my little sister is hurting my mother

[BlissfullyJaded]

Whoa. I'm shocked. By the reaction.

I know full well what your sister is doing is dead wrong and in no way could I support it. She is harming herself more than she realizes. However, the reaction of your family is also harmful to her. I understand that this is a crisis, but you need to be a little rational about this.

She's 16 years old. And she doesn't have a positive male figure in her life. And to add to it, you already said your family is strict. I don't know what you mean by strict. There's good strict and there's bad strict. If it's bad strict, where everything is my way or the highway, that creates an environment where a teenager will do what he or she wants in a sneaky manner. Like sis pearl said, she's at a point where she's trying to figure herself out. You need to gently guide her and be the best friend she can have. Maybe she will give in because she won't want to be blamed for anything that happens to your mother, but what if she hits her 30s and still has figured everything in her life out and is still confused and emotionally a wreck?

The damage is done though. Seriously. If you were harsh towards her and invaded her privacy, she will be torn apart inside, and I'd realllly go out of my way to be kinder and prove to her that I care for her.

May Allah protect your lil sister and grant her guidance towards the right path and may He grant her the happiness she so deserves. Ameen.

 

[Camomilla]

I didn't read all the responses...
Show her some lectures, like

Ways to Paradise-Imam Siraj Whhaj
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsWjs7hhSn0

This is an eye opening video, really.
I hope she changes and May Allah(SWT) guide her to the right path.

If you want to know or watch more lectures, feel free to ask

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you again. Pearl what harshness are you talking about? I didnt raise my hand on her i spoke to and gave her islamic lectures about this i cried to her and opened up to her my mother is unwell and this is making her worse.

She left her email open and i did read the message that the boy was sending her and i dont regret it at all everything happens for a reason and i didnt read it and approach it she wouldnt have realise what she was doing is wrong.

My mother gave her freedom and she abused that so of course she is going to be grounded thats normal she needs to realise that her actions do carry consequences.

I can understand your point and i will isha allah talk to her more, thank you and ameen.

Jawrah my family is strict as in she cant stay out late a young girl shouldnt be out late and late means after maghrib, she can go out day time on weekeneds however now she is grounded and when she shows some respect she can gain it back.

My mother has been a friend to us but is important for your kids to respect you and realise that there will be trouble if they step out of line, i was very close with my sister and at times i feel it did more harm than good she saw me as being too much of a friend where she would completly disrespect me right now i feel that i need to teach her some discipline i have done so and she started respecting me again.

Not everyone has a father figure in their life and turn out fine while some do and dont.
But Jazakallah kheir for your duas i am very grateful.

 

[BlissfullyJaded]

Being a friend does not equal a lack of respect. You can be a friend to your lil sister, yet guide her and set down rules. Be a friend so that she trusts you and is open to you, and with all that she reveals about herself, you guide her through your experience. If you both were too much of friends, I'm not sure how come she didn't tell you all this prior to you finding the e-mail...

Not everyone has a father figure in their life and turn out fine while some do and dont.

I'm aware of that. But she's not just anybody. She's a specific person with specific needs. You can't really tell her, kiddo others have made it without a father so you'd better make it too. All I'm saying is she may be turning to the wrong crowd to seek some sort of fulfillment, and you need to pull her away in a way that in her head she's happy with being pulled away.

I understand the difficulty your family is facing btw, and I hope I have not come off as judgmental or anything.

 

[cute123]

the point here right now is that she should react. and alhamdulillah she reacted that means it was the right approach taken. different people need different ways to be handled. akhee just go along . the steps that you feel will provide a postive result - doesnt matter even if u need to be strict with her. as she is taking it. thats alhamdulillah a positive sign

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Being a friend does not equal a lack of respect. You can be a friend to your lil sister, yet guide her and set down rules. Be a friend so that she trusts you and is open to you, and with all that she reveals about herself, you guide her through your experience. If you both were too much of friends, I'm not sure how come she didn't tell you all this prior to you finding the e-mail...


I'm aware of that. But she's not just anybody. She's a specific person with specific needs. You can't really tell her, kiddo others have made it without a father so you'd better make it too. All I'm saying is she may be turning to the wrong crowd to seek some sort of fulfillment, and you need to pull her away in a way that in her head she's happy with being pulled away.

I understand the difficulty your family is facing btw, and I hope I have not come off as judgmental or anything.

No no you havent dont worry thank you I understand what you are saying.:thumbs_up, everyone is different and i know my sister well she is very mouthy and she behaves better when I am more strict but i understand there should be a balance

the point here right now is that she should react. and alhamdulillah she reacted that means it was the right approach taken. different people need different ways to be handled. akhee just go along . the steps that you feel will provide a postive result - doesnt matter even if u need to be strict with her. as she is taking it. thats alhamdulillah a positive sign

Yes she did react, she knows my mother is soft and me and my sister are not so gullible, i am a strong believer in disciplining the children in the correct islamic way of course, Alhamdullah things are improving.

 

[Zahida]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm if she was mine i would give her a good kick up the backside!! Where does she get off talking to her elders like that........ sounds like you have tried the soft approach.......... now get down to serious business......... She is the child here and you the adults....:raging:

rude to your mum? - I would suggest you slap the crap out her, then see what see has to say :thumbs_up

 

[UnknownOne]

Salaam Sis

For a start, get rid of all the negative thoughts.
Totally rid of all off it.
Don't believe that all her actions will result in such unwanted results, just believe she will find some sense. Keep talking to her. Spend some 'quality time' with her. Doing so may help to develop your relationship further so she may be able to open up to you further.

I share the sympathy for your sister. Just keep praying to Allah, Allah will always listen and provide support. Keep believing and talk to her, spend time with her.

Inshaallah it helps.

W.Salaam

 

[UnknownOne]

OOps excuse my previous response, I didnt realise there was a second page to this thread...

Oh well, you can still use what I've stated above to further help yourself and your family.
Inshallah everything works out fine.
W.salaam

 

[Sirat Mustaqeem]

Try and tell her that your advice is for her own good and if she doesn't listen, Allah only knows where she could end up... it's sad. :'(

Where is the father to punish her? Where is the male in the family to provide discipline? How many warnings does she need before she realizes that she's bringing shame upon your family?

Take matters into your own hands however Allah (swt) sees fit. Pray she doesn't need the full measure of punishment ordained by Allah (swt)... the answer is in Sharia, as all things are. If she fears Allah (swt) she will prevent her punishment, and save your family the hurt.