Never Ending...

[Umar001]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

Hope all is well, I was going to type this up yerstaday but the brother got to see some of your replies.

For those who want a link to the blog: bad news is that he hasn't written it up, he is still making it and apperently he is busy.

For those who want a sequel I was going to give you bad news because I didnt think he would write one about this, but keep reading...

For those of you who have been speculating madly, including my questioning: after reading all the speculation he might write one to join up to this to clarify what's happend. All this discussion on was it the knowledge was it the sister, etc.

He had said this warning/disclaimer, he wrote the above without thinking much, he had just heard about things and was a bit emotional, so the next one will probably not seem as nice as this.

br.al-Habeshi

 

[Musaafirah]

Do you understand the reason why some fathers do that?

What do you think would help to stop alienation of good brothers and good sisters who may be reverts from the community?

br.al-Habeshi[/SIZE][/FONT]

To answer your question,from personal experience,
the only reason I see fathers stopping their children from marrying reverts is because of what the 'community' will think. I've seen cases where Alhamdulillah people are happily married and don't care what others think of them. Then again, it has happened that they feel the need to leave their community to stop people talking about them.
The main reason that 'some' not all fathers reject someone from a different culture is to do with them going back to their home country saying they won't understand the language...
Then there's other extremes where some parents are actively encouraging their kids to marry a revert, but not always through halaal means.
I really don't know what would stop the alienation, maybe better dialogue? What I hate is when culture takes precedence over religion, and through the passage of time gets intermingled with religion, so that people can then claim 'it's in islam.'
Sorry for having gone off on a tangent!

Also, what do you mean his next one might not be as 'nice' as this? The message? The tone?

 

[Umar001]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah

To answer your question,from personal experience,
the only reason I see fathers stopping their children from marrying reverts is because of what the 'community' will think. I've seen cases where Alhamdulillah people are happily married and don't care what others think of them. Then again, it has happened that they feel the need to leave their community to stop people talking about them.
The main reason that 'some' not all fathers reject someone from a different culture is to do with them going back to their home country saying they won't understand the language...
Then there's other extremes where some parents are actively encouraging their kids to marry a revert, but not always through halaal means.
I really don't know what would stop the alienation, maybe better dialogue? What I hate is when culture takes precedence over religion, and through the passage of time gets intermingled with religion, so that people can then claim 'it's in islam.'
Sorry for having gone off on a tangent!

I think it was on this forum a brother was saying that sometimes fathers actually don't think their daughters are good enough for some 'reverts'. I.E. the reverts will be too Islamic and the daughters too cultural.

I cannot help but think that the people who lead prayers and give khutbahs should speak about this more, and get the people mixing with one another. Though that can be hard when you have 'masjid commities' bringing an imam from back home who doesn't speak english so he cant get to know the people and will only say what they tell him to.

I say the good marry the good, though some people disagree with me. I think that cure for all this would be knowledge, though, some don't want to learn.

Also, what do you mean his next one might not be as 'nice' as this? The message? The tone?

I think it meant that because he had an emotional trigger when he wrote the other poem it was more 'deep' some may say. Whereas now that trigger is gone.

Allah knows best what he meant.

br.al-Habeshi

 

[TrueStranger]

Masha’Allah that was a moving poem.


I noticed that American reverts in a sense aren’t aware of the cultural package most immigrants carry with them. I am well aware of the fact that America is a diverse nation and that Islam teaches as that we are all equal as Muslims, but most Muslim immigrants have some cultural fear and pride which is deeply ingrained in their cultures. I personally know that there are certain men from certain backgrounds that my parents won’t accept. It is the perception of fear and pride. Fear in the sense that they don’t have enough knowledge about the other culture and that opens the door to the “what if questions”. And also pride, my daughter is too precious to settle for this man or that man. As parents they want the community as a whole to accept their son-in-law, not only their daughter. He has to be a recognizable character. A powerful connection between two families has to be made. Marriage is more than two people getting married, it is two tribes or two families getting married and you’ve to clear the field from all dissimilarities. In some cultures familiarity doesn’t breed contempt as Aesop would want as to believe.

 

[Muhammad]

If I may just add a little thought that occurred to me while reading this poem, which I don't think has been mentioned above...

Then you see the sister, married - pregnant - ready to give birth,
Heart sinks, can't help but think - Ya Rabb am I cursed?

I don't think bad of Him, just of myself and deeds,
Woe to what my hands have earned, feels like a punishment, see.

Tried to leave my family for Islam, Christianity for Emaan,
Bible for Qur'an, it's a struggle understand...
​

Ultimately, destiny plays a role and just because the brother didn't get the woman he wanted doesn't necessarily mean he is cursed or a sinner. It could well be a blessing - Allaah swt, through His infinite knowledge and wisdom, may have saved the brother from something evil which was not apparent or known to him. Perhaps there is someone better for him in future. So I think he needs to have more peseverence and patience, and although the initial stages are perhaps the hardest, he needs to maintain hope and reliance in Allaah swt.

Also, I liked the wording in the last stanza .

May Allaah (swt) help the brother, protect him, grant him patience and strength and compensate him with something much better, Aameen.

 

[piXie]

:salamext:

Some people may seem knowledgeable, when infact they are not. Knowledge is not just about knowing what this madhab says and what this scholar says or what that hadith means, or being good at debating etc. Or reading a book and just quoting it. This is just a small glimpse of theoretical knowledge. Enough knowledge to set an impression but hardly any knowledge in reality.

Another thing the brother needs to remember, is that he who has no parents and family to support him, has Allaah to support him. He :arabic2: takes special care of those who leave all and revert towards His deen. He :arabic2: will find him someone better than this woman insha'Allaah.

May Allaah (swt) help the brother, protect him, grant him patience and strength and compensate him with something much better, Aameen.

Aameen.

 

[Ansariyah]

May Allaah (swt) help the brother, protect him, grant him patience and strength and compensate him with something much better, Aameen.

That brought tears to my eyes. May Allaah make it easy for you and all our revert brothers and sisters and the rest of us too. Ameen.

Ameen ya rabal alimeen.

Atleast there is Jannah..Imagine there u can have anything u want InshaAllah.

The poem has a haunting feel to it..It reminds of that hadeeth, u know the one who reminds the Ummah to not reject the righteous man for marriage or else fitnah will spread in the land?...Look at wat caused this Brotha to write such a poem, isn't this what Allah & His messenger (sa) wanted to prevent?...When will people have sense?

 

[Intisar]

That was truly beautiful.

I think there are many issues that arise when one decides to marry a revert. Some sisters or brothers decide to marry reverts because they want to run away from their culture, or in some cases just have a mixed race child and have them grow up in an environment where they understand and grow more tolerant towards different cultures.

Another issue that may arise is that, as others have said before, people become way too attached to their culture. Unfortunately I fall under this category, the difference is I am not afraid to marry out of my culture I just prefer not to. As for others, it's the xeniphobia of sorts that keeps them from wanting to marry someone of a different race. They also wouldn't even mind, deep down in their hearts, marrying from a different race they're just scared of what their community will think. ''Oh sister blah blah married that brother from West Africa, I wonder why? Couldn't she find a good brother from her own background?"

Some sisters are also scared of what thir fathers will think, because they don't wanna be disobedient to their parent's wishes, so they turn down a good brother because they'd rather follow what their they papa dearest has told them to do.

Like others have said, always turn to Allaah subhana wa ta'ala always and make some major du'a inshaaAllaah as well.

 

[Umar001]

Another day, another rejection,
Yet we pray, supplicate, for divine interjection.

At a section where I prefer to have no desire,
Physical or emotional for a female to admire.

What most don't understand,
Is what goes hand in hand.

See I've observed what's been said,
Hypotheses and guesses in this thread.

Most have assumed it's a combination of two,
That I craved her and her knowledge, yet none knew!

I craved not for her - nor my sadness at her loss,
Rather craved a family, and sad to see the world toss -.

Me, after all I yearned for, how can I explain what I yearn,
How can I communicate, the heart ache through which I burn?

How can I explain how bad I want a family for Eid,
To wake with others in Ramadan for Suhur.

My sadness after Jumu'ah cos I don't have any to go to?

...

If I was infactuated with the sister I'd be going crazy,
Only spoke about her cos I had seen her with the baby.

May Allah be pleased with her, and her family I pray,
And all the families that have left me behind that way.

What I would give to be his worker, close friend or of his khulafaa,
Leave me with no desire for a new family, for if I had a sun why wish for a star?

Or at least with his inheritors, those beloved pious scholars,
wallahi I'd be a slave to take their knowledge!

Study at home brother, some exclaim not knowing where I live!
A Mushrik home temple with statues of Jesus: Shayateen infested!

Yet I'm stuck, scared to live and scared to die,
A life all alone with not much company except for shaytan at my side.

And a death all alone, what if I'm being taken to the Throne,
Only to be rejected at the gates of the place I want as home?**

Ya Nafsi, why. When you wake you're unhappy - so just sleep,
See, that's satanic advice, shaytan love's to speak.

But you see a human being loves company,
Who else have I got to love me or at least pretend?

But many lonely hearts have wondered before me,
Missing their loved ones, so I should simply -

Move slow along the path and hope for more,
Of Ar Rahman's Mercy which I adore.

Yet being a man from the Children of Adaam,
I crave and crave for such stuff as them.​

Note: **The Bro explained that this is reffering to a hadeeth wherein the disbelieving soul is taken up after the death but is rejected entry to Jannah, he said to refer to the book by Shaykh Salih Al fawzaan on Creed.

Jazaakumullahu Khayr for the person who uknowingly reminded me, I had forgotten that I had this part 2 written by the brother, I was supposed to post it for him a while back.

Sorry.

Br.al-Habeshi

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

may Allah grant him the family he yearns for


Ameen..

 

[crayon]

Wow...Subhanallah.

His poems are so beautiful, mashallah. I usually don't go for most islamic poetry, but these really touch my heart.

 

[Musaafirah]

Wow. Masha'allah.
Seriously, may Allah grant the prayers of this bro and all those in his situation.
The way the poem was written was amazing. Masha'allah.