My question is am I a sexist or a bad person to say the sexes meaning Men and Women a

[ardianto]

I feel the whole "women are left at home and don't have to lift a finger" "treated like a Queen" is just a way to sweeten them to the idea of staying indoors.

The right way to treat a (house)wife is not with treat her like a queen that don't have to lift a finger, but with give her responsibility as a queen in the house.

There is a rich Muslim country where many husbands there often treat their wives like queens, pamper them with luxury items. The wives are also no need to do the housework as their husbands are wealthy and afford to employ maids who many of them come from my place.

Based on the stories of those maids, it appeared that the activities of those rich wives are not far from sleep, eat, beautifying themselves. Occasionally get together and gossiping with other women. About household tasks? they do not care.

That's what happens when the wife is treated like a queen who does not need to do anything. No wonder, if someone is too spoiled, then she will become lazy and do not have a sense of responsibility.

Unlike the housewives in my place or any other place, that their husbands are not rich. Burdened with the task of taking care of their house because the husbands focus on the task of making money. But the task is to make them have a sense of responsibility and motivation to do the best. Like, trying to cook a nice meal for her husband and children, making the house is always clean and comfortable. They are the true queen in the house. In contrast to someone who is only treated like a queen.

 

[LauraS]

I'd much rather have a house to look after than sit around doing nothing too. It can be satisfying do things like laundry and knowing I'm giving my dad an extra choice of work shirts and that everyone will have enough socks, I have to admit.

 

[White Rose]

I'm confused, I said it was ok for women to decide whether they are housewives or work. I didn't say all women must work. That's basically how it is in the UK, my cousin is a housewife and spends happy days looking after her children. No one has a problem with it and she doesn't feel under pressure to get a job.

Oh okay. The way you suggested by saying how it should be led me to write what I posted earlier. But if thats not the case, then apologies.
Apart from what you wrote, I want to say there are still many people who belittle a woman sitting in her home because it has become the norm and expected from her to step out. I have seen it and it does look as if women are expected to go against their wishes sometimes.

 

[ardianto]

"Your money is my money too. My money ..... is my money".

That's what my wife told me while laugh. And that's true.

My wife was working in a national bank when I married her in 1994, and she still worked. We expect to have kid, especially my wife, but she was not pregnant in 95, 96 until middle of 97. Late of 1997, Alhamdulillah, she's pregnant.

Our first kid born in august 98 when Indonesia was in economic crisis. Early of 1999, govt closed many banks, including the bank where my wife was working. She lost her job. Her colleagues tried to find new job, but my wife made her own decision, raise our kid as a housewife. This was her own decision.

I never encourage her to stop working because I understood that have a career was her dream. She had good career with big enough income. But like I describe above, her money was her money. I never asked money from her but I still gave her money from my income. It's a husband duty to fulfill his wife need although his wife has her own income. This is what has been taught by the older men around me.

My wife was working for few years in early of our marriage. But she never neglected her duties at home like cooking the food, without I ever told her what she should do at home. I knew she would do what she should do. I know she has an instinct as a wife, and as a mother. It's because she's a woman.

I'm not married because I wanted to have someone who always serves me, but I got married because I need a woman who can be a partner in my life. Yes, for that lady there, as a partner for the man. And in partnership, one is not higher than another.

 

[glo]

I love your story, ardianto.

Mine is slightly different.
I qualified as an occupational therapist long before I had children. My husband was working as a male nurse, so when our daughter was born, we decided to both work part-time - that way we could both be involved in raising our children and we could take it in turn being at home.

12 years ago (when our children were 4 and 7), my husband gave up his work for health reasons.
I would never have chosen to be the bread winner in the house - but I was glad that I was able to do so and I have earned the money for us ever since.
My husband provides for us in other ways - he grows our fruit and veg and takes care of home and children (well, they are not little any more ...)

Being frugal, I only need to work part-time to earn enough money for us. When I am at home I enjoy cooking and home-making.

 

[ardianto]

Thanks for your story, Glo. I love it.

I'm sure your husband is a good man, and you must be happy with him.