need dua

[roohani.doctor]

salam all, I haven't been on this forum properly for a long time. I have been going through depression, anxiety, lots of change in life.. etc and have lost my way.. I used to have a clear goal in mind of where I wanted to be as a Muslimah. Lately, I have had a hard time trying to do the 'right' things...even praying 5 times a day, which at one point, used to come so easily, now seems like a chore everyday. Some days I dont pray 5 times a day, and the guilt buries me. I used to cry when listening to the quran. This change in me is making me depressed even more that I already am. I know it'll come slowly and I'll have to work hard...I know I'll have to pray but I need your duas. please make dua that Allah guides me and make me strong. Sometimes I worry that I may be a hypocrite, because I am really good in giving advice on how to be a good Muslim...I am good in giving the impression that I am strong in my faith - when in reality - I am weak. Praying 5 times a day out of LOVE is my goal right now. I want to...i need to pray out of love...I want to pray cuz I love it, not cuz I feel like I have to. I rush through salah now...cuz I cannot wait to finish...I just want to have that peace that comes with praying...with knowing you have Allah no matter what.

Islam means everything to me. Without it, I would be nowhere. I honestly dont know if I would even be alive if it weren't for the fact that I have this faith. it is the centre of my world...it defines who I am. I am in a good place in my life right now...my family is amazing and supportive and religious alhumdulillah..so I dont have any pressure to be less islamic or anything... I feel like Shaytan has a strong hold of me..that he laughs at my attempts to cry while reciting quran or praying...that he knows I am pretending..but I dont want to pretend... I love islam. I love Allah. I love our prophet Muhammad PBUH...I am so so so BLESSED and thankful to be a Muslim...

I guess the point of all this is...I am losing my way. I am not as strong as I wanna be. Please just make dua for me. jazakallah khayran. May Allah bless, guide, and have endless mercy on each one of you in this life and the akhira. Ameen.

 

[Hulk]

Assalamualaikum sis.. will make dua inshaAllah.. I would suggest trying to learn more about our religion from a good teacher so that your knowledge will grow and with it so will iman. InshaAllah.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

May Allah forgive, guide, help, protect and reward you, your family and us all. Aameen.

Please make the same dua for me and my family.

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum

Insha Allah, I will make du'a for you.

But sis, what you mean with your attempt to cry while reciting Qur'an or praying?. From what I know, there's no sunnah that we must cry when recite Qur'an, pray or make du'a.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


may Allah increases u and us in Faith , Ameen.

 

[roohani.doctor]

@ardianto - I meant just that before I used to LOVE reciting the quran and salah... the words used to mean something to me. Now it seems more like a burden. And you are right, there is no sunnah about crying etc...just something personal for me

jazakallah khyran everyone. May Allah bless all of you and your families, ameen.

 

[gladTidings]

My sister..your guilt, anxiety and worry is a sign of your Iman. You are worrying about your state of Imaan, Allah loves you and He wants you to be closer to Him like you want to be closer to Him. Shaytan is fooling you to believe you are far from Him, but you are not. Allah is closer to us than we know. His name is echoing in our heart beats, His protection is enveloping us and His forgiveness is there for us to claim until our very last breath. He is SO merciful, we just understand it. May Allah swt give us understanding. Ameen.

 

[Haya emaan]

walaikum assalam

may Allah SWT bless you sister.. mashaAllah you are cautious about your prayers and your ibadah and As sister said this is a sign of imaan.
my sister our imaan is constantly in a fluctuating state. some times it is stronger while other times we feel it weaker, not in a sense that in weaker imaan gives up ibadah and all.. but that we dont feel the same state of satisfaction,peace and closeness to our creator. This is where we constantly have to struggle with our selves i.e our nafs. Try and Try and struggle and struggle.. momin is always in a state of struggle.. so if you have to struggle and make efforts to keep your level of imaan up and up this not some thing actually to worry but only to work on.

Moreover you can try to sort out what is preventing you to gain the comfort and peace from your ibadah and prayers.. i read some where that it is our sins that prevents us from waking up at tahajjud prayer.. this makes difference if we apply it for all our prayers. i hope and pray this is not the reason for what you mentioned but human can never be free of mistakes. evaluate your actions once in a court of yourself.

as brother said increase your knowledge in Islam will inshaAllah work a lot. in addition if you have good Muslims friends spend some time with them. good company gives you inspiration. have healthy productive discussions with them on religion, how to increase one's emaan , personal experiences etc to get motivation and to push your self.

and above all try to strengthen your relationship with Allah SWT, by any means dont forget him at any moment. read and learn His names and attributes, select verses from the quran mentioning and keep reciting them through out the day inshaAllah soon you will feel His closeness and love in your heart and in your prayers..