We were at home when we heard the front door open. It’s probably Khalil, I thought. He came into the room looking tired and frightened. Aisha rushed to him.
"Guess who found the moon Khalil. Guess!” she exclaimed.
He sat down next to mom and pretended to think. “Hmm.” He said. “Was it you?”
“Yes, yes. We found it and guess what I got!” she said happily.
“How bout you just tell me Aisha. I hate guessing games.” He said tiredly.
“We got money. Each of us. Guess how much we got.”
Khalil sighed and rubbed his forehead.
“Ok then if you don’t want to guess, I’ll tell you.” She paused for a moment. “We each got two hundred bucks.” She announced proudly.
“That’s nice.” Khalil said absentmindedly.
Aisha glared at him for not being more interested then she turned away from him angrily.
Khalil leaned back on his chair. Ahmed turned on the T.V. and took the remote and flipped through the channels. He stopped at one channel that had a comical show. We all watched, except Khalil. He just stared at the screen but I could tell his mind was someplace else. I turned back to the show. We were all laughing every now and then. After a while Khalil went upstairs. I saw Mom and Dad exchange worried glances. Dad went upstairs after him.
Weird I thought. Khalil’s been acting very strangely lately.
I turned to Ahmed. “Are you guys sleeping here or is your dad gona pick you up?” I asked him.
“We’re staying here. My dad’s going to pick us up tomorrow after Asr.” He answered.
“Then you two will have to go to the garage to get the small mattresses for Ahmed and Aisha to sleep on.” Mom told us. “Put one in your room and the other one in the girls’ room.”
We got up and went to the Garage. We got one of them and placed it in the girls’ room, and then we took the other one to our room. I could hear Dad and Khalil talking. “Should we go in?” Ahmed asked. I shrugged and knocked on the door. I opened it and we went in.
Khalil looked up. Dad patted him on the shoulder and left. We looked at Khalil inquiringly. He looked like he was crying. We placed the mattress of to one side. I sat down next to Khalil.
“Hey what’s wrong? You haven’t been yourself lately.” I said.
He stared at the floor and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. As I looked at him I suddenly felt sorry for him. He looked so frightened, confused, worried, sad, miserable and everything else that could make you feel depressed.
“Khalil, you sure you’re ok?” Ahmed asked.
“Yeah.” Khalil murmured.
“There’s nothing bothering you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now ok?” Khalil answered throwing himself onto his bed. I glanced at Ahmed. He had a look of concern on his face. Dad came back into the room.
“Come on you guys it’s getting late. Get ready for bed. I want to see you champs in bed in twenty minutes.” He said. We nodded. Ahmed went to the bathroom. Khalil looked up and glanced at me.
“Ramadan Mubarak by the way.” He chuckled.
“Hey man. Any sane person can tell that something’s wrong with you. What is it?” I asked him.
“I guess that sane person is really quite insane cause there is absolutely nothing that is wrong with me.” He quipped.
I could tell he was trying to act normal but deep down he was totally hurt by something. I wish I knew so I could try to help him.
Ahmed came back into the room. He looked bewildered.
“Khalil were you in a car crash?!” he exclaimed.
I looked at Khalil. He looked startled. “Where did you here bout that?” he asked uneasily.
“Your dad was talking bout that to your mom. I heard them when I was going to the bathroom.” Ahmed answered.
“I wasn’t in any car that got into a crash ok?” Khalil said getting up to go to the bathroom. Ahmed blocked his way and closed the door.
“You’re not going anywhere until you tell us what happened.” He said jokingly.
“Why do you care anyway? I was walking and I saw a car fall into this ditch. No big deal.” Khalil replied angrily pushing Ahmed aside.
“Then why are you all upset and stressed?”
“Who said I was stressed? And I’m getting mad right now because I can’t even get one second to myself in this house. You try to think about something and someone’s gona be pestering you all day asking what’s wrong? God. Why can’t anyone learn how to stay out of my business?” Khalil exclaimed his eyes full of hurt and anger. He opened his mouth to say something else but chose not to. He looked at Ahmed for another second then opened the door and left. Ahmed and I stood there for a second startled. I never saw Khalil like that.
“God I actually feel bad for him.” Ahmed said to me. “But I think that there’s more to the story then he’s telling.”
“Yeah, but you can’t get anything out of Khalil when he doesn’t want to tell you.” I said.
Ahmed nodded. “I learned my lesson. But I didn’t think he’d get that mad.” He said chuckling.
Just then my cell phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and stared at the incoming number trying to figure out who it was.
“Who is it?” Ahmed asked. I didn’t know so I shrugged and answered the call. “Hello?” I asked.
“Assalamu Alaykum. Can I speak to Khalid or Khalil?” a deep familiar voice asked.
“Wa Alaykum Assalam. I’m Khalid.”
“Hello Khalid. This is Mr. Aziz speaking. I want to inform you that there will be no school during Ramadan. So after tomorrow there won’t be any school until after Eid.” He informed me.
“So is there any school tomorrow?”
“No. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a lot more phone calls to make.” He chuckled. I hanged up and turned to Ahmed.
“Who was it?” he asked.
“Mr. Aziz. He said there will be no school during Ramadan.” I answered. He jumped up with excitement.
“Yeah!” he shouted.
Khalil came back into the room. “What?” he asked.
“There’s no school tomorrow.” Ahmed told him.
I expected Khalil to be twice as happy as Ahmed but he frowned.
“Why not?” he asked.
“They closed it down for Ramadan.”
Khalil sulked. “That’s not fair.”
“Why not? I thought you were gona be happy.” I said.
“It’s easier to fast at school because you have something to do while you wait. Oh well. At least we don’t have to wake up early in the morning.” He chuckled.
“Well you still have to wake up for Suhuur and Fajr.” I told him.
“I Know. I know sheikh Khalid You don’t have to remind me..” He quipped.
“Really? It usuall takes you an hour to wake up and another hour for you to get out of the bathroom.”
He threw a pillow at me. Soon we were throwing pillows at each other until dad came in.
He stared at the pillow in Khalil’s hand and chuckled.
“I thought I told you boys to go to sleep.” He said.
“Sorry.” We replied.
I got up and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and made Wudu’. When I came back to the room they were already on their beds. I got my prayer rug and placed it on the floor.
“What’re you praying?” Khalil asked.
“Witr.” I replied. He laid back on his pillow. I humbled my self for prayer. Just then Dad opened the door.
“Are you going to pray the Witr?” he asked me. I nodded.
“Come to the living room and pray with me. Praying in Jama’ah is twenty seven times better remember?” I picked up my prayer rug and followed him outside. I stood to the right and behind my dad and made my intension to pray. Then dad brought his hands back behind his ears; ready to open the prayer. I followed.
“Allahu Akbar…”
When we finished praying I went to the bookshelf and got a Quran. I went back to my prayer rug and read it. I had a habit of reading one Juzu’ every night or if I was too tired, I read it in the morning after Fajr. Reading after Fajr was more rewarding but I liked reading at night more. As I read my dad sat on his rug making Tasbeeh and gazing at me. “Let me hear your voice Khalid. I remember when you were younger we would sit after Isha and read it together.”
I raised my voice loud enough for him to hear. I read ten pages then I felt my eyes becoming heavy. Dad realized this. He patted me on the shoulder. “Jazakallah Khair son. That’s enough for tonight. I can tell you’re getting tired.” I smiled and booked marked my spot then I placed the Quran back on the shelf.
“Hey dad?” I asked. He looked up at me. I sat back down next to him on my prayer rug. “Do you know what’s wrong with Khalil?” I asked.
He looked into space for a while before answering. “Yesterday when he was walking back home from the Masjid he saw an old man in the path of a fast moving car. He saved the man by pulling him back onto the sidewalk. The car however started to spin and it fell into a ditch. A couple of the Uncles who witnessed this rushed to help the people in the car. They dragged out three young men. Their driver was drunk and he lost control of the car. Amu Jihad who was there tried to get the guy to say the Kalimah before he died. But…” Dad shook his head like he couldn’t believe it.
“What?” I asked. “But what?”
“He couldn’t no matter how much Amu ordered him he couldn’t say it. Do you know what he did instead?”
“Dad I’m gona die from suspense.” I joked.
He didn’t laugh. His eyes looked sad and tearful. “Khalid, Amu told him to say La ilaha ila Allah but he didn’t. Do you know what he did? He sang.” I gasped. From all the possibilities that spun through my head I didn’t think that the guy would sing!
Dad shook his head again. “He sang.” He repeated. “Instead of saying the Kalimah he chose to sing some devilish song. Ya Allah have mercy on us. Don’t let us die with a terrible fate awaiting us.”
I was thunder struck. How could he not say La ilaha ila Allah. How could he choose to sing! At a time like that was that the only thing that came to his mind? What was he thinking!
Dad broke into my thoughts. “You may think that it would have been easy for him to utter the Kalimah but it’s not as simple as you think.”
I looked confused. “You may be able to say La ilaha ila Allah a million times right now but now is not the time. The Prophet peace be upon him didn’t say, he who’s middle or first word is La ilaha ila Allah will enter Jannah. He said he who’s last word is La ilaha ila Allah will enter Jannah. Do you know why?”
I shook my head.
“It’s because right now it’s easy for us to say anything. But when you see the Angels of Death over your head and you see and feel the pain and suffering that come with death then you will only remember the words and things you use to occupy your self with. You will only remember the things you kept close to you. If a person is pious and god fearing person and he always remembers Allah, then for sure Allah will never forget him. Allah says “Remember me and I will remember you.” But on the other hand, if you’re a sinful person who only runs after this life expecting to live forever and never remembering and fearing Allah then of course that person won’t be able to say the Kalimah.”
I nodded my head to show that I understood.
“The sheikh told me that his funeral will be tomorrow. His two companions are Ok though Al-Hamdulillah. Khalil just came back from visiting them. The guys death and the way he died I guess really affected him. And when he saw the man’s companions it made him feel worse. Maybe you guys can cheer him up?” he asked hopefully.
“I don’t know dad. If we try to talk to him he gets mad. But for some reason he’s not like that with Yusuf or Zaki.”
“Zaki? Does he go to your school?”
“Yeah. He’s knew here. Khalil met him today at the game and already they’re best friends.” I said glumly. He patted me on the shoulder.
“Don’t let that bother you. They may be his best friends but you’re his only brother. Believe me Khalil cares a lot about you.”
“Well he doesn’t really show it.” I grumbled.
“He will sooner or later. You should get some sleep now or you’ll be too tired to get up for Suhuur tomorrow.”
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Mr. Aziz called a while ago. He said that the school will be closed for a Ramadan break.”
“That’s great. You have more time to make Ibadah. I bet Khalil will be happy bout that.”
“Actually he wasn’t. I think he was planning on doing something but he can’t since school will be closed.”
I got up and folded my prayer rug. “Goodnight dad.” I said as I headed upstairs. I opened the door expecting them to be asleep.
They were chatting. They stopped when they saw me enter.
“Were you guys really praying for that long?” Ahmed asked.
“No.” I answered as I got into bed.
“What were you guys doing?”
“We were reading Quran at first then we started chatting.”
“With dad?” Khalil perked up from his bed. I nodded.
“Weird. Dad never just chats with me. He just talks and when he does it’s only to give me advice to something like that.” Khalil frowned. I shrugged and lay down. Ahmed got up and turned of the light. After a while we were all fast asleep.
I found myself driving a car. This isn’t so bad I thought. I gripped the steering wheel and found the car accelerating faster and faster. I stepped hard on the brake pedal but nothing happened. The car was going faster. 40,45,50,55,60,65,70,75,80,85,90… it wouldn’t stop.
Ya Allah I thought. I tried to yell but I couldn’t. I tried to scream but my efforts went in vain. The smell of tires rubbing against the floor reached my nose. Then I smelt something else. It was faint at first but it came stronger and stronger as my car spun in crazy circles. Then I knew what it was, SMOKE. And where there’s smoke there’s fire. I saw the flames circling the car. The strong smell of the fresh smoke suffocated me. Desperately I fought for air.
“Allah!” I shouted. “La ilaha ila Allah.” I sat up in my bed.
“A’udhu bi-llahi min ash-Saytan ir-rajim.” I murmured. I found myself drenched in sweat. I wiped it from my face. Hasbunallah, I never had such a nightmare before. I guess Dad’s story went to my head. I looked around the room. Khalil and Ahmed were sound asleep. I turned onto my right side and tried to get back to sleep. I drifted off again. This time I dreamed I was in a earthquake. The whole earth seemed to be shaking. Khalid! Khalid! I heard someone from the distance calling my name. Then I felt something hit my head hard.
I jumped up and realized that the shaking was of Ahmed who was trying to wake me up. I saw a pillow on my lap. Ahmed must have thrown it at me I thought.
“Get up man. You sleep too much.” Ahmed retorted.
I got up and went to the bathroom to make Wudu then I went to the dining room to eat. Aisha was up.
“Are you going to fast the whole day?” I asked.
“Yup! It’s going to be my first fast. I fasted last year but that was for only half a day. Now I’m sure I can do the whole day.” She exclaimed proudly.
“Well good luck then.”
After we ate we went with my dad to the Fajr prayer. Usually there were only five to six lines but today the Masjid was packed. Luckily we found a place in the front. After the prayer the sheikh beckoned us to be seated.
“I have a few announcements to make.” He said as he glanced around to see if everyone was listening. “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that one of the young brothers has died yesterday in a car crash. His Janazah will happen today after Dhuhr. The good news is… well actually it’s more for the youth. We will be having Halaqahs every night from this day on. During Ramadan the Halaqahs will be held after Iftaar.” He announced.
Everyone started murmuring with excitement.
Wow! I thought. This was going to be so cool. I glanced at the Sheikh. He was grinning at Khalil. Khalil’s face was all lit up and happy. He turned towards me and smiled. Dad and Ahmed were grinning too.
The sheikh tapped the microphone to get everyone’s attention.
“That’s not all the news.” He said smiling. He signaled someone from the audience to step up. I saw Khalil’s eyes nearly bulge out. The sheikh nodded at him and smiled. I glanced at the guy. He had a long beard and a welcoming atmosphere around him. His eyes were a pool of kindness but looked teasing at the same time. He was grinning at Khalil. “What’s up with that?” I thought. It was like my brother was famous all of a sudden.
“This is my good friend Sheikh Fiez.” The sheikh announced. Sheikh Fiez?! No wonder Khalil was excited. I loved listening to Sheikh Fiez’s lectures. They always made you think and ponder for the rest of the day.
“He will be staying here for a couple of months. I have asked him to give us a few of his wonderful lectures and he has agreed. He and I will be taking turns through out Ramadan. He will speak one night and I will speak the other and so on. Also two other respected Sheikhs will be visiting us. Inshallah they will be here the day after tomorrow, Thursday. I think you may all know them. The first one is Yusuf Estes. He is a Muslim convert that lives in Texas. He is known for his humor and light hearted lectures and sermons.”
I knew Sheikh Yusuf. He was really funny and cool. Al-Hamdulillah I couldn’t believe that he was going to come here.
“The other brother is Sheikh Ahmed Jibril. Inshallah like I said before they will be here on Thursday. This is an opportunity not to be missed. JazakumAllah Khair. Thank you for your patience.”
Ahmed Jibril? I haven’t heard of him before. But from the look on Khalil’s face I could tell he knew him. I’ll ask him later thought. We got up to leave. I realized that Khalil was lugging behind.
“Let’s go boys.” Dad said.
We went outside to the parking lot. “It’s 5:20. I bet we’re going to be waiting for your dad for at least twenty minutes.” Ahmed joked.
“Hey where’s Khalil?” Dad asked. We shrugged. He was right behind us for a few seconds but now he disappeared.
“Can you boys go look for him? I don’t want him going off to anywhere again.” Dad asked as he left to talk with Amu Jihad.
“I’m gona go to the bathroom.” Ahmed said as he left.
I saw Yusuf standing next to the Masjid’s door. I went up to him.
“Hey Khalil.” He said. “Oh sorry I thought you were Khalil.” He murmured as he turned away.
“Did you see him?” I asked.
“Who?”
“Khalil. Do you know where he is?”
“In there. Tell him that I wana talk with him if you see him.” He grumbled. I ignored the fact that he was being so rude. I shrugged and went inside. Suddenly I felt someone pull on my hand. Thinking it was Yusuf I turned around. It wasn’t Yusuf or anyone else I knew. He was a young guy about my age with scars and scratches on his face. He looked like he had been crying for a long time. He had a cast on him foot.
“I’m so glad I found you. After you left I started thinking. I realized that everything you said was true. And I repented. I just want to thank you. I don’t think a thank you is enough. I…” all of a sudden he started crying. A few people looked towards us with raised eyebrows.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said. I was totally confused. I have never seen this person before and he was thanking me for something I didn’t even do! Just then Yusuf came in.
“Did you find your brother?” he asked. Then he saw the boy that was crying while leaning heavily against me. “What’s going on?!” Yusuf asked me. I shrugged.
“He came up to me and started thanking me and saying stuff about repenting…”
“Ammar this isn’t Khalil.” Yusuf said calmly.
“He isn’t? But… but.”
“This is his brother Khalid. Khalil’s the one that visited you last night. He’s somewhere in the Masjid.” I saw a man running towards us.
“Ammar! Ammar are you ok?” he asked.
He took Ammar’s hand and helped him out of the Masjid. I glanced at Yusuf. He frowned at me and left. I stood there watching him leave. I felt my anger rising. What have I done to him? Why was he always so grim and harsh towards me and Ahmed? Just forget about him my mind told me. I went into the Musallah and found Khalil sitting on the floor with Sheikh Muhammad and Sheikh Fiez. I walked up to their small circle.
“Hello Khalid. Sit down.” Sheikh Muhammad greeted me and patted and the floor next to Khalil. I saw a hint of a small frown on Khalil’s face.
“Are you two brother’s?” Sheikh Fiez asked. I nodded.
“Twins? Mashallah it’s like I’m seeing double. I hope I don’t mistake between you two.” He chuckled.
“Are you planning on coming to the Halaqah tonight Khalid?” Sheikh Muhammad announced.
“I cont wait.” I said.
“Do you think it’s a good idea?” he asked.
“The best ever. I’m glad you found a program for us. The programs are usually for the older people.”
“Great minds think alike. Right Khalil?” Sheikh Muhammad joked.
I saw Khalil smiling. He nodded. One thing I like about Sheikh Muhammad was that he was always joking and playing around with us. Sure he was serious sometimes but he would always say something that would make you smile.
“Oh I almost forgot. Dad told me to go looking for you. We’re leaving.” I said. We got up and after exchanging salaams with the Shiekhs we headed towards the door.
“Yusuf said he wants to talk with you.” I told Khalil. He frowned slightly. “I’ll see him tonight.” He said.
“Hey do you know who Ammar is?”
“Yeah why?” he asked looking at me curiously.
“He saw me and mistook me for you.” I informed him. “He said that he has been thinking over what you said and he said thanks to you he has repented and he wanted to thank you.”
“When did that happen?”
“A couple minutes ago.”
We found dad and Ahmed waiting for us in the car. We got in and went home. When we got home I went inside and got my Quran and went to the backyard. I sat on the grass. The sun was slowly coming up. I opened the Quran and started reading. I loved reading outside with the wind against your chest and your hair blowing wildly.
But another thing is that any tree or plant that hears you recites the Quran or Adhan will ask Allah to forgive you on the Day of Judgment.
I read and pondered over the meaning and significance of the verses that I read. I was so gripped in it that I didn’t realize Khalil who was sitting next to me.
”Oh you startled me. I didn’t realize you sitting there.”
He chuckled. “I’ve been sitting here since you started reading that chapter.” Then he got solemn and serious. “Hey remember you asked me last night about what was bothering me?”
I nodded.
“You wana hear bout it?”
“I already know.”
“What?!” he appeared startled. “Who told you?”
“A little birdy.”
He chuckled. “No really who was it?”
“Hmm… I can’t really remember. I’ll tell ya when I remember.”
“Let me guess then. Yusuf? Nah. How bout Ammar. No forget that I don’t think it’s him. Hmm… Oh is it Dad?”
I nodded.
“He told you last night when you guys were “chatting” huh?”
“Yeah. I asked him and he spilt the beans.”
“Yeah. Dad always…”
I punched him on the arm playfully. “Hey don’t backbite.”
“I cant wait until tonight.” He said.
“Tonight? The sun’s not up yet.” I chuckled.
“I know but every time I think about the Halaqah tonight I cant help but feel so excited.”
“I bet after tonight you’re gona be saying I cant wait until Thursday.”
“Yup. Sheikh Muhammad was right. Great minds think alike. Only my mind is smarter and greater than yours.”
I ignored his second comment. “I thought Amu was talking about himself when he said great minds think alike.”
“No he was talking bout you and me. Cuz I’m the one who thought up of the whole thing.”
“What thing?”
“The Halaqahs and youth programs. Remember that day we were fighting and I stayed behind?”
“Yeah. Wait let me guess all that time you were talking to the shiekh?”
“Yup. You wana guess what’s the topic that Shiekh Muhammad is gona be talking about?”
“How great Khalil is?”
“No. Really try to guess.”
“Let’s see. If it was your idea it’s gona be about war or bravery or courage or heroism.”
“Khalid bravery, courage, and heroism are the same. And yes it was my idea. And yes it’s going to be about some battles.”
“The ones against the Persian and Roman empires?” I asked. He nodded. “So that’s why you asked for the CD’s.”
“Yeah. The shiekh needed them for info.” He said.
Dad came outside and sat on the floor next to us.
“I’m glad you two are getting along.” He said.
Khalil yawned. “I’m tired.”
“Why don’t you get some sleep for a while? It’s only 6:21.”Dad said
“Hey look at the sunrise.” Khalil said. We turned our heads and stared in wonder.
“Subhanallah!” Dad murmured.
“I’m gona go sleep for a while.” Khalil said as he went back inside.
I went back to reading the Quran. Dad listened quietly.
I heard the porch door open. I turned around and saw mom come outside. She sat sown next to me and listened.
I kept on reading until my eyes became weary. I stopped and yawned.
“Mashallah” I heard my dad murmur. Mom squeezed me shoulder.
“Please keep on reading.” She said. I recited a couple more pages to keep her happy. But after a while I lost my concentration and my eyes drooped. I felt sleepy and tired.
“That’s enough. I’m gona fall asleep.” I said.
Mom laughed. “It’s still early why don’t you take a little nap?”
“Good idea.” I said as I got up to leave.
“Can you give me the Quran Khalid?” dad asked. “Let me get my share of good deeds.” I gave the Kitab to him and he started reading.
I went inside and stood next to the open glass doors listening to my dad just as he had listened to me. I had always loved listening to his voice. And every time I read the Quran I tried to copy his tone and I attempted to make my voice sound like his even though I could never get close. Mom came inside and saw me standing there.
“I thought you were sleepy.” She joked ruffling my hair.
“I couldn’t help but listen to Dad.” I answered.
“You know your voice sounds so much like him. Every time I hear you reading I can’t help but notice the striking similarity.”
I smiled and went upstairs. Ahmed was asleep but Khalil was up reading a book. He looked up.
“What are you reading?” I asked.
“Quran.” He answered.
I threw myself on my bed. I stared at the clock on the wall. Seven o-clock in the morning. I sighed and turned the other way trying to get some sleep. I closed my eyes and I found myself in a huge amusement park. The strange thing about this park was that there were no people except those who worked there.
I saw a huge rollercoaster and I got on. As it went up a hill I found to my horror that the safety strap thing was so loose. Suddenly the coaster shot down the hill. I looked up and saw a huge loop ahead. I started feeling dizzy. There is no way this strap is going to hold me I thought. As I went through the loop I felt my self falling. Down, down, down… I bolt straight up on my bed.
“What happened?” I heard someone ask.
I looked up and saw Khalil sitting on his bed still reading. I felt my forehead it was burning hot. I lied back down.
“Are you ok Khalid?”
I nodded weakly. I felt sick and dizzy. I twisted and turned on my bed trying to get in a comfortable position. I turned and saw Khalil staring at me.