Nose job for UGLY nose

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ardianto said:
Beautiful women are not much in number, while men who expect them are very much. If they still expect beautiful women, they would never get married.
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So I can be almost sure that I am NOT getting a beautiful or pretty wife.
 
Ed123 said:
So I can be almost sure that I am NOT getting a beautiful or pretty wife.
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I was good looking guy that be liked by the girls. But even with this condition I did not expect to marry beautiful girl because I knew the reality. If I tried to approach a beautiful girl, then I would face competition against other guys who may be better than me, and very possible I would lose. Then if I always lost?. I would never get married. That's why I just expect to meet a girl with good heart who could accept me. Not beautiful was okay.

Later this principle made me lucky. My ex-classmate in highschool interested to me, and tried to approach me through my mother. And, ... she was a beautiful girl. That's why when someone asked me how I got my wife?, I answer "I didn't get her. But she got me".

Amazing?. There was something behind this luck. The cause why I looked special in her eyes was because I didn't see her as beautiful girl, but I always saw her as just a girl. And I always kind to her and treated her well without I ever tried to get her. This made me different than other guys around her who saw her as beautiful girl and tried to approach her.

There is a secret about beautiful women. A beautiful woman actually is always worries that she would not be loved if she was not beautiful. She is also afraid, if she get married and then she lose her beauty, her husband will abandon her. That's why, in the heart, a beautiful woman really expect to get a man who can love her not because her beauty.

So bro, if you want to get a luck which you can get beautiful woman, then you should not dream to get beautiful woman. You have to be able to behave well to all women without differentiate the women from their beauties. You have to be able to love a woman, not because her beauty. If you could become a man like this, then you would look special in the women eyes.

Another secret. A woman can feel if a man look at her with lustful eyes. And it will make the value of this man reduced so much in the eyes of good woman. Do you know bro, if you see a woman only on her beauty, then your heart will be filled with lust that would be seen in your eyes.

Getting a beautiful wife is luck. You might be would get this luck, but might be not. This is why I suggest you to not expect to get beautiful wife and start build willingness to marry a woman who is not beautiful. If you expect to marry beautiful woman, but were failed, then you would be frustrated and then would never get married.

Indeed, probably you will get luck which you meet a beautiful woman who is willing to marry you. But bro, luck will come only if we are not obsessed with it.

:)
 
Ed123 said:
Brother, pretty girls also want "at least" Average-looking man. I never seen a pretty wife with an ugly or "Below-average" husband. Obviously there are some exceptions, but they are NOT the usual scene.
And my personality is Not charismatic, not even near to it. I have an "Average" personality at best...
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Then you need to be one of those exceptions, not one on the usual scene. Most of those below-average men don't even try, much because they think like you do. Their insecurities dampen their confidence, making them fail. As does yours, you speak of your personality as if it were fixed and something that can't be helped. That attitude is a fundamental problem that won't be fixed or overcome by resculpting your nose, or any amount of plastic surgery.

Work on obtaining and developing those things I mentioned. Nose job or not, you'll need them anyway to make a beautiful woman swoon for you. Also, never ever think that you need to prove yourself, qualify yourself for women, by living up to their expectations. If a woman senses that you are trying to do that, she might instinctively perceive you as being below her. Instead, assume the attitude that they have to qualify for you, that you're looking for a woman who lives up to your expectations. Overconfidence and a nafs-fueled inflated view of your own worth are hardly ever liabilities in this case.

Know the stereotype about the rude jock who gets lot of female attention, despite treating women like crap? Know such a case personally? Ever wonder how that can be? It's because he's assertive and arrogantly confident and doesn't submit to anyone's expectations, he doesn't even try to qualify. Granted, he seldom manages to form meaningful long-term relationships, but usually he doesn't want that in the first place. I'm not saying you should be like him. Just saying, that he manages to do what he does says something about what generates attraction.

Now, I'm not saying you should go for getting what you currently want in terms of a wife. There is wisdom in everyone else's recommendations here not to be overly concerned with beauty. I'm just advising you on what you need to do if you are dead-set on your current course.
 
Ed123 said:
Insecurity means when the perception is Not true. So if a guy is really ugly, then how come that is an insecurity?
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Exactly. So IF a guy is very ugly... or if the idea of ugliness is only in the mind of the person, this is the matter what creates more insecurity.

Its very common, specially with young people to stare own picture from the mirror and believe that he/she is the ugliest person on the earth. At the same time there are millions of others doing same. Those others are these what you may label as beautiful or handsome. Actually, if they don´t trust to themselves, the way how they see themselves is always negative. It´s just same are people with kind of negative attitude good looking or bad looking as they always see them selves worthless.

Simply to say, at the first you have to learn to respect yourself. The self-suggestion plays an important role in how you see yourself and feel about yourself. Don´t make self-autosuggestion as your enemy, make it your friend.
 
Ed123 said:
Insecurity means when the perception is Not true. So if a guy is really ugly, then how come that is an insecurity?
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It's an insecurity to think that makes you inadequate and unable to succeed. This is a matter in which irrational, even egomaniacal overconfidence serves you better than rational defeatism.

But I'm not interested in getting into semantic arguments that are tangential at best. That you'd rather do that in order to get a pretext to dismiss everything I say, rather than consider it or even try to understand, is part of your problem. If your belief that you will fail keeps you from even trying properly, well, then you've set up a self-fulfilling prediction.
 
Linkdeutscher said:
Go to a scholar...
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I got a fatwa which says -

[h=5]If the nose is bigger than usual in such a manner that disfigures the structure, and if removing that defect does not have any side effects then performing cosmetic surgery is permissible. Allah knows best.[/h]
Another fatwa says-

if this abnormality (of the nose) is big and you are harmed by it, and it is possible to remove it without causing any other harm, then it is permissible to undergo a surgical operation for this effect.
 
Ed123 said:
I got a fatwa which says -

If the nose is bigger than usual in such a manner that disfigures the structure, and if removing that defect does not have any side effects then performing cosmetic surgery is permissible. Allah knows best.


Another fatwa says-

if this abnormality (of the nose) is big and you are harmed by it, and it is possible to remove it without causing any other harm, then it is permissible to undergo a surgical operation for this effect.
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That's why I told you even on the other forum, go to a scholar who can SEE you.

Laymen who can't see you and know your situation, why are you asking them?

Go to a local scholar and talk to him.
 
Linkdeutscher said:
That's why I told you even on the other forum, go to a scholar who can SEE you.

Laymen who can't see you and know your situation, why are you asking them?

Go to a local scholar and talk to him.
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Local scholar means local imam?
 
Ed123 said:
what if two scholars say different things? What will I do then?
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Propably you will do like most of the people would: you follow that advice you like more.

It´s same here - people come here to ask advice but they are hoping to hear the advice on which they themselves like the most. They don´t listen if the advices are opposite than they hoped to get. We have adviced you to strengthen your self-confidence, not going to nose surgery. Do you like our advices? Do you think they are something you should listen? Do you think to follow our advices? Or are you disappointed if nobody here doest advice you to meet plastic surgeon?

Brother Linkdeutscher just gave you good advice - go to meet some scholar who can see you.
 
When I was looking for a wife I didn't think I should get the woman who could make me fall in love. But I thought I should love the woman that I could get. And I prepared myself to be able to accept a woman although she was not really matched with my expectation.

It's because I have learned the biggest lesson in love and marriage. Getting a wife is different than buying t-shirt. If I want to but t-shirt, I could go to clothes store, choose the t-shirt that I like, buy it, then this t-shirt was belong to me. But if I want to get married?. I might be interested to a girl. But if this girl was not interested to marry me, then how?.

Brother Ed, have you ever tried to approach a girl and propose marriage?. I am sure you haven't. That's why you assume that is easy to get a girl who really matched with your expectation. If you have ever tried and felt the difficulty, then you would think like me and many other men, and start learn to accept someone, although she is not really matched with your expectation

In life we not always can get what we want. But if we can be grateful with what we can have, In Sha Allah, we will be happy.

Bro, the problem is not in your nose, but in your mindset.
 
ardianto said:
When I was looking for a wife I didn't think I should get the woman who could make me fall in love. But I thought I should love the woman that I could get. And I prepared myself to be able to accept a woman although she was not really matched with my expectation.

It's because I have learned the biggest lesson in love and marriage. Getting a wife is different than buying t-shirt. If I want to but t-shirt, I could go to clothes store, choose the t-shirt that I like, buy it, then this t-shirt was belong to me. But if I want to get married?. I might be interested to a girl. But if this girl was not interested to marry me, then how?.

Brother Ed, have you ever tried to approach a girl and propose marriage?. I am sure you haven't. That's why you assume that is easy to get a girl who really matched with your expectation. If you have ever tried and felt the difficulty, then you would think like me and many other men, and start learn to accept someone, although she is not really matched with your expectation

In life we not always can get what we want. But if we can be grateful with what we can have, In Sha Allah, we will be happy.

Bro, the problem is not in your nose, but in your mindset.
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My nose is very wide and bulbous in the middle and the tip is also bulbous. I wish I would have a normal nose like other people. Then I could at least consider myself Average looking, and also wouldn't have to worry like this about getting a pretty wife.
 
I think it is best to leave your nose as it is(unless there was a medical reason). It is not wise to start messing with your natural look. It is what is on the inside that counts, not outside. I used to feel dislike for myself, "how I looked", then I grew up and realized that I should not care if someone likes or does not like how I look, naturally. This does not mean you don't care for yourself by exercising, showers, brushing teeth...etc.
 
Linkdeutscher said:
Why would you go to different scholars?
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If I go to one scholar, can he "surely" decide whether my nose has abnormality or deformity, and whether is it Halal (without a doubt) for me to do nose job in my case?
(On the judgement day, I do not want to be punished for my nose job, that's why I need 100% guarantee from the scholar that it will be Halal for me. )
 
Assalaamu alaikum Ed,


Mmm... you want a 100% guarantee that you can argue in favour of a nose job before Allah...! (smile) But Allah looks inside YOUR heart. No matter what a true scholar says (if you can find one; I agree these are harder to find than hen's teeth in some places), if you have some doubts and misgivings in your heart about the halalness of your trip to the surgeon... well, I'd suggest listening to your heart.

(gently) It seems to me that you fear rejection. And that you have placed all your fears onto your nose, so to speak. (mildly) But cutting your nose will not really cut your fears away, you know.

(mildly) Surgery is also not without it's dangers. (sigh) So many people think: Oh! I'll just have a quick trip to the doctor's, and everything will be miraculously as I dreamed... But it is not like this. Furthermore, every time you go under the knife, there could be complications. Even disfiguring or (very rarely) mortal ones. (mildly) Granted, the majority of cases go ok. But there are no guarantees that you will be in the majority. This is why when you go for any medical intervention, you must consider not only the benefits you want, but also the possible costs.

What are the possible costs? Well, I got this from the Mayo Clinic website (this is a reliable source of information for the general public):

Risks

By Mayo Clinic Staff

As with any major surgery, rhinoplasty carries risks such as bleeding, infection and an adverse reaction to the anesthesia. Other possible risks specific to rhinoplasty include:

  • Recurring nosebleeds
  • Difficulty breathing through your nose
  • Permanent numbness in and around your nose
  • Possibility of an uneven-looking nose
  • Pain, discoloration or swelling that may persist
  • Scarring
  • Hole in the septum (septal perforation)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/rhinoplasty/basics/risks/prc-20014336

There are also likely to be financial costs. (mildly) Money that could perhaps be used more fruitfully. To pay for studies, debts, for a car, a house... (twinkle) for a nice gift for your future intended. (smile) Or to give as a sadaqa.

(smile) I do understand that it is hard to know how to approach a member of the opposite sex for marriage purposes. Especially when you feel you're not good enough. But the other members on this Forum have given you some valuable insights, you know. Women are not nearly as interested in looks as men are. A man's steadiness and ability to support his future children are much more attractive, you know.

(pensively) I wonder if you feel that having a particularly beautiful wife can counterbalance your own feelings of unattractiveness. (sigh) But this won't work, either, you know. A good wife will bear you children. She will age. She will work hard to raise your and her children and to support you when you need help. And, inevitably, her looks will fade... so will you then need to get yourself a new attractive woman to make you feel good about yourself? And is this fair to your caring wife and children?

(smile) And, you know, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. (gently) Ardianto's wife was very ill before she died. Do you think that, on the surface, she was gorgeously beautiful to the end? But did it matter? Did Ardianto not find her beautiful anyway? (softly) Why do you think that was?

(gently) Right now, I would not recommend a woman to marry you. Not because of your looks. But because you need to learn to love yourself more. And because you judge others too much by their looks (and these two points are related, it seems to me). (smile) I suspect that if you work on building a healthy love of your beautiful self (and I'm sure you have some beauty in you), that God made, that you would find it easier to approach a woman for marriage, and that you would be a much better husband and father.

(smile) And you know what? If a woman is foolish enough to reject a good man purely on his looks (and there are a few like this, to be sure, just not as many as you might think)... then you are far better off without her as your wife...

(smile) You are loveable, Ed. Truly. Now you just need to look at how you can become an even better and more beautiful person. (smile) And then you will be even more loveable. (softly) And then, perhaps, you will be able to see the true beauty in others... no matter what their surface appearance. (smile) And you will be able to have a good marriage where both spouses nourish each other, and their children, to grow and flourish.

(smile) Welcome to this Forum, Ed. I hope you may continue to grace us with your thoughts.


May Allah, the Designer, the Fashioner of Forms, Help us to see.
 

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