My First poem!

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Well this is my first poem....not very pleased, but if yall could just tell me what you think



...And I will Remember You​


Everyone wants a new car
Everyone wants a nice house
Everyone wants to look good
But they forget what lifes about
For it is true,
More poor will see Paradise
Than greedy old kings
Put you faith in Al-Muhaymin
And keep you heart away from sin
For it is to Allah that we belong
And to Him that we return
We live by His will and die by His will
So if you do good then do not fret
As when you are in the grave the
Angels shall say: " O, dear servant be not
Afraid of having died this day,
For as Allah said "Remember Me
And I shall remember you"
And you have remembered Allah
So how could He forget you?"​
 
Assalamu Alaikum

the best critic is yourself.

Mashallah its really good, keep writing. The more you write the better you'll expand in it. Reading is also super helpful.

fi aman allah
w'salaam
 
Thanks everyone one it means alot. And I have found that I really like writing....I shall do more!!
 
Assalamu Alaykum everyone,

Ok so I wrote four more poems. Again nothing amazing but if you guys could just tell me which one is best and worst and just tell me what you think it would be very appreciated.



Bring Your Own Cup


Like a skipping record
My heart calls Your name
Saying:"O, Allah! Won't You come to visit me today?"
In spiritual poverty I try to find You
Calling:"Dear Allah! I search for I need You with me"
On Your knowledge may I become drunk!
Opening my eyes and looking up
My, how my vision is clear and my mind quiet
Believe me The Lords wine is the sweetest drink
But to have it you must bring your own cup!​
 
I like your first one mashaAllah, keep it up bro.

ASALAMUALAYKUM warahmatullahi WABARAKATUH.
 
Just One Kiss


My Lovers name is the only one that sweetens my tongue
But, shhhh!
Not to loud
Or it may escape
My heart is where my Love resides
Yes, within me, for I could never put my Love on the street
Too many secrets are hidden away
So I wait for that one kiss when all will be known
That one kiss and my heart is complete
I wait for Your kiss
Please, just one kiss​
 
Nicro said:
Just One Kiss


My Lovers name is the only one that sweetens my tongue
But, shhhh!
Not to loud
Or it may escape
My heart is where my Love resides
Yes, within me, for I could never put my Love on the street
Too many secrets are hidden away
So I wait for that one kiss when all will be known
That one kiss and my heart is complete
I wait for Your kiss
Please, just one kiss​
Click to expand...

No wait this ones the best one, *rolls eyes*

Pshh spoilt for choice now.
 
A Secret

I was told a secret last night
It made me laugh
Even though I wanted to cry
It's funny how things work
Searching so long outside
When it was inside
Please, bring the Light
A little closer
Maybe open up your eyes
Because my secret
Really isn't
A secret​
 
I Have to go Dance

Maybe if I could sip
What the Angels were drinking
My heart would sing a song

A drunk song albeit
But only on knowledge

Maybe if you had a sip
We could laugh together
If only for a minute
And I can sing you my song
But not now
I have to go dance​
 
ok so i am pretty much making this my poetry topic; mainly because I like writing them and want somewhere to put them if its ok with everyone!

The Sorrow of Angels

O, Lord You have brought me into this
Dying pasture
My mind is a word you
May better understand
I now see how everything is
So far
Trees but a blue drop
In my river of tears
My heart so empty
Your name hath done
So to me
Reason?
O, reason is something
I feel not in here
My empty sorrow
Is Your message
Sent down by Angel, and
Whispered into my ear​
 
Like A Pond​

I am but a reflection
Like a pond
That a stone has been tossed into
Not the best
But when the waves settle
My Beloved can
Clearly be seen
In me​
 
wow I am posting way to much in here......


Please Flood

My heart is
A cup
Being softly held
Attempting to catch
Every drop of
Your Love
Quietly asking God
Please flood
Please flood​
 

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