obstacles to conversion

[jdawgbruh]

Assalamu Alaikum,
I'm 23/M have been searching for faith for a while now. I have been raised in a christian household and community, and never met a Muslim until college. Family never went to church, I became avowed atheist at like 14 or 15, and eventually began to accept logically that the world was created, etc - ever since then my faith has grown stronger.
My main issue with Christianity is just the mental gymnastics required to believe. Concepts such as the trinity are impossible to understand, the infallibility of the bible is problematic given the circumstances in which it was compiled, the idea that you can be saved through grace/faith alone suggests to me that I can just pray to Jesus for forgiveness and then go do anything I want, the 50+ different denominations you can join, church history, the consistent bickering within the community, and the fact that I do not really know any Christians that I look up to as examples of righteous individuals are all obstacles to faith in this regard.
I first learned about Islam through my ex-girlfriend. She taught me a lot and basically planted the seed that has led me to this point. Islam has surprised me in its beauty, simplicity, and believability. I have been eating up as much as I can learn. However there are still many barriers to me converting, if I were to do so. I want to see if anyone here has dealt with these things, and if so how. I feel like these are all things that any western convert has to deal with:

• Family. My family is hardly "devout" christians, but many are conservative, Fox News-watching types of people who think Islam is evil. My mom will sincerely be worried for my immortal soul if I convert out of Christianity. I'm not sure how my grandparents would feel, I probably would never tell them until I get married (if they're still around). My aunt and uncle on my dad's side would try to de-convert me. My father would accept me no matter what I do, although I'm sure he'd find it a bit odd.
  
• Giving up drugs, sex, alcohol: this is a big one, to be honest, and I know that I am just being selfish. I enjoy smoking weed and occasionally maybe taking psychedelics. Alcohol is less important to me, but I'd still like to be able to enjoy a few drinks with friends if I can do so in a responsible manner. Sex is the hardest thing for me to give up, I've been sexually active since I was 16, I don't even know what it's like to go without sex until marriage. I definitely see the benefits of waiting until marriage for sex - ie making the decision of marriage based on objective factors first. But truth be told, I'm in my early 20s, I'm pretty lonely most of the time, if I don't have a girlfriend/companionship then I fall very easily into depression (which leads into more sin). I actually think having a girlfriend right now is better for my mental health. Another thing is that I don't know a single person among my friends that is not sexually active, so if I give it up then I will likely be very lonely indeed. I guess this really just requires me to truly believe in the Qur'an, because if I really take it as the word of God, then the decision becomes "do you want Hell or do you want to quit weed/drinking/having sex?". But I guess I'm not really at that point yet, although I continue to read and pray for guidance. How did you get over this?
  
• Assuming I can get over the above, my biggest thought is for Marriage and Family. If I look at the bigger picture, I would be essentially starting my own family line. I would be the first person in my entire lineage to break from the Christian faith and become Muslim. My family would not be behind me. I want a big, loving, happy family one day. Why would anyone want to marry me, essentially a lone individual with not much family to speak of? I'm not rich, I'm the child of divorced parents, but I want to establish a strong family line and part of that means marrying into a strong family. I would essentially be giving up a decent part of my culture and throwing myself at the mercy of my future wife's family to accept me, a white male with essentially no significant family backing. Perhaps I'm overthinking this but I realize that my actions and choices are going to affect my children for generations and I want to make the choices that benefit them the most.

Who here has gone through similar issues? How did/have you dealt with them? What can/should I do to help surmount these problems?

 

[Alpha Dude]

Another thing is that I don't know a single person among my friends that is not sexually active, so if I give it up then I will likely be very lonely indeed.

It would be important to keep friendship with people who will encourage you toward good, rather than tempt you back into a life of vice. Keeping the right company is very much encouraged in Islam. You are who you hang out with. Not necessarily cut contact with your current friends but open up to other people who take you toward a better direction in life.

 

[Yahya.]

Maybe it would help listenint to other converts stories who went through similiar situations.

There are many on YouTube, and here is a website with over 200 stories;

www[.]islamreligion[.]com
/category/63/stories-of-new-muslims/

 

[Yahya.]

And if readings is to hard, a youtube playlist containing over 200 stories;

www[.]youtube[.]com/
playlist?list=PLewdvzU73U3097khGQt782k5inKS4oMqQ

 

[aamuslim]

Family. My family is hardly "devout" christians, but many are conservative, Fox News-watching types of people who think Islam is evil. My mom will sincerely be worried for my immortal soul if I convert out of Christianity. I'm not sure how my grandparents would feel, I probably would never tell them until I get married (if they're still around). My aunt and uncle on my dad's side would try to de-convert me. My father would accept me no matter what I do, although I'm sure he'd find it a bit odd.

They will be concerned there is no doubt about that but it is going to be you who can play a key role in changing their perceptions. Listen, due to whats happening in the world today, if suppose I was a non-Muslim and found my son going near Islam, I would be worried too - all because many people dont know anything about Islam except for what they see and hear in the media, they sure love to cover the small extremist elements (which every religion have, none is free from).

Allah says in the Qur'an: {And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."} (Quran, 17:23-24)

And Allah says: {And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.} (Quran, 29:8)

So be good to your parents, grand-parents, and the rest of the family. Its upon you to put on a positive role, that is the only thing that will change their perceptions.

Giving up drugs, sex, alcohol: this is a big one, to be honest, and I know that I am just being selfish. I enjoy smoking weed and occasionally maybe taking psychedelics. Alcohol is less important to me, but I'd still like to be able to enjoy a few drinks with friends if I can do so in a responsible manner. Sex is the hardest thing for me to give up, I've been sexually active since I was 16, I don't even know what it's like to go without sex until marriage. I definitely see the benefits of waiting until marriage for sex - ie making the decision of marriage based on objective factors first. But truth be told, I'm in my early 20s, I'm pretty lonely most of the time, if I don't have a girlfriend/companionship then I fall very easily into depression (which leads into more sin). I actually think having a girlfriend right now is better for my mental health. Another thing is that I don't know a single person among my friends that is not sexually active, so if I give it up then I will likely be very lonely indeed. I guess this really just requires me to truly believe in the Qur'an, because if I really take it as the word of God, then the decision becomes "do you want Hell or do you want to quit weed/drinking/having sex?". But I guess I'm not really at that point yet, although I continue to read and pray for guidance. How did you get over this?

You dont need to be a non-Muslim to be faced with the above issues, Muslims are faced with the same types of challenges too, after all we are all humans. I've never been in any of the stuff, so I cannot say how to get over this.. For every problem that is out there in the world, there is a solution to it, and its upon that person to find the solution to the problem that he's in to solve. For alcohol and drugs, you would be wasting money and damaging your body internally. For sex, look for a wife and get married.

Assuming I can get over the above, my biggest thought is for Marriage and Family. If I look at the bigger picture, I would be essentially starting my own family line. I would be the first person in my entire lineage to break from the Christian faith and become Muslim. My family would not be behind me. I want a big, loving, happy family one day. Why would anyone want to marry me, essentially a lone individual with not much family to speak of? I'm not rich, I'm the child of divorced parents, but I want to establish a strong family line and part of that means marrying into a strong family. I would essentially be giving up a decent part of my culture and throwing myself at the mercy of my future wife's family to accept me, a white male with essentially no significant family backing. Perhaps I'm overthinking this but I realize that my actions and choices are going to affect my children for generations and I want to make the choices that benefit them the most.
Who here has gone through similar issues? How did/have you dealt with them? What can/should I do to help surmount these problems?

That's fine and you wont be the first person in the world to go through this change. You may have a different feeling and you may find it a bit challenging but in the end you would find it to be worth it. Look at the stories of other converts and you will find others who where in the same boat as you at one point in their life. You are overthinking this part, so be easy on yourself. There are lots of white female converts as well, that grew up and share the same type of culture that you've been brought up with, so inshAllah if you strive, Allah will make things easy for you down the road.

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam brother,

All praise is to Allah for guiding you to the truth. It is a beautiful feeling and a beautiful way of life.

Islam will no doubt change your view and perspective on life and will inevitably play a positive role on your character. Your friends or family may not recognise you and may not understand why you are behaving the way you are behaving but in time they will appreciate the change. I think you may need to be very patient with them and try and explain your choices and reasons in a gentle way.

I don’t know how you wish to make this announcement to your family. I know some people have practised their faith in private initially so they understood the message clearly and could justify their actions and then once they felt comfortable with their new identity and character they announced the news to their family. Others chose to tell certain key people in their family and not everyone. Reason for this is because some may be able to take the news whereas others may not be able to digest the changes. Try and find a comfortable path for you.

Also, whichever path you do choose bear in mind our parents are very clever they can pick up on things so if all of a sudden you choose to quit gambling, clubbing, alcoholic drinks and so on they will know something fishy’s going on. I think once you explain Islam for what it truly is they won’t fear it as much.

With respect to drug taking, consuming alcohol and sexual activities I think you need to know it’s something that won’t stop overnight. You need to put a lot of commitment and will-power into stopping. You may start off reducing your intake of drugs or being less sexually active. For example, if you take a drug 5 times a day you might want to start reducing it to 4 times a day and then when you stop craving for the 5[SUP]th[/SUP] one then reduce it more and more until one day you have mastered your addictions. I think with time brother the more you learn about Islam the more everything will fall into place. You’ll only have a desire to please Allah swt and the sins will appear less glamorous God-willing.

I understand where you are coming from and why you are worried about the future and marriage. You never know what’s round the corner brother. Your family may support you but then again they may not. We do not know. Only Allah swt has this knowledge. With the availability of the internet one can easily find a woman from a respectable family. There’s many Muslim matrimonial sites and when you do revert God-willing you will be introduced to many Muslim families so your network and contacts will be many in sha Allah. I know many reverts who are happily married with kids Alhamdulilah. Never lose hope brother. Where there is a will there is a way.

If you think about it brother your three main concerns are worldly/materialistic concerns. Our family will not help us on the day of judgment. Nor will our friends or sins. Try not to delay your conversion as time slips through our fingers very fast.

If you are looking for islamic literature or e-books please visit http://www.kalamullah.com/

May Allah swt allow you to make good decisions Ameen. May Allah swt give your family and friends the ability to accept your conversion. Ameen. May Allah swt provide you with a strong support network Ameen.

Wish you everything good & more Ameen.

 

[matthewd]

Hello,

My name is Matthew and I just joined this board moments ago. I was searching the internet for Christian/Muslim conversations and stumbled upon your initial post a few days ago. I myself am a believing Christian - raised that way and still believe. I have seen some of my friends leave Christianity for one reason or another and I am always interested in the thought process behind all of that.

That said I don't have too many friends who are practicing muslims or who have left Christianity to (potentially) pursue the Islamic faith as, according to your post, you are at least entertaining. Would you be up for having a conversation with me about Christianity, Islam, and some reasons for believing one over the other?

Thanks for considering,

- Matthew

 

[Umm Abed]

Hello,

My name is Matthew and I just joined this board moments ago. I was searching the internet for Christian/Muslim conversations and stumbled upon your initial post a few days ago. I myself am a believing Christian - raised that way and still believe. I have seen some of my friends leave Christianity for one reason or another and I am always interested in the thought process behind all of that.

That said I don't have too many friends who are practicing muslims or who have left Christianity to (potentially) pursue the Islamic faith as, according to your post, you are at least entertaining. Would you be up for having a conversation with me about Christianity, Islam, and some reasons for believing one over the other?

Thanks for considering,

- Matthew

Welcome to the forum, if you look through you will find that this forum is saturated with information that will answer many of your questions, from hadith and Qur'an to wise quotes and experiences of people to solutions of problems, all done the Islamic way.

Hope you have a beneficial stay here.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum,

Please let us know how you get on insha Allah.

May Allah swt remove all the difficulties in your way Ameen.

 

[kidcanman]

Mr. jdawgbruh your issues are so complex that they are nearly impossible to address over a message board. You have to have an actual conversation with somebody. If you like, if you message me then I will give you my number and we can have an in depth conversation about it.

 

[wkostuk]

i am having all of the same problems. My family is very strony christian and i know i will not have support from them. I also do not know how i will abstain from Marijuana, occasional drinking, and sex before marriage. Im 19 and i turn 20 this year and i havent told anyone about it until its official and i have done shahada.

But my main point was that if you ever wanna chat, considering the similarities of our situations, then shoot me a message some time

 

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Welcome, my beautiful sister, to IB! Thank you for joining IB.

i am having all of the same problems. My family is very strony christian and i know i will not have support from them. I also do not know how i will abstain from Marijuana, occasional drinking, and sex before marriage. Im 19 and i turn 20 this year and i havent told anyone about it until its official and i have done shahada.

Hey, honey, it's perfectly okay to be having those problems; I think we've all struggles and we're all struggling differently and so remember that we're all in it together as well as Muslims trying to be on the path of goodness on the Straight Path!

I know that it's going to be hard to abstain from sex before marriage but you also have to remind yourself that you're so much more than your body and your body as a woman deserves to be shared with someone who'll respect you enough to give you his commitment before God that he'll be with you through both the worst and the best times; think through all the heartbreaks you've had in your life and you'll see that your heart is more precious to God and should not be given to any person who is not ready to take care of your heart better than you have in your life.

Marijuana and social drinking are intoxicants that I know might be something that you've used as a way to decompress, but remember that there are healthier alternatives that you can use to decompress. Healthier alternatives can include walking, bicycling, exercising in the gym, hiking, cooking, knitting, painting, baking, meditating, doing photography, joining a new Muslim class either online or in the mosque or at Islamic center nearest you, volunteering, joining a local meetup for a hobby or something else of interest, getting a massage, cleaning, or anything else that makes you feel better and more positive and in a frame of mind to give yourself the best in terms of what you're putting in your body and in your life.

When you first tell your family (if you decide to tell them as you're not obliged to do so as many converts have from the time of Prophet :saws: to now decided to hide their religion, at least initially, and sometimes for years), your family might react badly; since they are strongly Christian, they might see what you've done as a betrayal of their values and tradition and might be extremely concerned for you that you don't become a terrorist or extremist. They might feel scared and concerned because of how negatively the media paints Islam and Muslim. And you know what? Their concern is okay, because they love you and they want the best for you, and all they probably want to know is that you're still going to be the you that they know and love. And you can give them that reassurance by being the best version of yourself and letting your character and your mannerisms with them speak about Islam; see, your family will learn more about how you're from observing you than in a day of you talking to them about Islam. And you're now an ambassador of Islam to your family and so you will have to be very, very, very patient with them. See, Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) told us, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

All of that is to say that if you want to talk or share, please do feel free to PM me as well, as I will be happy to be there InshaAllah (God-willing) for you as your servant, sister, and friend in whatever small capacity I'm able and encourage you on this Straight Path on which we're all struggling as human beings. Most importantly, however, if you're struggling with anything ever and especially with the things you've mentioned, do not feel shy to turn to Allah and supplicate in duas (supplications) to Him to make things and Islam easy for you as all success is ultimately from Allah.

Always try your best, even if you fail, keep trying. Allah sees your work, your passion, and persistence. And to Allah, what matters is our intentions as Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) informed us.

Smile, sis. Because InshaAllah (God-willing) everything's gonna be okay, and you're going to get there - just take baby steps!

Barakllahu feeki (may Allah bless you).

Wishing you happiness for today, tomorrow, and ALWAYS,

:wa: (And peace be upon you)