Not so much as needing advise...Like i know what the right thing to do, the hard part is doing it. Like I need duas InshAllah...Planning to go Umrah but i got to change soo much...
I'm just another loudmouth idiot child...& I got to proper change & I think Umrah will be the experiance to do that for me...I mean I even still listen to music...I used to lecture back in the day to others about it when i used to play Qurn...I keep doing this on/off think where one moment im really into my deen and the next day someone will play a song and my head will be somehwere esle...Guess its the effect music has on you...But in regards to my problem, Iv gotta change so many other things and im scared hearing accounts of people coming back from this journey and doing stupid stuff...Like to think i cant be one of them...

You dont know how long that took me...T R U S T...
i listen to Mufti Ishmail Menk ALOT! he RARELY says that you have to be 100% PERFECT! he always says that the goal is 100%, but as long as that is what you are working towards, just make sure that you always DECREASE the things that you know you need to change! keep working towards that goal! with music, take a look at the lyrics and the intention of the music, eliminate the WORST first, then the next, etc...
our Imam's kutbah today addressed the loudmouth issue. just remember that Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala is watching you and TRY to increase your shyness in front of Him! [decide which angel you want writing stuff down!] if you screw up 20 times a day, just try to make it 19 for a while; then 18... if you you do 20 or 22 one day, just realize that you are only harming yourself, make Tawbah and start back at 19!
in MY life, i've actually found that i learn ALOT more by messing up than by doing everything right!
Oh noh...Oh Noh?:muddlehea C'mon i know i talk on another level but that wasnt too hard to figure out was it?...
Back to ma problem...Like Courrrseeee me wanna go, it'l be a journey of a lifetime but theres just soooo much more to it than that...Something i cant exactly blag on a website...Should done this anonymous but only thought of it after i posted :muddlehea...I know it'll be tha right thing to do but i mean sooooooo much's gotta change and i knooooooooow things, certain things are gonna pull me back....arghhhhhh cant explain even dammit... Like another thing bothering me is seeing sooooooo many people around me mess up...Like how tha fudge can they live these kinda lives...Sometimes get tha feeling that I'm tha only sane one left....I needa get out of this craaaaapholeee....****nnnnnnnnnnnnn isssssssssh soooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaards