Studentofdeed
Slave of Allah
I have been trying to study for my grad exam but I no longer feel like it...I have been feeling so burnt out. Constantly I have been asking my parents to let me get married but they say first get accepted into med school otherwise you never will find a good girl. Yet I cant study when my depression is crippling me. When i was young money and big house used to motivate me as I was materialistic. Now I do not care about money or anything. I'm trying to be a good muslim but this days my iman is sooo low that I cant help but feel negative all the time. I did salatul istikhara for marriage yet now I'm thinking that Allah doesnt want me to get married otherwise it would have been easier. What is the point of me studying if I'm not going to have a family. These are the thoughts that keep coming in my head. The closest thing to ever getting to a wife was an abusive woman who tormented me. On top of that Girls in my university are constantly showing me signs of attraction yet I'm trying so hard to stay away. It's not helping the fact that my mom is telling me to marry a nonmuslim girl because she believes they are better than muslim women. I'm just fed up from this nonsense...I'm staying away from haram doing as much as charity I can and help others yet despite that I still feel neglected and shunned by Allah. Sometimes I think I'm young why should be trying to be a good muslim when other youngs guys are going around committing zina nonstop. Guys my age are smoking. I never commited zina or smoked, nor do I want to or wish to. I just wish Allah would make it easier for me. It literally feels like I'm holding on to burning coal