regarding mosque, IF you are able to, then go to other one, even if it's of longer distance. From hadith, the one who covers long distances from home to mosque will get more reward, Insha Allah. I won't say if it's 'depression' or no, I already hate this word and I guess, you already know the reason :)And take all of this as a test because it was your choice to practice islam in the first place, Alhamdulillah, and do you think Allah would ever punish you for choosing the right path?
 
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Jazakallah Khayran sister! May Allah bless you. I wish they were supportive but I have to keep making dua for them instead so Allah will be pleased. But please keep me in ur dua as I think this is the only way I can practice peacefully. Jazakallah Khayran for sharing your story sister. I do not think your immature and your words have helped me immensely. May Allah bless you in both worlds! AMEEN
 
I feel so weak...i honestly do not think I can out up with it. I switched my career paths so that I can pursue my life and start career, I have turn down marriage purposals because my mother promised she would help me find the perfect one. Instead she lied and now she taunts me saying no one will ever marry me because I'm crazy and everyone has the right to make fun of me. I honestly feel like once I'm done with my education, I will move far away and boycott them. I know in Islam boycotting is haram but I need to or I will either kill myself or they will drive me insane. They destroyed me so much and I have no support system. No friends and no family. I wish Allah would do something about the abuse, but unfortunately I am trying to stay patient. I'm making dua for them and forgiving them but I want Allah to see what they are doing. I just want to flee or escape! My head hurts and they ruined me so much. They are intentionally sabtoging my life and goals. They said my life isn't my own and I have no right to make my own decisions. For God sakes, I'm in mid 20s and man. If they keep doing this, I will seriously either kill myself or curse them and make dua against them. I wish it would just stop
 
Father is definitely. Pure textbook and mother is a product of his abuse and agrees with everything he says
 
[MENTION=43429]Studentofdeed[/MENTION].

This situation you are in won't last forever. You are in your mid twenties nearing graduation. Soon you will get a job insh Allah. If I were you (having gone through the stuff you have in your home and in your community), I would personally have moved state like get a job in the medical field and temporarily settle there. I would select a location that does have a strong muslim community and various mosques.

There is also the issue of marriage, I would put that on the back burner for now, wait till you have financial stability like a job and a place to stay and wait for the stuff goin on in your family life to stabilise. The way you describe it, your family life in your home is causing a lot of distress.

It cant be easy in your situation. That's why you have to help yourself.

Just remember that there is an end to everything. We will not live forever. Those that upset you wont live forever either. There will be a point where those that are close to you and including your enemies will eventually face a final hour and that their actions and behaviours right now are temporary.

When we make dua generally things dont come on time. But we have to keep trying.

Now to help yourself:

There are some signs of depression. If it consumes you daily you need to see a doctor. Do you get any headaches? They may prescribe something. Personally I was suffering from tension headaches, four weeks ago I went to the doctor and got some medicine. I am so against medicine so I've kept it to one side just in case. The tension headaches have gotten better however the trauma hasn't. For as long as I have memories of the past 10 months I think the trauma will remain.

With masjids being closed the past 3 months, I have been praying a lot at home. Praying my salaah and tahajjud, reading quran, making dua and learning new invocations which I repeat throughout the day. You say there arent many masjids in your vicinity which is a shame and you dont feel welcome in your local one. I would pray at home in your own quarters with a hope some personal contentment can be found there, insh Allah it will.

Do you offer all 5 salaah and read quran everyday if not every other day?

Me at your age I was bad, didn't do the daily prayers. Carefree life, work n pay Bill's, chill with friends, look after mum and sisters and our house, wasnt really content with my job 15 years ago but I had to stick with it. Wasnt very religiously inclined in terms of worship but did observe the limits halal and haram etc, however I knew of my duties to my family.

In your situation you have to exercise patience too and there will eventually be a better way out insh Allah. Dont think though that after you get out of this situation you are home free. Life is filled with one hurdle after another for some people. The day you get out of a situation treat it as if you would do on Eid day. Alhamdulillah a day where not a bad memory is recalled or a calamity is not in progress.

You have to help yourself and even maintain the willpower to do so. The more you pray the more you remember Allah swt. The more you fear him, the more you absorb the wisdom of how to handle life better insh Allah. This will Inspire you to stay on a better righteous path.

In regards to those who cause you distress be it people in the mosque or people in your home. Take it as human nature. Eventually one day most people realise what theyve done in the past, we dont know what the one day is but it will come insh Allah. Like i said everyone faces the last hour. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. Most muslims by identity have a vague idea what comes after. As humans we all make errors, some bigger than others, just have to accept that and focus on how you do not let the actions of others affect you.

You can help yourself seriously, commit yourself to daily prayer and maintain the pattern, let go of social media, watching tv and movies etc and see how you get on.

Constantly I am reminded by my family not to doubt our religion even an atoms worth. Previously I complained to my family that even though I prayed and we prayed and done x y z deeds, they still continue. My family say not to ever doubt our beliefs and our faith.

Now it is just pure supplication filled with tears on occasion. The amount of khushu achieved moreso the past two years, especially the past 10 months is immense.

Now I accept that the last hour will come to me and I'm better prepared for it now than before and anything nice I get between now and then is a blessing. Begin to accept qadr more and put more trust in Allah swt more. Despite it being good or bad coming my way.

Everything = Bi idnillah.....
 
Studentofdeed said:
I apologize. It was a moment of weakness. Please forgive me. I was not trying to cause fitna. Jazkhallah Khayran, May Allah bless you all
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السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said that everyone’s iman will go up and down. He also said that iman starts to wear out just like ones clothes and we should make an effort to renew our iman by being consistent in remembering Allah.

The scholars say that there is one category of people who’s iman won’t wear out: the people of the Quran. If you’re iman is wavering, spend time reciting Quran and reflect on its meanings.

If you find yourself procrastinating and you delay reciting Quran then focus on just making a start on reciting, even if you do less than you had planned. Do this consistently every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

Make dua and ask Allah to keep you firm in your iman.
 
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Studentofdeed said:
Father is definitely. Pure textbook and mother is a product of his abuse and agrees with everything he says
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Then you need to get out. And I guess you know what a narcissist is then. If you didn't or if you feel you don't know much or understand them well, I've found dealing with their abuse is 10000000× easier when you truly understand their behaviour and what is behind it. It takes much of the toxicity away.
 
I understand completely what a narcissist is and their flying monkeys. However im stuck now. All I can do is ask for Allah's help. I want to make dua however they say in islam keep forgiving family. I will keep makign dua for them however I don't like how thats a free get out a jail of card for them to abuse me.

Yes alhamdullah I pray 5 times, little negligent on the quran but now am getting back on it.

My family does know I have depression however they poke and make fun of me for having it. Telling me its because I'm lazy and don't do anything. I used to be able to avoid them by staying in the university library stuyding all day, now they won't let me leave the house but at the same time abuse me. My brother in law was also making fun of me. The same guy who I defended and helped when my sister was rude to him. Maybe because I'm a easy target or a distraction, or to please my parents he thinks its okay to join along? Idk, not taking it personally but was a bit hurt by that.

My faith is tore down by them then they question me saying why I am pessimistic? Seriously?

Yea I'm learned marriage is not a reality anytime soon. Im a bit bummed. That to please my mother and I trusted her to find me someone suitable, that I declined the few proposals I gotten. Now I feel like my mother cheated me. Don't exactly have any other support in my family from any sides. Both sides are concerned with themselves. Im going to keep trying but I really hope Allah is watching that im suffering snd what they are doing to me.

I feel like i should at least have the right to boycott them so I can breath and feel safe?
 
Until you leave your home , there's nothing you can do literally except being patient and tolerating the abuse. Let's not forget all this will actually END soon. It's okay, you aren't feeling well right now but hopefully after some time you'll get better by the will of Allah SWT. Even if you move away, don't break the ties with your family. No matter how much they abuse you,they are still your parents. Keep in good relations for the sake of Allah SWT and everything will be alright. For now, may be you can reduce the contact with them. Talk to them politely when there's any need otherwise keep to yourself. BUT do not make them feel as if you are ignoring them deliberately. And try to memorize AT LEAST one ayah/day, you'll feel much better. I know medical field can be stressing and needs a lot of time but just TRY. I don't think I have to mention the prayer at the time when almost half of the world is asleep. You already know its importance. Hope you'll feel better soon, inshAllah.
Try this site, I haven't used this much nor do I know so much about it,but it seems nice.
https://www.7cups.com
Web result with site links
7 Cups
 
I will try sister. But to let alone not make dua agaisnt them id hard enough. To keep forgiving is painful. Plesse keep me in your duas everyone. Make dua im successful and that I go far away from family so that I can practice in peace and then finally meet a good spouse
 
Studentofdeed said:
I will try sister. But to let alone not make dua agaisnt them id hard enough. To keep forgiving is painful. Plesse keep me in your duas everyone. Make dua im successful and that I go far away from family so that I can practice in peace and then finally meet a good spouse
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May Allah make things easy for you. Don't make dua against your family, make dua to Allah that He guides them and corrects their faults. That is better for everyone. You are a grown man, don't let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to move out and starting your own life. Your parents don't have a right to keep you at home. It may anger them at first, but inshallah they will get over it. With what I have read from your posts, you really need to relocate, you just have too much toxicity in your current environment. Just don't think everything will be come much easier and better when you do. We are meant to struggle one way or another in life, it wouldn't be a test if we didn't struggle. I read that you are in school, what are you studying? Also, how old are you if you don't mind answering?

As others have stated, try to get some therapy if you can. Just talking out loud to someone can help clear up your mind. Just don't forget to keep doing your Salah and make dua to Allah.
 
I'm 24 years old. I'm trying to study for the health field. So I'm done with bachelor's but grad school will take another 4 years
 
I really want them to be held accountable for what they did and do to me. I honestly will boycott them in the future. Being near them affects my faith and mental health. There should be some understanding or choice to stay away from family that harms you. No point staying in touch with people who destroy your life with their poison. They deserve to be abandoned and exposed for their evil
 
Did they do something to you today? Or this anger is just for the past events? Also i want to ask WHY don't they let you stay in library? Isn't that a good thing if they don't like you
Studentofdeed said:
I used to be able to avoid them by staying in the university library stuyding all day, now they won't let me leave the house but at the same time abuse me
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It happened recently when I told them of my choice to leave America. Its like I dnt even I have the right to make my own decisions. Mother emotionally blackmails me saying never good son, I swear my Allah your not a good muslim and you are wrong. You are mistake and dead to me.etc, etc, etc

They have been rude to me but it usually happens when ever I try to make my own choices or trying being independent

Its not like I'm doing sinful things then they threaten cut me off and disown me. Every day nonstop, I kid you not, father threatens to throw me out od the house over any small thing that irrates him or if im stand up. If dont say anything , he will insult me but won't go further than that. It gets worse when I stand up or make my own decisions. I thought abuse wasn't allowed. How am I not allowed to boycott them for my own safety?

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Constantly using profanity and saying I don't do anythimg in the house. Honestly am I doing something wrong? Am I wrong? Are you family right? Because I'm losing my mind. They will either kill me or I will kill myself
 
medico said:
Also i want to ask WHY don't they let you stay in library? Isn't that a good thing if they don't like you
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This one??
The anger must have gone down by now,i guess. Anyways, once you go away from there, YOU WILL MISS YOUR FAMILY,mark my words,You really will. They say we can't know the value of one until they go far from us. Same is applied to your parents as well, they too will know your importance. Have you checked online therapy? Don't wait for the uni's clinic to open, check any muslim therapist online. IT IS affecting your mental health. You should do something rather than just being upset about it.
 
My mother believes il get sick for corona. So she insists I stay indoor. Im staying indoors but idk. Jazakallah Khayran sister. I will check out the 7cups thing. Please keep me in your duas. I wish my family would appreciate me now. Im trying to be religious, don't do drugs, I'm top of my class. Yet I'm still the black sheep and disappointment

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may Allah bless you all for your support. Please keep me in your duas. I apologize if I ranted a bit. I felt cooped up and no where to go. I really am sorry. Did not mean to get annoying
 
Studentofdeed said:
My mother believes il get sick for corona.
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I already knew the answer but wanted to hear it from you so that you may reflect on it. So can i say they actually care about you?
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To conclude,you have to focus on this very statement you made, look at the concern behind it.
 
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