Parents have gone against their word!

[EgyptPrincess]

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad

 

[Bhabha]

Tell your parents to come with you and get to know him. That it is a good chance for them to make dawah

 

[Misbah0411]

You are doing wrong by having a boyfriend, meeting with him alone and you expect to come on an Islamic forum and look for sympathy or understanding? Love for your bf or love for your parents. Really? How about love for Allah Azza wa Jal above all else and do what your Creator asks of you and abstain from what He forbids for you. What is it with today's Muslim generation. May Allah guide you and increase your iman.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Tell your parents to come with you and get to know him. That it is a good chance for them to make dawah

They don't want to know him...

You are doing wrong by having a boyfriend, meeting with him alone and you expect to come on an Islamic forum and look for sympathy or understanding? Love for your bf or love for your parents. Really? How about love for Allah Azza wa Jal above all else and do what your Creator asks of you and abstain from what He forbids for you. What is it with today's Muslim generation. May Allah guide you and increase your iman.

I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

 

[Misbah0411]

They don't want to know him...




I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

You have got to be kidding and not this ignorant of religion. Having dinner with a boyfriend is haram. That he is a kafir is even worse. Like I told Sabr this morning, no one cares about your opinion when it contradicts that of Allah and His Prophet s.a.a.w. and the teachings of Islam. What you need to do is focus on your Islam and build your iman because you are misguided and deceived by your secular environment. Oh, here is the where it says this:

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

 

[EgyptPrincess]

You have got to be kidding and not this ignorant of religion. Having dinner with a boyfriend is haram. That he is a kafir is even worse. Like I told Sabr this morning, no one cares about your opinion when it contradicts that of Allah and His Prophet s.a.a.w. and the teachings of Islam. What you need to do is focus on your Islam and build your iman because you are misguided and deceived by your secular environment. Oh, here is the where it says this:

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

Yes I know I am not allowed a boyfriend, my intention is for him to convert to Islam eventually. My issue is not being allowed to have dinner with a non muslim. Since when was it not allowed to sit and eat with a non muslim?!

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Moreover he said my parents are more than welcome to come with and eat with us... but they instantly said no. He is really trying to make an effort.

 

[Misbah0411]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You cannot do haram to bring about good. Secondly, it is only Allah Azza wa Jal that opens the heart to Islam. Here is further reading:

https://islamqa.info/en/1114

http://islamqa.info/en/7757

http://islamqa.info/en/7492

http://islamqa.info/en/81931

 

[EgyptPrincess]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You cannot do haram to bring about good. Secondly, it is only Allah Azza wa Jal that opens the heart to Islam. Here is further reading:

https://islamqa.info/en/1114

http://islamqa.info/en/7757

http://islamqa.info/en/7492

http://islamqa.info/en/81931

Well for a start he offered my parents to come with me voiding every one of your evidences as I would not be alone with non mahram. Even still non mahram is extreme and it's impossible to function in a western society worrying about who is and isn't mahram. My mother goes out by herself all the time. My sister works as an estate agent and so meets and spends time alone with many different people when they go to view properties.

All I want to do is see him and have a meal... is that really too much to ask? My parents are just being completely unreasonable here... I know for a fact they would have no problem with me going to a restaurant for a meal with a non mahram islamic man. It's purely because he is kufr that they are denying me this!

 

[Search]

(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

Peace be upon you

I'm very sorry, dearest sister, to hear that you're still experiencing conflict with your parents, and I sympathize 100% with you. Dearest sister, the 4th Caliph Ali :ra: in Islamic history, whom Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described as "door to knowledge" recommended the following: to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+. That is because, sister, at the age of 17 you are considered an adult in Islam, and you are well able to reason on your own and for your parents to be strict will serve to make you feel resentful.

My dearest sister, please be patient with your parents and wise in your dealings with them. In Islam, parents are to be revered and the Quran (31:15) says we are to be kind to our parents, and Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of one's parents."

Dearest sister, I agree with you on the point that they have to allow you to make decisions concerning your life even if they believe those decisions are mistakes. For what it's worth though, try seeing the situation from their point of view. They love you and want the best for you, and they see (rightly or wrongly) your boyfriend as the one who's snatching their happiness and the light of their eyes. Therefore, they see (rightly or wrongly) him as a villain who's taking their baby away from them. Dearest sister, with your own goodness and pleasing attitude, you are going to have to convince them that you are an adult who is ready and able to take your own decisions.

Maybe I can be of some help here? If you don't mind, I'd like an opportunity to talk to your parents on SKYPE and try to get them to agree to attending the dinner. That said, dearest sister, if you love your boyfriend, and you've said that you do, please start talking to him about Islam and getting him to learn about Islam because Islam is extremely beautiful. When your boyfriend came here on IB, I did talk to him and also PMed him and one of the things that I absolutely liked about him is that he's very open-minded about Islam and would follow your cue in this matter. Do you know one of the most beautiful things about Islam and relationships and marriage? Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”

Dearest sister, Islam is not oppressive of the desire for you to love or be loved. Rather, Islam envisions that love happening in a relationship that is a sacred relationship so that you and your heart and he and his heart can be protected and bonded in marriage. Allah wants the best for all His slaves, but Allah does not approve of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships primarily because you and him are following now your heart, but what if Allah has not decreed him for you or you for him? How many a story has happened or you have heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend went through other relationships with each heartbreak rending a little of their soul? How many a story has happened or have you read or heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend ended up married to completely different people and wished they had not wasted their energy or time on a relationship that was not to bear the fruits of peace and happiness? Allah doesn't want us to suffer from heartbreak, dearest sister, because the heart is considered the House of Allah, the spiritual vessel that is meant to be a beneficial vehicle through which we experience Miraaj like Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when we do any remembrance of Allah. Dearest sister, I am a sincere adviser and well-wisher to you, and I want you and youngen (his username on IB) to be happy, and as a believer, I believe that true and lasting happiness and peace can be obtained in the blessings of Allah. If you want your life and your relationship to be blessed, do it the right way, dearest sister, and the right way lays in (a) pleasing your parents as much as possible and being patient with them and kind and also getting them to actually listen to your point of view, and (b) inviting your boyfriend to Islam.

Maybe, dearest sister, your parents at this time may not be ready to agree to have the dinner with you and your boyfriend; that said, make duas (supplications) for your parents's hearts to be softened and for your boyfriend's heart to be opened to Islam. Try to persuade your parents to see the dinner as a dawa (invitation to Islam) opportunity. We're here InshaAllah (God-willing) here to support you in your journey to Allah and Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and Islam and we wish you and your parents all the best here and hereafter.

:wa: And peace be upon you

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad

 

[Mauri]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Of course not. It's just against Allah to have any kind of physical relationship with another gender.

 

[Mauri]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Of course not. It's just against Allah to have any kind of physical relationship with another gender and any touching even without sexual meaning.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

Peace be upon you

I'm very sorry, dearest sister, to hear that you're still experiencing conflict with your parents, and I sympathize 100% with you. Dearest sister, the 4th Caliph Ali :ra: in Islamic history, whom Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described as "door to knowledge" recommended the following: to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+. That is because, sister, at the age of 17 you are considered an adult in Islam, and you are well able to reason on your own and for your parents to be strict will serve to make you feel resentful.

My dearest sister, please be patient with your parents and wise in your dealings with them. In Islam, parents are to be revered and the Quran (31:15) says we are to be kind to our parents, and Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of one's parents."

Dearest sister, I agree with you on the point that they have to allow you to make decisions concerning your life even if they believe those decisions are mistakes. For what it's worth though, try seeing the situation from their point of view. They love you and want the best for you, and they see (rightly or wrongly) your boyfriend as the one who's snatching their happiness and the light of their eyes. Therefore, they see (rightly or wrongly) him as a villain who's taking their baby away from them. Dearest sister, with your own goodness and pleasing attitude, you are going to have to convince them that you are an adult who is ready and able to take your own decisions.

Maybe I can be of some help here? If you don't mind, I'd like an opportunity to talk to your parents on SKYPE and try to get them to agree to attending the dinner. That said, dearest sister, if you love your boyfriend, and you've said that you do, please start talking to him about Islam and getting him to learn about Islam because Islam is extremely beautiful. When your boyfriend came here on IB, I did talk to him and also PMed him and one of the things that I absolutely liked about him is that he's very open-minded about Islam and would follow your cue in this matter. Do you know one of the most beautiful things about Islam and relationships and marriage? Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”

Dearest sister, Islam is not oppressive of the desire for you to love or be loved. Rather, Islam envisions that love happening in a relationship that is a sacred relationship so that you and your heart and he and his heart can be protected and bonded in marriage. Allah wants the best for all His slaves, but Allah does not approve of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships primarily because you and him are following now your heart, but what if Allah has not decreed him for you or you for him? How many a story has happened or you have heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend went through other relationships with each heartbreak rending a little of their soul? How many a story has happened or have you read or heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend ended up married to completely different people and wished they had not wasted their energy or time on a relationship that was not to bear the fruits of peace and happiness? Allah doesn't want us to suffer from heartbreak, dearest sister, because the heart is considered the House of Allah, the spiritual vessel that is meant to be a beneficial vehicle through which we experience Miraaj like Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when we do any remembrance of Allah. Dearest sister, I am a sincere adviser and well-wisher to you, and I want you and youngen (his username on IB) to be happy, and as a believer, I believe that true and lasting happiness and peace can be obtained in the blessings of Allah. If you want your life and your relationship to be blessed, do it the right way, dearest sister, and the right way lays in (a) pleasing your parents as much as possible and being patient with them and kind and also getting them to actually listen to your point of view, and (b) inviting your boyfriend to Islam.

Maybe, dearest sister, your parents at this time may not be ready to agree to have the dinner with you and your boyfriend; that said, make duas (supplications) for your parents's hearts to be softened and for your boyfriend's heart to be opened to Islam. Try to persuade your parents to see the dinner as a dawa (invitation to Islam) opportunity. We're here InshaAllah (God-willing) here to support you in your journey to Allah and Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and Islam and we wish you and your parents all the best here and hereafter.

:wa: And peace be upon you

Mashallah sister you are truly a kind person may allah be pleased with your efforts.

Sister my parents do not know that I am talking here and if someone phoned them on skype that would raise all kinds of questions, they might find out about my account here and it would just cause huge tension I suspect lol. I wasn't exactly speaking the best of them here. How do my parents ever expect him to walk through the door of Islam if they don't even give him a chance, he is such a great guy he is amazing. In my heart I want to spend every day with him, so I am already in pain trying to fight this feeling.

Don't get me wrong I do know that it is a sin to have a boyfriend and he isn't even Muslim buuuut consider this meal simply two friends who want to catch up. I won't touch him or kiss him or anything, just sit, eat, talk and have fun. He has such a natural sense of humour my parents would really like him if they just gave him a chance. I know they're doing this just to spite me. He works all week long and he just wanted one meal with me on Friday... he is going to end up resenting my parents and I don't blame him at all.

I literally cannot wait until I go to uni. Freedom at last.

 

[Serinity]

I know you know boyfriends are haram to have.

I know some stuff can be hard to leave.

May Allah SWT guide you and all of us, and increase you and all of us in Imaan. Ameen.

 

[sister herb]

Dear sister

I wish to you a nice meal with him. I don´t start to tell how haram it is as many others here have already told it to you. It´s a public place at all, with many people and it´s a good change to talk with him and try to explain the values of your family.

And have a nice studing in the future too in the university.

 

[Kiro]

They don't want to know him...




I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

It's not in the sunnah and Nabi SAW was called a living Qu'ran, he contained all the morals of the Qu'ran

and my over evidence is the shariah (official Islamic law), there are segregations etc. They didn't come out of nowhere, the shariah was practised by Nabi SAW and the sahaba

 

[~ Sabr ~]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Yes, it is.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

I know you know boyfriends are haram to have.

I know some stuff can be hard to leave.

May Allah SWT guide you and all of us, and increase you and all of us in Imaan. Ameen.

This is my last question on this matter I promise.

How about this, if I go with another muslimah (my sister or a friend) is it still haram? I mean I am not alone with him so this gets around the "being alone with a man" thing right?

 

[Misbah0411]

No, your muslimah friend is not your wali so now you would have two women doing the wrong thing by meeting this man who is not even a Muslim whom you claim to be a "boyfriend". What he needs to do is learn about Islam and by the grace of of Allah becomes a Muslim with the right intention and then you can get your parents involved with meeting him to determine if he will be a suitable match in marriage. Otherwise, focus on your Islam and holding on to your dignity and chastity for the right Muslim man. I am sorry if I was harsh with you a few days ago about this but am only advising what is best for you as my sister in Islam. May Allah make it easy for you to worship and obey Him. Ameen.

 

[Kiro]

this is a weird topic to post on a Islamic forum