needing your help...yup...YOURS

[strider]

Take out the trailing dots.

 

[aLiTTLeTiMe]

It sounds good

 

[The Ruler]

Take out the trailing dots.

the ellipses?

The reflection​

I gaze into a picture;

one of a little girl; all alone,

I am sucked into it; as fluid in a straw.​

In A shattered world I stand-
the earth desiccated and barren,
smoke clogging my nostrils; my senses.
The sickening resonance of gunfire,
The constant humming of machinery,
The deafening cry of the missiles…
Yes, that is the sweet tune they sing.​

I remember the days of smiles,
days of laughter and cries-
now overflowing with hushed stillness.​

I sit in a corner; amidst shadows where shots pass,
my misty eyes teary, fatigued;
perceived too much of human sacrifice.
Have you ever had to extend your hand?
Seize stones to protect your beloved?
If my eyes were yours,
Clearly, you’d shatter.​

Yet, I only struggle in defence;
with stones in my hands;
it is perpetual.​

As I stare into the picture,​

fear grips my heart; never to let go-
But even in this fear gripped spirit of mine,
subsists a guiding glow,
A cocoon of hope
Soon to metamorphose into a vibrant, simmering butterfly
and fly without restraint; without fear.

how about that any better :?


​

 

[Tania]

The deafening cry of the missiles…
Yes, that is the sweet tune they sing.

This says all about her life :thumbs_up.

 

[The Ruler]

i finally found a way to show how i structured the last stanza...i need comments...

.............................................As I stare into the picture,​

.......................fear grips my heart; never to let go-
..................................................................But even in this fear gripped spirit of mine,
......................................subsists a guiding glow,
...................................................................A cocoon of hope
...................Soon to metamorphose into a vibrant, simmering butterfly
.........................................................................and fly without restraint; without fear.

something like that^...its due in tomorrow...so...?

​

 

[Tania]

.......................and fly without restraint; without fear.
toward a peaceful world.

Its very good, i like it and each sentence has a clear meaning

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i doubt the other poems will have such deep meanings sis, mashaAllah thats a very talented piece of writing. mashaAllah

:salamext:

"talented piece of writing" (does that make sense :uuh

 

[The Ruler]

"talented piece of writing" (does that make sense :uuh

yes it does...lol

so that's it...i'm handing it in tomorrow then...same as it is as i posted before

thanks to everyone who has helped me.

May Allah forgive us all, guide us and have mercy on us on the day of judgement.