My sister is practising and still not married

[anonymous]

Salaamz

My sister is practicing, she's 30 years old, we've been praying everyday, being patient, every potential groom comes along i'm always finding stuff out that puts me off and any that I do like, i have trouble getting background info on him or his family. My mum pressuring me to get her married, whilst my mum is totally oblivious to what society has become now in regards to marriage, i'm more sceptical and precautious in that subject, i'm always safeguarding or putting two and two together to come to a conclusion and the lesser of two evils is always 'leave it and wait for the next one'

What is going on? what should I do?

sometimes it is too much. too too much, my sister will never be a burden to me but she wants to get married, i want her to get married, all family members want her to get married and i for dont agree in rushing into anything or blindly accepting a groom just for the sake of marriage by ignoring all the reasons why a potential marriage shouldnt progress.

We pray for guidance, we pray everyday, we pray Allah swt makes it easy for everyone and at the same time the elder generation just dont realise what is going on around the world in regards to marriages and divorces and its impact on families and potential offspring, myself experiencing it first hand has changed my view of the world and i think its made me super cautious. I do give and take but my conclusion is most of the time to 'not progress with grooms' unless im happy ive compromised everywhere i can yet they are still not a suitor.

Please remember us in your dua'z and any advice appreciated.

Yeah we live in the UK but divorces are happening all around the world, mainly in the western countries though.

Jazak Allah.

 

[Ahmed.]

walaikum assalam rahmatullahi barakatuh

Brother, as long as the suitor is practicing and has an ok job, then you need to lower the standards for your sister, just get her married to the first available practicing guy as the more older she gets, the suitors will be more put off and the harder it will be to get her married

 

[anonymous]

walaikum assalam rahmatullahi barakatuh

Brother, as long as the suitor is practicing and has an ok job, then you need to lower the standards for your sister, just get her married to the first available practicing guy as the more older she gets, the suitors will be more put off and the harder it will be to get her married

Jazak Allah brother Ahmed, i'll bear that in mind.

 

[xboxisdead]

Oh come on, heh, it is not that bad. I mean...she could have high standard and wait for the perfect guys It just mean the higher her standard though the harder for her to find the perfect guy. If she is willing to try one year going super high in her standard to finding that Mr. Perfect, I say, "Why not?".

 

[Supernova]

Asalaamualaykum:

Whilst is commendable that you are looking out for your sister - you have to be aware of the very essence of Nikah

Its not only about a persons past. If we concentrate too much on that element, then ask yourself which person today doesn't have skeletons in the closet ???

When potential grooms do come, your focus should be about their plans and ability to build a Islamic home. Be rest assured that whilst you researching others, others will research your family and its members too. Looking at someones past gives you a snapshot of where they are coming from - but it doesn't always dictate where that person wants to go.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

My brother searching for marriage is one of those things that can take a while but we can do the following to help ourselves as Allah helps those who put in the hard work, effort and patiently persevere and put they're trust in him.

The following are 7 things we can do to maximise our opportunity to find a potential marriage suitor:

1. Most important of all during the search for a potential suitor is to always remain within the boundaries of Islam and go about the search for marriage in accordance with what pleases Allah and stay away from that which may displease him. It is unfortunate that their are many predators out there who are looking to take advantage of other people's vulnerabilities and play with their emotions promising them marriage so they can get what they want. So it is important for both men and women to always ensure that the potential female suitor has a mahram present with them throughout each and every interaction as shaythan is always ready to be third party to private interactions. If we truly want the help and blessings of the ultimate match maker - Almighty Allah then surely we should do everything in our pursuit to please him.

2. It is important to be clear on what you are looking for and thave important criteria that you cannot compromise on like for eg Practising, a particular aqeedah, beard, Hijaab, divorcee with or without kids, living with or seperatley from potential suitors parents etc. All other things not in the important criteria can be compromised.

3. Realise that we are not without many faults. So when looking for a potential suitor then it is important not to disregard them for one or two faults when we have many faults.

4. Broaden your search. Many are just on one marriage website or just relying on family etc. But nowadays especially with the internet as well as Muslim marriage events then there are many more options open to us than ever before. However I would always choose those options where the girls mahram is present in all interactions. Especially as there are many options nowadays that are nothing more than "Muslim dating" opportunities. As well as family helping with the search the following are also some good options to consider:

- Proper "Islamic" marriage websites that only allow the female to join with the mahram present in all interactions. This is because some of the well known "Muslim" marriage websites are nothing more than Muslim dating websites. The advantage of marriage websites is that they hold a large database of potential suitors from across the country so allows you to widen your search.

- Muslim Marriage events that allow only the mahram of the girl to be present in all interactions. Increasingly these are becoming more widespread across the UK and can attract a large number of potential suitors.

- Local Masjids are another option as many of them hold a database of local Muslim potential suitors for marriage.

- "Rishtha Aunties" as we call them in the South Asian culture are another good option due to the large database they hold of potential suitors both locally and nationally. These can be found by simply asking around as they are normally well known to families who may also be looking for potential suitors. Again it's important to specify to them exactly what you are looking for so they dont introduce you to those that do not meet your important criteria.

5. Give a potential suitor who meets the important criteria a proper chance. Many can be nervous in the first meeting or may not open up properly so may need another meeting to see if they are the right person or not.

6. Even if things have progressed but something major arises for example that goes against an important criteria then do not feel obliged to go ahead as this can also be a sign from Allah that this is not the right person.

7. Make sincere Dua throughout the process particularly at Tahajjud time and ask of Allah through isthikhara to do with is best for you and then put your full trust and hope in him and everything will work out for the best insha'Allah.

May Allah enable all our brothers and sisters to find the best and most pious partners whom they can spend their lives pleasing Allah and working for the Hereafter. Amee