Need help and advice

Sister_Ayesha

Sister_Ayesha

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Salam

I have been having trouble with some things. I reverted over a 1 1/2 ago and I still don't pray 5 times, some times I don't at all. I try and read the quran and learn it but hardly do that. The major problem I have is I don't have anyone to help me. My husband who is a born muslim, doesn't pray or read the quran and does some things that are not adviced in Islam. He also gets mad at me about wearing an jibab or with me doing a lot of things that Islam suggests. I try to improve but it's hard. Sometimes when I read the Quran, he interupts me and then I can't concentrate. I really want to improve but I'm having sooooo much difficulty because I have to completely change a lot of my ways but I it's so hard right now. I wish that I was around people that were practicing muslims so i can learn from them and be able to continue once I'm not with them. Please can anyone advice me on what to do, Please I'm sooo fustrated and discouraged, I really need to know what I should do.
 
i see your problem. does your husband go work??????? if he does you can recite the quran then. Talk to your husband tell him that we have to pray 5 times namaz, and it
is fard on you to wear the hijab. inshallah he might just understand...
 
Asalamu alaikum

Make some time by going to your local mosque and perhaps you may then be able to concentrate more on prayer especially when you cant even do it in your own home, as for wearing hijab you should do it no matter what your husband says because he cannot control you over your religious acts and duties to Allah. Talk to your husband about becoming more committed to the religion and if he doesnt care then tell him to stop interuppting your process of becoming a better muslimah because you do care. Make dua for him sis, and INSHALLAH Allah will guide him on the right path so that you may travel together. :)

Try your best sis its your time of jihad, May Allah make it easier for you ameen. :)

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
 
Where do you live sister ? I hoped you live near me , sisters and brothers in Islam I ask you please help us reverts, dont just leave us , if you see us reverts in the shopping mall or street come and get us !
We desperatly need the support of our sisters and brothers, many reverts as you know face isolation after reverting and it really really can be difficult.
sisters grab the sisters, brothers grab the new brothers, exchange phone numbers so the link is there and invite reverts to your home, most of WANT to be adopted into your homes since we been shunned or are struggling with our familys, imagine how lonely is it breaking fast alone, no one to do taraweeh prayers with, I could go on and on.

My advice to you sister Ayesha (by the way very good name!) is bite the bullet and go to the mosque, even you can telephone them, when you not used to the mosque or never been before it can be daunting going in there for the first time, but just dont go in the time is prayers so the imam has time to speak to you, speak and meet with other reverts, I know LOADS now they will be happy to talk to you about revert problems.

When I first reverted to Islam I decided I would start by praying once a day, and soon I hoped I would creep it up to 5 times a day, it took me over 2 years to elhamdolelah get it up to 5 times a day, in the start I never wore Hijab and 2 years later that came along and I never took it of since.

step by step sister, some of us come along in leaps and bounds so fast , others like myself were a little bit more slow, I honestly believe if I had more muslims around me I would have progressed faster, so I hear what you are saying about really wanting more muslims around you , dont beat yourself up over your short comings and consume yourself in guilt about it, just say to yourself that you recognise you need to make abit more progress and make positive ACTIONS about putting that progress into plan.

This means if you do not know any muslim sisters around you, and they are not coming to you, you have to do what I did and thats GO TO THEM ! your more than welcome to PM me aswell sister I hope I can help you out in anyway I could inshallah.
 
salaam, the best thing to do is make dua to allah,

and also to talk to ur husband about islam,tell him about the day of judgement, heaven and hell, just remind him of these things

do u have childrens?

w.salaam
 
:sl:
Spend some time at the masjid - most masjid's have a women only section - Talk to the other sisters their etc.

Try to implement the different aspects of islam gradually - doing every thing at once is very difficult. E.g. today go out with your hijab on to local shop (or whatever). Tomorrow, try to wear hijab for longer - perhaps all day etc etc. try to do it bit by bit and eventually you'll be doign everything all the time :).

p.s. May allah make it easy for you and congratulations on reverting.
 
salaaam,

Just remember to pray to allah, and another thing we are always here to help sis, Inshallah all the advice given from the sisters and brothers has been useful,

Take caree

w.salaam
 
wa 'alykum asalam warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.

All praise is due to Allah. We praise him, and seek his help and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah, most high from the evils of our
own selves and from our wicked deeds. Whomever Allah guides can not be misguided, and whomever he leads astray can not be
guided. I testify that there is no true God worthy of being worshipped except Allah, alone, without partner or associate. I further testify
that Muhammad is his slave and messenger, may Allah’s salaah and salam also be granted to the prophet’s pure family and to all of
his noble companions.


masha Allah its really good u wna become a better muslimah and you have a good intention. remember that any action that takes place - begins with a intention, and because you have a good intention insha Allah, you have already taken your 1st step insha Allah.

to start off ...praying your 5 salaahs in the day is fardh (compulsary) and if one leaves them altogether, then it is a sign of kuffar.

Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) said, "Between a man and disbelief and paganism is the abandonment of Salat (prayer).''
[Muslim].

ibn `umar (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: the messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) said, "I have been commanded to fight against the people till they testify la ilaha illAllah (there is no true god except Allah) and that muhammad (pbuh) is His slave and messenger, and to establish As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and to pay Zakat; and if they do this, then their blood and property are secured except by
the rights of Islam, and their accountability is left to Allah.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Buraidah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "That which differentiates us from the disbelievers and hypocrites is our performance of Salat. He who abandons it, becomes a disbeliever.''
[At-Tirmidhi].


imagine a building.. the building is supported by pillars to keep it upheld. now if someone gets rid of one of the pillars or it is destroyed - the rest of the building (even if the remainder of the pillars are there) will collapse - this is because the building was made to stay erect on 5pillars.. the same applies to our salaah, if we follow the other pillars, but leave one of them out - our faith will collapse and we will probably lose our faith altogether, therefore its necessary that we keep all of the pillars strong/firm to keep our iman (faith) strong.

to start off - its good to have a timetable which shows what time which salaah starts. (if you dont have one - please ask and insha Allah we will look up on the net for one.) make your intention that you will pray your salaah when the day begins. [in ramadhan its alot easier to wake up for fajr because one has to wake up to close their fast (sehri/suhoor)] its even good to buy a alarm clock which you can set the time on to remind yourself when the prayer starts. gradually build up on the amount of times you perform salaah a day and tell yourself its compulsary and that if one doesn't pray salaah.. it has really bad consequences and that will be one of the first things asked on qiyamah.

your main objective is to complete all that is obligatory, even if this means not performing what is supererogatory (optional). tell yourself that it is only 5 prayers per day and in reality - it isn't even really that much. tell yourself you have to do it and there isn't an option of missing them..

like the brothers and sisters have mentioned already, about going to the masjid. is there a problem with that? like does your husband allow you to go there? if so - that would be really good masha Allah and you could go and ask when the sisters times are or you could even ask your husband to ask the imam, if that is possible insha Allah. that way you could focus on the holy qur'an more and discuss it with other sisters there, you could even talk to them how you entered islam and insha Allah they should help you to become a even better muslimah with Allah (swt)'s help.

i know i havnt focused on the other concepts but it would be really useful to get some feedback if the above options could take place.

insha Allah plz do keep posting back on the forum of your progress and remember to always stay calm with your husband.. this way he'll notice that your not tired of him or atleast thing that your working hard insha Allah.. cz if this was the case - he would probably get angry and ignore what you say, so please try your best to remain calm and patient with him - because this is a big problem with some of us 'born muslims'. we tend to think that islam is forced upon us and therefore we want to enjoy life while young and focus when we're older.. but masha Allah with the revert brothers and sisters - they come into islam and find the peace within it and they tend to be even better/strict muslims than the 'born muslims'.

Allah u a'lam (Allah (swt) knows best).

i know i havnt responded to your questions properly but masha Allah alot of brothers and sisters have given really good interesting answers insha Allah which could benefit.

just keep in mind that you should stick to your fardh (compulsary) (inc. your other duties such as zakaat,hajj etc. - you can discuss this later if this is a problem insha Allah.), this includes the salaah (5 prayers in the day), the jilbab:

And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their adornment except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right
hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of
women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn
in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful. (surah nur - 24: ayah 31)


no matter what your husband says, tell him its fardh on you, this is why you came to islam - to follow it. [the definition of islam is 'submission' - to submit yourself to Allah (swt)]. when you explain how u feel, try to stay calm and dont shout at him.. always remember to keep praying and plz dont lose faith in Allah (swt) because your prayers are always being listened to insha Allah.

Abu Hurairah reported, "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,

"Nothing is more dear to Allah than one's supplication to Him.''

Abu Hurairah also reported, "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, 'Whoever wants Allah to answer his prayers during difficult times, should supplicate to Him more and more in times of ease'.''
(Tirmizhi)


so remember, keep praying through the hard and easy times and insha Allah your prayers will be answered, just remember to remain patient and steadfast and firm in faith, believe that Allah (swt) has power over all things and that your prayers will be answered insha Allah.

“And Allah loves those who are patient” (Surah Imran: 3:146).




Hadith - Transmitted by Tirmidhi, Narrated Umm Salamah

Our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.


may Allah (swt) send peace and blessings upon our beloved prophet and his beloved family. ameen. may Allah (swt) guide us all, correct all our affairs, make us steadfast and let us die for Allah (swt)'s sake only as true believers. ameen.


wasalam o 'alykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
 
eyes_of_mine said:
Where do you live sister ? I hoped you live near me , sisters and brothers in Islam I ask you please help us reverts, dont just leave us , if you see us reverts in the shopping mall or street come and get us !
We desperatly need the support of our sisters and brothers, many reverts as you know face isolation after reverting and it really really can be difficult.
sisters grab the sisters, brothers grab the new brothers, exchange phone numbers so the link is there and invite reverts to your home, most of WANT to be adopted into your homes since we been shunned or are struggling with our familys, imagine how lonely is it breaking fast alone, no one to do taraweeh prayers with, I could go on and on.
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness, thanks so much sister. I am almost crying right now. Our community in Australia is quite small anyway, so we say salaam to all muslims we see and its quite a breath of fresh air - and exciting when you see a muslim around. Even though I was born muslim, i can understand the loneliness youve described above.
Oh my goodness, i pray that we can help all the muslims and if i meet a revert, i will for sure, remember what you have said and do my best to be really helpful to them, inshallah. I hope Allah gives me that opportunity soon! ameen.
 
:sl:

I would just ilke to asy that "EyesOfMine" has put it perfectly. There are so many reverts around nowadays and we do need the continued support of other Muslims to enable us to live our lives.

With regards to the sisters problem, I can really relate to you. Before I fully accepted Islam I had a boyfriend who was Muslim. As I started to accept Islam and practise more and more he seemed to get more angry and basically pushed me away. He hated me wearing hijab and jilbab and he never fasted or prayed either. I hope inshAllah that you can resolve your issues with your husband. It might be an idea for both of youto go to the masjid as that way you can both increase your iman together. MY boyfriend did take me to the masjid once and he changed completely whilst in front of the imam. I only wish that Id been strong enough to take him again and again but Allahu Alim.

MY advice to you would be - Dont give up sister, what your doing is 100% right and dont let your husbadn think otherwise. There are many revert sisters here, myself and EyesOfMine included who can help you and support you online. May allah guide you and support you...ameen

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:
 
:sl:

Dear Sister

I am a born muslim, my wife is a convert.
I find that some "born muslims" are muslims only by name and yet they expect converts/reverts to be more practising than themselves. This was the case when I first got married. People would ask me if my wife prayed 5 times a day. My reply would be "Do You?" they would then look ashamed and then walk away. Also my wifes thirst for knowledge increased my Eeman. Who knows, without her I may not have performed Hajj or I may not be supporting the sunnah beard that I currently have on my face. What I am saying is if you continiue to pray your 5 daily salaah and continue to pray the Quraan, how can your husband argue with that. He cannot say that what your doing is wrong. Sometimes these situations are a test from Allah to see how much we love Him. Do not give up. Insha Allah, like me, your efforts will increase the Eeman of your husband.

Hope this helps.

p.s. If you let us know where you live someone on the board may live within driving distance or may know someone in your locality who can help.
 
Assalamu alaikum,

I ask Allah (swt) to make it easy for you and to bless you with wonderful friendships with sisters who fear Allah...ameen.

Sis, try and ask any muslimah that you see on the street if there are any islamic classes available, as this is a great way of meeting new people.

Also...this is the most important...ask Allah for His help. He never gets tired of us calling upon Him. With Allah nothing is impossible.

It is important that you start to strengthen your eman, sis (faith). You should really start praying all of your five daily prayers. I swear when you do this, you will feel sooo much better, and feel like everything is falling into place.

I didnt wear hijab straight away, and i was working, but alhamdulillah i did all my 5 prayers at work without a problem. I would of been lost without those moments of worship.

If you take one step towards Allah, He will take ten towards you.
 
Salaam aleikum

Sister, i once was in your shoes. And it took me a long time to get out of that marriage, but one day it became so bad that I left him eventually. Not only for him not praying, but also because he became abusive. If you want, I have MSN? I am not the one to write long answers, but I do love to chat.
 
:sl:
Sister i know exactly how you feel.
I'm a revert too alhumdulillah, it is so hard to pray your 5 daily prayers and read Qur'an.
I'm struggling to do it myself, and it's even harder when you're not in an Islamic environment. Although i do pray 5 times a day, often i miss them especially fajr. MY husband is not a practising muslim, he prays jummah prayers only. He does things that he is not supposed to do.
He once asked me to take my hijab off and often he asks me to go out with him wearing "western" clothes.
My advice to you is to tell him that he can't stop you from practising Islam and it is his duty to help you through it. If not make dua for him, try and bring him back to Islam (thats what i'm currently trying to do with my husband)
Anyway sis when you get used to praying 5 times a day it usually isnt that hard.
It would be good to get some practising sisters, i know its hard to meet them. I don't have any close muslim friends at the moment. If you have sisters only lectures, classes near you i advise you do attend those, and usually if you're a bit shy the first time the sisters will approach you they usually do :))
I would love to chat to you aswell, if you want i can give u my msn??
:w:
 
:sl:

if u go 2 amadrasah near ur home nd ask if they do ladis class a lotof msques do it now der u can learn 32 recite da quraan nd they will teach u da basics nd u can go in 2 higer clases dat way?

:w:
 

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