Old homes

[Muslim Woman]

I read an article in our local daily on Old homes.

How the so-called educated and rich sons are abonding their parents

Some parents are so deeply in sadness that they told the home authorities not to allow sons to see their dead bodies .
Those who live in the west - may be won't understand the situation here . Bangladesh is a muslim majority country and joint family concept / system is still very common here . It's considered as a bad behaviour if son gets married and move to new home. It's expected that they will live with parents .
Yes , I can understand , now a days , women are becoming more financially independent and liberal and they want privacy and freedom . But does that mean that they won't allow husband to help parents or visit them regularly ?

In the report , several parents told that sons did not buy them any new clothes or visit them on Eid day though they are well establised.

May Allah guide those sons .

Parents , teach your kids about the following verses . InshaAllah they will treat u well when u become old.


Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents

An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #36

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

( سورة الإسراء , Al-Isra, Chapter #17, Verse #23)

http://ittefaq.com.bd/content/2010/09/25/news0618.htm

 

[Asiyah3]

Those who live in the west - may be won't understand the situation here . Bangladesh is a muslim majority country and joint family concept / system is still very common here . It's considered as a bad behaviour if son gets married and move to new home. It's expected that they will live with parents .

:wa:
On which grounds is it wrong to move to your own house while upholding the ties of kinship and visiting your parents now and then? Considering the problems I hear often occurs with in-laws and the wife's discomfort, I personally find it healthier for the marriage. Of course, it depends on her comfort and relationship with the husband's members of the family.

I'm only commenting on the part of moving to your own house with your wife and children. I'm against sending parents to old homes.

Yes , I can understand , now a days , women are becoming more financially independent and liberal and they want privacy and freedom . But does that mean that they won't allow husband to help parents or visit them regularly ?

I hate it when I hear this sort of speech. Why is the wife always to blame? Did she hold a gun at her husband and prevent him from visiting his parents?

 

[PouringRain]

Homes for the elderly are quite sad. Often the people in them are just left there, by their family, to die. Their family does not visit them or anything. Some places are better than others, though. Some will offer a full range of activities, day trips out, special visitor groups, etc. I know that these things can not substitute for the lack of family involvement, but it can certainly allow them to have an active life and to make friends. I knew a guy who used to go volunteer at one and read the Bible to people. (I recommended once to a Muslim girl that she could go read the Qur'an at one.) Long, long ago, I worked at a child development center and we would take the children to one to sing.


The only reason I could see putting a parent in one is if the parent was ill and needed full time care.

 

[Muhammad]

Assalaamu Alaykum,

:wa:
On which grounds is it wrong to move to your own house while upholding the ties of kinship and visiting your parents now and then? Considering the problems I hear often hear occurs with in-laws and the wife's discomfort, I personally find it healthier for the marriage. Of course, it depends on her personality and comfort.

I think the sister is referring to cultural norms in her country rather than a universal right or wrong.

I hate it when I hear this sort of speech. Why is the wife always to blame? Did she hold a gun at her husband and prevent him from visiting his parents?

It's quite clear in her post that the sons are also to blame: "How the so-called educated and rich sons are abandoning their parents"...

I hope that helps to clarify Insha'Allaah.

 

[Asiyah3]

Assalaamu Alaykum,

I think the sister is referring to cultural norms in her country rather than a universal right or wrong.

It's quite clear in her post that the sons are also to blame: "How the so-called educated and rich sons are abandoning their parents"...

I hope that helps to clarify Insha'Allaah.

:wa:
True. You're right.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

these old people homes are sad. I could never bring myself to visit that old lady with my mum, because i knew of the sad state it would leave me in.
I knew an old lady who her children sent her to those retirement villages and the only daughter that did care for her, her other siblings got some kind of restraining order stopping her from doing so.

It odd, because old people become just like children again and its in old age that people really feel lonely. old people are essentially children, just not physically resembling them.

 

[cat eyes]

my grandad had to be put in this special home because he was mentally ill.. and he was not save to be around anytime my poor brother would visit him my grandad didnt even know who he was and he got his gun and chased my brother out of the house and my brother broke down crying in front of my dad as soon as he got home.

my brother always visited him and stayed in his house for hours lol and sometimes my grandad would have to tell my brother to go home now haha

i can't understand those people putting their parents in these homes if their healthy very sad

 

[syed_z]

Asalaam O Alaikum Sister... May Allah Bless you for sharing this post.

I have a few words i would like to say, which can explain that why parents are being treated in the Muslim world in such a way. Prophet Muhammad (saw) told us many signs of the End of Time, and there are major as well as minor signs. I would like to say mention some over here. ...

Sayyidina Ali ibn Abu Talib (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “When my ummah perform fifteen particular things, trials will come down on them.” He was asked, “What are they,O Messenger of Allah, (SAW) ? He said, “When any gain is shared out only among the rich, with no benefit to the poor; when a trust becomes a means of making a profit, and zakah is tax, and a husband obeys his wife and disobeys his mother, and he is faithful to his friend but unfaithful to his father, and voices are raised in the mosques, and leaders of men are the most wicked of them, and a man is honoured for fear of his evil, and wine is drunk, and silk is worn, and singing girls and stringed instruments are taken up, and the last of this ummah curse the first of them. So at that time await a red violent wind, or sinking down the earth or metamorphosis.” (Tirmizi)

This is exactly what we're seeing. Not only in the above article but also every where around us, in the Muslim world. The youth obey their friends and disobey their parents. The Youth i.e girls and boys disrespecting elders and specially parents are one of the signs the Prophet (saw) warned us about. A husband obeying wife, and forgetting his mother who bore him in pain, forgetting his father who took care of him when he was a child, and would be willing to send them somewhere like, old homes etc.....

His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning lasted two years. (We, therefore, enjoined upon him): “Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is your ultimate return. (31:14)


Since we are living in the 21st century Jahilliya, would like to quote a very important portent of the Hour which Prophet (saw) told us about...


A man asked The Messenger of Allah (saw) "When will the Hour be established?" Allah's Messenger replied "The answerer does not know more than the questioner. But i will inform you about its portents:

(1) When a slave (Lady) gives birth to her master (and mistress in some narrations)

(2) When the shepherds of black camels start boasting and competing with others in construction of higher buildings.

(Sahih Muslim)


..."When a slave mother will give birth to her mistress and master"... means no other than that, mothers would be treated as slaves and children who used to humble once, would become master and mistresses and would treat them no good and it will be parents, and specially mothers who would have to obey their child in whatever he/she may say. Since the children would work and earn and support their old parents, it will be them who would be acting as if it has become their "right" to rule over them.


So whats happening was all predicted by Messenger of Allah (saw).

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam Alaykum

On which grounds is it wrong to move to your own house while upholding the ties of kinship and visiting your parents now and then?

after marriage those who move to other place or send parents to old home , normally don't visit parents. Some visit once a month ( maximum).

I'm against sending parents to old homes.

Alhamdulillah.

I hate it when I hear this sort of speech. Why is the wife always to blame?

because normally an unmarried man don't move to a new home . At least , in Bangladesh , it's unlikely for an unmarried man to live alone.

Did she hold a gun at her husband and prevent him from visiting his parents?

That's funny ; any married couple will understand how a wife can blackmail hubby . She will deprive him from his marital right unless he listens to her . If he regularly visits parents and give them money , then she will go to her parents house and won't allow husband to see kids etc etc . I guess , there is no law to punish these type of selfish women ; but they should fear Allah .

Look at the sadness in the eyes of the old fathers - they don't have any hope - they can't see thier sons , not on Eid days . Their grandparents are not allowed to visit them . Many of them have rich sons who have multi-flats in the same city but in those flats , there is no space for parents.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

(I recommended once to a Muslim girl that she could go read the Qur'an

wow that's very nice of u , sis

.

The only reason I could see putting a parent in one is if the parent was ill and needed full time care.

In Bangladesh , it's cheap to hire maids. Even a middle class family has at least one part time maid. Any rich family has more than one full time maid. It's impossible to find any rich family without maids and drivers.

So , even if parents are sick , it's easily possible to hire maids here for 24/7 . Daughter in law or son dont' have to do any work like washing clothes or cook food for old , sick parents - they only have to spend money and show patience. It's sad that many Muslim men and women are not doing this little sacrifice

 

[cat eyes]

so in muslim countries it might be cheap but it seems that these days a muslim man in the west has to be very rich if we were all to follow custom

a wife needs her privacy and needs time alone with husband also.. if the husband wants to live with his parents thats all very good and fine just as long as he has the money to pay for a separate apartment for his wife and ALSO a servant to help her out with the kids that is her right in islam after all

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam

a wife needs her privacy and needs time alone with husband also..

she can have it in her bedroom.

ALSO a servant to help her out with the kids

sure if husband affords it. Normally grandparents give a lot of time to grandchildren and take care of them but some women don't like this as they believe it spoils the kids.

What I understand if a woman wants to stay with her in-laws , she won't give any excuse to her husband to move on ; she will tolerate the problems those are common in any family - if u live with ur own parents , u will have some problems .

The girls who want a nuclear family - should tell it before marriage - not after .

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

I read an article in our local daily on Old homes.

How the so-called educated and rich sons are abonding their parents

This is the worst thing an educated man can do.

 

[Neelofar]

that is indeed sad i think when people get married they shouldl ive with their parents if there is enough space and your financially able to provide for your new family and old, however if the newly married coiple want to live in a house of their own then that's perfectly okay too, but i don't think they should just abandon their parents! that's a disgrace!

 

[tigerkhan]

Just For a joke i want to ask an question here....islam permits a man to have 4 wives at time.... honestly speaking i dont think any girl want, even her husband keep her in a separate home, that his hubby go for 3 nights to other home.....i am not a girl hahahahhaha so just wana know what is girls mentality regarding this...and sorry if some1 mind, whether they are in favour of this or against it....

 

[cat eyes]

you don't understand houses are tiny over here in the west.. its not like in pakistan and other countries where you can get huge houses for cheap price

obviously a girl is not going to mind living with inlaws then. personally if the house was small i would not live with inlaws then id rent my own place...

 

[tigerkhan]

u r rite. but its not the answer to my qst. sisters plz i want ur input......i mean how much of member here are in favour of 4 marriges of man...
and truely speaking personally i am not in this favour....i will tell the reason but first input from ur side.

 

[Asiyah3]

Just For a joke i want to ask an question here....islam permits a man to have 4 wives at time.... honestly speaking i dont think any girl want, even her husband keep her in a separate home, that his hubby go for 3 nights to other home.....i am not a girl hahahahhaha so just wana know what is girls mentality regarding this...and sorry if some1 mind, whether they are in favour of this or against it....

Please start a new thread.

 

[tigerkhan]

i think no need to start a new thread. actually what i blv is there is 2 things .
khaqqoq ullah and Khaqooq Ul Ebaad. the only purpose to create mankind is worship of GOD, i.e Khaqooq Ullah. But since ALLAH SWT loves his creaters/mahlooq so HE didnot want they quarell/fight with each other so HE gives us Khaqqoq Ul Ebaad.now the basic theme behind all the Ahkamat/oders of ALLAH SWT relating to mahloq is is that ALLAH SWT didnot want anybody harm/hurt anyone else.......so what is happines of wife from her husband, is her haqooq. same what man wants from his wife is his haq...eg no1 wants that her wife make unnecessary relation with other so its haq of man on his wife that she keep his honour....
it applies anywhere where there is a matter of relation b/w two humans. so i blv that the most imp thing is than u never do anything which hurt any1, and its AHLLAQ....or Ekram Muslim .....mean u fullfill all haqqoq ul ebaad....obviously its difficult chapter of deen. i have not more posts in IB but i love learning and knowing how ppl think, how they live etc....manytime i see there is discussion on these issues regarding mahamalaat/haqqooq ul ebaaad..as one on this thread that whethre the married couple should live with her in laws or not..........some are in fovour, some against...but what i blv is its depends............the main thing is no1 get hurt....so if parents got hurt by their son if he leave them, in this case there is relaxation that they can stay with their in laws....in BAHISTHI ZAVOR by M.ASHRAF THAANOVI its said that by seperate home its mean a seperate room, so if a man cant afford seperate home and wife has a separate room then she cant demand more....on the other if we see the wife is v.uncomfortable in living with inlaws, then there is also relaxation that may get seprate home.....so that she didnot hurt and suffer...so there is relaxation according to situation. mostly easteren girls llike combined family but europen trend is separate....
same is the case in number of marriges of man...blv once i went in jamat in PUNGOOR...a region of pakistan with iran boder and there are 5 qabars of suhaba RA there. normally man there have 2-3 wives and he said its duty of 1st wife to see other wives for her husband and they do it happliy.......hahhahaha....i said him on our side (north of pakistan) its nearly impossible that one wife allow her husband for other..........so basic theme is u can do 4 marrige but if no1 hurts....clear example of it is when Hazrat ALI (RA) intend for 2nd marrige, NABI PBUH went on mimber and said as i am not saying that its haram to do 2nd marrige but its hurt FATMA (RA) so HAZRAT ALI (RA) didnot do 2nd marrige in life of Fatma (RA).

actually this thing to care for the feeling of other is not that much easy. its come in life after very efforts....in dawa this effort is called ikram e muslim. and blv y are there fightig in the world son is not happy with dad, bro not with sis....its only bcz all of us want ALL SHOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AND I CARE FOR NONE...............and by praticing dawa and ikram e muslim we got passions I WILL CARE ALL AND DONT BOTHER AND FORGIVE IF ANY1 HURT ME.....if all muslim come on this passion then we have same community as SUHABA RA had, where there is ummeasureable love peace and care for each other.
May ALLAH SWT give us toffiq to act upon what is said. sorry for my weak english...
JZK
:wa:

 

[AslamP]

I agree, thank you for posting such an important issue, it's heart wrenching to see such nonsense taking place in our society! God bless you.