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distressed

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Salam

Ive just registered today, neva really used a forum before, but have hit a very down period in my life, and have loads of unanswered questions..that im hoping someone will be able to help me with.

thanks
 
Walaykum Asalam and welcome

no problem bro/sis just ask
 
Welcome to the forum, distressed.
I hope that you find your answers here, and that your circumstances improve.
 
LOL its sister !!!!

thanks 4 the welcome..! you dont seem to have a health section on here, so i'lll just post it on here if thats ok?

Im 28 from uk, and single. A few years ago i got diagnosed with alopecia areata (hairloss in patches) for a woman i found this deeply distressing, and struggled to cope at the beginning, I kept everything to myself, and started treatments at the hospital. so far nothing has worked, and i found this disease debilating, not in the physical sense but in an emotional/psychological sense. As well as this stripping me of my feminity, i also feel it did the same with my self worth.

for years i struggled to cope, and accept myself, now, i think im a bit more at peace with myself! the last few years, i feel like ive been tested to my limits, and now..i still feel the same. nothing ever seems to get better for me in either my personal/health/family matters. Ive accepted this.

Now the prospect of marriage has been relayed to me and i dont know wat to do? Ive had several suitors in teh past, but refused to even think about marriage, cos i didnt think i was worthy of being some1 ? how is a man going to accept the way i look ?? wen i had so much trouble ? sometimes i look at myself in disgust, and can only assume that i would get the same reaction from a man. What do i do ?

from past experinces, in my community,its seen as weird if some1 my age is unmarried, and people are actually questioning whether there is something wrong with me ?? wen i found this out i was deeply upset, but i guess i cant stop people from gossiping. Ive prepared myself should things get worse for me but how do i tell a bloke ? without him running a mile ?

sorry for the ramble.

D
 
distressed said:
LOL its sister !!!!

for years i struggled to cope, and accept myself, now, i think im a bit more at peace with myself! the last few years, i feel like ive been tested to my limits, and now..i still feel the same. nothing ever seems to get better for me in either my personal/health/family matters. Ive accepted this.

Now the prospect of marriage has been relayed to me and i dont know wat to do? Ive had several suitors in teh past, but refused to even think about marriage, cos i didnt think i was worthy of being some1 ? how is a man going to accept the way i look ?? wen i had so much trouble ? sometimes i look at myself in disgust, and can only assume that i would get the same reaction from a man. What do i do ?

from past experinces, in my community,its seen as weird if some1 my age is unmarried, and people are actually questioning whether there is something wrong with me ?? wen i found this out i was deeply upset, but i guess i cant stop people from gossiping. Ive prepared myself should things get worse for me but how do i tell a bloke ? without him running a mile ?

sorry for the ramble.

D
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Salaam Sister, welcome to the forum firstly :)

So sorry to hear about your illness, inshallah things will get positive sister, Allah does not place a burden greater than it can bear. I feel sad that you feel disgusted with yourself :( no one should ever be made to feel like that and not to feel worthy, a man who cannot look past beauty and love you for what you are good riddance i say ! Just put yourself out there and be honest well its easier said than done of course :hmm:. Trust me sister that brother will love you even more because of your illness not the other way round, just have good faith, and the community i can relate everyone's a story teller but take no notice of it
 
Welcome to IB !!

sorry to hear that sister Insha allah we will ask dua !!!

Are you in asia ?
 
Thank you for your comments.

S.Choudry..I honestly dont think that i can be more patient that i have been these last few years, I have never been in remission. I do get down about things, but after a day or two i manage to pick myself up somehow and tell myself there are worst illnessess, in the world to get and mine isnt life threatening! during periods of stress, is wen it gets worse. for a woman her hair is part of her beauty right ? so if i dont have that then what else is there ?? recently its got bad, that i had to have a drastic cut. Im not sure whether it is permittable 4 a woman to cut her hair..but i just got to the point where i could not manage it in its current state, and found the problem 2 distressing to deal with on a daily basis.! Ive used everything that has been suggested to me, now i have decided to accept my fate..!

Would it be permissable for me to shave my head on health grounds ?

Mr P. Im in England
 
distressed said:
Thank you for your comments.

S so if i dont have that then what else is there ??
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Its not all about the beauty much more to look at than beauty ;

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari), as Muslims we should pratically look at her Deen. I agree beauty is a factor but there is soo much more
 
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distressed said:
Salam

Ive just registered today, neva really used a forum before, but have hit a very down period in my life, and have loads of unanswered questions..that im hoping someone will be able to help me with.

thanks
Click to expand...

Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatu laahi wa barakaatu,
Hope you have a beneficial stay ..
 
Asalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu sister,

Welcome to the forum :D This is a really friendly forum with some really knowledgeable people on board! So I hope you stay inshaAllah :)

SubhanAllah sister, I find your courage to deal with your situation really inspiring and as I have never experienced exactly what you have, all I can say is that your Imaan is probably stronger now than it was before! MashaAllah.

I think you should go ahead with your marriage search. Anyone who is worth it will see the beauty of your akhlaaq and as well as your physical beauty as a whole. The hair of a woman is only one thing that makes her attractive, but there are so many more things that make that same woman so unattractive and I personally would say "have a nice day" and get out of there. All is not lost. Shaykh Dr. Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni said in his book, 'Don't be Sad'; "You must remove the veil of darkness that covers you so that you can see the brightness of a true sunrise; you must supplant the bitterness of sorrow with the sweetness of contentment." I believe we should apply this philosophy to our lives, and then truly we will be successful in this life and in the hereafter.

I wish you all the best inshaAllah and May Allah (SWT) help you, Ameen.

On whether it is Islamically permissible to shave your hair as a woman, Allahu 'Alam (Allah knows best). You would have to ask your local Imam or a Scholar that you can get hold of.

I hope to see more of your posting!

Fee Amaanillah.
 
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Thank you for your comments.


I understand not every1 is as shallow as the people that ive been unfortunate to meet. However I think most males want some1 to look pretty, and be proud of their wife. I wouldnt be able to match up to that.

B_Hashim-Im not a practisting muslim, so im not religions really, my faith, has been with me throughout my life, so i do try and look into it for answers, when things get difficult. When i got diagnosed, i had a million and one questions running through my head..why me ? it was at this stage i kinda drifted away from my faith,although i still tried my best to be a good person..even tho i wasnt practising.

probably a bit thick of me but sorry ive no idea what "akhlaaq" means?
The head shaving I have already been advised against it by my mum, i think on the basis that she thinks this will limit my marriage chances. I thought it would be a way of me moving forward and taking back some control that this disease has inflicted on me, as well as it just being more manageable..and not having to worry on a daily basis. I dont want to really divulge personal information like that to some1 i know..but I'll see if i can make contact with some1 else.
your advice is appreciated.!
 
Salaamu Alaikum,

Akhlaaq means good manners and character (put bluntly! there's a very good talk on this by Kamal el-Mekki on youtube).

I think we often having an illusion of what 'practising' means. Actually the best of deeds are those that are done constantly. And the best of those deeds done constantly is salaah (prayer). If your salaah is perfect, then trust me you will find a sakinah (peace and tranquility) bestowed upon you. If your salaah is good then everything will fall into place.
 
Salaam

Thank you for the translation, I dont pray & hardly know anything about islam, but really interested. I'll bear in mind what every1 has said, and hopefully i'll be able to put everything in2 practice again.

thank you.

D
 
Wasalaam,

I think that's what you've been missing in your life then! And no problem, we're all learning, all the time. Your interest is what is most important! :)

Imam Malik, the founder of the Maliki school of thought, actually wanted to be a singer when he was young. His mother persuaded him to pursue knowledge instead and he turned out to be one of the foremost scholars of Islamic Jurisprudence and Hadith that this ummah has ever seen.
 
On the note of actually shaving your hair i found the article on Islam QA which says shaving hair is permissable if the person is sick
But shaving it altogether is not permissible, except in the case of sickness. And Allaah is the Source of strength. http://islamqa.com/en/ref/13744/shaving hair women
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Perhaps if you do decide to shave your hair to make it more manageable, you could use false hair/hair implant to improve your chances and also gain a bit more confidence
 
BH I do have an interest in islam, but cos theres a lot of info about it, i find it hard to take on board..! I do want to learn how to read the quran..being at the age of 28 i find it deeply embarassing, and so far the people that know im illiterate in that sense seem to think its funny ?? Ive read bits of the english version, but found it diffcult to understand.

SC thanks! Im not really sick as such, when i read this, i think this might be referring to terminally ill patients ? which im not. hair transplats arent successful, cos it would just fall out again, cos my immune system would just reject the newly implanted areas.! my only options are to either manage it in its current state, shave or a wig, which i dont think wud go down well with a potential partner.
 
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