I agree with all suggested here. Even before I found Islam I have encountered such 'hunters' online in many forms. Its the number one reason I avoid dating sites. None really have any way to 'screen' their clients to ensure they are not pedophiles, rapists, sex trade traffickers and a whole list of criminals.
This isn't to say all dating sites are full of evil people but one must always be aware of the dangers. It is painfully easy to be a nice person all fuffy and sweet online. It is very easy to even have pictures of a sweet good looking guy or gal (millions of pictures are online which can easily be 'borrowed' to represent you). With a few tricks its not hard to even make one appear they are from another country when they are in the US, and for just the creeps, it is also easy to do a trace route on their IP address should a forum or site list them (many do publicly, but not all. Sometimes just asking the webmaster or a site admin to check origin of an IP address may be possible).
From what I have learned in Islam its rather inappropriate for a Muslim man or woman to talk directly to each other about matters of dating/marriage. The standard is to go through a 'safe' intermediary (ie your father, brother, uncle or maybe the mother or sister of the man one is interested in. Or their bio brother's wife).
In the list you provided Sister, red flags stood out quite glaringly to me.
1. He told me that if I decide to come there with him that I am not allowed to tell anyone that I am going there. He says once I arrive then we can contact my parents. He says this is very important.
- Red flag - he didn't want you to tell anybody. I would never travel anywhere without telling my parents (even when i was on my own I would definitely let them know if I was going out of town)
- Red flag #2 - he only would allow you to contact your parents after arrival? Why? so you can tell them they need to wire $xxx sum of money if they wanted to have you safely returned??
2. He says that I will be free to do whatever I want. I can go home to my country whenever I want. That strikes me as odd since in many Islamic countries women cannot always do what they want.
Bearing in mind that 2 weeks after he told me this, he said to me, I think it would be best if your parents came to visit us here instead.
- Red Flag - why are you not free to do whatever you want before you fly down there? Like tell your parents you wanted to go down and meet this guy? He also sounds like he expects you will do everything he says, his word is law etc.. Muslim women are not to be treated like property or slaves.
3. I am not allowed to wear much clothing inside the home. Not even pants or skirt. He likes to talk about sex and what he will do once I am there with him.
- RED FLAG - Allah wants women to cover themselves and be modest, even at home. Of course you can dress more attractively at home but from everything I have gathered about what Allah expect regarding modesty, even in home is to be covered for the most part. The fact he wants you strutting about the house naked...or nearly so, makes me think 'sex slave'
- RED FLAG #2 - He talks about sex and what he wants to do to you in this manner BEFORE marriage. Very wrong in Islam. He already shows he has no respect and isn't all that pious as a Muslim anyway (assuming he is one.) Again, sounds more like he's looking for a sex slave.
4. He says that I will never be alone if he is with me at home. He is even wanting me to be with him at his work just to be with me.
- Red Flag : Prisoners and slaves are rarely if ever alone...somebody has to guard them. At best, this shows he is obsessively possessive. Or horribly clingy...I hate clingy guys.
5. He promised to never ever hit me.
- Yellow Flag to Red Flag - why did he feel he had to clarify he would not hit you? But spouse abusers usually say this repeatedly 'I am sorry I will never hit you' then they do anyway.
6. I had to clear all my facebook male friends yet he has not taken any of the girls of his. Shouldn't he do the same??
- Red Flag - personally I hate Facebook... and all social media. I do have facebook and I only really use it to play games and keep up with a few sites for updates etc. I don't have any personal information on my facebook page. I also lock it down so even friends of friends can't see my friends etc. At least I do try to keep it locked down, facebook has a bad habit of resetting their security settings every time they make some change...so always good to go over these settings once a month or more. - Sorry side tracked. - It is best to ensure your friends are not sharing each other and keep little to no personal information on your site. Definitely not your home address etc. I would also suggest not to put up pictures of yourself etc. But I am far more paranoid about sharing personal information on a site like Facebook than some. Its also a good thing to remember if one of your friends 'likes' or comments on something you post on your wall, everybody on your friend's list will see it, and if they 'like' it, its shared among their friends etc...so it leaves a HUGE trail of breadcrumbs.
Overall Sister... I recommend breaking all contact with this guy. I also suggest avoiding dating sites and just not get into 'flirting' with men online.
There are many precautions to take when meeting anybody for the first time who you only 'knew' online, be it a female or male 'friend'. As I mentioned before, its painfully easy to fake things online, including gender. It wouldn't be hard for a 'man' to create an account and say he's a woman. Thus, never meet anybody you only know online without having somebody you trust with you. Always meet in a public place (coffee shop, restaurant etc) and leave with your friend you bring as backup. There are many other ways to ensure your safety when meeting people online but sometimes its just best to keep online friendships/contacts at a distance. There are people who I have talked with online for years who I haven't given exact details of who I am to. Mostly general knowledge.
hew
