Parents are refusing proposals but I need to fulfil urges

[humanbeing93]

Hello. I'm 23. A female. Single. My parents have been rejecting proposals for me from suitors. I really want to get married, to fulfil my urges to have sex on regular basis, as some people have higher sex drive than others. I have tried every technique mentioned here. Failed every time. My instinctual urge overpowered. I masturbate daily. Can I offer namaz after I've masturbated?

Why is it considered a sin, in times of great need? I personally feel it saves you from real-life sex, since for me, this is the reason I don't meet guys ever, and do it all on my own. Very sad, badly in need, and anxious.

 

[islamirama]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

Why are they rejecting proposals?
where are you located? can't you talk to the local imam there or a relative ?

 

[humanbeing93]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

Why are they rejecting proposals?
where are you located? can't you talk to the local imam there or a relative ?

They think they haven't met the person yet who they think is right for me. I reside in Karachi. Can't talk about it to friends, relatives and imam. Too shy and afraid to do it. A lot of times, people will look down upon you and distance themselves from you (happened in past).

 

[anatolian]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

They think they haven't met the person yet who they think is right for me. I reside in Karachi. Can't talk about it to friends, relatives and imam. Too shy and afraid to do it. A lot of times, people will look down upon you and distance themselves from you (happened in past).

So do you really want to marry? Do you think you are ready for marriage? If this is the case you don't need to obey your parents. Because they cause mischief by rejecting those proposals out of the reasons other than Islam and there is no obedience to mischief.

 

[aaj]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

I don't think posting all those articles here is helpful. Wouldn't that constitute as spamming?

Perhaps it would be better to post them all in another thread and refer the OP to that thread, as you may need to refer to it in the future as well.

So do you really want to marry? Do you think you are ready for marriage? If this is the case you don't need to obey your parents. Because they cause mischief by rejecting those proposals out of the reasons other than Islam and there is no obedience to mischief.

I don't think that is an option for her. She lives in a society where you will be ostracized and your family looked down upon if she does something of the sort on her own. She needs a wali to do nikkah. She should talk to a relative she trusts about getting married, not her personal problem. And if not then one of her brothers she can trust.

 

[anatolian]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

I don't think posting all those articles here is helpful. Wouldn't that constitute as spamming?

Perhaps it would be better to post them all in another thread and refer the OP to that thread, as you may need to refer to it in the future as well.

Salam. If you think that we are spamming the thread, click the report button. It is just one click away.

I don't think that is an option for her. She lives in a society where you will be ostracized and your family looked down upon if she does something of the sort on her own. She needs a wali to do nikkah. She should talk to a relative she trusts about getting married, not her personal problem. And if not then one of her brothers she can trust.

I didnt tell her not to do what you suggest here. I just told her that she doesnt have to obey her parents in this case.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

Hello. I'm 23. A female. Single. My parents have been rejecting proposals for me from suitors. I really want to get married, to fulfil my urges to have sex on regular basis, as some people have higher sex drive than others. I have tried every technique mentioned here. Failed every time. My instinctual urge overpowered. I masturbate daily. Can I offer namaz after I've masturbated?

Why is it considered a sin, in times of great need? I personally feel it saves you from real-life sex, since for me, this is the reason I don't meet guys ever, and do it all on my own. Very sad, badly in need, and anxious.

Asalaamu Alaikum sister. Jazakallahu khayran for sharing your situation as this is a very sensitive topic which affects many of us. It is made much harder in today's society because of the prevalence of porn which is so easily accessed nowadays which was not the case a decade ago.

On top of that the media is promoting the sexualisation of society and Muslims countries are not safe from this either.

Also it can be very difficult to discuss with anyone and get help and advice because of the taboo and stigma attached to it.

In terms of prayer after ejaculation then you need to do This (bath) before being able to pray.

With regards to suppressing sexual desires with masterbation then the opposite is true as it increases sexual desires. One falls into a vicious cycle of masterbating and therefore it becomes like an addiction. Although many have stated marriage as being the "cure" then although it can help it is not the solution.

The real solution is to stop such an addiction as it is an addiction just like any other addiction like drugs drink gambling etc. This is because of the dopamine fix it gives following watching porn and or masterbating. Therefore the only real solution is to take steps to eradicate this evil addiction.

Have you tried following the steps stipulated in the articles that have been posted in this thread? In order to stop this addiction one really needs to want to abd as Muslims we have an advantage as we should fear Allah in everything that we do. So knowledge of Islam and practice of the deen really helps.

Please let me know if you need any advice in following the steps stipulated throughout this thread to stop masterbation and or porn.

May Allah enable us to stop such an evil addiction rampant in our society and do everything to please him and refrain from anything that may anger or displease him. Ameen

 

[anatolian]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

Asalaamu Alaikum sister...

Salam Alaikum. Don't you think that you have unjustly accused her with watching porn by mentioning the "correlation" between porn and masturbation for three times in your post although she didn't tell us such a thing in her posts???

 

[aaj]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

Please let me know if you need any advice in following the steps stipulated throughout this thread to stop masterbation and or porn.

Shouldn't she seek a sister's advice in this matter?

 

[فصيح الياسين]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

May allah help muslims in this fitna to come out frm it ameen

 

[فصيح الياسين]

Re: How to overcome Masturbation

They think they haven't met the person yet who they think is right for me. I reside in Karachi. Can't talk about it to friends, relatives and imam. Too shy and afraid to do it. A lot of times, people will look down upon you and distance themselves from you (happened in past).

THTS THE BIGGEST REASON WHICH INCREASING ZINA IN PAKISTAN....... MAY ALLAH HELP U AND OTHER MUSLIM SISTERS AMEEN

 

[Nobody's Girl]

Salaam alaikum dear sister

What a wonderful coincidence. I too am a 23 year old female that is single. First off, I should start by saying that I deeply undetstand and know how you feel. It is very hard to talk about these matters especially because they are looked down upon. It is almost taboo to speak up about these issues which is sad because all of us are secretly fighting in that battle.


You mentioned that your parents are refusing all the marriage proposals that you recieve because they don't think he is the right person for you. But you have to sit down with yourself and determine what the qualities are that you look for in a man. Marriage is so much more than just making love daily. It is so much more than just a physical bond. It is an emotional, psychological, and spiritual bond as well. You could be physically attracted to someone but both of you are not compatible with each other. You might get instant gratification when you pleasure yourself but sooon afterwards you will feel really terrible because it is human nature. I know this is very, very hard for you and it is extremely personal but it is so common now adays and nearly everyone in the planet has experienced it so no need to feel ashamed.

My dear friend, you have to be honest about lowering your gaze from men. I know this is real hard but it is for your own good. In a time when access to naked photos is so accesible and discrete we need to have the integrity to avoid falling into temptation. But I can't be unrealistic to you and tell you that it can be easily overcome. It really can be very difficult and that is understandable. Just try your best and if you fail then try again and again until you overcome this.


You are a good and honest person. God will never let you down. Tomorrow by God's grace will be better.


If you need any help I'm right here

 

[Ummshareef]

Honestly sis, this is a little test that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'alaa has planned for you and indeed all young people. He has given you these urges in order to drive you towards marriage, but until this is possible you must do all you can to resist them. I don't know what advice you've read but ultimately the best way is to do everything you can to infuse your heart with Taqwa. This is the key part of our faith that guides us towards obedience and hence hope. Taqwa is an Arabic word that roughly translates into "fearful awareness of Allah" and comes from a root word meaning to prevent or protect, and so provides us with the basis of the means to prevent falling to temptation. Try to be ever mindful of Allah and never forget that He is always close to you and so you cannot hide anything from Him.

It is only really from a deeply-held fear of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'alaa that obedience and full submission can grow, leading not only to success in this dunya, but to a place in Jannah in sha'Allah. Fear should not be confused with hopelessness and indeed, we should remind ourselves that Allah has commanded us in the Qur'an to fear him, for He knows that is the most beneficial state of mind for us. He generously provides for our every need and we should never forget that our destiny in this life and the next lie entirely in His hands. But remember that Allah can punish us or even take us back at any moment, so we should always be mindful of Him and alert for anything that may divert us away from His path. We must constantly be on our guard against the tricks of the Shaytaan, who is always looking for moments of weakness that can be exploited, for example by whispering that a few minutes spent satisfying our physical desires alone in the privacy of the bedroom will harm no one.

So we must always ask ourselves if our intended actions will please or displease Allah Subhnahu wa Ta'alaa and we should be especially wary concerning all sexual activity, for which alhamdulillah clear boundaries have been set and punishments prescribed in the Shariah in order to protect society and maintain standards of decency. There is always hope however, because if we do make a mistake and fall into sin, Islam teaches us that as long as we turn to Allah in sincere repentance then we will be forgiven. We can also help offset the bad deed by doing a good one in sha'Allah .

I hope this doesn't sound too preachy sis, but alhamdulillah we are so blessed to have been given Allah's guidance in all matters and indeed the means to pass those tests that He decides to set us as we navigate this dunya. If you (or any other sisters) would like any advice on how to develop your Taqwa and how it will lead to self-control and success in life in sha'Allah, then PM me, I would be pleased to help from the perspective of a mum of teenagers :embarrass.

 

[hisnameiszzz]

Are you close to your Mom? I don't know if folk talk about such things with parents (I wouldn't, but to each their own), but you could always mention it to her and say what your issues are. Or maybe a female relative you are close to.

I wouldn't suggest speaking to an Imam as that would be awkward. I am assuming the Imam is a male.

There area heaps of tasbeehs and duas one can pray so that a match is found for them that is religious and is a good person. You could try Googling them and praying them as they do work for some people.

Also, I've not read through the whole thread properly, but is there a reason why your parents are saying no to proposals?