Ya'qub_Ibn_Davi
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First my story.
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Salaam,
First and foremost this question and plight of mine prevails over all others.
I will explain my whole situation regarding it first, and how it led up to it. This might be a long email. Might as well start from the beginning.
Years ago, during my own personal and religious strifes, problems and quests, I came to a pivotal point in my revelation.
Now, until this point I had been "praying," (like Christians) meditating, and all sorts of things as different cultures do in the effort to get God to speak to me. Asking him to help me figure out what I wanted, what God wanted, where I was to go in life, ect. They were very selfish prayers as well, always done when there was nothing else to do (or grab my attention).
One night at a party at a friends house (video-game party, sigh), I felt a strong inclination to go outside on the hill under the moon (a crescent moon ironically), and pray. Now I had never taken the time during things I enjoyed to stop what I was doing to pray. Before, God came second to such things. For once, I felt that I had to give prayer presedence.
So I went up on a hill and sat down on the grass and stared at the moon. There I remembered my brief foreays into what Islam was and recalled how they pray. So, I for the first time, prayed like a Muslim; in total submission to God. Now, I was really good and going off in long diatrades using colorful language, sounding like some Old-English Saint when I prayed. But this time, I merely said three words. "God, guide me."
It was there on that hill that a breeze wafted over me in a (forecasted by the weather channel) still night. I had a feeling in my heart to join the Military. Not to join because of "love for my country," because I did not love my country. I loved my race, and I know more than anyone that America is NOT innocent in the degredation and destruction of human life. Not to join for school, because my parents had for 18 years payed into a college fund for Texas; and my schooling was set.
I felt in my heart that I had to join because of one of the chief Islamic principles. Save a life, and you save humanity.
Long story short, I joined the NG and went to basic, then AIT.
While at AIT I met a female, who I am now with.
Now, I had not converted to Islam yet. I did not yet know what my experience on the hill meant yet. It was in the back of my mind but several things were keeping me from going through with it.
Now I began a relationship with this girl, Amber (ironically her name derived from an Arabic word), I began to fall in love with her. She was perfect for me in every way.
Suddenly, the dream grinded to a halt when I found out that she was married.
Married to an Atheist, a God-less man, who abused her and cursed her, and despite her demands for divorce he found ways to manipulate her.
Now at that point, if I was Muslim I should have cut of ties with her.
Looking back on it I sincerely believe that God put a cover over my heart for a time that kept me from embrasing Islam officially yet.
So I left AIT and she left her husband and stayed with me. Finnally, now the divorce is going through; and I unceremonially (I plan to do it the right way soon), asked her to marry me.
A little brief description of her life. Her mother did drugs. Her and her twin were born with complications. She's had cancer several times, including endometriosis. She married her ex-husband and became a slave. She found me and I set her free.
Subconsciouslly following the Islamic law of trying to reconcile a marriage three times, at my bidding she returned to her husband twice more. She returned after the third time with his agreement for a divorce.
At that point in time she told me something, that she was pregnant.
This was a complete suprise. Yes I did have sexual relations with her, not of my own accord; but of hers as I could not bear to see her upset.
Now previously she had been told by many doctors that she could not have children. Her endometriosis and cancer had ruined those chances. But by a miracle, despite both of our attempts at protection, she got pregnant.
As I said, I sincerely believe that a cover was put over my heart for a time which kept me in doing as I had always done. If that was not so, then she would still be married to a violent unbeliever, and my prayer would not have been answered.
In light of that, I saved a believing (albiet Christian) woman from an unbeliever when the laws of this country were on his side, (If only we followed the Islamic laws of divorce
) allowed the miracle of life to come when it seemed impossible, and I intend to be the best husband I can to her. We are not yet married, but I intend to do anything to make sure this child isn't born out of wedlock, and is born into Islam.
Now although our chance meeting and our relationship was un-Islamic; because of her pregnancy and her dependence on me I cannot leave her. God works in mysterious ways, and I think God leading us to each other was intended to create good out of a bad situation. It made me realize that I saved her by applying the things I believed and led me to realize God was calling me to Islam, and maybe by my example to lead her to it as well.
Although she is a Christian, she is very un-Christian in her beliefs. The only reason I think she's Christian, is that it's the only thing she's ever known. She doesn't believe Jesus was divine, or the Son of God; anymore than I am also his "son," and her his "daughter," metaphorically of course. Whether she likes to think so or not, her own beliefs mirror Islam in many aspects.
She at first had a genuine interest in Islam with my own interest.
Unfortunately she hit a road bump.
The Mosque in Leavenworth which I went to take the Shahhadah at was frequented by Middle Easterners. They seemed to her and me very unhappy/solemn, VERY unlike your Mosque where I think you all exhibited the true aspects of those who love God. Because of their cultural differences, whether truely Islamic or not, they were very cold to her. They ignored her, and looked down their noses at her, the Imam especially. It made her feel very unwanted and bad about herself, because she was a woman.
Whether or not that was their intention is irrelevant now. Unfortunately, she, like most Americans has associated some Middle Eastern cultural aspects as Islamic and now cannot distinguish between the two. They looked down upon our predicament, and now she has become inimical toward Islam.
Just recently she got very upset when I went to last weeks Jum'ah prayer. She gave me an ultimatum that I choose either my religion or her.
I am at a loss and am lost, because she has no family, no where to go. She relies completely on my good-will (which is willingly given). After her experiences she says she hates Islam and will never want anything to do with it.
I hope that her irrationality is brought on by her pregnancy, but I fear what if it is not.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Salaam,
First and foremost this question and plight of mine prevails over all others.
I will explain my whole situation regarding it first, and how it led up to it. This might be a long email. Might as well start from the beginning.
Years ago, during my own personal and religious strifes, problems and quests, I came to a pivotal point in my revelation.
Now, until this point I had been "praying," (like Christians) meditating, and all sorts of things as different cultures do in the effort to get God to speak to me. Asking him to help me figure out what I wanted, what God wanted, where I was to go in life, ect. They were very selfish prayers as well, always done when there was nothing else to do (or grab my attention).
One night at a party at a friends house (video-game party, sigh), I felt a strong inclination to go outside on the hill under the moon (a crescent moon ironically), and pray. Now I had never taken the time during things I enjoyed to stop what I was doing to pray. Before, God came second to such things. For once, I felt that I had to give prayer presedence.
So I went up on a hill and sat down on the grass and stared at the moon. There I remembered my brief foreays into what Islam was and recalled how they pray. So, I for the first time, prayed like a Muslim; in total submission to God. Now, I was really good and going off in long diatrades using colorful language, sounding like some Old-English Saint when I prayed. But this time, I merely said three words. "God, guide me."
It was there on that hill that a breeze wafted over me in a (forecasted by the weather channel) still night. I had a feeling in my heart to join the Military. Not to join because of "love for my country," because I did not love my country. I loved my race, and I know more than anyone that America is NOT innocent in the degredation and destruction of human life. Not to join for school, because my parents had for 18 years payed into a college fund for Texas; and my schooling was set.
I felt in my heart that I had to join because of one of the chief Islamic principles. Save a life, and you save humanity.
Long story short, I joined the NG and went to basic, then AIT.
While at AIT I met a female, who I am now with.
Now, I had not converted to Islam yet. I did not yet know what my experience on the hill meant yet. It was in the back of my mind but several things were keeping me from going through with it.
Now I began a relationship with this girl, Amber (ironically her name derived from an Arabic word), I began to fall in love with her. She was perfect for me in every way.
Suddenly, the dream grinded to a halt when I found out that she was married.
Married to an Atheist, a God-less man, who abused her and cursed her, and despite her demands for divorce he found ways to manipulate her.
Now at that point, if I was Muslim I should have cut of ties with her.
Looking back on it I sincerely believe that God put a cover over my heart for a time that kept me from embrasing Islam officially yet.
So I left AIT and she left her husband and stayed with me. Finnally, now the divorce is going through; and I unceremonially (I plan to do it the right way soon), asked her to marry me.
A little brief description of her life. Her mother did drugs. Her and her twin were born with complications. She's had cancer several times, including endometriosis. She married her ex-husband and became a slave. She found me and I set her free.
Subconsciouslly following the Islamic law of trying to reconcile a marriage three times, at my bidding she returned to her husband twice more. She returned after the third time with his agreement for a divorce.
At that point in time she told me something, that she was pregnant.
This was a complete suprise. Yes I did have sexual relations with her, not of my own accord; but of hers as I could not bear to see her upset.
Now previously she had been told by many doctors that she could not have children. Her endometriosis and cancer had ruined those chances. But by a miracle, despite both of our attempts at protection, she got pregnant.
As I said, I sincerely believe that a cover was put over my heart for a time which kept me in doing as I had always done. If that was not so, then she would still be married to a violent unbeliever, and my prayer would not have been answered.
In light of that, I saved a believing (albiet Christian) woman from an unbeliever when the laws of this country were on his side, (If only we followed the Islamic laws of divorce
) allowed the miracle of life to come when it seemed impossible, and I intend to be the best husband I can to her. We are not yet married, but I intend to do anything to make sure this child isn't born out of wedlock, and is born into Islam.Now although our chance meeting and our relationship was un-Islamic; because of her pregnancy and her dependence on me I cannot leave her. God works in mysterious ways, and I think God leading us to each other was intended to create good out of a bad situation. It made me realize that I saved her by applying the things I believed and led me to realize God was calling me to Islam, and maybe by my example to lead her to it as well.
Although she is a Christian, she is very un-Christian in her beliefs. The only reason I think she's Christian, is that it's the only thing she's ever known. She doesn't believe Jesus was divine, or the Son of God; anymore than I am also his "son," and her his "daughter," metaphorically of course. Whether she likes to think so or not, her own beliefs mirror Islam in many aspects.
She at first had a genuine interest in Islam with my own interest.
Unfortunately she hit a road bump.
The Mosque in Leavenworth which I went to take the Shahhadah at was frequented by Middle Easterners. They seemed to her and me very unhappy/solemn, VERY unlike your Mosque where I think you all exhibited the true aspects of those who love God. Because of their cultural differences, whether truely Islamic or not, they were very cold to her. They ignored her, and looked down their noses at her, the Imam especially. It made her feel very unwanted and bad about herself, because she was a woman.
Whether or not that was their intention is irrelevant now. Unfortunately, she, like most Americans has associated some Middle Eastern cultural aspects as Islamic and now cannot distinguish between the two. They looked down upon our predicament, and now she has become inimical toward Islam.
Just recently she got very upset when I went to last weeks Jum'ah prayer. She gave me an ultimatum that I choose either my religion or her.
I am at a loss and am lost, because she has no family, no where to go. She relies completely on my good-will (which is willingly given). After her experiences she says she hates Islam and will never want anything to do with it.
I hope that her irrationality is brought on by her pregnancy, but I fear what if it is not.
I wonder how many people are driven away from Islam by the behavior of muslims. I've had quite a few poor experiences at masjids, but since I already had a firm belief in Islam, they haven't driven me away.
.
