My search for a religion, am I Muslim? Where do I start?

[TBA]

Hey. Before you start reading: I am not Muslim, and I have never been. I did not grow up in a Muslim family or community, and I am currently not questioning my religious beliefs. What I am longing for is a community, and based on my basic knowledge of Islam, I believe this can be a place where I find this.

Introduction:
More than four years ago, I was saved. The school I went to was Christian, and this one night we had communion, and I was really conflicted about participating. None of my friends did, and it would cost my nothing, but I would have to get out from where we were sitting, so I decided to not go. All of a sudden, someone is on the other side of the table reaching out his hand. I am really confused at this point, but I get up and take his hand. As I am standing in the line (as the last one, mind you), holding this hand, it occurs to me... this is god. He did not say anything, but he filled me up with so much life, and I cannot explain how good it felt. Naturally, I went to the conclusion that I was Christian. About three weeks later, I came to the conclusion that this did not fit with my beliefs since I only believed in god, and did not see Jesus as my savior (and then, I cannot be Christian). Then I explored Deism, Henotheism and other forms of theistic views. For the last three years or so, I have been comfortable as being theist. Just a theist, nothing more. I know one god, and as long as I can see, feel, hear, touch or smell it, I will believe. So far, only one god has shown himself, and so, I can only believe in one god.

Now:
For the last few years, I have a had a burning passion for Muslim rights (I am a huge opponent to Islamophobia, and frequently debates with Islamophobes. Mind you, I am from a European country in which Islamophobia is increasing rapidly), and my studies have for the most part been related to the Middle East, North Africa, Arabic and Islam. Throughout this time, I have made many Muslim friends and acquaintances. What I have learned about Islam through these meetings and my studies have shown me the beauty of the religion, and for some time, I have been thinking about seeking a community in which I can share this beauty with others. There are a few things that stops me, however, and it makes me question whether or not I should even start.

Issues/concerns:
- I am bisexual. No, I can not change this, and would not do so even based on Islam or any other religion or political ideology (separating religion and political ideologies, of course, these are not the same). This is who I am, and I have even experienced meeting god in real life even after committing what would be considered as sins in all the major religions in the world. I have continued to "sin" (I do not believe in sins, reason is...) ... and I still feel the presence of god. No matter what I do "wrong", god is watching over me, he accepts me, and he loves that I am who I am and do what I do. This however, from what I understand, can be a problem with Islam, and while every Muslim (no exceptions) I have met accepts me for being bisexual, they have opposing views to who I am based on religion. I know that only god has the power to judge, but despite this, every person judges to some degree, and I do not think I could take that from a community I am a part of.
- I wholeheartedly believe that it would be impossible for me to pray five times a day. The reason is that I have developed this connection that goes straight to god, so when I pray (which can be once a day or once a month), I am talking straight to god, and while I cannot hear his answers, I can feel his presence. In other words, it is an open connection, and by changing the way I pray, I believe I would lose this.

These are the main two problems I have, but of course, there are more. These, however, are so big that it is hard for me to overcome the issues regarding these. If I could find an Imam or community that would not judge me, I would jump on the opportunity to go there instantly, but as mentioned, I have real doubts that this exist, especially near where I live (the only Mosque in my hometown is known for radicals and even terror suspects linked to القاعدة and داغش).

Other than this, I do not doubt Islamic stories and the people in the stories. I also know that through fiqh in most schools of jurisprudence, you can justify an action if only one person before you came to the same conclusion, so through this, I could find ways to justify everything that I stand for and believe in if I really tried, but I don't think this is a healthy approach to a religion to begin with. I have also some preliminary knowledge about Islamic civilization, history and so on, and these are all things that make the religion so intriguing.

Now, I do not know if all this makes sense, but I hope that there are someone here who can give me something to look at, and maybe some things to consider if I choose to (or not to) explore my relationship to Islam. Are my issues and concerns too big to overcome (seen from a theistic point of view)? Can I even consider myself to be Muslim if I do not pray five times a day? If you have come so far, I would love to hear what you have to say or what you think, and please, be honest! If you believe that I should not seek out communities based on this, please say so, and if you believe that I am able to find a community in which I will be accepted as who I am based on this, please say so!

Thank you so much! شكرََا

 

[Reminder]

Hey. Before you start reading: I am not Muslim, and I have never been. I did not grow up in a Muslim family or community, and I am currently not questioning my religious beliefs. What I am longing for is a community, and based on my basic knowledge of Islam, I believe this can be a place where I find this.

Introduction:
More than four years ago, I was saved. The school I went to was Christian, and this one night we had communion, and I was really conflicted about participating. None of my friends did, and it would cost my nothing, but I would have to get out from where we were sitting, so I decided to not go. All of a sudden, someone is on the other side of the table reaching out his hand. I am really confused at this point, but I get up and take his hand. As I am standing in the line (as the last one, mind you), holding this hand, it occurs to me... this is god. He did not say anything, but he filled me up with so much life, and I cannot explain how good it felt. Naturally, I went to the conclusion that I was Christian. About three weeks later, I came to the conclusion that this did not fit with my beliefs since I only believed in god, and did not see Jesus as my savior (and then, I cannot be Christian). Then I explored Deism, Henotheism and other forms of theistic views. For the last three years or so, I have been comfortable as being theist. Just a theist, nothing more. I know one god, and as long as I can see, feel, hear, touch or smell it, I will believe. So far, only one god has shown himself, and so, I can only believe in one god.

Now:
For the last few years, I have a had a burning passion for Muslim rights (I am a huge opponent to Islamophobia, and frequently debates with Islamophobes. Mind you, I am from a European country in which Islamophobia is increasing rapidly), and my studies have for the most part been related to the Middle East, North Africa, Arabic and Islam. Throughout this time, I have made many Muslim friends and acquaintances. What I have learned about Islam through these meetings and my studies have shown me the beauty of the religion, and for some time, I have been thinking about seeking a community in which I can share this beauty with others. There are a few things that stops me, however, and it makes me question whether or not I should even start.

Issues/concerns:
- I am bisexual. No, I can not change this, and would not do so even based on Islam or any other religion or political ideology (separating religion and political ideologies, of course, these are not the same). This is who I am, and I have even experienced meeting god in real life even after committing what would be considered as sins in all the major religions in the world. I have continued to "sin" (I do not believe in sins, reason is...) ... and I still feel the presence of god. No matter what I do "wrong", god is watching over me, he accepts me, and he loves that I am who I am and do what I do. This however, from what I understand, can be a problem with Islam, and while every Muslim (no exceptions) I have met accepts me for being bisexual, they have opposing views to who I am based on religion. I know that only god has the power to judge, but despite this, every person judges to some degree, and I do not think I could take that from a community I am a part of.
- I wholeheartedly believe that it would be impossible for me to pray five times a day. The reason is that I have developed this connection that goes straight to god, so when I pray (which can be once a day or once a month), I am talking straight to god, and while I cannot hear his answers, I can feel his presence. In other words, it is an open connection, and by changing the way I pray, I believe I would lose this.

These are the main two problems I have, but of course, there are more. These, however, are so big that it is hard for me to overcome the issues regarding these. If I could find an Imam or community that would not judge me, I would jump on the opportunity to go there instantly, but as mentioned, I have real doubts that this exist, especially near where I live (the only Mosque in my hometown is known for radicals and even terror suspects linked to القاعدة and داغش).

Other than this, I do not doubt Islamic stories and the people in the stories. I also know that through fiqh in most schools of jurisprudence, you can justify an action if only one person before you came to the same conclusion, so through this, I could find ways to justify everything that I stand for and believe in if I really tried, but I don't think this is a healthy approach to a religion to begin with. I have also some preliminary knowledge about Islamic civilization, history and so on, and these are all things that make the religion so intriguing.

Now, I do not know if all this makes sense, but I hope that there are someone here who can give me something to look at, and maybe some things to consider if I choose to (or not to) explore my relationship to Islam. Are my issues and concerns too big to overcome (seen from a theistic point of view)? Can I even consider myself to be Muslim if I do not pray five times a day? If you have come so far, I would love to hear what you have to say or what you think, and please, be honest! If you believe that I should not seek out communities based on this, please say so, and if you believe that I am able to find a community in which I will be accepted as who I am based on this, please say so!

Thank you so much! شكرََا

Welcome to the forum! I am not experienced enough to give a final answer on this, but I know it is disliked in Islam to display sexual activity outside of the home be it straight, bi or gay. What you do behind closed doors is between you and God. Still a sin I guess, but at the end of the day like I said there are others here who will be able to give you a much better answer inshallah.

 

[Mustafa16]

God is calling you to the religion which is the truth, and we would welcome you with open arms if you were to convert! Not only does Islam satisfy one's desire for truth, but it allows one to live in tune with one's fitrah, or innate human nature, and to gain paradise after death.
That being said, there is nothing wrong with you being bisexual in and of itself. However, if you choose to convert, you should only act on your desires for women, rather than for men, because gay relationships are a sin in Islam, and it is believed they are against human nature. Also, everyone on earth is tested with something to make them stronger. Perhaps God allowed you to be gay not to tell you its wrong just to hurt you, but rather to give you strength and better willpower by resisting those feelings....as well as more good deeds, which will earn you a higher spot in paradise.....because the dunya (world) is only temporary...it is our deeds and afterlife which matter, and what happens here determines that.
also, it is perfectly allowed to pray to God the way you want....there are two types of prayer in islam....supplication, or dua, where you ask god for your needs in times of distress or whatever else may be troubling you...and salah, which is ritual prayer.....you can even pray to god for your needs in your own words right after salah! or at any time....

 

[eesa the kiwi]

Have you read the Quran yet

 

[Good brother]

Welcome to the forum..

No One Is Free of Sin

Your question is one of great importance and reminds us, as a community, of our duty to support and assist those who are struggling with sin. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Every son of Adam makes mistakes. But the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (At-Tirmidhi)
In another hadith the Prophet said:
“If you failed to commit sins, then Allah would destroy you and create those who would sin and seek His forgiveness and He would forgive them.” (Muslim)
Thus, it is important to note that every one of us commits sins and falls into error.


The Message of Islam

Islam means submission and peace. Instead of original sin, Islam teaches that the nature of humanity is good. However, humans, since they were created as such, will make mistakes at times and struggle to overcome their lower desires. This is based on each person’s desire to serve or worship.
Instead of preaching that human nature is full of evil, Islam teaches that the nature of humanity is to worship. In the Qur’an we read what means:
“And I (Allah) have not created Jinn and men except to worship Me.” (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)
Thus, our true nature is inclined to serve our Lord. However, there are times when that nature can be misdirected to things which are unbecoming of worship. False deities, fame, and success caused many people to slip and fall from the noble station that the Creator has given them. Thus, by submitting to something other than the true Creator and Sustainer of all, people will feel depressed, saddened, and lost.
To make this more clear, could you imagine if the power of the sun and rain were under different political powers? Wouldn’t there be unthinkable madness? Aluding to this the Qur’an says what means:
“If there had been in them any gods except Allah, they would both have certainly been in a state of disorder; therefore glory be to Allah, the Lord of the dominion, above what they attribute (to Him).” (Al-Anbiyaa’ 21:22)
Thus, if this is the case with nature, then what is the situation of people who try to serve many gods? What would be the outcome of trying to submit and worship many deities all having different agendas who, in reality, fail to posses the true qualities of the one Creator, the sole Ruler and Sustainer of the universe? The Qur’an says something very nice about this:
“Allah sets forth an example: There is a slave in whom are (several) partners differing with one another, and there is another slave wholly owned by one man. Are the two alike in condition? (All) praise is due to Allah. Nay! most of them do not know.” (Az-Zumar 39:29)


The Path of Submission Is the Key

Islam is a faith which serves as an alarm clock reminding the creation of their true purpose. It helps to focus the heart, discipline the mind, and perfect the morals and actions.
The outcome of such a submission is the dawn of a very special relationship between the Creator and the created. For one cannot develop a true relationship with another until the latter is acknowledged.
Thus, by knowing Allah and submitting to Him alone, one will truly feel the heavy shackles of sin lightened and escape from the dungeon that one’s soul had languished in.
“There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.” (Al-Baqarah 2:256)
“If one firmly believes in Allah, He will guide his heart.” (At-Taghabun 64:11)
Faith First
Based on the above, my first advice to you would be to focus on understanding faith in Islam. Faith in Islam is not a mere spiritual exercise, but includes knowing faith, believing in it, and acting upon it.
Faith changes the human being’s entire persona. Its result is a person whose character, actions, and behavior are linked to a divine purpose. Thus, the person gains confidence and realizes the divine purpose behind his or her being.
It is through this faith that three important questions are realized:

1. Where have I come from?
2. Where am I going?
3. What is my purpose in life?

In order to understand this better, think of an organization with no mission statement. With faith you gain your mission statement and realize your purpose. Thus, you are able to build a framework that lays the foundation for a life connected to the Creator.
Thus, every act is done with sincere thought, and every thought is examined and touched by the light of faith. For this reason, you will have come to life. Life has a purpose; the shades of despair and sadness are cast away by the light of faith and happiness.
“The blind and the seeing are not alike. Nor the darkness and the light, Nor the shade and the heat, neither are the living and the dead alike. Surely Allah makes whom He pleases hear, and you cannot make those hear who are in the graves.” (Fatir 35:19-22)
“Is he who was dead then We raised him to life and made for him a light by which he walks among the people, like him whose likeness is that of one in utter darkness whence he cannot come forth?” (Al-An`am 6:122)


A Loving, Merciful Creator

Since we are bound to fall into error, it is important to remember that our Creator is an understanding and loving Lord. This mercy and understanding are exhibited by the following:

Allah is ready to forgive. One of the great bounties that Allah has bestowed upon His servants is forgiveness for evil thoughts and actions that are not acted upon. When the following verse of Qur’an was sent, the Companions of the Prophet were greatly disturbed.
“If you reveal what’s in your hearts, or hide it, Allah will call you to account.” (Al-Baqarah 2:284)
Finally, they went to the Prophet complaining, “If we are called to account for the whispers of our souls, then we will surely perish!” (Ibn Kathir).
Suddenly, Allah revealed:
“Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.” (Al-Baqarah 2:286)
It is one of the great mercies of Allah that we are not called to account for the evil inclinations that appear in our hearts. And, in fact, such evil inclinations if ignored and not acted upon can bear sweet fruit!
Fighting against evil inclinations brings one closer to Allah. Many times we find evil thoughts and ideas coming to our minds. However, if not acted upon, such thoughts can actually be a means of drawing closer to our Lord. The Prophet said:
Whosoever intends to do a good deed but does not do it, Allah records it with Himself as a complete good deed; but if he intends it and does it, Allah records it with Himself as ten good deeds, up to seven hundred times, or more than that. But if he intends to do an evil deed and does not do it, Allah records it with Himself as a complete good deed; but if he intends it and does it, Allah records it as one single evil deed. (Muslim)
Thus, by fighting oneself and struggling to obey the Creator, one draws nearer to Him. Although this might seem monumental, struggling and striving towards the Divine requires only a sincere heart and obedience to His commands. In a sound hadith, we read that the Prophet said the following:
Allah the Almighty says: “I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.” (Al-Bukhari)


Points to Remember

Thus, drawing near to Allah by doing good actions and struggling with oneself brings great spiritual and physical blessings. However, there are a few important points to remember:
Personal responsibility. Keep in mind that all of the above requires work and determination on your part. You are responsible for yourself and must struggle against evil thoughts and desires. I would encourage you to strongly think about submitting to your Creator and learning the correct practices associated with the Islamic faith.
The great Muslim scholar and imam Ibn Al-Qayyim said:

“Unlawful desires are usually associated with ugliness. They leave behind a lingering sensation of pain and guilt. Hence, whenever you are tempted, think about liberating yourself. Think about all the remorse that would accompany the realization of those desires, and then make up your mind. Struggling your way through obedience is not an easy task. It is, however, associated with goodness and soothing pleasures. Whenever you overburden yourself (with unlawful desires) think about how nice it would be to repent and set yourself free. Think about the pleasures that lawful desires will provide and try to make the correct choice. The dilemma you will experience should be reduced by remembering the sweet pleasure and the ultimate happiness that your obedience (to Allah) will provide. Logically, your mind should opt for the more rewarding option and help you to endure the pain of denying yourself the realization of such desires.” (Al-Fawa’id)

​

Communal Responsibility

It is never enough to struggle alone. The whole community must begin to answer the call of those who are struggling with different issues. Our community is not free of drugs, abuse, and other different types of negative behavior. However, we have not admitted that these problems exist. Thus, we are impotent when it comes to handling such issues.
We must reflect on the statements of the Prophet “Give glad tidings and don’t cause others to flee” (Muslim) and “Whoever removes a difficulty for a person, Allah will remove a difficulty for that person on the Day of Reckoning” (Al-Bukhari).
Muslim imams should be trained in counseling and, better yet, each community should have its own group of professional counselors. We can no longer turn away from the struggling sinner, but must reach out with a sincere hand and walk with our brothers and sisters through the difficulties that they face.
Finally, I pray that you can find a community leader who will be willing to sit with you and assist you through these difficulties. You are not alone and only need a mature community leader who will be willing to accept you and help you overcome your problems.

(By Suhaib Webb answering someone with a problem similar to yours.)

 

[TBA]

That being said, there is nothing wrong with you being bisexual in and of itself. However, if you choose to convert, you should only act on your desires for women, rather than for men, because gay relationships are a sin in Islam, and it is believed they are against human nature. Also, everyone on earth is tested with something to make them stronger. Perhaps God allowed you to be gay not to tell you its wrong just to hurt you, but rather to give you strength and better willpower by resisting those feelings....as well as more good deeds, which will earn you a higher spot in paradise.....because the dunya (world) is only temporary...it is our deeds and afterlife which matter, and what happens here determines that.

This is one of the things I have an issue with. For twenty some odd years I have been aware of my sexuality, and I have acted upon it numerous times, and both through my personal and spiritual journal, I have come to the conclusion that it is perfectly fine to act on sexual desires other than that with the purpose of reproduction. I wholeheartedly believe that god thinks it is okay for me to be bisexual, otherwise he would have given me a sign by now since I have had such a direct connection to him from the moment I was saved.

Have you read the Quran yet

Not fully, but I have read bits and pieces. I don't want to read the Quran from cover to cover without some guidance because anyone can read the Quran, but without the cultural and historical connotations, things simply do not make sense. This is why I also have studied the history of the Arab world, the history of Islamic civilization and the history of North Africa, as this prepares me for reading the Quran.

Welcome to the forum..

No One Is Free of Sin

Your question is one of great importance and reminds us, as a community, of our duty to support and assist those who are struggling with sin. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Every son of Adam makes mistakes. But the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (At-Tirmidhi)
In another hadith the Prophet said:
“If you failed to commit sins, then Allah would destroy you and create those who would sin and seek His forgiveness and He would forgive them.” (Muslim)
Thus, it is important to note that every one of us commits sins and falls into error.


The Message of Islam

Islam means submission and peace. Instead of original sin, Islam teaches that the nature of humanity is good. However, humans, since they were created as such, will make mistakes at times and struggle to overcome their lower desires. This is based on each person’s desire to serve or worship.
Instead of preaching that human nature is full of evil, Islam teaches that the nature of humanity is to worship. In the Qur’an we read what means:
“And I (Allah) have not created Jinn and men except to worship Me.” (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)
Thus, our true nature is inclined to serve our Lord. However, there are times when that nature can be misdirected to things which are unbecoming of worship. False deities, fame, and success caused many people to slip and fall from the noble station that the Creator has given them. Thus, by submitting to something other than the true Creator and Sustainer of all, people will feel depressed, saddened, and lost.
To make this more clear, could you imagine if the power of the sun and rain were under different political powers? Wouldn’t there be unthinkable madness? Aluding to this the Qur’an says what means:
“If there had been in them any gods except Allah, they would both have certainly been in a state of disorder; therefore glory be to Allah, the Lord of the dominion, above what they attribute (to Him).” (Al-Anbiyaa’ 21:22)
Thus, if this is the case with nature, then what is the situation of people who try to serve many gods? What would be the outcome of trying to submit and worship many deities all having different agendas who, in reality, fail to posses the true qualities of the one Creator, the sole Ruler and Sustainer of the universe? The Qur’an says something very nice about this:
“Allah sets forth an example: There is a slave in whom are (several) partners differing with one another, and there is another slave wholly owned by one man. Are the two alike in condition? (All) praise is due to Allah. Nay! most of them do not know.” (Az-Zumar 39:29)


The Path of Submission Is the Key

Islam is a faith which serves as an alarm clock reminding the creation of their true purpose. It helps to focus the heart, discipline the mind, and perfect the morals and actions.
The outcome of such a submission is the dawn of a very special relationship between the Creator and the created. For one cannot develop a true relationship with another until the latter is acknowledged.
Thus, by knowing Allah and submitting to Him alone, one will truly feel the heavy shackles of sin lightened and escape from the dungeon that one’s soul had languished in.
“There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.” (Al-Baqarah 2:256)
“If one firmly believes in Allah, He will guide his heart.” (At-Taghabun 64:11)
Faith First
Based on the above, my first advice to you would be to focus on understanding faith in Islam. Faith in Islam is not a mere spiritual exercise, but includes knowing faith, believing in it, and acting upon it.
Faith changes the human being’s entire persona. Its result is a person whose character, actions, and behavior are linked to a divine purpose. Thus, the person gains confidence and realizes the divine purpose behind his or her being.
It is through this faith that three important questions are realized:

1. Where have I come from?
2. Where am I going?
3. What is my purpose in life?

In order to understand this better, think of an organization with no mission statement. With faith you gain your mission statement and realize your purpose. Thus, you are able to build a framework that lays the foundation for a life connected to the Creator.
Thus, every act is done with sincere thought, and every thought is examined and touched by the light of faith. For this reason, you will have come to life. Life has a purpose; the shades of despair and sadness are cast away by the light of faith and happiness.
“The blind and the seeing are not alike. Nor the darkness and the light, Nor the shade and the heat, neither are the living and the dead alike. Surely Allah makes whom He pleases hear, and you cannot make those hear who are in the graves.” (Fatir 35:19-22)
“Is he who was dead then We raised him to life and made for him a light by which he walks among the people, like him whose likeness is that of one in utter darkness whence he cannot come forth?” (Al-An`am 6:122)


A Loving, Merciful Creator

Since we are bound to fall into error, it is important to remember that our Creator is an understanding and loving Lord. This mercy and understanding are exhibited by the following:

Allah is ready to forgive. One of the great bounties that Allah has bestowed upon His servants is forgiveness for evil thoughts and actions that are not acted upon. When the following verse of Qur’an was sent, the Companions of the Prophet were greatly disturbed.
“If you reveal what’s in your hearts, or hide it, Allah will call you to account.” (Al-Baqarah 2:284)
Finally, they went to the Prophet complaining, “If we are called to account for the whispers of our souls, then we will surely perish!” (Ibn Kathir).
Suddenly, Allah revealed:
“Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.” (Al-Baqarah 2:286)
It is one of the great mercies of Allah that we are not called to account for the evil inclinations that appear in our hearts. And, in fact, such evil inclinations if ignored and not acted upon can bear sweet fruit!
Fighting against evil inclinations brings one closer to Allah. Many times we find evil thoughts and ideas coming to our minds. However, if not acted upon, such thoughts can actually be a means of drawing closer to our Lord. The Prophet said:
Whosoever intends to do a good deed but does not do it, Allah records it with Himself as a complete good deed; but if he intends it and does it, Allah records it with Himself as ten good deeds, up to seven hundred times, or more than that. But if he intends to do an evil deed and does not do it, Allah records it with Himself as a complete good deed; but if he intends it and does it, Allah records it as one single evil deed. (Muslim)
Thus, by fighting oneself and struggling to obey the Creator, one draws nearer to Him. Although this might seem monumental, struggling and striving towards the Divine requires only a sincere heart and obedience to His commands. In a sound hadith, we read that the Prophet said the following:
Allah the Almighty says: “I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.” (Al-Bukhari)


Points to Remember

Thus, drawing near to Allah by doing good actions and struggling with oneself brings great spiritual and physical blessings. However, there are a few important points to remember:
Personal responsibility. Keep in mind that all of the above requires work and determination on your part. You are responsible for yourself and must struggle against evil thoughts and desires. I would encourage you to strongly think about submitting to your Creator and learning the correct practices associated with the Islamic faith.
The great Muslim scholar and imam Ibn Al-Qayyim said:

“Unlawful desires are usually associated with ugliness. They leave behind a lingering sensation of pain and guilt. Hence, whenever you are tempted, think about liberating yourself. Think about all the remorse that would accompany the realization of those desires, and then make up your mind. Struggling your way through obedience is not an easy task. It is, however, associated with goodness and soothing pleasures. Whenever you overburden yourself (with unlawful desires) think about how nice it would be to repent and set yourself free. Think about the pleasures that lawful desires will provide and try to make the correct choice. The dilemma you will experience should be reduced by remembering the sweet pleasure and the ultimate happiness that your obedience (to Allah) will provide. Logically, your mind should opt for the more rewarding option and help you to endure the pain of denying yourself the realization of such desires.” (Al-Fawa’id)

​

Communal Responsibility

It is never enough to struggle alone. The whole community must begin to answer the call of those who are struggling with different issues. Our community is not free of drugs, abuse, and other different types of negative behavior. However, we have not admitted that these problems exist. Thus, we are impotent when it comes to handling such issues.
We must reflect on the statements of the Prophet “Give glad tidings and don’t cause others to flee” (Muslim) and “Whoever removes a difficulty for a person, Allah will remove a difficulty for that person on the Day of Reckoning” (Al-Bukhari).
Muslim imams should be trained in counseling and, better yet, each community should have its own group of professional counselors. We can no longer turn away from the struggling sinner, but must reach out with a sincere hand and walk with our brothers and sisters through the difficulties that they face.
Finally, I pray that you can find a community leader who will be willing to sit with you and assist you through these difficulties. You are not alone and only need a mature community leader who will be willing to accept you and help you overcome your problems.

(By Suhaib Webb answering someone with a problem similar to yours.)

Thank you so much!

I have read through my original post, and I just want to add a few things.

- My sexuality is not a personal or spiritual issue for me. I'm bisexual, and that's just how it is, no god or any other deity, practice or culture can change that. I've accepted myself, god accepted me, and I believe that if god can love with and stand with me through all the "sins" I commit, these have to be a part of who I am. (of course, that doesn't mean that I won't try to quit using certain drugs and other things that are bad for a person no matter what you believe in)
- While I don't personally believe in sins, I'm open to the idea of joining a community in which sins are taken seriously, even if that means that everyone commits sins. As long as both those around me and I are capable of preaching peace and acceptance, our personal views on sins don't have to separate us.
- In the original post, it can seem like I'm not ready to give, and that I just want to take. That is not the case. If I find a community in which I'm accepted as I am, I'm ready to give as much of myself as I can.

I realize that much of who I am as a person, believe in and practice differs vastly from most denominations of Islam. My practice of prayer is closer to East Asian practices, with great influence from meditation, and personally, I don't think I could stick to Salah for the rest of my life. I have found a practice that works, and by adding symbolic practices to that doesn't necessarily give me anything or add anything to my relationship with god, I'm afraid that our relationship will change. With that said, I have not tried Salah, so this is one of the things that might change as I go through this journey, but if I find that this doesn't give as much as my own practices, I honestly don't think I could keep myself to the standard of sticking to it.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you TBA; and welcome to the forum;

In order to find God, you have to do something.

There is a constant need to keep challenging yourself, you cannot find God and be the same person in twenty years time, there is always the need to change.

Holy Scripture is written for a reason, whilst we might not agree with everything, it does not mean that scriptures should be changed to suit our needs. Scripture must inspire us to change.

Pray for God to guide you, pray for the wisdom and the strength to do God's will, we cannot do this through our own strength and ability.

In the spirit of searching for God.

Eric

 

[Madsamandtofu]

The others here have already answered your question from a scholarly text and have given many great examples of the Islamic rulings.

I would like to say that I understand very much where you are coming from. I would also say that the matter of your sexuality and sexual conduct is an issue for you alone. But please no it is a huge blessing to take Shahada and to pray and see the whole truth. The rest of the rules and the minor details?.... As you're love for Allah grows, and your understanding of Islam grows, you will figure out where you stand and what your willing to do/ not do, for the sake of Allah. In the end we are each accountable for our own actions and that is that.

...If Allah can forgive prophet Moses (pbuh) of MURDER, and then choose to make him a Prophet, then I think you'll be fine.

There is a great video by Bayyiah Institue called "You're Forgiven, Move On!" (Part of the 'That's Messed Upt' series, season1). You should watch it here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lNRFo1JXIJw

Good luck and God bless.

 

[aaj]

Greetings and welcome to the forum.


It seems you are looking for a place to belong while at the same not wanting change. I agree with Eric in that, no one stays the same forever. We grow and change with each experience and knowledge we gain. While you are of the mindset that this is how you are and you don't want to change. You also have to remember that part of having faith in religion and God is to strive to better one self and live upon the tenets of the faith that God has given as guidelines to navigate through life. While you may not want to change now, you have to realize that you should keep an open mind and let God take you to path that is better for you and help you grow and change for the better. Ideally, we all should want to change and grow to be better than we were yesterday.

I also agree with Madsamandtofu in the importance of taking the shahadah. First, you should study Islam more thoroughly and when you feel that this is the truth and the right path leading to God and salvation then you should convert. To die as a Muslim and to die as a Non-Muslim is the single most important thing in Islam, everything else is secondary. The biggest sin is to deny God or associate partners with Him, all other sins can be forgiven but not this one. So I would suggest doing more research and once you feel this is the truth and the path for you then convert and try to follow the commands of Allah the best you can. Any homosexuality is a major sin in Islam, whether choosing to act upon it or not is your choice and your decision for which you will be held accountable on judgement day. You may still continue in it or you may give up over time as you grow more in your faith. This will be your biggest test.

As far as the community is concerned, so long as you don't go around broadcasting your orientation or start hitting on the brothers you will be fine. It will be your personal matter and that's all.