Ok is it me or him

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anonymous

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I been with someone for four years. We have the intention to marry. I know pre marital relationships are Haraam so let's leave that out for now.

He wants me to after marriage:

1. Stop having non Muslim friends
2. Wear niqab
3. Not allowed to work at all not even as a teacher due to the fear that a male parent will see me
4. Have to go see in laws once a day and also help where I can


He on the other hand watches television so I feel why is he allowed to watch women on TV and I have to cover. His reply is when I show my face it will be sin on his head and so when he watched TV the sin is only on his head???

He is cruel and unkind at times. He treats family n friends better. His excuse his well if he is good to everyone else he will be rewarded so if he had enough reward he'll still go jannah regardless if I'm not treated with kindness.

He has a spending problem and doesn't ever want to save this is a problem considering I'm not allowed to work.

He claims my job now is Haraam as I work in a mixed environment. However I pray all my salah on time. But he tells me I should buy all my Jubbah etc before marriage and he'll start paying after. Why should I pay for my clothes I'd my money is Haraam?

I want him to drastically stop going out after marriage n ensure we spend time together as this is part of the kind treatment to wives. When I say this he says he goes mad at me.

Few months ago he changed his number and said I'm only allowed to email him now. Then after three months if me putting up with this he said he doesn't want to be with me and blocked me. He then after two months said sorry and said he wants to marry me within the next month????


Is it me or is too controlling
 
anonymous said:
Few months ago he changed his number and said I'm only allowed to email him now. Then after three months if me putting up with this he said he doesn't want to be with me and blocked me. He then after two months said sorry and said he wants to marry me within the next month????
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Think about this with your own mind,Do this man worth marrying?All he wants to make you obey him again and again...

It is better to stop interacting with him and If you have Wali/Guardians tell them to get you married or Start searching for other venues where you can get help Islamically regarding these matters

Assalamu Alaikum
 
:sl:

anonymous said:
I know pre marital relationships are Haraam so let's leave that out for now.
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We can't leave that out, because it's a prime cause of whats happening. When boys and girls are in "relationships" esp without the parents knowledge, and have been for a while, being all nice at the beginning, then the boys tend to take advantage of the girls because they know the girl is "in love" with them.

One of the reasons for a girl needing a wali in Islam is so that the girl doesn't get taken advantage of.

Nothing wrong with wearing niqaab etc, but this says it all, with big alarm bells:

he'll still go jannah regardless if I'm not treated with kindness.
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He is basically telling you how he's going to be with you.

Apart from that, that sentence is not true. Its shows no fear of Allah. Treating one's wife badly is a great sin. How does he know he won't go to hell for treating you badly? Is he going to control what Allah does too, apart from you? Laa howla wa laa quwwata illaa billaah.

If he was truly religious, he wouldn't have contact with you alone, and would prefer to go through or involve your wali.

He wants to marry you within the month to have you under his control in case you're having second thoughts. At the moment, you can just walk away freely. Take that opportunity to do so. Now. Before it's too late, and you're stuck in an oppressive marriage.

This is not only controlling, but wrong. You should break off with him and repent from it, and leave your parents/guardians (if you have them) to find somebody suitable for you. They will be able to look at things objectively, and in shaa'Allah choose someone suitable.

May Allah make things for you, grant you a pious, pleasing husband, ameen.
 
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It sounds like he tries to rationalize his ill behaviour towards you using religious pretexts. That makes him the worst kind of hypocrite. My honest advice is to dump him and never give him another chance.
 
He says he needs a practising wife and says that's not me. I observe all pillars and said Iwill wear niqab aafter marriage n not work.

What's wrong with me?
 
anonymous said:
He says he needs a practising wife and says that's not me. I observe all pillars and said Iwill wear niqab aafter marriage n not work.
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If I were you, I'd turn that around and say he is in a relationship with you and that is not allowed so he is not all that practising either in which case he must surely realise that people aren't perfect but can only try their best.

What's wrong with me?
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In all honesty, I think you need to pay more attention to what sister Insaanah said. That answers your question.

Pray istikarah whether or not you should marry this guy and if it is not positive, forget about him and move on.
 
anonymous said:
He says he needs a practising wife and says that's not me. I observe all pillars and said Iwill wear niqab aafter marriage n not work.

What's wrong with me?
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Nothing is wrong with you. He is wrong.
 
When we first got together we were going to get married ASAP. But my heart kept saying no just wait and now four years I'mstill here. After two years in iI told my family and both sides met. Since I told my parent he keeps breaking uup with me even though his family have always known about me.

Now all the things he dies to me I can't tell parents because firstlythey ddon't know anyone nor have they helped me find a partner which is y Ihad to look and ssecondly they'll stay I can't marry him and now I feel really old and need to settle.

I do prayto aAllah and he does come. Back in my life when I ask of he will be good for now and akirah
 
The thing is he actually is a very practising brother. Aside from the relationship. However once I told my family all he has done is change his number three times, sworn at me. He also ones a lot and tells his family one thing and me another. Like once he says he ddoesn't want to marry met yet I find out he's been telling his family he can't wait to marry me
 
^ practising brothers dont get involved in pre-marital relations. .



i would do: istikhara - decision - steadfastness

come to a decision and dont look back if you believe Allah guides you
 
Don't marry him just because you feel you need to settle. It's better not to settle at all than to be settled in misery.
 
anonymous said:
The thing is he actually is a very practising brother. Aside from the relationship. However once I told my family all he has done is change his number three times, sworn at me. He also ones a lot and tells his family one thing and me another. Like once he says he ddoesn't want to marry met yet I find out he's been telling his family he can't wait to marry me
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:sl:

My sister the problem with such relationships are that because they began and continued in a way that is displeasing to Allah then that is the way they also usually end. It may also be that you did not marry him at the beginning because you were not meant for each other. I am sure you already know what a major sin you have both committed so you must not continue like this any longer as it is only making things worse. You must both cut off all contact with each other and make sincere isthikhara and beg and ask of Allah to guide you both to the right decision.

Once you have both decided then either you marry immediately or move on and this time find a partner in a way that will please Allah rather than ever get into a premarital relationship again as that is the reason why things have gone this badly. You have to seriously think about the way he is towards you and the way both of you are towards each other. Take this time out to seriously think about things and do not contact each other. Leave your decision with Allah and whatever happens next was the best thing for the both of you. Ramadan is almost here so it is the best time for us to renew ourselves. Therefore act now in cutting off relations and make a final decision as soon as possible.

May Allah do whatever is best for the both of you. Ameen

Hope this helps:

How to get through the pain of a pre-marital relationship

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...et-through-pain-pre-marital-relationship.html
 

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