*~My Poems Thread~*

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^ i read it again and i felt it a bit more :ooh:

but no its not obvious lol, after your comment i read it again and i felt it even more :-[

mashaAllaah :)
 
lol *goes googly eyes* :rollseyes i thought the first bit explained his blindness well

that's it im gonna make things really obvious next time :exhausted
 
Your other two poems captured me from the start, this only got me from the second stanza onwards. I really liked it though. It was *shiver-factor* lol Masha'Allah.
 
awww tnx sis & also for your honesty :D

i can always improve it inshaAllah and im happy cuz i just found out what a stanza is lol ;D :-[
 
Scents of Jannah said:
awww tnx sis & also for your honesty :D

i can always improve it inshaAllah and im happy cuz i just found out what a stanza is lol ;D :-[
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BarakAllah feeki :)

I would never edit any of my poems, the words that flow first are the best and most sincere ones in my opinion, just use any criticism you may get for future poems insha'Allah
 
I chop and change until I am satisfied. The problem is my imagination runs riot and I have so much to write but that isnt possible, hence lots of editing and unfortunately that means sometimes losing the original structure.

having said that I'm off to do edit the third poem :BeRightBack:
 
:sl:

^ Don't edit!! It's great the way it is because that's how you thought it out and that gives it a uniqueness. It's your words, they express what you feel and think..cutting and chopping will make it loose that.

I read the third poem, and it was great. I thought of blindness, spiritual blindness though, not physical.
 
Abu Sayyad said:
:sl:

^ Don't edit!! It's great the way it is because that's how you thought it out and that gives it a uniqueness. It's your words, they express what you feel and think..cutting and chopping will make it loose that.

I read the third poem, and it was great. I thought of blindness, spiritual blindness though, not physical.
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thanks! but i'd already edited it lol
 
lol jazakillah khayr ukhti. why not translate them? :)

hope y'all like this one inshaAllah



Untitled


a silhoutte against the gleaming moon
she stands by a window, in her room
her fingers touch the cold glasspane
tracing rivulets of pouring rain


he said he'd come home tonight
they hadn't argued, there'd been no fight
but no harm had come to him she knew
he was with a new wife and baby too


an emptiness aches inside her barren womb
where no flower now, would ever bloom
motherhood cruelly snatched by a final miscarriage
she'd lowered the drawbridge for a second marriage


he'd promised to fulfil her rights that day
pledged to treat them equally come what may
yet tonight, like so many nights before
she only imagines him coming through the door


she wonders if the moon can see her misery
his light is reflecting much too fiercely
illuminating the delicate contours of her face
her solemn beauty, so dignified with grace


dark eyes glitter with defeated tears
she knows he wont come as dawntime nears
with a hopeful heart she prepares for salah
donning perfumed garments for a meeting with Allah


nearby, a candle and breeze enjoy a flickering dance
when a sudden gust of wind threatens to end their romance
a remorseful husband stands watching from the door
the epitome of forgiveness, in sujood on the floor


:sl:
 
wow... sis that topped the second one... i didnt think it possible :uuh: subhanAllaah PUBLISH IT ! you simply must !


btw before you ask if anything is clear :p, she had an abortion and womb got taken out so she cant get preg anymore, he married again by her consent, she awaited him but he took so long she began to wonder if he's ever coming or staying with the other wife, she decides to pray (mashAllah) as she makes sujood she passes away and her husband finds her to his dismay


mashaAllah amazing !
 

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