New convert needs advice about her children?

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new_muslimah

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Salam,

I am a new convert to Islam. I converted 5 weeks ago. I am from an English and Welsh background, living in the UK.

I am a single mum of 4 children - 3 boys (ages 14, 12 and 7) and 1 girl (age 10) - and their father isn't in the picture (his choice).


My question is about my children. I don't know whether they are considered to be muslim now that I have converted or whether they need to convert explicitly themselves. I also don't know what I should do about their names (whether they need changing or not); whether the boys are going to need circumcising; or whether (or when) my daughter should start wearing the hijab?


Can anyone help?


Any help or thoughts would be gratefully received.
 
:wasalam:

welcome back to the path of guidance and path to jannah. may Allah bless you and make it easy for you inshallah.

Children are born Muslim, it is we change their religion based on what is taught to us. Being that the boys are teens, and the girl is also reaching the age of hijab and salah, now would be a good time to start teaching them about Islam. Inshallah the more you teach them, the more they will want to be good Muslims.

In Islam, it is recommended to start teaching children how to pray (salah) at the age of 7 and it's also a good age to start the hijab with the girls. As for their names, unless the name means something immoral or has bad meaning, i would not worry about it. It would be optional at that point. Also, for the boys. I would focus on teaching them about Islam first. When they are more firm in the deen then look into circumcision.

Also, it would be good to reach out to your local masjid and make friends with the sisters there so you have someone in person you can ask for help. This is a UK based forum so someone here may be from your area.
 
Asalaam Aleikum,

This one is a bit tough because you are very new to the deen (Alhamdullilah!) and you are going to go through learning curves.

I personally would not impose anything on the children as far as dress code is concerned as none of them are super young anymore. You can encourage the girls to wear more modest clothing, but the headscarf has to come from them and you will achieve that by fully understanding it yourself and passing on the empowerment that comes from learning and understanding.

I assume all of the children are in non Islamic school correct? The sudden change of dress can cause them social issues and they can end up resenting Islam, and that's not what you want.

When you do encourage them to make dress and behavior changes, be sure to explain the why's and how's not simply "Because that is what Islam teaches and it is what all Muslims do."

Most importantly, whatever you choose to do as far as clothing and practices, be sure to be COMPLETELY firm on it, and don't compromise on it, even when you are feeling weak, because your kids will be watching you and it can cause them confusion.

I say this as a convert myself with a non muslim family. So many times my daughter has asked me "Why do you cover and grandma doesn't?". I could only explain things to her on her level and set an example for her and it is that firm example that trumped all the doubts and constant questioning for her.

Definitely enroll everyone in Saturday/Sunday Islamic school and reach out in your community. Attend Friday prayers with them so they begin to feel a part of the community and explain to the elder brothers there that your older sons could use some guidance.

May Allah make this journey easy on you and your children, and may he guide them all to Islam. Ameen!
 
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Assalamu alaikum,

Welcome to our wonderful deen sister.Alhamdulillah you have made a great decision for yourself and for your family.

In Islam as long as one of the child's parents is Muslim, whether mother or father, then the child is a Muslim. Therefore those of your children that have not yet reached puberty are automatically Muslims now and must be raised as such. As some of your boys are around the typical age of puberty you will need to determine if they have reached that stage yet, which is when they start wet dreams or growing coarse hair. You could check their bedsheets or clothes, but it is probably easier to just ask them - there is no need to feel embarrassed as these conversations are considered normal and healthy in Islam. If any of your kids have already reached this stage (or alternatively menstruation in the case of a girl), then they are considered adult and would have to make their own decision and take the Shahada in sha'Allah, but you can play a big role in encouraging them to do so and then guiding them to follow the our Deen.

The younger children should start learning about Islam straight away, and slowly and steadily become accustomed to adopting its norms and behaving as young Muslims. As others have said, they should be enrolled for weekend or evening Islamic classes (madrassa), so that they can learn about their new religion and get used to being among other young Muslims in a single gender environment in sha'Allah. Madrassa is also a good way to introduce them to the Islamic dress code, as most require it for both boys and girls and it will help get them used to identifying themselves as Muslims. They should be encouraged to wear it whenever they go out as soon as you feel they are ready, without pushing them too fast. Above all, madrassa will instill in them a lifelong ethic of seeking Islamic knowledge and will help them to take the Quran into their hearts in sha'Allah.

It is most important for them to learn their salah as soon as possible, as it is our 5 times daily connection with Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. We are taught to start our children praying by seven and insist upon it by ten. I would probably delay having the boys circumcised for now, as it can be daunting for them. But when they have embraced their new identity as Muslims then yes, it should be done as part of their natural disposition, certainly before they reach puberty so that it can be used as a focal point for discussions on growing up, gender-mixing, self-control, submission to Allah's will, etc.

I wouldn't worry about their names too much. That can come later in sha'Allah. They may wish to be involved in choosing their own names.

And yes, try to surround yourself with other pious sisters, who can help and guide you. May Allah make it easy for you and your children. Ameen.
 
welcome to islam sister! :)

to be on the safe side make all of your children say the shahada and teach them Islam ...

your girl would need to wear hijab once she's reached puberty but get her 'used to it' from about 2 years before! :)
 
ps; best to give them muslim names i think as although if the meanings of their names are good, there is no need to change yet it is better to have names that are identified as being muslim so they feel more like muslims and people identify them as such
 
Peace on greetings of Allah be on you , Sister.

Welcome to the family of Islam who will be friends untill ETERNITY provided we die as Muslims. If Allah wants to do a favour to some one he gives the understanding of Islam to him and so you are One blessed among 1000's .

All the posters here have given you right guidance showing learning Islam but gradually but firmly.

I suggest reading them stories of Prophet Muhammad :saws: and all of prophets of islam just about 10 minutes a day (but try every day at a relaxed time) and the understanding of Noble Quran for a few minutes.

Point them this haram and halal and this is right the age where the input will shown as output-results later imo.

Please DO Be in touch with us in every matter you are confused and want knowledge , inshallah we are your brethren and its our Duty to guide you as per Allah , Our Creator's, Prophet's Order.

Also kindly give a good read to post # 8 here, Sister

https://www.islamicboard.com/general/134344743-convert-islam.html
 
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Salam Alaikum and welcome sister to Islam!

Before giving any suggestion here, I would ask you to kindly keep in mind that you will hear varying opinions from muslims in near future just about too many things. Do not get frustrated by that. Just be patient with it. Even in regards to the question you asked you will hear opinion ranging from forcing them to wear islamic dressing and having islamic names to giving them their own independent choice. No matter which suggestion you take, remember that it is part of our religion to "call to the way of your Lord with Hikma(wisdom)". In many things taking rash decisions may turn them away from Islam.

With that said I would suggest you to first of all learn about the deeper understanding of Islam yourself. Many times a person who newly gets exposed to the teaching and rules of Islam do not understand the wisdom with which these rules are followed and practiced. It is true that you should try your best to teach them about Islam, but the best way to teach them about everything is through your own actions. Be merciful and patient with them. Things take time to change. If I were you I would not worry that much about the outward appearance of the children at this stage, including the circumcision (rather in hanafi madhahab it considered sunnah, and not allowed for someone who has reached puberty as it involves exposing your private parts which is not permitted). Let them decide it themselves when they reach the age to take such decision. I would not even ask them to pray directly as they may not understand why one has to do it in the first place, rather I would pray it in front of them and let them ask different question about it.
Involve them in different discussion about different aspects of life, and how following Islam makes life meaningful. The key thing here is discussion! They should never feel that you are forcing your beliefs or understanding on them, rather they should feel that they arrived to those conclusions themselves and how and why those conclusions make sense. Offcourse such discussions and material would vary depending on the age of your child. When they will understand everything from inside, the outward beauty or adherence to islam will come naturally. You will not even have to tell them to "look" like a muslim. This may take alot of time, but remember the thing about "wisdom" and “patience”!
 
AbdullahAziz said:
ps; best to give them muslim names i think as although if the meanings of their names are good, there is no need to change yet it is better to have names that are identified as being muslim so they feel more like muslims and people identify them as such
Click to expand...

We are from a white English background, so changing their names to muslim names will be a massive change for them.

I was wondering what names you would recommend for my children?

My son's names are Ryan, Jamie, and Bradley, and my daughter's name is Lauren.
 
Can I have some advice on how best to dress the children for attending Islamic classes? I have enrolled them, but I just would like to see them fit in as best as possible, and to avoid any taboos.
 
Assalaam alaikum sister, reading your first post above made me go WOW !!!

Anyway, You can speak to the teachers within the Islamic schools to find out what is best for dress code - but usually anything modest for both, boys and girls is fine - but for the girls. they usually also wear the head scarf to class, while the lads wear the little hat.

:)

Welcome to the largest family on the planet,

God bless,
 
new_muslimah said:
Can I have some advice on how best to dress the children for attending Islamic classes? I have enrolled them, but I just would like to see them fit in as best as possible, and to avoid any taboos.
Click to expand...

I think I read somewhere above that you're from Wales. If so, in Cardiff they have a centre called Al manar centre they're really helpful.

With regards to dress code, most 'islamic after school places' have a traditional dress code, but its nothing formally issued.

Send the kids with normal clothes as long as its modest, so normal trousers / bottoms and top, if the girls are little and wear dresses then leggings to cover their legs
 
new_muslimah said:
We are from a white English background, so changing their names to muslim names will be a massive change for them.

I was wondering what names you would recommend for my children?
Maas
My son's names are Ryan, Jamie, and Bradley, and my daughter's name is Lauren.
Click to expand...

Maashallah just go for it sis; it will make them feel more muslim and belonging to the muslims!

Ryan can be Raqib!, Jamie, Jamil, Bradley, Bilal, and Lauren can be, Lyla! :Emoji47:, just trying to give them compatiable names with their names but it dont have to be, you can choose any nice ones from Islamic name website!:

http://www.searchtruth.com/baby_names/names.php
 
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new_muslimah said:
We are from a white English background, so changing their names to muslim names will be a massive change for them.

I was wondering what names you would recommend for my children?

My son's names are Ryan, Jamie, and Bradley, and my daughter's name is Lauren.
Click to expand...
dont worry about anything such as their names suddenly changing in school; no problem with that; school will understand they've converted; simple as that! :)
 

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