My husband

[curious seeker]

Thank you for answering my previous questions in another thread. I have another question for you, one of great weight to me.

I speak with a lot of words so for those with limited English, the important points are in Bold. Hope that helps.


---


Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?

My husband was raised christian but is an Agnostic in adult-hood. He really has no interest in religion. But he's very respectful of my own, and would do anything to help me foster it. He's said he would take me to whatever religious centers I wanted to attend, he wants to love and support me in my spiritual journey.

But he has no interest in religion himself, and I respect that as well. Our marriage works because it is based on respect, not just love alone.

He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?

 

[happy]

curious seeker remeber nothings is forever in this world and you never know if you two will be with each other forever. It is you choice whatever you choose cuz no one can force you but i think you should think twice try to be closer to fire and see how hot it's and if you can handle it then go ahead. All i'm saying is think careful.

 

[M.B]

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?[/QUOTE]







I think u shud not have said that ' I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

Its not as easy as u make it sound may Allah save us from jahanam Ameen.


Anyways Ofourse theres a point of u converting make sure that u get help u can tell lots of stuff about islam tell some prophetic stories and the Prophet story and many more.


Walahu'alm.

 

[curious seeker]

curious seeker remeber nothings is forever in this world and you never know if you two will be with each other forever. It is you choice whatever you choose cuz no one can force you but i think you should think twice try to be closer to fire and see how hot it's and if you can handle it then go ahead. All i'm saying is think careful.

Appreciate the advice.

I don't mind eternity in Hell. My point is, what's the point of trying to avoid it by converting if I'm gonna go there anyway for being married to a truly great man?

That's no just or loving God to me.

I think this question in and of itself tells me I simply do not belong to Islam.

 

[*charisma*]

Hi,

Before I begin, I want you to understand that Islam is a COMPLETE way of life. It doesn't just cover few aspects of a person's life, but rather every single aspect that makes it up down to the very last intricate detail.

Secondly, Islam has been here since Adam (pbuh) and finalized during the time of Muhammed (pbuh), and between that whole time difference including the time after the death of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) there have been MANY people who have been through the exact same thing you are going through, so even though this may be new to you, it's probably an ancient topic in Islam.

Lastly, there is NOTHING in this world or hereafter that compares to Allah or the religion of Islam. Allah is perfect and so is His religion. Those who choose to follow it, must do so with their absolute best efforts, and their most humble and purest intentions. It is not a religion to pick and choose which beliefs to follow. If you know this religion is the religion of Allah and was created perfectly, then there is no reason for you to reject Islam simply because you do not like something about it. We are the ones to adjust to the religion, not vice versa.

Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?

If you became a Muslim, and your husband remained a non-Muslim, this would annul the marriage contract. Thus, the divorce is necessary UNLESS he becomes a Muslim before the woman's iddah (waiting period) is over. Otherwise, any relations taken place while he's a non Muslim would be considered unlawful fornication.

He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.

Why don't you continue to discuss it with him? It would be better for the both of you if you had each other to support. You'd pray together, fast together, worship together, and you would feel much better at ease knowing you are both following the same faith. If he remains a nonMuslim and you decide to remain with him during your Islamic journey and your faith starts to increase, it may start to bother you that he's not a Muslim either.

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

You would be following your desires, not what you think is right. Allah knows what is in everyone's heart and He's most merciful. If He knows there is something you want but have to give it up to be a better Muslim and it's something that will cause you grief, then He will reward you with something a million times better, while still giving you the status of being a better Muslim. All you have to do is put your trust in Him and be patient.

You are not the only person who has had to contemplate these things before your decision to embrace Islam. And I know it's a very difficult decision to make if you love your husband and know he is perfect for you, but at the same time you have to know that there is a being higher than the both of you and He grants you more blessings in a millisecond than your husband has ever given you in his entire life. Allah should be first in your life, period.

Nothing is impossible...if you think that if you divorce your husband for the sake of Allah, and you will end up so miserable etc etc. then you have to reminds yourself that just as Allah has created your husband for you while you were a nonMuslim and you felt him to be perfect for you, then he may replace him with someone who is a Muslim who couldn't even compare with your first husband, or maybe he will open your husband chest towards islam and you can both work together to increase your faith!

Also, if you knew how painful Hell was, you would know that you would not even endure its heat, let alone hell itself, and you would disown his existence for it. If your husband is as you say, he would make an effort to accept Islam just as you have and learn more about it for your sake, so that he can support you 100%. If he knew that there's a divorce involved and that you are very passionate about this religion, then its not fair for him to say that he would NEVER embrace the religion. Even though he is helping you a little bit, eventually you're going to feel alone because what he's helping you with are just the basics..anyone could do that...in fact, you could do it alone. I know that if there is even an ounce of you that believes this religion is perfect, then it will never leave your heart, and you will inevitably feel uncomfortable with yourself continuing your normal way of life.

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?

You're not converting for your husband. If you convert, its because YOU believe its the RIGHT religion, not because whether or not your husband can stay. Everything right begins with a huge sacrifice, and you can see it in examples of the past. People even sacrifice their lives...compared to that, your sacrifice isn't as major.

I only suggest that you continue to talk to your husband about the religion, pray that God opens his heart and eyes if you truly believe this religion is the one you want to follow for the rest of your life. Nothing in this world is eternal, so the wise thing to do is invest in things that are.

Peace

 

[Donia]

Peace be to you.
Two things please.

If you believe La ilaha il Allah, Mohammed Rasuel Allah which translates as There is only one God, Allah and Mohammed (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah...
then I say yes you should convert insha'Allah.

You say that you believe your husband will never accept Islam but you do not know that for sure. Only Allah knows that. It could be that once you convert and your husband brings you to the mosque or by you just talking to him, he could become interested. Islam is the truth and the truth is hard to resist.

I understand your concern about your marriage. I would ask a scholar or possibly a local imam about this specific situation.

Insha'Allah it will all work out beautifully for you.

 

[tresbien]

may be this answer is helpful and not out of topic

Praise be to Allaah.

First of all, we would like to congratulate our sister for embracing Islam, which is the joy for which wealth and souls would be sacrificed, for all the blessing of Islam makes all grief and distress fade into insignificance.

The sister says that she loves a Muslim man. We say: it is not appropriate for a Muslim woman to fall into the trap of nonsensical emotions and forbidden relationships into which others fall. The love which people hear about and read about is one of the dazzling tricks of the Shaytaan, and it usually happens with regard to things that Allaah has forbidden. If a man finds that he likes a girl, the only option he has is to ask her guardian (walee) for permission to marry her.

The man’s mother’s comment that new Muslims cannot be good Muslims is false. Were the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) anything but new Muslims, given that prior to their Islam they had been believers in Shirk? Does any Muslim have any doubts about their commitment to religion and their character? Moreover, we see that many new Muslims are many times better than many (born) Muslims! Just because a Muslim is new does not mean that he will never be good, and just because a Muslim is born in Islam does not mean that he is good. What counts is Taqwa (piety, awareness of Allaah) and righteous deeds, as well as the length of time one has been in Islam and has been worshipping Allaah.

There is no reason why knowledge of the man's marriage should not be withheld from his parents, especially since this is in the interests of the sister and there are so few people who can help her to overcome her difficulties. It is the woman who needs a walee according to sharee’ah, not the man. However, we would prefer that he wins his family’s approval by convincing them, because this is in their best interests, benefits which may be lost if they find out that their son concealed his marriage from them.

The fact that the husband says he wants to call the children to Islam is good. We ask Allaah to help him to achieve this. The fact that the Hindu father is evil is sufficient reason for him not to make an open display of his calling the children to Islam, if that could lead to this kaafir taking the children away by going to the kaafir courts. You have to act with wisdom in this case.

The woman who is asking this question should not arrange her own marriage even if she has been previously married, because sharee’ah does not permit this. If she does not have a walee as required by sharee’ah, then her walee may be the qaadi (judge) or whoever is in charge of the Muslim affairs in her country, such as the head of the Islamic centre or his deputy.

They – especially the sister – have to seek the help of Allaah in dealing with these problems which are giving her sleepless nights. Everyone should know that whoever puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will show him a way out. She has to make du’aa’ sincerely, and he has to try as hard as he can to advise his family and change their views about new Muslims by showing them real examples of people who are the opposite of what they think. With regard to the tragedy caused by the former husband, we advise her again not to make an open display of her calling the children to Islam, lest that should cause the father to do something that will have bad consequences. If they feel suspicious about his intentions, there is no harm in calling the police to do whatever is necessary with regard to him.

If getting married means that the sister will lose her right to custody of her children, we advise her not to get married now, for fear that these two souls may end up in Hell in the Hereafter – unless she fears that she herself may commit some immoral action, in which case she should marry the Muslim man whom she has told us about, with witnesses and a walee as we have stated above. Publicizing the marriage is sunnah, although it does not have to be announced officially and in writing. But this sister has to live in a protective Muslim environment and those people will have to know about her marriage lest she bring upon herself gossip about her honour. If it will be better for her to leave the place where her ex-husband lives and move to another place where she can be free, have custody of her children and be able to marry a believing Muslim man who will protect her and her children, then she should do that.

She has to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah to relieve her distress and grief. We pray that Allaah will give her the strength to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

[anatolian]

Salam curious seeker. Islam is the truth therefor accept Islam without thinking any other thing.

 

[cat eyes]

have you asked the imam about your situation? who told you to leave your husband? this dose not sound right to me. islam is not about breaking up marriages and breaking hearts. so you have just reverted or planing to revert? i would not leave him because of the fact you are only a newbie to islam. the two of yous need to seek knowledge about islam, take him to mosques, get him involved with other muslim brothers sure why don't you bring him on this forum we can suss out what exactly he is afraid off sis. only Allah knows whether he will be guided or not and i would not recommend divorce not right now because you need to gain as much knowledge as you can to give dawah to your husband however if everything fails and i mean every single possible thing you have tried then only then should you divorce. i wish you all the best:wa:

 

[Donia]

Appreciate the advice.

I don't mind eternity in Hell. My point is, what's the point of trying to avoid it by converting if I'm gonna go there anyway for being married to a truly great man?

That's no just or loving God to me.

I think this question in and of itself tells me I simply do not belong to Islam.

Please do not be discouraged about Islam based on this one issue. If you believe in Allah and believe that Mohammed (peace be upon him) is the last messenger of Allah, then focus on that right now. It doesn't all happen overnight.
Nobody is perfect. Maybe your husband would want to convert also. Maybe not. Only Allah knows what is in the future. Do not let that discourage you from what you believe to be the truth.
Worst case scenario is you become Muslim insha'Allah and your husband shows no interest and doesn't want to revert. Then cross that bridge when you get there.
My point is don't make big decisions on what you believe in based on the what ifs.. because we really don't know what's going to happen.
It is good to seek answers.
I know you say you're not worried about going to Hell but nobody really has a right to tell you if you're going to hell or not. Only Allah knows and only Allah will judge us.
May Allah save us from the punishment and Hell-fire. Ameen.
Peace!

 

[Asiyaah]

Oh Dear curious seeker, I sympathize with how you are feeling. I am a new convert and the man I love is Jew. Your situation is very common with many women who convert to Islam. While the majority of muslims believe you must leave your husband there is minority that have a different view on this. Put your trust in Allah and he will guide you.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Thank you for answering my previous questions in another thread. I have another question for you, one of great weight to me.

I speak with a lot of words so for those with limited English, the important points are in Bold. Hope that helps.


---


Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?

My husband was raised christian but is an Agnostic in adult-hood. He really has no interest in religion. But he's very respectful of my own, and would do anything to help me foster it. He's said he would take me to whatever religious centers I wanted to attend, he wants to love and support me in my spiritual journey.

But he has no interest in religion himself, and I respect that as well. Our marriage works because it is based on respect, not just love alone.

He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?

Hello and welcome to the forum. I understand your is an extremly difficult issue to deal with knowing that Islam does not allow a women to be with a non Muslim man but i think you should take one step at a time. The most important thing is that if you are certain in your heart that Islam is the truth and that there is no worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammed (Pbuh) is the slave and messenger of Allah then you should not hesitate in repeating the proclamation of faith because of the fact that life is so uncertain and though your husband is important to you then what about acknowledging the one who created you and has given you everything you have? Do not hesitate in accepting Islam no matter what because if one knows Islam is the truth and still does not accept it then this is the worst thing in Allah's eyes.

Accept the truth first and then deal with other situations as you go along, take one step at a time. There is no point in doing everything at once that is much more difficult. In life we will come across a number of tests and hurdles but we can only deal with one thing at a time so accept the shahada and then take it from there. I would advise you to see a scholar about your issue as it is a very difficult one and one that we here have not got the proper expertise to be able to offer you a solution. But what i can say is do not waste a second more without accepting the truth. Thank you for reading and we are here for you just so you know.

 

[Khaldun]

Convert and keep your husband.

By keeping your husband you are sinning and Allah forgives sin. But not accepting Islaam whilst knowing it is the truth, then that is not forgivable.

I say convert and show your husband what made you convert, little by little. Do not overwhelm him. Many after ten years he might see what you see.

 

[Asiyaah]

Asalaam Alaykum,

Brother Khaldun I think you've given great advice. My situation prevented me from converting for a really long time. Then when i did a lot of well meaning muslims told me I had to leave my hubby or force him to convert. So I decided to do everything I could to convince him to turn to Islam. It did the opposite. Plus how can someone who has only just became a muslimah illustrate the beauty of Islam to someone else?

Dear curious seeker - I pray that things are going well for you. Remember you are not alone in your struggle. Subhan Allah, Allah is most Merciful.

 

[alcurad]

Convert and keep your husband.

By keeping your husband you are sinning and Allah forgives sin. But not accepting Islaam whilst knowing it is the truth, then that is not forgivable.

I say convert and show your husband what made you convert, little by little. Do not overwhelm him. Many after ten years he might see what you see.

I second that, very sensible.

 

[julie sarri]

I just wanted to say that you should put full trust in Allah swt becouse its him that will guide us to the right path. My husband was a born Muslim but didn't pray i started learning about Islam before he did and i made du'a that Allah would guide him and make things better for me the first thing i wanted was for my husband to cram his temper down he was a very angry person i wont say more than that and for him to become a practicing Muslim the next thing was i wanted a better relationship with my family and the last thing was i wanted children so much we had tried with no joy. Well Alhamdulillah i got all 3 things not right away it took time the more i made du'a to better my deen the more things improved. My husband was given a tape about the hell fire and this really made him think he started praying Alhamdulillah that was after 9 years of marriage then my family saw that i had become a much better person and my relationship with them is really great that was after 10 years and this year after 13 years of marriage and a miscarriage i got the final thing and my greatest joy Safiyyah houriya and Zakariya Abul-rahman were born on the 13th of august this year Alhamdulillah this is the power of du'a so dont give up trying to bring your husband to Islam have sabr and dont give up the more your deen grows and your love for it grows he will see this and inshaAllah with help from Allah he will choose Islam

 

[CosmicPathos]

Thank you for answering my previous questions in another thread. I have another question for you, one of great weight to me.

I speak with a lot of words so for those with limited English, the important points are in Bold. Hope that helps.


---


Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?

My husband was raised christian but is an Agnostic in adult-hood. He really has no interest in religion. But he's very respectful of my own, and would do anything to help me foster it. He's said he would take me to whatever religious centers I wanted to attend, he wants to love and support me in my spiritual journey.

But he has no interest in religion himself, and I respect that as well. Our marriage works because it is based on respect, not just love alone.

He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?

Surely there are 3 billion males on this earth, or around that. Just by random chance, you are very likely BOUND to come across another male who will be a perfect match for you. Just like how by pure chance, we MUST have intelligent life somewhere in the space.

 

[Santoku]

Thank you for answering my previous questions in another thread. I have another question for you, one of great weight to me.

I speak with a lot of words so for those with limited English, the important points are in Bold. Hope that helps.


---


Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?

My husband was raised christian but is an Agnostic in adult-hood. He really has no interest in religion. But he's very respectful of my own, and would do anything to help me foster it. He's said he would take me to whatever religious centers I wanted to attend, he wants to love and support me in my spiritual journey.

But he has no interest in religion himself, and I respect that as well. Our marriage works because it is based on respect, not just love alone.

He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.

I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"

So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"

Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.


So is there really any point in me converting under these circumstances?

Check your Qu'ran and hadith, this question has been answered many times, Muslim men get to marry muslims, christians and jews, muslim women get to marry muslim men, nobody but nobody else.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

""""I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part""""""


Aslaamu aalaykum..
well the question i would ask you, do you really fear Allah ?..i know understand your situation sis. but then the question of "Do you really fear Allah?" arises..as the Hellfire is not a place any man would like to enter..

Allaah Allmighty tells us about his punishments in Islaam for each wrong that we do, for example, a punishment for stealing or backbiting, Allah tells us of the punishments so that we may fear him and stay away from it. And Indeed Allah does forgive us as he is the most mercyful and most Kind. Allah indeed what is best for us..
Indeed do you not thank Allaah for what he provided/blessed you with? SubhanAllaah he has given us soo much, for we tells us he created us/Mankind. to worship him and thank him for the blessings he the Allmighy has bestowed us with:
{And I have not created Jinn and human beings except they should worship Me}, [Soorah adh-Dhaariyaat, Verse 56]
And Remember Allaah surely tests us in many ways:

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying 'We believe', and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. (29:2-3)

Be sure we shall test you with fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. (2:155)

And on the question about whether you should or shouldnt divorce your husband because he is not a muslim.. i myself am not so knowledgable on the issue, i am sure other brothers and sisters may help you out on that..Inshaa`Allaah.

May Allaah The Allmighy the Exalted!
Forgive me if i have said anything to offend you. InshaAllaah i hope i helped you out in some part of the issue.
Wa alaaykum salaam

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Check your Qu'ran and hadith, this question has been answered many times, Muslim men get to marry muslims, christians and jews, muslim women get to marry muslim men, nobody but nobody else.

i wouldn't marry someone outside my sect, let alone religion and im completely content with it :shade: