Parenting in the west

[Detritavore]

I grew up in the West so I'm speaking from the "childs" POV, I suppose (but not really).

I think the issues voiced weren't a problem for me to be honest. I attribute this to the fact that, firstly, religion has always been an integral part of my life courtesy of my parents and secondly my parents and I communicate well-- I actually consider my parents my friends haha-- so yeah I guess that worked to keep me grounded.

This is perhaps a personality trait, though I feel it's not completely innate, but it also helped that I'm a "nonconformist", my word of choice is actually strange (see Muslim (145), Abu Hurairah haha). Being an outsider really helped keep things in perspective for me, hence I don't feel I was raise by "society" or rather popular culture.

 

[Woodrow]

Perhaps we humans have a knack at making issues more complex than they need be. For some reason we like to make simplicity into difficulty. Children are going to be raised. That we can not prevent. No matter what we do our children will one day become adults.

We who are parents need to only accept the fact that if we do not raise our children, the society we live in is going to.

 

[GreyKode]

This is based on an hadith of the Prophet (pbuh): “The child is the master for seven years; and a slave for seven years and a vizier for seven years; so if he grows into a good character within 21 years, well and good; otherwise leave him alone because you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.”

The same hadith has been explained by Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a.s.): “Let your child play upto seven years; and keep him with you (for education and training) for another seven years; then if he succeeds (well and good); otherwise, there is no good in him.”

Kindly, graceseeker do not post a hadith without posting its source.

 

[Zafran]

Salaam

a very important topic - a lot of good points here as well.

peace

 

[Al-manar]

This is based on an hadith of the Prophet (pbuh): “The child is the master for seven years; and a slave for seven years and a vizier for seven years; so if he grows into a good character within 21 years, well and good; otherwise leave him alone because you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.”

such narration is not authentic to be accepted as one of the prophet's sayings....

the only place it is mentioned is the Hadith collection ,Al-Mu'jam Al-Awsat written by Imam Al-Tabarani

عن أبي جبيرة قال : قال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - : " الولد سيد سبع سنين ، وعبد سبع سنين ، ووزير سبع سنين ، فإن رضيت مكاتفته لإحدى وعشرين ، وإلا فاضرب على جنبه فقد اعتذرت إلى الله عز وجل " . رواه الطبراني في الأوسط وقال : لا يروى عن النبي - صلى الله عليه وسلم - إلا بهذا الإسناد ، وفيه زيد بن جبيرة بن محمود وهو متروك .
the narration has Isnad problem .....

anyway ....me personaly (and many others) would listen to, and tell others about a narration (that is classified as weak in chain of transmission etc..)that mention some words of wisdom ,high moral values ........

but when it comes to creeds .... no way...

 

[Grace Seeker]

im not quite following what you're getting at here.

Simply that over the years I have watched parents who have behaved as little dictators with regard to their children. They do this for lots of various reasons, sometimes even convincing themselves that they are doing so out of love or to make their children's lives better. But often it seems to me that this isn't quite so. Instead of nurturing their children they tyrannize them in the name of producing something the parent desires.

An example in my community is the number of parents who take a natural interest a child might have in sports that gets perverted by the parent's desire to live vicariously through the exploits of the child and has the child practicing the parent's preferred sport night and day: "Son, you missed a free-throw in your game yesterday, now go outside and shoot 1000 before supper." -- and the child is only in third grade.

Or sometimes it shows up in extreme forms of discipline that really isn't discipline at all, but in reality nothing more than abuse.

I would contend that just because a parent has power and authority doesn't mean that we are free to exercise it unfettered. As another saying holds, "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely". That was said about governments, but it can also apply to the home if we who are parents don't realize that just because we are a child's parent doesn't make us the final arbitrator. Allah is. And we will be held accountable for any abuse of our parental role.

 

[Grace Seeker]

Kindly, graceseeker do not post a hadith without posting its source.

Sorry I didn't post to everyone's satisfaction. My source was an article "Family Life In Islam" as published by www.*************. They did not cite the original source of the hadith. You may wish to take it up this oversight with them.


----edit---------------------

Can someone explain to me why the name for this obviously Islamic website will only post here as a series of asterisks?

 

[SafaAuditore]

For those who are thinking of moving to the USA it would be a good idea to first look up the demographics of the State they are planning to move to. A quick over view:



For more specific information one can go to

There will be different parenting issues in each State and in some States it will be easier to assure a child will get at least a basic Islamic education. It can be of importance for those with children to be aware there are 21 States that have basically a 0 Muslim population. While ND is one listed as 0 Muslims it should be noted that Fargo has a fairly large Muslim population although most are not citizens and hence are not counted in the Statistics.

Can't believe Ohio and New york are on the same level...

Also i wanted to say that it's not exactly about where you live because many muslims in america are already under the bad influence.
For example, Detroit MI is LOADED with muslims, but almost everyone there does drugs, joins gangs, or does other bad things. So many people I know that move over there are pushed under the influence and end up doing the same things.
It’s all about what the parent’s do. Well, not completely but the majority.
Where I live is in a suburb with only about 5 muslim families living here. The rest are Christian or other religions. Remember this is a suburb, so the influence of everyone here is actually positive for the muslim kids. My siblings learn some good things from them, like not doing drugs and stuff – because nobody here does that, and when they do find one person every once in forever that does that, the person is looked down upon and nobody gets near them. Like…everything is emphasized to an extra level.
We also have a mosque about 10 minutes away, and most of the teachers and students are good, and others don’t exactly know what they’re doing …Like during salaah on eid, a lady would stand up on a table and shout sooo loud the men heard, “SHUT UP!” loool…They’re not like a bad influence, but they’re not like, super religious to a degree that it would rub off on muslim kids either..
So basically what I’m trying to say is, it’s not about how close you are to muslims. It’s about what is revealed to you in the area. What’s normal and whats uber bad in that area.
You see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil – and you’re good. If drugs are shown to you everytime you walk to the store to get some milk, it’ll eventually rub off on you – especially if you’re not so strong in faith. And keeping strong in faith is extremely tough in many areas of the world.

 

[muslim1812]

Without doubt the area in which you raise a child in is crucial, and would definitely help to be around people of good morals and character, however its sometimes hard to make sure you can raise kids in a certain area as many other factors play a part such as jobs and workplace etc.

I feel possibly if scholars in the field of research were able to give more talks possibly on this topic it would help, I just haven't heard of much going on. reading a book can be good but the knowledge is limited by words on a page, whereas discussion would seem to me a bit more effective.

 

[muhammad287]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Very interesting discussion and some relevant points raised. I feel it is important to equip our kids to deal with society we live in and giving them the tools and the understanding to be good practicing Muslims.
I have been doing some research and I stumbled upon this course being run. I will post details below, I have not seen anything like it or anything aimed the same way and I when I saw this thread I thought I should post the info
Wassalam

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[muslim1812]

Salam brother muhammad287, is there a website for this at all or just a number? and where is this based? looks too good to be true!

 

[Musalman]

Salaam

Welcome to the forum .

I read there are many mosques in the west now and they arrange Quran classes on week days. Parents should take kids to attend those classes , attend Jummah salat and try to keep kids away from TV . They must teach them to take good from west and abandon the evil.

If parents themselves are good Muslims ,InshaAllah kids will follow their footsteps.

That`s a good reply. I think watching good islamic channels on T.V won`t be a bad idea.

 

[Aishath]

I actually consider my parents my friends

I love this. Same for me as well, but with my mom since I live with her. I was really losing my way and was at a risk of losing my way out of the Dheen even but insha Allah, I talked to my mom and she helped me get back on track with God's guidance and Will. And now she is my best friend really. I can talk to her about anything and I know that she might get angry or upset but she will never judge me harshly and will always be on my side 100%. It's a great feeling. I didn't grow up in the West but I have been living here for 4.5 years now studying and I find it really difficult not living with Muslims. I can't even clarify doubts like food purity without having to resort to the forum or websites.

Sorry probably not relevant at all.